Trashy Celebs

Recently, Ms. Gravity emerged from a long, long hiatus on the celebrity scene to take in a Madonna concert Lisbon, of all places. Lisbon. I didn’t even know that Ms. Gravity had a passport!

“Of course I have a passport, bitch!” Ms. Gravity said, when questioned about her world travels. “Ms. Gravity is everywhere, mmmhmmm! And I do love me some Madonna! Sticky & Sweet! Hard Candy is a great album, but Ms. Gravity’s favorite is still Like a Virgin!” After a lengthy discussion with the Trash Talkers about the best Madonna albums (Hello, Ms. Gravity, Confessions on a Dance Floor!) we asked her why she was in Lisbon seeing the Madonna concert. She merely gave us a small, slightly wicked smile, and flipped her hair. No matter how many times we asked or how many vodka gimlets we plied her with, she wouldn’t give up the reason for her trip all the way to Lisbon to see Madonna. But after a few minutes on youtube, we think we have it figured out.

Ms. Gravity showed her face again this weekend when she was witnessed making a surprise move on Paris Hilton, challenging her to a thumb-wrestling match as Hilton stepped out of a car. The reason for the altercation is unclear, but seems to have some relation to a bad experience Ms. Gravity had in a Hilton-owned hotel in late 2005.

“You see, girl, I was staying at a Hampton Inn in Billings, Montan-an-ya and that place was a S-H-I-T hole, and I will tell you that for free,” Ms. Gravity stated as she pulled out a compact and fixed her hair and lipstick after the altercation with Hilton. “There was no turnback service, I had to get my own ice, and there were only five towels in the bathroom! And a diet Coke from room service cost $4. That is how the Hilton family made all their damn money, by overcharging for soda pop. It’s a damn crime, and I will tell you that for free. Knocking over the skinny bitch won’t make up for the lack of fresh bagels at the free breakfast buffet, but it sure made Ms. Gravity feel better, mmmhmmm!”

Paris Hilton, after being told of Ms. Gravity’s complaint, merely mumbled “that’s hott” as she texted her new BFF Danielle Sea and pulled a spare purse dog out of a collection stored in her glove compartment. She went on to say that she loved thumb-wrestling and that she used to make her nannies play for her against her sister’s nannies when they were kids. “My nanny was the champion in the neighborhood,” she said as she made another call on her iPhone. She then offered go two-out-of-three with Ms. Gravity but was escorted away by her bodyguards before the second match could take place.

Paris Hilton, Ms. Gravity, Hampton Inn, thumb wresting

Everyone’s favorite drunkard and hot mess Tara Reid was back in full force Monday night in London and Ms. Gravity wasn’t far behind. Tara who was out partying with Alfie Allen (Lily’s brother) and looking smashing before she smashed through 35 or so shots of vodka.

“Girlfriend is crunked up!” said Ms. Gravity. “I know she’s blown through all the money she got for American Pie and Taradise combined. I said blown though. Y’all hear me on that?”

“Wherzze she? wherzze Gmmavity. I’ve mot dunk. I just hab a cold and took sub medizzine,” Reid said before flashing her left nipple to the nearest Bobby.

Tara Reid, Ms. Gravity, Alfie Allen, Lily Allen

A bit of panic tonight in the Trash Talkin’ household, as we were unable to find any celebrity gossip worthy of our time and attention. But just as we were about to give up, shut down our computers, and head off to watch another episode of Ugly Betty from Neflix, we got an email from our dear friend Ms. Gravity, containing this link to a video of a bunch of celebrities falling down. Enjoy.

Beyonce, Michelle, Kelly Rowland, Robbie Williams, The Game, Madonna

After a quiet view months (perhaps spent in rehab), celebrity stalker Gravity reemerged this past weekend, healthier, fitter, and stronger than ever. Gravity was seen this past July 24th partying backstage at an Orlando Beyonce concert.

When asked to comment about the tumble Beyonce took during that concert, Ms. Gravity smiled knowingly but denied any involvement, “You saw how girlfriend was whipping that weave around. No wonder she fell, mmmhmmm! Everyone knows you have to carefully balance the ratio of the length of your weave to the height of your heels! It’s basic physics! Girlfriend needs to spend less time on yachts and nude beaches with Mr. Jay-Z and more time testing the weight of her hair. Weaves ain’t for little girls. Beyonce may be irreplaceable, but some of that hair needs to go!” Ms. Gravity then helped herself to a bottle of Perrier and wandered off to flirt with members of Jay-Z’s entourage.

