Trashy Celebs

Is it just me or is Saturday Night Live and Baby Mama star Amy Poehler looking a little knocked up here in this red-carpet picture from the the premiere of …. Baby Mama. Is that irony or just Alanis Morrissette irony?

Never mind. I do know that Amy Poehler isn’t actually all that well known for her fashion sense but that dress just makes me think two things: baggy and covering a pregnancy belly. Could it be that while playing the role of a surrogate for a woman who can’ get pregnant, she got herself all knocked up. Taking the role pretty seriously! I wonder if Tina Fey MADE her do that so she’d get into the role more. Wow, that Tina Fey is one tough-ass boss!

Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Baby Mama

Over on Page 6 (and wouldn’t THAT count as a tabloid?) ole Joan Collins had some shit to stir about our gossip-driven society. Check out her spiel below:

April 15, 2008 — JOAN Collins says we’re turning into a world of idiots - and she thinks the celebrity magazines are partly to blame. “Our civilization has become extremely dumbed down, with shorter attention spans. All they want are sound bites,” the 75-year-old diva, who famously played super-bitchy Alexis Carrington on “Dynasty,” tells BlackBook’s Steve Garbarino. “The tabloid magazines are the same every week. People has the same cover as InTouch as OK! as Us Weekly as Star magazine. They’re exactly the same! It must be 100 to 120 people you read about all the time.” But why? “They are appealing to a young audience, or a rather dumb audience,” Collins theorizes. She adds that the magazines “go after those girls who exhibit more outrageous behavior. And, believe me, those girls love it. They call in items themselves - that they were at Nobu, some nightclub in SoHo. I can’t think of anything more horrible than that. Publicity can be a drug.”

Tell me something: would Joan Collins still even be barely relevant anymore if it wasn’t for tabloids and gossip columns? I mean, what has she done in the last five, ten years? I had to look it up … she’s done some stunt casting on a few sitcoms, did some theatrical tours with other faded stars (George Hamilton and Stacey Keach), did a show called A Night With Joan Collins detailing the “highs and lows of her roller coaster life” (hmm, sounds a little gossipy to me) and did he show Legends with former co-star Linda Evans (and talked all about how they don’t get along and how she won’t ever work with Evans again — that sounds ULTRA gossipy to me.) Hnmm, Joanie, would you even be popular on the red carpet if it wasn’t for some bitchy behavior in the not to distant past? Let’s face it, Joan Collins is famous for being Joan Collins, just like Paris Hilton is famous for being Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan is famous for being Lindsay Lohan, and Brandon Davis is famous for being Greasy Bear.

And if you wanna talk about trash, then what about those books her sister, Jackie Collins, writes. Lovers and Gamblers? The Bitch? Dangerous Kiss The Hollywood series? I mean, I don’t have anything against trashy novels, but c’mon, Joanie. You know your sister isn’t Eudora Welty.

Joan Collins, Jackie Collins, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Brandon Davis

The Daily Mail has a story today all about how Cher is “overlooking” her daughter Chastity’s weight problem. How lovely that the newspaper is giving kudos to someone for accepting her own child just for who she is. Sheesh.

As the daughter of one of Hollywood’s most surgically-enhanced stars, Chastity Bono long ago decided to take a very different approach to her own body.

Now, at last, it appears that Cher is learning to live with her daughter’s more relaxed views about weight.

source

Since we all know how stories like this are so easily concocted from thin air, I doubt that this whole thing is even that true. I mean, I don’t know Cher or Chastity Bono, but I’m not aware of any big tensions between them involving her weight (although I did read Chastity’s book and do know that there was some problems between them when Chastity came out as a lesbian — ironic!). But considering how often Cher has surgically altered her own body, then I don’t know how much she can comment on someone else’s physical appearance. She might not look too good if it wasn’t for the stretching and the tucking and the botoxing. But I guess the irony can be there too …. if one of the biggest gay icons in entertainment can have trouble accepting her gay daughter, then I suppose someone who has felt the need to have so much outside help altering her appearance can decide to make judgments on her daughter’s appearances as well.

I did see Chastity Bono on Celebrity Fit Club and I have to say that I’m surprised it didn’t take.

Cher, Chastity Bono, Celebrity Fit Club

There’s not a whole lot going on in the world of celebdom this week, but at least it’s Halloween time so somebody will get freaky, freaky. To start off with, it was nice to see not everyone had to flaunt their sex appeal with a costume. The lovely Jennifer Garner sent a shout-out to Deer Park Middle School alum, Michelle Hoffman with this inspired ensemble.

While partying at LAX, Paris Hilton learned the definition of irony and treated it as if it were in that Alanis Morissette song.

Adam Levine is no Brad Pitt. The Maroon 5 frontman took a trip back to 1999 at his Bacardi sponsored party and had to go around explaining to everyone who he was. (Tyler Durden from Fight Club but he looks more like that crazy guy who tries to sell me candy near the I-44 off ramp).

