Trashy Celebs

Who knew Madonna was such an NFL fan? How big a fan you ask? Well she wore a lovely Gucci Astroturf inspired gown to an event in New York the other night. Madge is so committed to the gridiron that she insisted on wearing actual turf that the New York Giants and Baltimore Ravens tore up just this past Sunday at the Meadowlands in New Jersey.

How does a garment like this come into play just days after the event takes place? We consulted fashion guru Andre Leon for his take on this miracle. Andre being the diva he is, didn’t want to be quoted directly so we added in our own works where necessary.

TC: So Andre, what do you think of this frock?

Andre: Well TC this look suggests the idea of Doormats.

TC: Doormats

Andre: Yes, doormats. As if she’s saying to Guy (Ritchie) I won’t be your doormat bitch I’m going to enter into any house I want so you can suck my fuzzy turf.

TC: Wow, that’s deep. We heard this look was more NFL inspired since Madonna has been sporting the arms of a linebacker.

Andre: Oh no. Well Madonna is quite the in-shape Mama, she isn’t one to support one sport. Yes her look is turf inspired but Madge wants to incorporate a more universal sport look. One that can be applied to soccer, baseball, Cricket, even roguish American style football.

TC: Wow, we’re certainly misinformed. Thanks for clarifying our fashion inaccuracies Andre.

Andre: Anytime.

There you have it. Madonna wants all sports to play nicely together on her field. We’re all about that.

Leave it to Madonna. Rumors are a-flying on the internet (for those who are digging a little deeper that the celebratory posts about President-Elect Obama) that Madge is pulling off the impossible — getting Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears back together again, if only for a few minutes on one night.

Ryan Seacreast, who, oddly enough, I find to be an authoritative source, claims to have it on good authority that Justin and Britney will appear with Madonna on stage at her “Sticky & Sweet” concert at Dodger Stadium in Los Angeles this Thursday night.

Now those of us who have seen a “Sticky & Sweet” show (and yes I am bragging a bit there — Trash Talker Amy and I saw her in Chicago a couple weeks ago) can say that technically Britney and Justin have been on stage with Madonna at every show, as both are featured in some of the video (including Britney’s now-famous “It’s Britney, bitch.). But I have to say that I am a little jealous that I won’t get to see the in-person reunion tomorrow night. We can only speculate what song they will perform together — will Madge and Justin work her into “4 Minutes” somehow? Will they do a special version of “Papa Don’t Preach?” Will they just hang out in the green room backstage all night? I have to say I am super-duper curious, because we haven’t seen a show with both Justin AND Britney since the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards:

Justin got pwned! that night. Let’s hope the experience is a little more pleasant for him this time around!

Oh, Madonna. We’ve all been hearing the rumors for months. We hoped it wasn’t true. Sure, it is none of our business and doesn’t really have anything to do with buying your albums or seeing your shows, but we so hoped it wasn’t true. We defended (and continue to defend) the whole “suspicious” relationship with the New York Yankee.

Yes, in case you have been trapped in a dark room without wireless access all day or if your iPhone battery crapped out and you can’t find your charger, I have some Madonna news: after months and months of rumors and denials, Madonna and Guy Ritchie are indeed moving to Splitsville - Population: Them.

What’s getting me (although I am not surprised) is how the media is already crawling all over this one. I mean, I have already been reading reports comparing this to the Paul McCartney/Heather Mills divorce, and folks are saying that there was no prenup and that Guy Ritchie has just been a gold digger all along. Shut up, media! It’s none of our damn business! I just feel bad that their family has to go through all this in the spotlight.

What the what what? Someone telling Madonna what to do? Someone telling Madonna what to do … with her hair? I don’t think so, mister man.

Guy Ritchie Bans Madonna From Cutting Her Hair

MADONNA’s movie-making husband Guy Ritchie has banned the singer from cutting her hair.

The Material Girl hitmaker — who has been sporting long blonde locks on her current Sticky and Sweet tour — is desperate for a radical new style, but Guy is less than thrilled with the idea.

