Lori & Amy Watch the First 70 Minutes of the VMA Awards
Amy: Okay, Britney is by no means fat, but WAY too chubby to be wearing that … outfit? Can you even call that an outfit?
Lori: It’s Britney, bitch! Why are you in your underwear? Did the rest of your wardrobe not show up?
Amy: I bet that bra is itchy. How to make a comeback. Wear your snowboots with your Brillo-pad inspired underwear!
Lori: Why is she lipsyncing? It’s just drawing attention to that big old cold sore.
Amy: What’s that stuff you buy for canker sores?
Lori: Kanka! Look, at least she hired back up dancers fatter than her. That one she’s grinding up on is as fat as I am and at least ten years older.
Amy: Here come the boys.
Lori: There’s a Justin Timberlake look-a-like and she just grabbed his junk. She’s subtle.
Amy: She is 14 US Weekly covers past “not so innocent.”
Lori: Someone spent rehab watching Her Madonna DVDs. It’s like the Human Nature video and the Vogue video had a baby.
Amy: And Cold Hearted Snake came over for a play date.
Lori: 50 Cent is confused.
Amy: He thinks he’s still at the Hustler club.
Lori: Rhianna is not even pretending she’s not laughing at her. She’s all “You wish you had my umbrella song, white girl!”
Amy: ella, ella, ay, ay. Oh yeah we are totally buying this album.
Lori: Totally. Wait, are they letting Sarah Silverman host? Didn’t she alienate everyone at the MTV Movie Awards?
Amy: Why is she making a vagina with her lips?
Lori: We are too damn old to be watching this. It is moving too fast and there are too many lights and they are talking about things I don’t understand. I’m frightened.
Amy: And they didn’t even bother with spell check.
Lori: Yeah, “Buy you a Drank?” Hello people, it’s “Excuse me, but may I have the pleasure of buying you a drink? Thank you.”
Amy: Who are Gym Class Heroes?
Lori: I DON’T KNOW BUT THEY’RE TOO LOUD
Amy: Wait, I just saw arm fat on MTV! Who is that performing with Justin Timberlake?
Lori: They need to Walk it Out!
Amy: Who is Chris Brown? Oh, it’s a “concept performance.”
Lori: WALK IT OUT!
Amy: THE UMBRELLA AY AY SONG
Lori: I love that song! So does my ten-year-old niece.
Amy: I am getting vertigo from her set.
Lori: You need to Walk It Out!
Amy: Stop saying that. Oh Chris Brown, you do not want to be Michael Jackson.
Lori: Big white sunglasses are so 1983.
Amy: Who ARE these people?
Lori: I thought you knew.
Amy: Kanye seems to like them.
Lori: Does Justin Timberlake take Timbaland with him EVERYWHERE? Does he take him to the grocery store? The library? The dentist?
Amy: The men’s room?
Lori: Holy Shit! Cee-Lo is performing “Darling Nikki” with Foo Fighters! That is so awesome! Why isn’t there more stuff like that on MTV?
Amy: Justin! He looks like he would smell good even when he’s all sweaty.
Lori: No one cares about the title of the new Indiana Jones movie! So shut up Shia LaBeouf and go grow some more facial hair.
Amy: Fergie? WTF? She’s not here. She still has the stomach flu.
Lori: How long have we been watching this crap? Are we almost done? I’m tired.
Amy: There’s an hour left.
Lori: Well F that confusing noise. I’m going to bed.
Amy: I’m changing the channel. There are Cosby Show reruns on Nick at Night.
Lori: WALK IT OUT!
Amy: Ok, ten more minutes.
Lori: Is Alicia Keys still relevant?
Amy: No. Fast forward.
Lori: I love the DVR. Kanye West, shut the hell up and take off those sunglasses.
Amy: There are only 15 minutes left. We might as well finish. NO NOT JAMIE FOXX YELLING MAKE SOME NOISE. He hit the open bar a little too hard.
Lori: MAKE SOME NOISE LAS VEGAS. I HAVE AN OSCAR AND I CAN BEATBOX. GO SEE MY NEW MOVIE!
Amy: Jennifer Gardner is all “Ben! Get the car!”
Lori: I still don’t know who those Gym Class Heroes are. 50 Cent is doing In Da Club! I love that song.
Amy: So does your ten-year-old niece!
Lori: Go shawty! It’s your birfday!
Amy: Five minutes left. They better have a big finish.
Lori: Uh, some douchebag covering Morrissey?
Amy: Mary J. Blige!
Lori: Sing it, girlfriend! Is she going to sing? NO? Why would you bring on Mary J. Blige and not have her SING? Dumbasses.
Amy: She called him 50 Cents!
Lori: Dr. Dre! He looks like Hans AND Franz.
Amy: Is he playing center for the New York Giants?
Lori: Is that basketball?
Amy: Nevermind.
Lori: Yay! Umbrella-elle-ella-ay-ay-ay won Video of the Year!
Amy: Rhianna can stand under my umbrella any day.
Lori: Can we turn this off now? My head hurts.
Amy: yes, I am all out of funny.
Lori: WALK IT OUT.
MTV Video Music Awards, Britney Spears, Rhianna, Chris Brown, Kanye West, 50 Cent, Dr. Dre, Justin Timerlake, Timbaland
September 10th, 2007 at 6:58 am
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September 10th, 2007 at 8:43 am
SERIOUSLY.
Oh my gawd.
I laughed so hard reading this.
My favorite part was the bit about Timberlake/Timbaland … seriously funny stuff ladies!
September 10th, 2007 at 5:21 pm
Laughing SO hard and I didn’t even watch the thing.
Two thumbs up.
September 10th, 2007 at 5:58 pm
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September 13th, 2007 at 11:47 am
hysterical. you guys need an f’n webcast so I can see it in motion.
xo
jen j.
October 5th, 2007 at 4:56 am
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