Trashy Celebs

So remember back years and years ago, when Roseanne had a television show that hadn’t yet started to suck? And it was in the early says of said show, when her character, also named Roseanne, worked in a plastics factory? And remember she had a boss at the factory who ended up dating her sister Jackie? And remember that said boss was played by one dashing Mr. George Clooney?

Roseanne Barr propositioned Hollywood star George Clooney the very first time they met on the set of her hit sitcom. Clooney appeared in eleven episodes of Roseanne, from 1988 to 1991 - one of his first major acting roles.
And nothing could prepare the 27-year-old for his first encounter with the larger-than-life star of the show.
The Oscar winner reveals, “I worked on her first series, and when I met her she said, ‘You’re really good looking, why don’t you take me out behind the stage and make me stink.’”

I remember George Clooney from back in those days and he wasn’t quite the debonair gentleman he is now. In fact, I remember that on his stint on Roseanne as well as his time on the 30-minute sitcom ER and his time as “George” (stretch!) on The Facts of Life he was rockin’ the curly mullet.

Hard to believe that he went on to appear in such movies as The Perfect Storm, Syriana and Good Night, and Good Luck. And I’m positive we can all be sure that he did not take Roseanne on her offer. I sure hope so anyway, because my grandma is enamored of Mr. Clooney and I don’t want my classy Grandma placed in the same category as someone who would say “make me stink.” Besides, I don’t think Mr. Clooney ever makes anyone stink. I mean, he looks like he smells really good, like expensive shampoo or fabric softener or Ivory soap or apple pie. Or really good like these fresh peaches I bought at the grocery store tonight, but totally in a manly sort of way.

George Clooney, Roseanne, The Perfect Storm, Syriana, Good Night and Good Luck

Looks like the Today show’s got the right stuff: All five original New Kids on the Block members – Joey McIntyre, Donnie Wahlberg, Danny Wood and brothers Jordan and Jonathan Knight – will appear together in the morning show’s courtyard on April 4, a source tells PEOPLE.

After months of speculation, PEOPLE confirmed in January that the band is reuniting – just in time to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the release of their mega-hit album Hangin’ Tough. The group also recently updated its Web site, nkotb.com.

The boy band, which made legions of tweens swoon in the early ’90s, selling more than 50 million albums, became a worldwide phenomenon before calling it quits in 1994. Since then, the oldest “Kid,” Jonathan Knight, 39, retreated back to Boston to become a real estate developer. Former members Wahlberg, 38, and McIntyre, 35, have seen acting success, while Wood, 38, has worked as a music producer and Jordan Knight, 37, has continued to record.

Lori: Hey, the New Kids on the Block are reuniting!

Amy: Oh good lord.

And that’s all the really needs to be said about that one, except of course, I will say more. And I will start with a question? Whose brilliant idea was this one? I mean, come on! The world does not need a freaking New Kids on the Block reunion tour. In fact, we already had that, back when boy bands like N’Sync and Backstreet Boys got popular — it was essentially a reunion, right? I mean pretty boys who sang in harmony and danced. It’s all the same, and even Justin “I hang with Timbaland” Timberlake likes to pretend it never happened.

I will admit, I also don’t like to think about this because I don’t like to think about the NKOTB album Hangin’ Tough being 20 years old because that just reminds me how old I am. But really, what is sadder than watching a bunch of aging pretty boys pushing 40 and trying to dance like they are still in their teens? Do we really want to see a bunch of guys who should be on the golf course or taking their kids to soccer practice doing this?

And another thing: when the New Kids were first popular, they were 15, 16, 18 or so and their audience was 12 to 14 year old girls (and I’m sure, boys). Granted, I listened to them in college, but I probably did so ironically. Anyway, who is the audience this time around? It can’t see today’s 12-14 year old girls because 1) they won’t care and 2) that is just creepy? This there really enough nostalgia amongst today’s thirtysomethings to sustain a Ne Kids Reunion? Personally, I don’t think so. No matter what, Trashy Celebs will be following this story with great interest, and maybe even getting out our old mix tapes with New Kids songs, so listen to secretly in the car.

New Kids on the Block

Early Sunday morning, reports flooded into Star Magazine that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were married in New Orleans Sunday night. “There were two weddings, one planned and one unplanned,” one source told Star. “Brad and Angelina’s was the planned ceremony. The weather wasn’t good, so we were indoors.” After further investigation, the sources are not standing by their story. Brad and Angelina’s reps have not commented. DOH, number one Star Magazine.