The 50-year-old singer told Fox News, “I want to have shorter hair, but I have a husband that loves the long-haired look and, well, that is just one of the things I do for him.”

Madonna’s hair is also one of her most profitable assets.

Earlier this year, the queen of pop was paid $10 million to advertise Sunsilk hair care products, and starred in a global ‘Life Can’t Wait’ campaign for the company alongside Shakira and the late Marilyn Monroe.

Seriously, though, does anyone think that Madonna actually uses Sunsilk hair care products? I imagine she uses something made of crushed diamonds and yak’s milk. And only the purest of spring waters from the mountains of Tibet to rinse the shampoo from her hair. And hey, $10 million from Sunsilk will buy you a lot of diamond and yaks milk shampoo.

My argument with this little piece of “news” is that I don’t think Madonna’s hair is “one of her most profitable assets.” Sunsilk didn’t want her for their commercials because of her hair They wanted her because she is Madonna. She could be completely bald and if she was still willing to do it, I bet Sunsilk still would have paid her $10 million. And you would still buy it!

Ok, so maybe that was a lame-o pun but it works for this story. Apparently after kissing his Milk co-start James Franco (his first guy on guy action), Sean Penn texted his ex-wife Madonna to tell her about it.

“Oh, girl I has something to tell you!” went Penn’s message…or so we imagine.

Actually Franco told Out magazine, “After our [on-screen] kiss, Sean texted Madonna - his ex-wife, Madonna - and said, ‘I just popped my cherry kissing a guy. I thought of you. I don’t know why‘ . . . There’s a scene in the pool and everybody else is dressed and there’s just something uncomfortable about that.”

I think if texting had been around in the mid-nineties when I had my first same-sex kiss, Madonna would have been on my short list as well. Not because I owe her anything but like Penn, I was probably thinking of her as well.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Gus Van Sant-directed bio pic, Milk, it tells the story of the first openly gay man elected to political office, Harvey Milk. Milk was elected to the San Francisco board of supervisors in 1977 and was gunned down inside City Hall by douche bag bigot Dan White, along with San Francisco mayor George Moscone.

So what did Franco think about the smooch? “Oh my God, I’m kissing Spicoli,” said Franco referring to Penn’s greatest role as stoner Jeff Spicoli in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. “It was amazing, I got to make out with him a few times… it was great.” We wonder what Mr. Hand would think.

Recently, Ms. Gravity emerged from a long, long hiatus on the celebrity scene to take in a Madonna concert Lisbon, of all places. Lisbon. I didn’t even know that Ms. Gravity had a passport!

“Of course I have a passport, bitch!” Ms. Gravity said, when questioned about her world travels. “Ms. Gravity is everywhere, mmmhmmm! And I do love me some Madonna! Sticky & Sweet! Hard Candy is a great album, but Ms. Gravity’s favorite is still Like a Virgin!” After a lengthy discussion with the Trash Talkers about the best Madonna albums (Hello, Ms. Gravity, Confessions on a Dance Floor!) we asked her why she was in Lisbon seeing the Madonna concert. She merely gave us a small, slightly wicked smile, and flipped her hair. No matter how many times we asked or how many vodka gimlets we plied her with, she wouldn’t give up the reason for her trip all the way to Lisbon to see Madonna. But after a few minutes on youtube, we think we have it figured out.

Oh girl, Madonna’s Sticky and Sweet Tour is about to kickoff this weekend and boy does she require a lot of crap. Not that we’re complaining. If she came out with just a guitar and a stool we wouldn’t have shelled out 95 bucks a ticket.

Madonna, currently putting the finishing touches to her fabulous new Sticky & Sweet Show in Cardiff, is readying herself and the 250 traveling personnel for the opening night this Saturday at Cardiff’s Millennium Stadium. The show features 16 dancers, a 12 piece band, more than 8 costume changes for the lady herself. We can’t wait!

In anticipation of the first show on Saturday, Madge’s publicist has just released this most amazing list of stats and info on the new world tour.

