Trashy Celebs

Jennifer Aniston, you are big pimpin’ and I am not even joking with you. First you were married to the very, very pretty Brad Pitt and everyone thought it was lovely. Then after that, you were with Vince Vaughn, who, while a decent actor who has been in some fun movies (and who seems like a nice, funny guy) but is not exactly pretty himself. But now it is all over the internets that you have climbed back on the pretty man bus with another fresher, more beautiful young actor, Jason Smith, best known as Smith Jerrod from Sex and the City.

Britain’s Closer magazine claims Jen, 38, is hooking up with Sex and the City star and former Rosario Dawson flame, 36-year-old Jason Lewis. The two were seen sharing a romantic dinner in New York City, where a source says: “They’ve met a few times. He thinks she’s gorgeous and they just clicked. It’s funny how much they have in common. Jen seems to really like Jason, but so far they’ve met up in secret as Jen hates the pressure her fame puts on all of her relationships.�

Jennifer Aniston, if you are not hitting that then you totally should start, because that is one good-looking man. Surely you used to watch Sex and the City (probably with BFF Courtney Cox) and I’m sure you remember that he was naked through most of his scenes so you know exactly what you are getting. Yowza!

Jennifer Aniston, Jason Lewis, Sex and the City

So like Ms. Jodie Foster, Ms. Queen Latifah is running around in circles in regard to her sexuality. There has been a rumor going around that Queen Latifah (aka) Dana Owens is about to marry her personal trainer and so-called girlfriend, Jeanette Jenkins. Queen, however has never admitted that she’s dating Jeanette. She told The Chicago Sun Times ”When you’re famous these days, it’s just part of the deal — unfortunately. People will make up all sorts of things that are not true. . . . There ain’t gonna be no wedding.”

Aww, we wonder if every time Latifah says stuff like that she has to go and apologize to her Boo and send her gifts of love like Teddy Bears and Balloons that say “I love you”. Chicks love that shit. But anyway, hats off to you Jeanette Jenkins, we hope she’s worth it and comes around to the truth one day.

Jodie Foster, Queen Latifah, Jeanette Jenkins

Well I didn’t see this one coming.

Ricki Lake and John Mayer: New Couple?
Forget on-and-off again girlfriend Minka Kelly — John Mayer only had eyes for one woman at the Sunshine Sachs p.r. company’s Christmas party on Wednesday night: Ricki Lake! As soon as he arrived at the party, the studly musician chatted up Lake the entire night, reports the New York Post’s Page Six. The two were discussing Lake’s new documentary, The Business of Being Born, when Mayer revealed, “I’ve had a crush on you for two years.”

Publicists ushered the love-stricken couple to a back area, where they exchanged numbers, reports Page Six. Later that night, Lake left and went to the trendy NYC lounge Rose Bar, where Mayer flooded her phone with text messages.

John Mayer really has been keeping himself busy, hasn’t he? He’s been linked with Jessica Simpson then Minka Kelly and I think I heard something about Cameron Diaz and/or Britney Spears in there somewhere, didn’t I? And I think he also dated my best friend from middle school, Lynne and repeatedly asked out my grandma (although she wouldn’t give him the time of day). Now he has moved on and admitted a crush on Hairspray star and former talk show host, Ricki Lake. Ricki! Ricki! Ricki! Ricki! Ricki!

I am a little confused though, because I thought Ricki Lake was married. Not that a married person can’t meet someone and give them her phone number and then spend the rest of the night getting text messages from that person. No, nothing ever wrong with that at all. Huh, yeah, right. But it must be true, because apparently Lake went on the Howard Stern Show recently and told the world that she did meet Mayer and he did say he has a crush and they did exchange phone numbers and they do text each other “continuously,” but he’s still dating “someone else.” And if it was stated on Howard Stern then it MUST be true, right? But you have to wonder, after hearing about all this on the Howard Stern show, how much longer Mayer and this “other woman” will be dating. Maybe that was Lake’s plan all along! She goes on the radio, casually mentions all this, and gets it into all the gossip columns and on the internets. Then Mayer’s girlfriend dumps him and she steps in to pick up the pieces. It’s almost like all those crazy bitches who used to be on her talk show. Ricki! Ricki! Ricki!

John Mayer, Ricki Lake, Jessica Simpson, Howard Stern, Minka Kelly

So while I am typing his, Amy is sitting next to me on the couch watching the second-to-last episode of A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila so I am already a little skeeved out. And that may have clouded my feelings when I was perusing the Star Magazine website and came across this bit of news:

Elle Macpherson & Bryan Adams: Hot New Odd Couple?
It looks like Bryan Adams is the latest rock star to hook up with a supermodel. At the Nov. 27 after-party for his photo exhibit, Modern Muses, Bryan, 48, was reportedly caught making out with none other than Elle Macpherson, 44.

The twosome, who have reportedly been dating for about a month, “were all over each other, flirting outrageously,” according to an eyewitness party. “They couldn’t keep their hands or eyes off each other. There was a lot of chemistry between them. They make a really cute couple.”

