Muriel and Jake Live Blog Best in show at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show
No they’re not Trashy Celebrities but they’ve proven they sure can go buck wild like them. But before the champaign is popped and the money is left on the table for the whores, the best in show judging at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog show happens. This year we’ve decided to let our pug Muriel and grey cat Jake take over the trash talking and live blog the event. Now excuse us as we go play Guitar Hero.
Muriel: AND HERE WE GO WITH THE MAIN EVENT. I DO NOT LIKE POODLES IT BEAT THE PUG IN THE TOY GROUP.
Jake: Hey girl, why are all these dogs on the screen, it’s bad enough I have to live with one.
Muriel: TWO POODLES! A BIG ONE AND LITTLE ONE. BIG ONE IS UP. DO NOT LIKE PLUMBER BUTT CUTS. HERE COMES AN AKITA IN THE WORKING GROUP.
Jake: See that dog has a job. You should get yourself a job so I can have more quality time with the heating vent.
Muriel: HERE’S A WEIMARANER IN THE SPORTING GROUP. I LIKE HIS EYES. HIS EYES ARE LIKE TERRENCE HOWARD. TOO BAD TERRENCE HOWARD IS A DOUCHE!
Jake: Girl, what is up with that handler’s shoes? Girl you do not wear a pink dress and black shoes. You’re pretty but those shoes give you the cankles of Janet Reno.
MURIEL: YOU ARE NOT EVEN PAYING ATTENTION TO THE SERIOUSNESS OF THIS COMPETITION MR. JAKE. IT IS NOW TIME FOR THE HERDING GROUP AND AN AUSTRALIAN SHEPARD. I WISH I WAS EATING TREATS LIKE THIS DOG ON TV IS EATING TREATS. BUT I CANNOT EAT TREATS BECAUSE THEY GIVE ME FREQUENT URINARY TRACT INFECTIONS.
Jake: Girl, you nasty.
MURIEL: HERE’S A BEAGLE IN THE HOUND GROUP. HE IS VERY CUTE AND HIS NAME IS UNO LIKE THE NUMBER IN SPANISH.
Jake: And the best deep dish pizza chain.
MURIEL: AND THE BEST DEEP DISH PIZZA CHAIN. I HAVE TRIED TO EAT THE CHEESE FROM THE UNO BOX WHEN IT IS IN THE TRASH BUT IT GIVES ME URINARY TRACT INFECTIONS BUT I DO NOT CARE BECAUSE IT IS VERY DELICIOUS!
Jake: Girl, look at that furry mess. I have not heard of a Sealyham Terrier before but he ugly. Face look like a hairy condom.
MURIEL: I WOULD TOTALLY TAP THAT ASS. OH NO, ANOTHER POODLE. BUT A MINIATURE ONE. DO NOT LIKE SMALLER VERSION OF BASTARD BUTT CUT POODLE BECAUSE THAT IS THE ONE THAT BEAT THE PUG.
Jake: I’ll bet it smells better than the pug.
MURIEL: THIS IS SOMETHING WE CANNOT HELP. OH HERE COMES THE DECISION. THE WINNER IS THE BEAGLE. HOORAY I CAN LIVE WITH THAT BECAUSE I HAVE LIVED WITH A BEAGLE BEFORE. SHOUT OUT TO BONNIE, YOU MY BITCH!
Jake: Girl, I’m glad that’s over. I’m going to go rub my genitals on your dog bed.
February 14th, 2008 at 8:08 am
I’m glad you’ve finally found something amusing on t.v., Muriel. Hopefully you WON’T fall asleep and start snoring on the NEXT guest’s lap thereby imprisoning her for the duration of the Superbowl.
You’re welcome.
Mr. Jake, you were far more attentive and actually answer me when I talk. Double make that Triple Points for hosting.
GUITAR HERO. Much fun. There can’t be too many punjabi songs for Muriel, though, & even less Madonna for Mr. Jake.
MISS YOU LADIES. THANKS FOR HAVING ME OVER!!!