Trashy Celebs

Dear Mr. Ralph Fiennes:

We have received your application for admission into the Mile High Club, and while we appreciate your enthusiasm for our organization, I am afraid we are once again going to have to reject your application. At this time your aeronautic sexual encounters just don’t fit the rigid criteria we hold dear here at Mile High.

Your most recent “encounter,� while sounding good on paper, just cannot be properly verified. Chatting up an attractive flight attendant is a good start, but following her to the business class restroom where you supposedly “became amorous� is difficult to prove without verification from your Mile High partner. In this case, you were unable to prove that the encounter went forward to completion, and without additional verification from the flight attendant, and/or photographic or videographic evidence (obtained with full permission from said partner, of course) we are just not able to grant your admission.

What we find most disturbing about this situation is that during the flight in question you were traveling to India to promote HIV and safe sex awareness. And the last time I checked, condoms were not one of the perks offered to business class passengers. Frankly, Mr. Fiennes, that is too sketch, even for us. We do have standards.

As always, if you’d like to reapply at a later date, you are free to do so.

Sincerely,

Peter Ira Grinch
President, Mile High Club