Trashy Celebs

Entering its fourth day, the WGA strike is showing no signs of quitting. Some uber-cool people like Tina Fey, Jon Stewart and Matt Groening are taking to the picket lines along side their writers. And then there’s Ellen Degeneres who showed up to tape Fridays show apparently willing to rely on her own witty rambling banter with no help from writers. Here’s an advanced copy of the transcript.

“I’ve got to say this is a strange show for me to do. This is weird. Weird. It’s a weird show. Channeling Johnny Carson all of a sudden. [Imitates Carson] “Very Weird. Weird. Weird.” Here’s what the deal is. It’s ’sweeps’, which is a very important time in television. That’s when you do your best shows, your funniest material, you pull out all the stops and you’re doing everything you can because you want everybody watching. Now at this moment, we’re in the middle of this strike. There’s a writer’s strike going on, and here in Los Angeles it’s a huge story. I don’t know where you live, but it’s a huge story in Los Angeles. I want to say I love my writers. I love them. In honor of them today, I’m not going to do a monologue. I support them and hope that they get everything they’re asking for. And I hope it works out soon. In the meantime, people have traveled across the country. They’ve made plans. They’re here. I want to do everything I can to make your trip enjoyable and give you a show. Otherwise you’d just be wandering around and circling Bob Hope Drive.

Oh Ellen, always thinking of people you’ve never met over talented folks who work to keep your brain moving on a parallel line day after day. Or maybe Portia just wants her out of the house because she can’t handle her constant chatter either. I imagine time at home goes something like this:

Portia: Ellen did you remember to pay the cable bill?

Ellen: Cable bill. That’s a funny couple of words don’t cha think? Like Hi there, my name is Cable Bill but you can call me Satellite Willy. No seriously why do we still call it cable when it’s all digital. That’s like me saying “don’t switch that dial” right before I go to commercial. See it’s funny because no one has dials on their televisions anymore, well except my aunt Edna but she still thinks Lawrence Welk is on the air. I should call her…

Portia: Ellen! Focus!

Ellen: Wha! Yes Ma’am! See what I did. I called you ma’am when clearly I’m older. That means I respect what you’re saying to me yes it does. Like Aretha says R-E-S-P-E-C-T Find out what it means to me. R-E-S-P-E-C-T hay now B, CT? Is that what she says? I just like the Sock it to me, Sock it to me, Sock it to me part..and now you’re pointing to the door. And now you’re rolling your eyes. And now you’re leaving. Ok, now what was I doing. Oh yeah R-E-S-P-E-C-T…

So maybe Ellen is back at work not to give a lezzie middle finger to her writers but to try and save her partnershipish thing she has. I guess I can R-E-S-P-E-C-T that.

Ellen Degeneres, WGA strike, Tina Fey