When there’s Backne on your face, something ain’t right
A big “No-duh” struck MLB yesterday when Barry Bonds was indicted for perjury and obstruction of justice for telling a federal grand jury he did not knowingly use performance-enhancing drugs. “Liar, liar pants on fire!” Shouted the grand jury. “I’m rubber and you’re glue,” replied Bonds, “whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you!” “Well you’re a big fat poopy head!” Said the FGJ “And I’m telling!” Well, that’s sort of what happened.
In all actuality, this means there might be a trip to prison in his future instead of Cooperstown (where the Baseball Hall of Fame is for those of you who don’t follow the sport where people hit a small white ball with a long wood bat).
This little ditty has come just three months after the San Francisco Giants star broke Hank Aaron’s career home run record of 755.
“During the criminal investigation,” the indictment read, “evidence was obtained including positive tests for the presence of anabolic steroids and other performance-enhancing substances for Bonds and other professional athletes.”
The government type people laid out seven full pages of alleged lies, ending its four-year investigation of Bonds that started with a raid on the Bay Area Laboratory Co-operative (BALCO) that was the epicenter for performance-enhancing drug use. All in all it cites 19 occasions in which Bonds allegedly lied under oath.
If convicted, Bonds could be sentenced to a maximum of 30 years in prison. And ain’t no one paying $750,000 for a ball you hit over a wall in prison. However, you may get a pack of smokes and a nice back rub.
Barry Bonds, BALCO, steroids, San Francisco Giants
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