It states:

“3500 Number of individual wardrobe elements for tour

653 Hours of rehearsal time for Madonna and band
(more…)

What is he thinking? Mega-star Madonna’s brother, Christopher Ciccone, is writing a memoir called Life With My Sister Madonna. Oh Chris. Are you sure that is a good idea? Wouldn’t it be easier to just ask her for some money? She has all the money in the world, except for the loose change Amy and I throw into an empty pickle jar as our “iTunes Fund.” (Which we will probably use to buy Madonna albums.)

NEW YORK - The mystery is solved: Madonna’s brother, Christopher Ciccone, is writing a memoir about his sister, to be released in mid-July by an imprint of Simon & Schuster, the publisher told The Associated Press on Wednesday.

The imprint, Simon Spotlight Entertainment, had been promoting a celebrity memoir for July, without identifying the author or contents. “Life With My Sister Madonna” will have a first printing of 350,000. Financial details were not disclosed.

“Ciccone’s extraordinary memoir is based on his life and 47 years of growing up with and working with his sister — the most famous woman in the world,” the publisher said Wednesday in a statement.

Persuading stores to make “blind” orders has been tried before. In 2006, William Morrow offered a mysterious tell-all that turned out to be by Princess Diana’s former butler, Paul Burrell, who had already written about her. Retailers were angered and the book sold poorly.

Ciccone will work with Wendy Leigh, who has written biographies of Liza Minnelli and Grace Kelly and a highly critical book about Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Ciccone, 47, has worked often with his older sister, designing and directing her “Girlie Show” tour in 1993 and serving as artistic director of her 1991 documentary, “Madonna: Truth or Dare.” But according to Madonna’s spokeswoman, Liz Rosenberg, they are no longer close.

Madonna, who turns 50 this summer, is among the most popular recording artists in history, with such hits as “Like a Virgin,” “Material Girl” and “Vogue.”

Rosenberg had no initial comment on the book, but told the AP that “Madonna has not cooperated with any biography about herself.”

You gotta wonder what happened to cause these two to “no longer be close.” They seemed pretty tight in Truth or Dare, especially when they were trash talking their other brother, Marty, who apparently was too busy getting drunk to show up for Madonna’s show. Which is just dumb! Who turns down free Madonna tickets?

What I think is funny is how this news story keeps going on about how the book is about Madonna, when really the book is about her brother (since it is a memoir and he is the one who wrote it). I mean of course it is going to have stuff about her and all, and everyone is hoping he’s going to dish some good Madonna dirt (although really, what is left to know? We all saw Truth or Dare, we’ve all seen the Sex book, we’ve all seen the picture of her hitchhiking naked. What’s left?)

The questions is, will the true Madonna fans read this book or just the gossip hounds? I mean, we love Madonna in the Trashy Celebs household, but we also love some gossip as well. I have a feeling if this book ever does make it to press and is released, we will buy a copy (used), read it, and then feel horribly guilty about it. Sorry, Madonna.

Madonna, Truth or Dare, Girlie Show, Christopher Ciccone, My Life With Madonna

Ok, I must admit the new Madonna song 4 Minutes to Save the World is growing on me. And it must be growing on Hannah Montana (aka Miley Cyrus as well). The pint-sized M released a parody (?) of 4 min along with some other tween friend of hers. At least it starts off as a parody with ninjas and them trying to save the world possibly from their grandma’s living room. But then all these professional looking step dancers come out and make it mildly fierce. It looks like something my friend’s and I would have tried to do when we were 13 that is if we were multi-millionaires with an ex-mullet head for a dad. Check it.

Probably by the time this posts the 4 Minutes to Save the World video by Madonna featuring Jason Timberlake will be all over youtube. But we’re tickled pink (as in gay) to see the whole video thanks to Pop Sugar

At first we weren’t too sure about the song. It didn’t have the immediate impact of the entire Confessions on the Dance Floor CD which made us want explode into bunches of fruity gay skittles, but it’s growing on us. That and it has Justin Timberlake dancing so that’s always nice eye candy. Still, it feels so overproduced. It’s not Madonna in her pure freebased form. We do like the Missy Elliott influenced marching band samples but we need more disco to make our Madonna go down smooth.

