Lori and Amy sort of live blog the emmys
The first 20 minutes of this live blog were preempted so that Lori and Amy could eat tacos (email us for the recipe) but here’s a brief recap of what you missed: Ryan Seacrest looks shiny, stupid, gay, not funny, gay, gay, gay, Nobody Misses Raymond, stupid, funny, gay, Jeremy Piven looks coked up, not funny, Vanessa Williams has nice boobs.
All right, now we are all caught up.
Lori: Ryan Seacrest just called Paula a druggie!
Amy: Oh, burn! And now he has to kiss her drunk ass.
Lori & Amy: TINA FEY! TINA FEY! TINA FEY! Cleavage!
Amy: Pam! The Office! She’s from St. Louis! Where we live!
Lori: We’re still waiting to see her at Target.
Amy: Suck it, My Name is Earl person.
Lori: Honey, you are trying too hard.
Amy: MEH! Fine I won’t talk then! Ha! Heigl! You pronounced her name wrong, suck it announcer lady, I ain’t the only one who’s lame!
Lori: Ed Asner is still alive? Does anyone watch mini-series anymore? Mini-serieses? Mini-serii?
Amy: Look, a category full of nothing we’ve watched.
Lori: It’s the night of thanking Dads. We can’t make fun of that. We loves us our dads!
Amy: I think my Dad was nominated for Best Use of a Beard (long term)
Lori: My Dad was nominated for Best Arms in a polo shirt… of course my mom was the only one voting.
Amy: Why is Ellen wearing a Bible bookmark around her neck?
Lori: To look for feminine or something. Honoring Tom Snyder. That is really nice, but it’s not giving us much to work with here. Fast forward ….
Amy: …. To lame jokes from the cast of Entourage. Edgy!
Lori: Why are there so many nominees in each category? I think my aunt was nominated for Best Supporting Actress in a Drama series.
Amy: Go Aunt Jean!
Lori: I don’t watch Gray’s Anatomy, but I’m fairly certain it’s shitty. I hate it when they thank people just by their first names.
Amy: And Katherine Heigl throws it back to the Moms!
Lori: Dads all over the country are throwing potato chips at the TV.
Amy: Oooh! Writers! Our dream job!
Lori: We can’t make fun of these because they are too damn funny. We bow to the superior wit!
Amy: Illegal immigrants are funny! There should be an Emmy for best writer intros. Those were the funniest thing so far.
Lori: And undoubtably the funniest part of the whole show.
Amy: Conan O’Brien looks like Beavis.
Lori: Musical number! Tony Bennett and a knocked-up Christina Aguliera! Fast forward!
Amy: Snore. Tell me when the Tony Bennett ass-kiss is over.
Lori: Hello! This is not the Grammys!
Amy: Another mini-series category. More stuff we didn’t watch!
Lori: Fast forward! You know this show would be a lot better if it was on MTV.
Amy: Okay, we are one hour in. How are you feeling?
Lori: BORED. Oh, there’s Queen Latifah. I guess they had to bring in a black person from the music world to talk about a TV show about black people, since there are no black people on TV now. Was Chris Rock already booked?
Amy: I’m not cultured. I was looking at her boobs.
Lori: Doogie Howser, I’m gay M.D.!
Amy: Oh and Hayden Panettiere. Save the empire waistline, save the world.
Lori: They made Doogie make his own gay joke! That’s not fair! Btw, did Leslie Caron borrow those earrings from Ben Vereen?
Amy: She needs some Rave #4 hairspray, too.
Lori: David Chase, you fucker! You won! Tell us what happened at the end! Is Tony dead?
Amy: You don’t play the “wrap it up music? on David Chase!
Lori: Steve Carrell! Make me laugh! I’m begging you!
Amy: Wow, they gave us about 36 seconds of funny there. Thank you, three cast members of The Office!
Lori: I heart Jon Stewart. Let’s invite him over for dinner.
Amy: Tony Bennett again! Boring! Moving along!
Lori: You know what this show needs?
Amy: Nudity?
Lori: Close! A Britney Spears comeback performance! Gimme, gimme more!
Amy: It’s Britney, bitch!
Lori: Walk it out!
Amy: Can I check the score of the Patroits/Chargers game?
Lori: That can’t be anymore boring that the tribute to fundraising TV shows. No one cares Emmy broadcast! We are here for bad fashion, boobs, and watching Ryan Seacreast kiss everyone’s ass.
Amy: My fantasy team is kicking ass despite the fact that LT is sucking against the Pats.
Lori: Strong women in television. I’ll drink to that.
Amy: I’m glad I already have oh look, titties!
Lori: Even Glenn Close’s titties? What is this Jersey Boys bullshit?
Amy: Filler!
Lori: Why do they need filler on a three hour show?
Amy: Is he lipsyncing!
Lori: This is an insult to the Sopranos! David Chase should stand up and shoot them.
Amy: This would be more entertaining if they were wearing brillo-pad inspired bras. Or if they were singing Dick in a Box.
Lori: Fast-frickin-forward! This is BORING and INSULTING to the best goddamn show in televison! I HAS MUCH ANGER. The entire cast of the Sorpranos looks pissed too.
