Trashy Celebs

I had totally planned on liveblogging the Grammy Awards broadcast tonight, because we do love awards shows here in the Trash Talking household, because we love grousing like old folks about how we don’t even know most of the music that is popular today and what we do hear occasionally when we turn off our Madonna/Radiohead-filled iPods just sucks royally. (Really, I thought that “I Kissed a Girl” song was sort of fun at first, but enough already, Katy Perry.) But I tuned in, folks, about 45 minutes after the show started because I hate sitting through the commercials, and I have to say, about three minutes in, I was bored out of my mind. U2 was performing their craptacular new song, and I thought if that was the big start, then where would we be going from there? I mean, I like U2, but Bono will show up anywhere to promote his newhaircut, let alone a new album, so it wasn’t that big of a deal to me that they opened the show.

But once I saw Whitney Houston, I had to stick with it, to see how big the bucket of crazy she would dump on the stage would be. (Outcome: pretty big. And she clearly was metaphorically kissing Clive Davis’ ass while she had the stage and a mic. Clive, get her a record contract already!)

I was super-happy that Jennifer Hudson won, but why didn’t she take off the bib from her lobster dinner before accepting her award?

I was sucked in at this point, and stuck with it. Some highlighted moments of outrage included watching Justin Timberlake totally cock-block Al Green’s big number (with three of the four Boys II Men singing backup), seeing the Jonas Brothers perform trip all over my favorite Stevie Wonder song “Superstitious,” (and can only figure that they didn’t tell him who he was performing with), Katy Perry channeling 1993-Madonna, Natalie Cole’s dress, Jack Black’s hat, Jamie Foxx and Ne-Yo’s douche-off, and Radiohead NOT winning Album of the Year (WTF???? Injustice!)

Some actual pleasant highlights included a performance from Carrie Underwood that I liked, Jennifer Hudson’s understated, emotional and absolutely beautiful performance, Kanye West’s Gerald LeVert haircut, a big girl winning Best New Artist, Queen Latifah doing anything, MIA performing when she appears within moments of giving birth, Cyndi Lauper’s hairstyle, RADIOHEAD’s performance of “15 Steps” with the USC Marching Band (and what sort of mindfuck was it that Gwyneth Paltrow introduced them? She must want her husband to be Thom York as much as Chris Martin himself wants to be Thom York), T-Pain’s hat, and Lil’ Wayne’s clear and concise acceptance speech.

That’s the Grammys this year folks, as always a few highlights but mostly a three and a half hour bowl of suck. See you next year for more of the same!