So, you know, ew. I mean, this folks are a little too old and a little too irrelevant to be “hooking up” and “making out” in public at various parties. I mean, I am eleven years younger than Bryan Adams and I don’t even GO to afterparties (I can’t stay up that late anymore) let along get caught making out at them. Bryan and Elle may be a couple and all that and whatever, Mazel Tov to them, but we don’t want to SEE or READ about it, okay? Keep that at home in front of reruns of MacGyver, got it?

Bryan Adams, Elle Macpherson, Billy Joel

Well now this is just gross:

Did Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal have sex on a plane?

Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal may have joined the ‘Mile High Club’.

The Hollywood couple allegedly spent more than ten-minutes together inside an airplane bathroom, according to U.S reports.

Witherspoon, 31, and Jake, 26, were flying together from Frankfurt, Germany, to Los Angeles after a trip to the Rome Film Festival.

“Reese was dressed in all black and wearing shades when she and about six handlers entered Lufthansa’s first class lounge,� an eyewitness told Star magazine.

“It wasn’t until she was already on the plane that we realized Jake, also dressed in black, had boarded separately.�

After the two-hour flight from Rome to Frankfurt, the lovebirds were transferred to their trans-Atlantic connection on a special bus. Once onboard the group occupied ten out of 16 seats in the first class section of the 747 plane.

“Reese and Jake kissed and cuddled together under a blanket in her recliner seat in the back row,� the witness continued.

Three hours into the flight, Reese reportedly got up from her seat and walked forward to the toilet. Two minutes later Jake got up and allegedly walked into the same bathroom. “I started timing them - they were together in there for 11-minutes,� the witness told Star.

Jake came out of the bathroom first, and Reese reportedly followed him three-minutes later. “When they each walked by, it seemed like everyone in their entourage took pains to look away.

“Jake worked on his laptop, and then he and Reese took a nap side by side.�

I mean, come on, this can’t be true, right? Celebrities don’t do this. No one does this sort of thing, except in movies and TV shows and in fake stories sent to Penthouse Forum and on the internet. There is not enough space in airport bathrooms and they are gross and there is always someone smelly who was in there just before you or is waiting blocking the aisle when you try to come out. I don’t even like to use the airplane bathroom to actually go to the bathroom, let alone to knock some boots. (I once managed to avoid using the airplane bathroom on an overnight flight from Anchorage, Alaska to Dallas, Texas, but that was more because I was jammed into the middle seat and I didn’t want to wake up the guy sitting next to me.)

There has been lots of discussion on the internet over whether or not Jake and Reese’s relationship is even “for real” and I have to say 1) why would they lie? and 2) who cares? I mean, seriously people, either they are or they aren’t and I don’t care either way. The rumors mostly seem to say that they were only “together” to promote their movie Rendition and it must not have worked because I think that movie tanked. And the other rumor is that it is just to hide that Jake is gay …. and come on people, just because he made the gay movie, that doesn’t mean he’s gay himself. (Don’t you think he would have come out by now?)

Seriously, though, Reese Witherspoon apparently is the highest paid actress in Hollywood these days, so surely she can afford to charter a plane if this is what they are into. But I wonder — when Jake was working on his laptop, was he updating his blog with this most recent “adventure”?

Reese Witherspoon, Jake Gyllenhall, Mile High Club

From In Touch:

It was the day after Thanksgiving – but Jessica Simpson’s family was more than happy to hold off their dinner so she could return home with her new boyfriend, Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo.

The couple showed up at Jessica’s grandparents new home in Waco, Texas, on November 23 (a day late, since Tony had a game to play on Thanksgiving) and received a “hero’s welcome� from Joe and Tina Simpson and Jessica’s grandparents, according to an onlooker. While Tony has denied reports that he and Jessica are dating, insiders say the pair are definitely involved – and they’re getting more serious.

Well, well, well. Mr. Tony Romo certainly has a type, doesn’t he? First it was Carrie Underwood, then a rumored fling with Britney Spears, and now it appears that the leader of the Cowboys is keeping time with the former Mrs. Nick Lachey, Jessica Simpson. (As a matter of fact, when I first read about this story my brain read “Jessica Simpson” as “Carrie Underwood” and I thought, “oh, they got back together in time for the holidays.” Even my brain gets the pretty blond football-player girlfriends mixed up.)

But you have to admit, Carrie Underwood and Jessica Simpson bear a striking resemblance to each other:

See what I mean? I’m not even sure which one is which. Well, I wouldn’t be sure if it wasn’t for the big “Jessica Simpson” printed on the wall behind Jessica Simpson. But still. I hope Mr. Romo is very, very careful about whose name he is using in, uh, more intimate moments, if you know what I mean and I think you do.
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Well isn’t James Blunt just the studliest little thing?

Blunt partied with nine nude women

James Blunt has claimed that he once partied with nine naked women in a swimming pool.

The singer revealed the news during an interview with Live magazine, in which he also boasted that he had never failed to satisfy a women.

Blunt said: “I once found myself in a swimming pool in Los Angeles with nine naked models and I was the only guy.”