DOH number two came when People Magazine lashed out like a know-it-all older sibling when a source close to the couple told them there was no wedding. In fact, the Pitt- Jolies weren’t even in New Orleans this weekend. The family was there two weeks ago as Pitt broke ground on his Make It Right project to help rebuild the city’s Lower Ninth Ward – but they have recently been in the Austin, Texas, area while Pitt films Tree of Life with Sean Penn.

Also, I kind of recall Branjelina saying they wouldn’t toe the knot until everyone could (meaning the homos). So I think Star Magazine was hoping beyond hope they could be the first to report the news but should really go back to talking about how fat Kirstie Alley is.

Office star Jenna Fischer has called on her male fans to stop emailing her requests for dates on her myspace page. The St. Louis native has been single since she split up with her husband James Gunn in November.

According to Star Pulse Fischer says, “I’ve received uncomfortable letters in which I’m asked out on dates - but for real, not joking. The writers have obviously read about me and made up a list of reasons they think we would make a good couple - like we’re both from small towns, or they also love animals.

“I just don’t get it. Do people really go out on dates when they get a letter?”

We think that’s just totally obnoxious. I mean where do these guys get off thinking just if they say they’re into stuff Jenna is into she’d go out with them. Obviously she’s a hot up-and-coming comedic actress who can date anyone she wants.

Jenna if you ever want to talk about those losers just shoot us an email. We can go to Target, either the one near the mall and Trader Joe’s or the one in south city. See Jenna, you’re from St. Louis, I live here now, I’ll bet we have a lot in common. In fact I read all about your cupcake caddy on your myspace blog and I think it’s really neat how you can remain so grounded even when you’re famous.

So yeah, we’d totally be great friends and we know you recently broke up with your husband so we wouldn’t expect anything serious. We could even hang out, play some Wii, give each other back rubs with this really great smelling aveda oil we have, you know friend stuff. Call us Jenna, we’d be perfect together!

Spencer Pratt (and I will admit I still am not 100 percent sure who he is or why I should care) is apparently planning on or seriously considering or pricing doctors or trying to get pre-approval from his HMO for a very special treatment plan. A delicate condition, requiring specialists, quiet consideration, and sensitivity. Yes, Spencer Pratt is getting calf implants.

Heidi Montag’s, lover Spencer Pratt, plans to get calf implants to look more buff, Star reports.

“Spencer works out with a trainer almost daily, but he can’t get rid of his skinny legs, and it drives him nuts. Heidi even nicknamed him Chicken Legs!” a pal tells Star. “Spencer is secretly insecure about his legs.”

But he still hasn’t gone through with the surgery. “He knows it’s a painful procedure.”

I know I really shouldn’t be surprised by the variety of cosmetic procedures available today. I know it is more than just eye lifts or liposuction or breast implants. But calf implants? I just don’t understand. That’s like having your elbows enlarged or your big little toe made littler. I mean sure, we’ve all perhaps admired a nice pair of calves on a runner in the park or a bicycler on TV. But to think that they are so important that calf implants are a necessity? I don’t get that. It’s not like having reconstructive surgery after an accident or something. It’s just a weird sort of leg vanity.

This whole story just makes me think of this episode of MTV’s True Life I saw a couple of times. (Because anyone who has ever seen this show knows that the can be watched more than once, and if you are ever at home sick or wake up on the weekend with a hangover, spending the day on the couch with some diet Coke and a marathon of True Life is pretty much perfect.) The episode was “I Want the Perfect Body” and there was a young man featured, about Spencer Pratt’s age, who wanted calf implants. He worked out a lot and just “couldn’t get his calves the way he wanted them.” His friends and family seemed to think he was ridiculous for the amount of money he was spending. But he went ahead with it and spent the weekend alone in a hotel room recovering. Later they showed him getting ready to go out dancing at a club and he was wearing glitter on his chest. Then later I was reading about the show on an internet forum and heard this guy was now doing gay porn.

So what have we learned? Calf implants are stupid and lead to wearing glitter which is also stupid which leads to doing gay porn witch may or may not be stupid, depending on how much you are getting paid. It remains to be seen if Spencer Pratt is going to follow this same pattern.