Beyonce herself was seen holding an ice pack and actively avoiding Ms. Gravity after the show. She had no comment for Trashy Celebs, but was heard asking the audience to please not post video of her dance with Ms. Gravity on YouTube.

Beyonce, Beyonce Fall, beyonce Orlando, gravity, Jay-Z, YouTube

All of celebrity town is fed up with rotating door rehab queen Lindsay Lohan. After crashing her car, getting a DUI, possessing cocaine and going out and getting trashed the next night, Lohan has been daily front-page news. With Lindsay giving rehab another shot on Monday, other kinda famous people are trying their darndest to make some waves as well.

I’ll tumble for ya

Miss USA isn’t the center of the universe but thanks to Ms. Gravity she was the laughing stock of it. Aside from being booed during the Interview portion, thanks Bush Administration, Miss USA Rachel Smith took a nasty fall at the Miss Universe Pagent in Mexico City Monday night.

Said Ms. Gravity, ” I couldn’t let The United States take the shinning moment once again on the world stage. Plus I had a ten spot on Miss Japan to take it to the house.”

Ellen Barkin predicts future Fuggliness for Sco-Jo

Ellen Barkin told Entertainment Weekly that she fears for the future of Scarlett Johansson’s looks because she doesn’t think the actress will age well.

Barkin tells Entertainment Weekly magazine, “I look at that gorgeous little Scarlett Johansson and I think, ‘Oh, my God, what is that girl going to look like when she’s a woman?” When told of Barkin’s comment, Johansson replied “who?”

Britney says Don’t you forget about me

Even good ol’ Britney Spears got in on the wa-wa action yesterday by posting an open letter to her fans explaining her recent actions.

So Lindsay, stay in rehab this time. Reflect on your actions and of course hold back some of the crazy so other celebs don’t feel so left out.

Linsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Ellen Barkin, Miss USA, Scarlett Johansson, Gravity

Aww snap, Ms. Gravity is back and she’s barking mad at American Idol judge Paula Abdul…and her little dog too. Apparently Abdul tripped and broke her schnoze to avoid falling on her Chihuahua, Tulip. She goes into an explanation below and is seemingly angry at Tulip for not being more appreciative of her selfless deed.

When asked Tulip replied, “Excuse her! I’m not the one who thought doing her Jane Fonda with Kettle One instead of Aquafina was a good idea.”

“Amen sista,” added Ms. Gravity. “She needs to Rush, Rush her crazy ass to some therapy before she almost falls on more of God’s creatures.”

“Paula did seem to have two left feet on particular Sundays,” said forgotten crappy animated singer and “Opposites Attract” Abdul costar, MC Scat Cat. “But I abhor the negative publicity she receives about her possible drinking problem.”

“Whatever,” said Ms. Gravity. “For me there’s only one American Idol and that’s Kelly Clarkson. Paula, Randy and Simon should be a Where are They Now show on VH-1, not finishing up thier sixth season.”

Paula Abdul, American Idol, gravity, MC Scat Cat, Kelly Clarkson, Randy Jackson, Simon Cowell, Chihuahua, Tulip, Kettle One, Aquafina

source

Kathy Griffin was seen lunching with Hollywood power player Gravity this past weekend in a London eatery. Gravity called the meeting after rumors spread that Griffin planned to heavily feature material mocking Gravity in an upcoming Bravo special.

Word on the street said that Gravity, who recently has been attempting to change media perceptions of her talent and who is said to be seeking more serious film roles, planned to strong arm Griffin into dropping the material. Gravity herself has been quoted saying “Kathy think she can make money off all those stories from back in the day when we were on the club circuit together, but bitch is crazy. I have got more dirt on her than she can possibly imagine. Girl needs to get back to making fun of Clay Aiken and shut the hell up about Gravity, or she will be in a world of hurt, yes she will, uh huh.”

Griffin, cowed and humbled by the summons from such a powerful force, apparently allowed Gravity to take control of the meeting. Gravity, clearly relishing being in charge, set the menu, ordering a lovely serving of concrete for Griffin, along with a side order of gravel and a refreshing beverage of gutter water.

