Trashy Celebs

So after a day of watching football and drinking our weight in mimosas our brains are kind of numb. So in lieu of actually writing an entry we figured we’d do a sort of live blog of the MTV Video Music Awards. These awards don’t really require a ton of brain cells or sobriety to report on so let’s get it on.

7:38 - The preshow is on but I’m hungry so Thai food has won out. Good thing my DVR let’s me pause this crap.

8:00 - Brit- Brit is opening and thankfully she’s not performing. But unfortunately it’s a prerecorded skit with Jonah Hill that is bringing back unpleasant memories of 10th grade for me.

8:03 - Thankfully that’s over and it looks like the VMA’s are coming to us from a high school gym. Much better than the big arenas of before….That is until a Mad Max inspired clan of Zombies come out holding glowing pool noodles dancing to the musical stylings of Rhianna.

8:09- Our host is Russell Brand. Am I that out of touch that I have no idea who that is? Ok, it’s some random Brit with bad hair that likes to yell when he speaks. I’m already irritated I have a feeling live blog will be watched on fast-forward.

8:10 - Ok, this dude has assured us that he’s famous in the UK so I guess I’m not so out of touch that MTV didn’t feel the need to explain this choice to me. Oh and he comes out supporting Obama, edgy MTV although he seems kind of drunk.

8:15 - Jamie Foxx comes out and rambles on for what seems like forever. He’s announcing best female video and it goes to first time winner Britney Spears. That was neither planted nor calculated.

8:27 - Wow ladies and gents announcing the oldest woman at this year’s VMA’s Demi Moore wearing an outfit totally inappropriate for her. Best Male Video goes to Chris Brown. The only reason we know him is because we think he’s nailing Rihanna.

8:30 Hey look Taylor Swift is announcing the Jonas Brothers brothers. Hey look our DVR has a fast forward button. But before we fast forward this is performance is like Sesame Street had gay sex with Avenue Q and didn’t use a condom.

8:41 - Michael Phelps would so much rather be at the Raven’s game than here.

8:47 - Lindsay Lohan reads her cue card really fast because Samantha Ronson is waiting in the car.

8:52 You know what? I decided I’m way too old to even be watching this. In fact I’m getting a rash peace out. More power to you if you watched the rest of this crap.