Amy: Shut up, AJ. Paulie!
Lori: Is Big Pussy there? What they couldn’t afford to hire Alabama 3 to come in and perform the theme song live?
Amy: Woke up this morning!
Lori: This show needs more Helen F’n Mirren! And there she’s nominated! SHE WON! She’s there! This show just got 100 times classier.
Amy: Damn! She’s wearing some Helen F’n shoes!
Lori: I wish she’d had a guest role on the Sopranos.
Amy: Lewis Black is cranky!
Lori: He needs a hug. How many friggin mini-series categories are there? Fast forward!
Amy: Note to the Academy: Unless the writers are making fun of people in rest room stalls, we don’t care.
Lori: Internet on TV! Are these Emmys for youtube?
Amy: I hope the crying Britney-guy wins! I’m Al Gore! Give me an Emmy! I don’t care what! Just make up a category and give me an Emmy! I already have an Oscar!
Lori: Next year—a Tony for An Inconvinent Truth: The Musical.
Amy: It’s better that Cats.
Lori: I’m Al Gore and I approved this message.
Amy: When did this become the Tony Bennett show?
Lori: Stanley Tucci and Elaine Stritch! Does she even know where she is?
Amy: Elaine Stritch is keepin’ it real!
Lori: Word to your mutha!
Amy: WALK IT OUT!
Lori: Hey, don’t bite my shit!
Amy: Greg Daniels and some obscure children’s book reference!
At this point Ryan Seacreast did something so ultra-gay that Lori and Amy were rendered completely speechless.
Lori: I just woke up from the most horrible dream!
Amy: Me too! Shut up Kanye West!
Lori: He ain’t sayin’ that Rainn Wilson is a gold digger.
Amy: That bit was actually funny. Rainn Wilson can do no wrong.
Lori: And now Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. Clearly the thing to do is just watch the last half hour of the show, because that is where they keep all the funny.
Amy: Or maybe not.
Lori: Jeez. This is not funny. This is even not funny enough to make fun of.
Amy: If Charlie Sheen wins for Two and Half Men I’m swearing off TV forever!
Lori: That means I can hold the remote!
Amy: Alec Baldwin was robbed!
Lori: What is he, a farmer?
Amy: Felcity Huffman is like two inches away from a J. Lo dress.
Lori: SHUT UP SALLY FIELD AND GIVE THAT EMMY TO EDIE F’N FALCO WHO SHOULD HAVE WON BITCH.
Amy: Calm down. America Ferrara! Ugly Betty is hot! She can stand under my umbrella-ella-ella eh eh eh!
Lori: James Gandolfini better win or I will never watch TV again.
Amy: James Spader won. These Emmys are bullshit.
Lori: “She thinks you shit, Stef. And deep down, you know she’s right.? (100 points if anyone can tell us where this obscure quote is from.) Does Kelsey Grammer have another TV show? Because that is ANOTHER reason to stop watching TV.
Amy: Tina Fey! Tina Fey! 30 Rock won! We love you Tina Fey! Can we mate with you and have perfect gay-nerd babies?
Lori: Yay! We can keep watching TV!
Amy: Thank God. What else would we do with our evenings? Talk to each other?
Lori: Nah, communication is bullshit! Tina Fey just thanked her dozens of viewers! That’s us!
Lori: The Sopranos won! They are playing Journey! Little Steven! Paulie Walnuts! Wait, James Gandolfini just kissed Edie Falco on the shoulder! You can’t kiss your coworker on the shoulder!
Amy: I guess if you are an actor you can.
Lori: Yeah, I guess if you’ve pretended to go down on someone, you’re allowed to kiss them on the shoulder without raising eyebrows.
Amy: Do you think that next year Ryan Seacrest will be nominated for best performance on a variety show?
Lori: Not if Brian Dunkleman ends up hosting the Oscars.
Amy: And with that lame joke, we wrap this up. Remember watch 30 Rock Thursday’s on NBC. Because we love Tina Fey and want to keep her on TV.
Lori: Walk it out!
The Emmy Awards, Tina Fey, 30 Rock, Ugly Betty, Ryan Seacrest, Brian Dunkleman, Ed Asner, Ellen Degeneres, America Ferrera, Entourage, Dads, Moms, Jeremy Piven, Variety Shows, Jon Stewart, Kanye West, Rainn Wilson, Hayden Panettiere, Felicity Huffman, Helen Miren, David Chase, The Sopranos, The Office
September 17th, 2007 at 8:06 am
You guys missed one of the funnier moments of the evening … when Katherine Heigl won she clearly mouthed “shit” on camera.
September 17th, 2007 at 11:07 am
Heh, we did miss that Margie. That’s what happens when you try to Snark & Type at the same time.
September 17th, 2007 at 9:23 pm
[...] Top Ten Sexiest Emmy Dresses by Aurora There are lots of Emmy best/worst-dressed lists floating around right now, but I’m not concerned about who looked the [...]
September 26th, 2007 at 5:49 am
[...] Heigl. She’s had a tough month. Not only did an announcer mispronounce her name during the Emmy Awards broadcast, but she has to wear invisible fancy braces AND she has to shop for a gosh-darn wedding dress. Life [...]