Trashy Celebs

Pamela Anderson is a big freakin’ mess. I can’t even say hot mess, because while she was probably once considered hot, she isn’t anymore, and my best comparison is to a plate of spicy nachos that has been sitting on the coffee table too long …… lukewarm, crusty, hardened, and with some random cat hair stuck to it.

I know she didn’t necessarily pick this outfit, because this is part of some Richie Rich fashion show, or wait, I mean “fashion show,” because I see no actual believable fashion here. But then again, I have seen some crazy-ass shit churned out on Project Runway and on the red carpet at the Academy Awards, so what the hell do I know about fashion? But I do know a mess when I see one, and Pamela Anderson, I see you!

Who knew Madonna was such an NFL fan? How big a fan you ask? Well she wore a lovely Gucci Astroturf inspired gown to an event in New York the other night. Madge is so committed to the gridiron that she insisted on wearing actual turf that the New York Giants and Baltimore Ravens tore up just this past Sunday at the Meadowlands in New Jersey.

How does a garment like this come into play just days after the event takes place? We consulted fashion guru Andre Leon for his take on this miracle. Andre being the diva he is, didn’t want to be quoted directly so we added in our own works where necessary.

TC: So Andre, what do you think of this frock?

Andre: Well TC this look suggests the idea of Doormats.

TC: Doormats

Andre: Yes, doormats. As if she’s saying to Guy (Ritchie) I won’t be your doormat bitch I’m going to enter into any house I want so you can suck my fuzzy turf.

TC: Wow, that’s deep. We heard this look was more NFL inspired since Madonna has been sporting the arms of a linebacker.

Andre: Oh no. Well Madonna is quite the in-shape Mama, she isn’t one to support one sport. Yes her look is turf inspired but Madge wants to incorporate a more universal sport look. One that can be applied to soccer, baseball, Cricket, even roguish American style football.

TC: Wow, we’re certainly misinformed. Thanks for clarifying our fashion inaccuracies Andre.

Andre: Anytime.

There you have it. Madonna wants all sports to play nicely together on her field. We’re all about that.

Tragedy struck the Sex and the City World Premier in London last night when Sarah Jessica Parker was viciously attacked. The unprovoked act occurred outside the Leicester Square Cinema as Parker arrived for he film. An unknown Carrie hater flung a Phillip Treacy-inspired chartreuse mushroom at Parkers head, which pierced her soul spewing out a garish bouquet of dyed flowers. However in a move right of NBC’s Heroes, Parker sprung up, picked up her brains and smiled wide for the cameras.

Unfortunately her movie didn’t fare as well, receiving only two stars from Times reviewer Will Pavia. Says Pavia

“There may be a problem with a film when a narrator constantly tells you the meaning of what you have just seen, gift-wrapping each scene with a moral. There may be a problem with stretching Sex and the City into a two hour and twenty minute film - it can feel like a never ending dinner party: however pleasant the courses, after a while you can hardly eat another one.”

Hmm, oh well, we’ll still see it and at least the reviewer did acknowledge what his problem may be.

“None of these problems seemed apparent to the women who sat around me in the cinema in Leicester Square, laughing and weeping in quick succession. After a while I began to reason like one of the characters: maybe the problem was me.”

Yes, we agree. So everyone with with a couple of X chromosomes and our gay buddies (and metro-dudes) unite. May 30th should be fun. Btw, no Sara Jessica Parkers were harmed during the premier of the movie or writing of this post.

Is it just me or is Saturday Night Live and Baby Mama star Amy Poehler looking a little knocked up here in this red-carpet picture from the the premiere of …. Baby Mama. Is that irony or just Alanis Morrissette irony?

Never mind. I do know that Amy Poehler isn’t actually all that well known for her fashion sense but that dress just makes me think two things: baggy and covering a pregnancy belly. Could it be that while playing the role of a surrogate for a woman who can’ get pregnant, she got herself all knocked up. Taking the role pretty seriously! I wonder if Tina Fey MADE her do that so she’d get into the role more. Wow, that Tina Fey is one tough-ass boss!

Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Baby Mama

While searching amongst yesterday’s slim pickin’s of celebrity news, I happened upon this picture of my Great Aunt Bea in Paris. Aunt Bea was front and center along with Victoria Beckham at Italian designer Giambattista Valli’s show previewing his 08 Fall-Winter collection.

I was surprised as anyone to see this and was even more surprised when I called my mom and she told me Great Aunt Bea was in fact not in Paris but at her Thursday yiddish class at the Pikesville Senior Center. Upon hearing that I instantly realized my mistake and this picture isn’t of Great Aunt Bea but of Mary-Kate Olsen looking like a major fuck-tard. My bad.