He added: “But I’d like to think any woman I have known has enjoyed being with me.”

So I wonder if James Blunt has been telling this story since high school. Because it sounds to me a bit like a story that a high-school sophomore who is trying way too hard to convince the seniors who sit next to him in study hall that he really, really isn’t a virgin, no way, really, he has totally had sex with a girl who lives in Canada who he met at Niagara Falls. Because not only did James Blunt “party” in a swimming pool with a woman it was a naked woman. And it wasn’t just one naked woman it was nine. And not just nine naked women, but nine naked women who happened to be models. And there were no other guys around, anywhere. And it happened with some Canadian naked lady models who he met at Niagara Falls, for real guys really!

Somehow James Blunt has gotten to be pretty famous for one song (”You’re Beautiful”). I remember reading somewhere that he wrote that song in about 20 minutes, so you’d think that he’d either not need to make up silly stories about cavorting with nine naked models in order to impress other folks. Or if he did still need to make up a story, he could use his creative talents (and another 20 minutes) to make up a more realistic one. Or, shoot, maybe these nine lovely, naked models will come forward at some point (hopefully they’ve found some robes) and back up his studly claims. Then he can write a song about that.

Either way, I hope he washed his hair before he got into the swimming pool. Because judging from that picture above, Ew!

James Blunt, You’re Beautiful

So there is a word in the U.K. slang lexicon prat which basically means, “fool;” indeed it was originally slang for “buttocks” (i.e. what Heidi Montag is rubbing up against him in the picture below.) Would you like me to use prat in a sentence to make it more clear? Sure! Spencer Pratt is a prat for thinking anyone gives a good goddamn about his little “sex tape.” Does that clear things up?

From the National Enquirer:

Talk about art imitating life! On The Hills this season, the plot-line involves Spencer Pratt being accused of spreading rumors about an alleged sex tape of Lauren Conrad – but in real life, says an inside source, Spencer’s actually got a sex tape of his own that shows him and a few buddies exploring the, er… hills and valleys of some smokin’ hot Brazilian babes!

(Note to Spencer’s fiancee, Heidi Montag: The alleged Samba Land group grope was lensed way before you two became betrothed, but know this: My source says Spencer showed the tape to a Hollywood video editor and repeatedly asked him to spruce it up – saying he might secretly release it into the marketplace while claiming it was “stolen,� a la Paris Hilton, Pam Anderson, etc. The editor nixed the sleazy project, Heidi, so hopefully your betrothed has given up the idea, but…it wouldn’t hurt to ask, right?)

I swear, whenever I hear something about The Hills I always have to go and look it up again to figure out what in the world it is all about. This, for once, is not the fault of the show or the celebrities “celebrities” involved but is actually because I am one thousand years old. For those of you in my age range, I can tell you that the The Hills is a MTV reality show that is a spin-off of another popular MTV reality show Laguna Beach. The Hills apparently documents the trials, tribulations, free clinic visits and shoe-shopping sprees of one Lauren “L.C.” Conrad. Pratt apparently has a place on the show because he is the boyfriend/fiance of Conrad’s roommate, Heidi Montag. Do you even care about these rich people and the show documenting their lives? And did Pratt the Prat get so caught up on having every single mudane moment of his life (brush teeth, wear socks, feed dog, buy milk, fuck
Brazilian hottie, visit dentist) that he ended up recording parts of his sex life as well? Sheesh, dude, sometimes you have to turn the camera off.

Spencer Pratt, The Hills, Lauren Conrad, Heidi Montag, Laguna Beach

So People magazine (among other sources) is reporting that Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen have been on not one but two dates this past week in New York City. They were first spotted in the Gramercy Hotel’s Rose Bar on Monday night and at the Waverly Inn resturant in the early hours of Wednesday morning. This fascinating story has been reported in both the New York Post and the Daily News.

Adding further proof to just how fast the tiny people inside the internet move to make updates to all the important sites, this information has already appeared on Armstrong’s entry on Who’s Dated Who? In case you are not familiar with this site, it is an invaluable resource when you are just can’t get enough celebrity couple gossip from Entertainment Tonight or the E! channel (or for when your cable is out and you are climbing the walls with withdrawal symptoms). For instance, if you go to Armstrong’s entry linked above, you find out that he also dated Tory Burch (who?), Sheryl Crow (his favorite mistake), Kristin Armstrong (his former wife), and Lisa Shiels (who is such a nobody that she doesn’t even have a picture.) The site allows you to vote on the celebrity’s “top romance” and even helpfully provides astrological signs (when available) and little codes designating if the relationship was “dating,” “marriage,” or an “encounter.” Right now Armstrong and Olsen are coded as an “encounter,” but who knows how that will change in the days and weeks to come.

All I can think regarding this story is that Ashley Olsen is such a tiny little slip of nothing and Lance Armstrong is such a big athlete type and I hope he doesn’t accidentally sit down on her in a limo and crush her into the leather seats. You’d never get that stain out!

But what the world really wants to know is “What will Uncle Jesse say?“