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Oh noes! Could it be? No, it can’t be? But could it be true? Are lesbian icon Ellen DeGeneres and her much younger girlfriend, Portia de Rossi packing up hers and hers U-Hauls and calling it quits? Or rather, has Portia decided that the royalties from the sale of Arrested Development DVDs are enough to sustain the Sapphic lifestyle to which she has become accustomed?

From Star magazine:

According to multiple sources, [Ellen’s] really in pain because her three-year romance with actress Portia de Rossi is all but over.

“Ellen would never have broken down like that on TV if things were right in her home life,�? one source tells Star.

Portia has been telling Ellen she’s very unhappy at home,�? says a second source….�?When it comes down to it, she wants to be with someone younger and hotter. She wants out, but Ellen has been begging her to stay. Portia is really everything in this world to her.�?

So according to ironclad source Star magazine, the reason for this:

is not because Ellen was upset about a dog getting taken away from two little girls but because a cute little pussy might be taken away from her.

Lori: AW MAN! Did I really just write that? I can’t believe I did that! My mom reads this site!
Amy: I’m going to tell your mom you said pussy on the internet.

I must say, that while I am a fan of Ellen’s and while I do admire her and her show and all she has done for gay visibility and the like, I have never quite forgiven her for dumping partner Alexandra Hedison (who was there to pick up the pieces after the Anne Heche fiasco) for the younger and blonder de Rossi. Karma’s a big queeny bitch, isn’t it, Ellen?

For more on who’s hooking up and who’s breaking up, check out Superstar Couples!

Ellen DeGeneres, Portia de Rossi, Alexandra Hedison, Anne Heche, Iggy

Well, well, well. Bridget Moynahan just had Tom Brady’s baby and named him John Edward Thomas Moynahan. Isn’t that a hoot and a half and the kick in the (football) pants?

“Why you buggin, Trash Talker Lori?” you might be asking. “That’s a perfectly lovely name!” It is a perfectly lovely, if (at first) completely unremarkable name. In fact, one might, if one had a cold, cold heart like the Trash Talkers, even melt a little when one realizes that she included the name Thomas perhaps after Tom himself, even though it appears to the casual bystander that Tom left her all knocked up and ran off with super model (and future Star, Dancing With the) Gisele Bundchen.

But look a little closer. The little guy (who has supposedly already been signed to the Patriots for the 2028 season) has the initials J-E-T — Jet. Did Moynahan name her baby after the New York Jets, the team, which, according to Trash Talker Amy, is the biggest rival of the New England Patriots, also known as the team Tom Brady plays for? To the casual observer, it seems that she did. Aw, SNAP! You go, Bridget Moynahan. And while you are at it, make sure the little guy signs up for the chess team and the AV club.

Bridget Moynahan, John Edward Thomas Moynahan, Tom Brady, Gisele Bundchen, New York Jets, New England Patriots, Dancing with the Stars

Irony, who’s been “rightfully pissed” since Alanis Morissette “mucked up my bleedin’ definition” has found a vehicle for revenge in Amy Winehouse. The huge-haired brit was rushed to the hospital for “severe exhaustion” on Wednesday according to her rep. But new reports are coming out that Winehouse actually collapsed from a massive drug overdose. From The Daily Mail

Amy Winehouse is on the verge of checking into rehab, a close friend said today. The 23-year-old singer is “seriously considering�? the move after emergency treatment in a London hospital for a suspected overdose.

Despite growing concern at her wild partying, the star had always said she would not seek professional help. But a friend revealed she’s “very close�? to changing her mind, adding: “Amy got a massive fright when she was hospitalized and is finally coming round to everybody’s pleadings with her to go to rehab.

Said Irony “Yeah, I got u’ admit dat the Try en Make me Go to Rehab song was catchy at first, but it soon became really fuckin’ irritatin’. The skinny girl who sings it (Winehouse) is on the tele swilling pints and grinning with ‘er missing tooth.” Irony went on to explain that the spectacle of Winehouse taunting him was just too much to bear. “It wuz like dangling raw meat in front of a wolf but the raw meat had a hit song that wouldn’t go away and then kept gettin’ remixed and played more.”

It was then that Irony took action. “When she gets on singing ‘They try and make me go to rehab but I said no, no, no’ and then she goes and pulls something like this, I needed to reinforce who I am. I’m Irony dammit! I’ll make you do something poignantly contrary to what was expected or intended and den we got ourselves a nice little self fulfilled prophecy.”

Irony then ranted on for another 10 minutes or so, but was distracted by a jack hole in Missouri who was constantly asking his friends if it was hot enough for them when it was 103 degrees outside.

Irony, Amy Winehouse, Rehab