Trashy Celebs

So the chatter on the internets is that Tony Romo has gone free agent, leaving poor Jessica Simpsom, as the third-string quarterback of his heart. What does that mean? I’m not sure, other than the fact that someone needs to stick a fork in these two, ‘cause they are done.

I wonder the Dallas Cowboys or the NFL or heck, even the State of Texas required Romo to dump ole Jessica, since she brought all that embarrassment to the team after she caused them to lose the Super Bowl. Because we all know that had nothing to do with poor coaching or a quarterback who chokes under pressure or an opposing team that just played better. No, it’s all the fault of a second-rate singer/dumb-blond-playing reality star with an overbearing father. Jeez, State of Texas, suck it up. It’s just a football game.

Personally, I have to wonder if Simpson dumped Romo after hearing this:

Carrie Underwood & Chace Crawford Split

Carrie Underwood and Chace Crawford have split, sources confirm to Usmagazine.com.

The American Idol winner, 25, and the Gossip Girl star, 22, had been dating since last July, but did not go public with their romance until October.

Underwood had spent Thanksgiving at his parents’ home in Dallas and part of her Christmas break with his relatives.

An insider told Us Weekly in December, “His parents are fond of her… they believe ‘Carrie Crawford’ would be a great addition to the family!”

“She’s a classy girl,” Crawford told Us in October.

Rumors linking Crawford to buddy JC Chasez sparked Chasez to tell Kiss-FM 104.7 Wednesday, “For the record, we’re both straight. We’re not dating.”

Underwood’s rep was not available for comment; Crawford’s declined to comment.

Wow, Carrie Underwood finds herself single again. I wonder what happened this time. Maybe we will get a country western song about it, ala “Before He Cheats”? Except I don’t even know if Carrie Underwood wrote that, so maybe I shouldn’t be looking to her next album for clarification. But I have to say, I thought that Underwood could do better than the failed Dallas Cowboy quarterback Tony Romo and I certainly think she can do better than some pretty boy on a TV show no one has ever heard of. And if Chace Crawford feels the need to go on the radio and announce and he is not gay and that he is not dating JC Chasez, then I have to think he probably is and that they probably are.

Carrie Underwood, Chace Crawford, JC Chasez, Tony Romo

Wow, I have to say, this, to me, is even creepier than finding out that Clay Aiken IS dating. Apparently the American Idol runner-up has no interest in dating or having sex and has basically shut down his sexual drive.

From New York Magazine:

Aiken says that it’s not just clubs but also bars he dislikes: “The only reason people go to bars is to get drunk and have sex. To me, bars are what hell is like.”

He imagines his social life here will be “nonexistent, really. I’m not a nighttime person.” He does not plan on dating, and he is not involved with anyone. “Heck, no,” he says. “My dogs.” He has never had a romantic relationship with anyone, unless you count the girls he took to dances back in high school in Raleigh. “I just don’t have an interest in … any of that at all. I have got too much on my plate,” he says. “I’d rather focus on one thing and do that when I can devote time to it, and right now, I just don’t have any desire.”

But Aiken is 29 years old and he is also a human. Surely he must have needs. Urges. He contemplates this in silence for 20 or 30 seconds. “Ah think maybe I don’t! I mean, not really. I’ve just kind of shut it off, maybe. Is that bad?”

Now I would think that most people, at some point or another, have speculated about the sex lives of some celebrity or another. (In fact, I would think that some people are obsessed with it and some people have made a living writing about it on the internet or talking about it on television.) But I feel extremely creeped out when I read “Clay Aiken” and “sexual urges” in the same sentence. I have nothing against Aiken — I watched most of the season of American Idol that he was on and I think he’s a fine singer, even though he doesn’t sing the type of music I am into. And I think I have poked some fun at him in these pages with the occasional YouTube video.

But something about this story is just sort of creepy to me …. creepy and sad. I just makes me wonder if he is lonely or if the rumors that he trolls the internet for gay sex are true or if he really is just happy in his solitary life.

So much of celebrity gossip revolves around who’s sleeping with who, marrying who, or making out with Jordan Catilano at Sundance (talking to you Paris Hilton). Part of our mission at Trashy Celebs is to reward people who strive to uphold the moral fiber of this great country by not having sex. Take Lenny Kravitz for instance. Lenny has been linked to many a lady over the years but his dong is taking a break from dinging according to a recent interview with Maxim magazine.

About giving up on sex Kravitz said “(It’s) just a promise I made until I get married. Where I’m at in life, the women have got to come with something else, not just the body, but the mind and spirit. It usually trips them out, but that’s the way it’s going to be. I’m looking at the big picture.”

Wow, maybe he’s reached a really spirital place where he feels enlightened enough to do away with carnal pleasure and just be. That or he’s been listening to We Don’t Have to Take our Clothes off (To Have a Good Time) by Jermaine Stewart one to many times.

Do you have that song stuck in your head now? Your welcome.

Another member of our chastity bashtity is none other that Hannah Montana herself Miley Cyrus. Cyrus is featured in this month’s issue of Us Weekly in a story about the new wave of young actresses who don’t party, drink, or sleep around. Boring!

Ok, we were totally kidding about all the moral crap we said early. If not for all those celebs going on drunken rants or making out with potted plants we’d have nothing to write about. Also I’m kind of glad that Miley Cyrus is saying she doesn’t party or drink because she’s 15 for fuck’s sake! When I was 15 my idea of a crazy night was mixing all the soda flavors together at Roy Rodgers. Call me crazy!

Miley Cyrus, Hannah Montana, Lenny Kravitz, Roy Rodgers