“Girlfriend now wants me to executive produce her new special,” Gravity was overheard telling her agent after the meeting. “I told her that Ms. Gravity has no time at all, but I did suggest the name of the show — Everybody Suck It. Make sure I get paid for that! Mama got bills!” Sources, fearing Gravity’s wrath, asked to remain anonymous, but stated that this is only technically true. Apparently “everybody suck it” is what Griffin yelled while lying in the street after receiving that doggie bag with the extra portion of Gravity at the end of the lunch meeting.

Kathy Griffin, Gravity, Everybody Suck It, My Life on the D-List

Gravity has struck again, causing embarrassment and skinned knees to not one but two celebrities in recent days. First, Gravity and her entourage (including her proteges Inertia and Momentum) were seen crashing (quite literally) Elton John’s 60th birthday bash in New York City. They were quickly escorted from the party by security, but not before a run in with fashion icon and longtime Elton John friend, Donatella Versace.

source

“Oh, hells no!” Gravity said when questioned about the run in with Versace. “I was nowhere near that pile of batshit crazy,” she said, while Inertia and Momentum giggled behind her. “I heard that there is going to be a Versace line of vodka. Girlfriend probably spent too much time testing the product.”

When asked about the incident, Versace only screamed “Get out!” at the departing Gravity and friends, before lighting a cigarette and exiting herself on a stretcher carried by six shirtless gay men.

Gravity and her cohorts disappeared into the night, only to turn up early the next morning, quite hungover and grumpy, on the set of the Today Show where Meredith Vieira was interviewing Will Ferrell, on hand to promote his new movie, Blades of Glory.

source

“I didn’t mean to make her fall,” Gravity slurred, sunglasses askew and a Starbucks cup in one hand. “I was just tryin’ to get close enough to touch Will Ferrell’s white guy fro. Ms. Gravity does love her some Will Ferrell, mmmhmmm! Ricky Bobby!” Gravity then fell victim to her own laws, tripping and dropping her coffee as she got into a cab.

Donatella Versace, Elton John, Meredith Vieira, Will Ferrell, Gravity

Carmen Electra was overheard talking trash about Sir Isaac Newton and then Gravity herself moments before a Clothes Off Our Back charity event.

It was not completely understood what the scuffle was about, but the former Mrs. Dave Navarro quickly learned not to mess with Gravity and her boyfriend Sir Isaac. In fact Gravity was so agitated by the comments, she took out Days of Our Lives star Alison Sweeney as well (see above video).

When asked to comment on the incident, Gravity completely denied any involvement but did say “Miss Thang needs to learn when to keep her mouth shut. She’ll see the full force of Gravity go to work on her implants a few years down the road if she don’t wise up.”

Carmen Electra, Alison Sweeney, Dave Navarro, Gravity

Tara Reid and her long-standing nemesis, Gravity came to blows this weekend in Miami. The first incident occurred at the Market America/Ocean Drive Super Bowl party. According to Pink is the New Blog, 15 minutes after arriving, Gravity got “all up in Reid’s face” and helped her to a red carpet ass plant.

“Miss thing started this mess,” Gravity stated last night from its bungalow at the Delano hotel in Miami. “Five years ago her stringy-hair self (Reid) blamed me when she face planted into a shrimp boat at the Playboy mansion. I had nothing to do with that, she mistook Mr. Jack Daniels for Ms. Gravity. mmm, hmmm.”

When asked about the Playboy Mansion incident, Reid said she only remembers Gravity at work and nothing else. To further complicate matters, the American Pie star needed a few gentleman friends to help her leave the Hennessy Superbowl party early Monday morning. Claiming she just had a run in with Gravity, Reid still needed much help staying on her feet.

“Bllwhere is sheeb at?” mumbled Reid. “I don’t need her and her laws. I don’t need her sneaky snake spelf sneaking up on me…what? No, I’m not drunk, I was drinking Pier-one-a-yay…yaaaaay!” The Saved by The Bell: The New Class extra then proceeded to tell off a palm tree before being stuffed into her limo.

When asked to comment on Reid’s allegation Gravity replied, “Oh please, bitch is trippin’.”