This past weekend may have been some big Jesus-related holiday where y’all eat sugar and ham but it was also Purim. Yes, Purim the Jewish holiday that commemorates the deliverance of the Jewish people of the ancient Persian Empire from Haman’s plot to annihilate them. But it’s also the Jewish Halloween that’s kind of a crappy Halloween, at least at my old Hebrew school. I won’t go into details but we pretty much just had three options for costumes Haman, the villian, King Ahasuerus, the king or Esther (not Madonna but we’ll get to her), the heroine of the story. So you dress up as one of the Purim people and walk in a big circle making noise and eating Hamantaschen.

What the Guy Richie is a Hamantaschen you ask? Well it’s a delicious triangular cookie with fruit or poppy seed filling that’s shapped like Haman’s hat. I’m not sure what age I noticed they totally look like lady business but Nice Jewish Girls Gone Bad have made a totally weird and funny song about it.

In other Purim sort of related news, Madonna hit the Jewish-rich people Kabbalah fancy dress party all dolled up like Edith Piaf, however hubby Guy Richie dressed down for the event. From the Daily Mail:

Guy Ritchie, 39, opted to dress as cartoon character Asterix - donning a shapeless white tunic, platinum blonde plaits and a Viking helmet with horns.

The annual party to celebrate the Jewish festival of Purim has become a fixture in the Ritchie’s calendar.

But while Madonna makes every effort to wear flattering sexy outfits - last year she wore a 1920s flapper outfit and in 2006 she dressed as a French maid - her husband appears to take the process of dressing up less seriously.

In 2007 he wore a 1970s Village People-style police officer ensemble complete with sunglasses and big moustache to a party at the Kabbalah centre in LA. The year before he wore a costume of Native American Indian dress.

source

Oh girl, that’s doing nothing to squash the rumors Esther and the cop from the Village People are having marital issues. But it is a nice distraction from the mediocrity of 4 Minutes to Save the World. Oh I said it!

Y’all better hop in a plane, like, right now because Madonna is holding auditions for dancers on her new tour starting tomorrow in Los Angeles. Oh, and if you are anything like me, you will be scanning the shelves in the airport bookstore, looking for a book called How to Look Hot and Dance Cool So You Can Go On Tour With Madonna to read on the flight out to L.A.

Having been to one Madonna concert (Reinvention) and watched others on television (Confessions, Drowned World, numerous MTV appearances and videos) I feel I am fully qualified to be a dancer on her new tour, which is presumably to support her upcoming album Hard Candy. Okay, maybe not a dancer. But I could carry stuff and I make good guacamole! There must be a place for me somewhere! Call me, Madonna!

Madonna, Hard Candy

Well there’s not a whole heck of a lot going on in celeb land today. We’re guessing they’re still nursing Oscar hangovers. But while other celebs are laying low, Madonna is always up to something.

On the topics of Oscars, Madage decided to cowboy up when Vanity Fair pussed out of their usual A list party. Madonna hosted a spectacular gathering at her manager Guy Oseary’s Westside Hills home Sunday night that drew Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, fresh-out-of-rehab Eva Mendes, Owen Wilson, Christian Slater, Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi (who came from Elton John’s fund-raiser), Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz. Damn!

According to Maddonnalicious, “‘There were Le Tourment Vert absinthe fountains flowing all night - it was insane,’ said one partygoer. ‘Diddy grabbed the mike rallying everyone to dance. Elton John and David Furnish were getting down,’ said our source. By midnight, everyone had siphoned off to Prince’s $15 million Beverly Park mansion, where the Klipsch-sponsored bash continued until 6 in the morning.”

Shit, I’d try and become famous just to attend something like that. But me thinks no matter what I do, I won’t ever be cool enough to hang with Madonna and Prince. That’s ok though, I’d be content playing Guitar Hero with Ellen Page and Diablo Cody.

In other Madonna goodness, the goddess will be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame on March 10th, and none other than Justin Timberlake will do the honors. The two collaborated on several songs for Madonna’s forthcoming album called Hard Candy which will drop April 29th. The lead single, 4 Minutes To Save The World featuring JT, will be out at the end of March. Soo there.