Lori & Amy Watch the First 70 Minutes of the VMA Awards
Amy: Okay, Britney is by no means fat, but WAY too chubby to be wearing that … outfit? Can you even call that an outfit?
Lori: It’s Britney, bitch! Why are you in your underwear? Did the rest of your wardrobe not show up?
Amy: I bet that bra is itchy. How to make a comeback. Wear your snowboots with your Brillo-pad inspired underwear!
Lori: Why is she lipsyncing? It’s just drawing attention to that big old cold sore.
Amy: What’s that stuff you buy for canker sores?
Lori: Kanka! Look, at least she hired back up dancers fatter than her. That one she’s grinding up on is as fat as I am and at least ten years older.
Amy: Here come the boys.
Lori: There’s a Justin Timberlake look-a-like and she just grabbed his junk. She’s subtle.
Amy: She is 14 US Weekly covers past “not so innocent.?
Lori: Someone spent rehab watching Her Madonna DVDs. It’s like the Human Nature video and the Vogue video had a baby.
Amy: And Cold Hearted Snake came over for a play date.
Lori: 50 Cent is confused.
Amy: He thinks he’s still at the Hustler club.
Lori: Rhianna is not even pretending she’s not laughing at her. She’s all “You wish you had my umbrella song, white girl!?
Amy: ella, ella, ay, ay. Oh yeah we are totally buying this album.
Lori: Totally. Wait, are they letting Sarah Silverman host? Didn’t she alienate everyone at the MTV Movie Awards?
Amy: Why is she making a vagina with her lips?
Lori: We are too damn old to be watching this. It is moving too fast and there are too many lights and they are talking about things I don’t understand. I’m frightened.
Amy: And they didn’t even bother with spell check.
Lori: Yeah, “Buy you a Drank?? Hello people, it’s “Excuse me, but may I have the pleasure of buying you a drink? Thank you.?
Amy: Who are Gym Class Heroes?
Lori: I DON’T KNOW BUT THEY’RE TOO LOUD
Amy: Wait, I just saw arm fat on MTV! Who is that performing with Justin Timberlake?
Lori: They need to Walk it Out!
Amy: Who is Chris Brown? Oh, it’s a “concept performance.?
Lori: WALK IT OUT!
Amy: THE UMBRELLA AY AY SONG
Lori: I love that song! So does my ten-year-old niece.
Amy: I am getting vertigo from her set.
Lori: You need to Walk It Out!
Amy: Stop saying that. Oh Chris Brown, you do not want to be Michael Jackson.
Lori: Big white sunglasses are so 1983.
Amy: Who ARE these people?
Lori: I thought you knew.
Amy: Kanye seems to like them.
Lori: Does Justin Timberlake take Timbaland with him EVERYWHERE? Does he take him to the grocery store? The library? The dentist?
Amy: The men’s room?
Lori: Holy Shit! Cee-Lo is performing “Darling Nikki? with Foo Fighters! That is so awesome! Why isn’t there more stuff like that on MTV?
Amy: Justin! He looks like he would smell good even when he’s all sweaty.
Lori: No one cares about the title of the new Indiana Jones movie! So shut up Shia LaBeouf and go grow some more facial hair.
Amy: Fergie? WTF? She’s not here. She still has the stomach flu.
Lori: How long have we been watching this crap? Are we almost done? I’m tired.
Amy: There’s an hour left.
Lori: Well F that confusing noise. I’m going to bed.
Amy: I’m changing the channel. There are Cosby Show reruns on Nick at Night.
Lori: WALK IT OUT!
Amy: Ok, ten more minutes.
Lori: Is Alicia Keys still relevant?
Amy: No. Fast forward.
Lori: I love the DVR. Kanye West, shut the hell up and take off those sunglasses.
Amy: There are only 15 minutes left. We might as well finish. NO NOT JAMIE FOXX YELLING MAKE SOME NOISE. He hit the open bar a little too hard.
Lori: MAKE SOME NOISE LAS VEGAS. I HAVE AN OSCAR AND I CAN BEATBOX. GO SEE MY NEW MOVIE!
Amy: Jennifer Gardner is all “Ben! Get the car!?
Lori: I still don’t know who those Gym Class Heroes are. 50 Cent is doing In Da Club! I love that song.
Amy: So does your ten-year-old niece!
Lori: Go shawty! It’s your birfday!
Amy: Five minutes left. They better have a big finish.
Lori: Uh, some douchebag covering Morrissey?
Amy: Mary J. Blige!
Lori: Sing it, girlfriend! Is she going to sing? NO? Why would you bring on Mary J. Blige and not have her SING? Dumbasses.
Amy: She called him 50 Cents!
Lori: Dr. Dre! He looks like Hans AND Franz.
Amy: Is he playing center for the New York Giants?
Lori: Is that basketball?
Amy: Nevermind.
Lori: Yay! Umbrella-elle-ella-ay-ay-ay won Video of the Year!
Amy: Rhianna can stand under my umbrella any day.
Lori: Can we turn this off now? My head hurts.
Amy: yes, I am all out of funny.
Lori: WALK IT OUT.
MTV Video Music Awards, Britney Spears, Rhianna, Chris Brown, Kanye West, 50 Cent, Dr. Dre, Justin Timerlake, Timbaland
September 10th, 2007 at 6:58 am
[...] for a funny read of the VMA’s (and where I got the Britney photo from), check out Trashy Celebs! House, Fashionable Canes, Britney Spears, MTV, VMA Did You Enjoy this Post? Subscribe to [...]
September 10th, 2007 at 8:43 am
SERIOUSLY.
Oh my gawd.
I laughed so hard reading this.
My favorite part was the bit about Timberlake/Timbaland … seriously funny stuff ladies!
September 10th, 2007 at 5:21 pm
Laughing SO hard and I didn’t even watch the thing.
Two thumbs up.
September 10th, 2007 at 5:58 pm
[...] slam for Justin Timberlake at 2007 MTV VMA! by Catherine Neal Girls are talking trash about ex-love Britney Spears but Justin T is all smiles with not one but four MTV VMA awards. It [...]
September 13th, 2007 at 11:47 am
hysterical. you guys need an f’n webcast so I can see it in motion.
xo
jen j.
October 5th, 2007 at 4:56 am
[...] Celebs and a lot of other folks think her new single Gimmie More is banging! The video (minus the MTV Video Music Awards train wreck) should be coming soon, but until then check out the song [...]