Trashy Celebs

So according to Star magazine Us magazine and a bunch of other blogs, Drew Barrymore and Justin Long (pompous dude in the Mac commercials) have split up.

“They are still friends,” a source close to Barrymore tells Us magazine. Yeah, yeah, that’s what they all say. Barrymore, 33, and Long, 30, have been together since August 2007 but it really seems like a lot longer to us than that. I guess time flies when you really don’t care a whole lot.

We actually didn’t quite see them together. To me Long looks like that guy from the freshman dorm who you bum nutter butters from at three am and who’s room smells like old goat. I’ll bet she dumped his ass because he couldn’t get her the new iphone 3G. He wasn’t worth it Drew, as much as I like Apple products the iphone is just clunky.

And that’s all we have to say about that because we really couldn’t dig much up and we’re too busy trying to find our friend an internet date. If walks on the beach make you want to puke and billiards are your passion hit us up and we’ll hook you up.

Last night in Hollywood a bunch of people who I don’t care about went to a bar I never heard of and were apparently seen being cool. Oh and Kanye West was there, I’ve heard of him. West was at a place called Goa last night at the afer party celebrating his Glow in the Dark tour. Absolut 100 sponsored the party. Hey I drink that, well not the 100 but I do drink Absolut Vanilla, it’s tasty with ginger ale.

Anyway attending the party were some people who are on the Hills, Lauren Conrad and Brody Jenner (I think that show is on MTV). Along for the ride were former Laguna Beach alums Kristin Cavallari and Jason Wahler (I just read that I have no idea who they are and I think Laguna Beach was the theme of my high school prom. Pikesville Class of ‘92 Shout Out!)

Oh and ubiquitous Paris Hilton was there but she attended the opening of our cat’s new litter box so that doesn’t surprise me. Anyway of all the images I found from this event (and there were many) this was the most dochey. Here we see Benji Madden and Paris Hilton, I guess they’re dating or something.

What makes this extra douche-tastic is the fact that there’s not one, not two, not three but five photos of him pointing at her like this. I would post them all but I’m too lazy, trust me on this.

Oh and I did find someone I recognized. Scott Porter was also there. He’s on Friday Night Lights and that show is pretty damn good. Although he still looks like he’s dropping some major D-Bag vibe in this shot.

Must be the fact that he got too close to Wilmer Valderrama.

DDDOOOOUUUUUCCCCCHHHHHHEEEE!

So I guess with everything going on with Britney Spears and the custody battle and the media attention and the court dates has pushed Kevin Federline toward some stress-eating. The former backup dancer who used to spend a lot of time without his shirt on is now apparently, uh, having to buy some bigger shirts.

source

Wow. I mean, sure that isn’t the most flattering picture of the Fed-Ex but boy has definitely let himself go. I mean, I know we all have heard of and experienced relationship-ass (you know, that time when you get into a relationship and start gaining weight because you are all comfortable and happy and spending a lot of time eating in restaurants.) But it seems like The Feder-dine has developed the opposite …. the lack-of-relationship ass. Better cut back on the beer, son, and do a little more dancing. And for the love of God, get rid of that haircut. It looked ridiculous when you first got it but it looks even stupider when you’re wearing khakis and an ill-fitting golf shirt. Sheesh.

Kevin Federline, Britney Spears

Jenna Fischer.

Kate Winslet, Jenna Fischer

Just when you thought it was safe to stop thinking about the Sopranos finale, Hillary Clinton and the Pittsburgh Pirates pull you back in.

In a Six Feet Under half-life I too had forgotten about the debatable ending to the Sopranos. I myself thought it was brilliant and happy to let it go after a week or so of debate. But here we are 10 days later and the parodies have begun. First we have Hillary Clinton who actually brought the funny back to political advertising with this.

Ok, pretty cool she got Johnny Sack to show up for this but did she have to bring Celion Dion into the mix? It’s like what do an open bar, getting to second base with Angelina Jolie and having your toenails pulled off with pliers have in common? Well the first two are pretty damn awesome and the last one sucks more ass than getting to second base with Dick Cheney. Lady lose the Dion, win my vote.

The second Sopranos parody is a little more obscure. In attempts to make their fans forget the team is in last place, The Pittsburgh Pirates created this little ditty.

No, that’s not Groucho Marx impersonating Mr. Potato Head, it’s a pierogie. Those two are part of PNC Park’s nightly pierogie race yet another distraction from the fact the Pirates have had 14 straight losing seasons. And I always thought starches could parallel park.