Trashy Celebs

Amy: Okay, Britney is by no means fat, but WAY too chubby to be wearing that … outfit? Can you even call that an outfit?

Lori: It’s Britney, bitch! Why are you in your underwear? Did the rest of your wardrobe not show up?

Amy: I bet that bra is itchy. How to make a comeback. Wear your snowboots with your Brillo-pad inspired underwear!

Lori: Why is she lipsyncing? It’s just drawing attention to that big old cold sore.

Amy: What’s that stuff you buy for canker sores?

Lori: Kanka! Look, at least she hired back up dancers fatter than her. That one she’s grinding up on is as fat as I am and at least ten years older.

Amy: Here come the boys.

Lori: There’s a Justin Timberlake look-a-like and she just grabbed his junk. She’s subtle.

Amy: She is 14 US Weekly covers past “not so innocent.�?

Lori: Someone spent rehab watching Her Madonna DVDs. It’s like the Human Nature video and the Vogue video had a baby.

Amy: And Cold Hearted Snake came over for a play date.

Lori: 50 Cent is confused.

Amy: He thinks he’s still at the Hustler club.

Lori: Rhianna is not even pretending she’s not laughing at her. She’s all “You wish you had my umbrella song, white girl!�?

Amy: ella, ella, ay, ay. Oh yeah we are totally buying this album.

Lori: Totally. Wait, are they letting Sarah Silverman host? Didn’t she alienate everyone at the MTV Movie Awards?

Amy: Why is she making a vagina with her lips?

Lori: We are too damn old to be watching this. It is moving too fast and there are too many lights and they are talking about things I don’t understand. I’m frightened.

Amy: And they didn’t even bother with spell check.

Lori: Yeah, “Buy you a Drank?�? Hello people, it’s “Excuse me, but may I have the pleasure of buying you a drink? Thank you.�?

Amy: Who are Gym Class Heroes?

Lori: I DON’T KNOW BUT THEY’RE TOO LOUD

Amy: Wait, I just saw arm fat on MTV! Who is that performing with Justin Timberlake?

Lori: They need to Walk it Out!

Amy: Who is Chris Brown? Oh, it’s a “concept performance.�?

Lori: WALK IT OUT!

Amy: THE UMBRELLA AY AY SONG

Lori: I love that song! So does my ten-year-old niece.

Amy: I am getting vertigo from her set.

Lori: You need to Walk It Out!

Amy: Stop saying that. Oh Chris Brown, you do not want to be Michael Jackson.

Lori: Big white sunglasses are so 1983.

Amy: Who ARE these people?

Lori: I thought you knew.

Amy: Kanye seems to like them.

Lori: Does Justin Timberlake take Timbaland with him EVERYWHERE? Does he take him to the grocery store? The library? The dentist?

Amy: The men’s room?

Lori: Holy Shit! Cee-Lo is performing “Darling Nikki�? with Foo Fighters! That is so awesome! Why isn’t there more stuff like that on MTV?

Amy: Justin! He looks like he would smell good even when he’s all sweaty.

Lori: No one cares about the title of the new Indiana Jones movie! So shut up Shia LaBeouf and go grow some more facial hair.

Amy: Fergie? WTF? She’s not here. She still has the stomach flu.

Lori: How long have we been watching this crap? Are we almost done? I’m tired.

Amy: There’s an hour left.

Lori: Well F that confusing noise. I’m going to bed.

Amy: I’m changing the channel. There are Cosby Show reruns on Nick at Night.

Lori: WALK IT OUT!

Amy: Ok, ten more minutes.

Lori: Is Alicia Keys still relevant?

Amy: No. Fast forward.

Lori: I love the DVR. Kanye West, shut the hell up and take off those sunglasses.

Amy: There are only 15 minutes left. We might as well finish. NO NOT JAMIE FOXX YELLING MAKE SOME NOISE. He hit the open bar a little too hard.

Lori: MAKE SOME NOISE LAS VEGAS. I HAVE AN OSCAR AND I CAN BEATBOX. GO SEE MY NEW MOVIE!

Amy: Jennifer Gardner is all “Ben! Get the car!�?

Lori: I still don’t know who those Gym Class Heroes are. 50 Cent is doing In Da Club! I love that song.

Amy: So does your ten-year-old niece!

Lori: Go shawty! It’s your birfday!

Amy: Five minutes left. They better have a big finish.

Lori: Uh, some douchebag covering Morrissey?

Amy: Mary J. Blige!

Lori: Sing it, girlfriend! Is she going to sing? NO? Why would you bring on Mary J. Blige and not have her SING? Dumbasses.

Amy: She called him 50 Cents!

Lori: Dr. Dre! He looks like Hans AND Franz.

Amy: Is he playing center for the New York Giants?

Lori: Is that basketball?

Amy: Nevermind.

Lori: Yay! Umbrella-elle-ella-ay-ay-ay won Video of the Year!

Amy: Rhianna can stand under my umbrella any day.

Lori: Can we turn this off now? My head hurts.

Amy: yes, I am all out of funny.

Lori: WALK IT OUT.

MTV Video Music Awards, Britney Spears, Rhianna, Chris Brown, Kanye West, 50 Cent, Dr. Dre, Justin Timerlake, Timbaland