Spencer Pratt, True Life, calf implants

Justin Timberlake was recently seen shopping in New York City …. at Tiffany and Co. …. for engagement rings. Oooh, girl, if that one doesn’t push Britney Spears (or Cameron Diaz, for that matter) over the edge … well, I imagine someone will find a way to make it seem like it has pushed her over the edge. And Cameron will just sign on for Shrek 4 hoping that they will make Justin reprise his role as Prince Charming or whatever and she will have a chance to pretend to be his girlfriend again, completely forgetting that when you do an animated film you are rarely in the same room at the same time with the rest of the cast and she won’t even see him anyway.

Whoops, sorry about that anti-Diaz tangent there.

Anyhoodle, it seems like the poor guy can’t even walk through a jewelry store without the whole internet blowing its collective wad all over everything. How do we even know that he was there looking at rings? I mean, if you click on the link above, the source does say he was looking at rings, but how do we know that is true? I mean, maybe he went in to buy a bracelet for his mom or a manly watch for his bro-yfriend Timbaland. Or heck, maybe he ate too many Fig Newtons and had the poops and ran in to use the bathroom. And then he had to at least pretend to think about buying something, just like if you or I ran into a McDonalds or a Barnes & Noble to use the bathroom we would at least have to buy a soda or look over the magazines, just so we don’t get yelled at for being an asshole non-customer.

My guess, though, is that he is working on writing his next album and is trying to create some drama in his personal life so he has something to write about. C’mon, Jessica Biel, cheat on him or insult his mama or something. The boy needs material!

Justin Timberlake, Jessica Biel, Britney Spears, Cameron Diaz

Oh grrl, Rachael Ray done gone and opened her big yap and showed her true colors on the set of a recent Dunkin’ Donuts commercial shot. According to Jezebel, Boston Magazine, New York Magazine and a bunch of other pubs, the queen of all food media spewed some nasty venom before spewing coffee. According to Grub Street “Rachael stormed onto the set and snapped at everyone. Not news, I know, everyone knows she’s actually a gigantic asshole. BUT! I am also told she took one sip of her Dunkin’ Donuts coffee, yelled “What is this shit? Get me MY coffee,” and would not continue until she was given “her” coffee — i.e., Starbucks.”

Heh, we wish this was caught on tape or better yet there was a B reel of 30 minute meals where Ray-Ray could be seen throwing a side dish of spinach polenta and the poor production assistant responsible for keeping it warm. After the Dunkin’ debacle, Ray’s sunny smile no longer graces the Dunkin Donuts website.

But this wasn’t the only DOH moment for Ray this week. It’s also been reported that there’s a wee bit of turmoil afoot at her publication Everyday with Rachael Ray. Within the past week, two high-profile editors have quit including the executive editor. This is actually really sucky news to the Trash Talkers. As irritating as Ray can be, we subscribe to her mag and cook from it at least once a week. Sure we have them all in a neat little pile (until they fall over) in our kitchen and can reference them at anytime but we’d be lost without them!

Anyway if it does indeed fold, let us know if you hear of a new source for turkey burger recipes.

Rachael Ray, turkey burgers, Dunkin’ Donuts

Bobby Brown, come on, have a little dignity. You were a member of New Edition, for goodness sake. (At least until you were kicked out for “lewd acts: on stage, which, really, you sang teeny-bopper songs like “Candy Girl” and “Mr. Telephone Man” to 12-13 year old girls in a high falsetto rivaling Michael Jackson’s, so you shoulda saved those lewd acts for when their mothers came backstage after the show.)

But I guess he didn’t save his money or invest it very well (and there had to be a lot of money in sounding like Michael Jackson and romancin’ like Barry White) because he is clinging to ex-wife Whitney Houston like Saran Wrap. Recently, his attempt to overturn the terms of his divorce with Houston was denied by an Orange County judge.

Bobby Brown’s Attempt to Overturn Divorce Denied

Bobby Brown’s attempt to overturn ex-wife Whitney Houston’s divorce terms was denied by an Orange County, Calif. judge Friday.

“His motion was denied because there were no appearances or phone calls from Mr. Brown today for a scheduled hearing,” said court spokeswoman Carole Levitsky. “As of now, there are no more pending court dates in this case.”

A rep for Brown did not immediately respond for comment.

In April 2007, Houston won a default judgment in their divorce – leaving Brown with nothing financially and only visitation rights over daughter Bobbi Kristina, 14.

The following month, Brown, 38, sued Houston, 44, for spousal support and shared custody, alleging he was duped into not responding in time to Houston’s initial divorce claim.

“I just miss my daughter,” Brown told PEOPLE last August. “The goal is to see her a lot more and to be involved in the decision making in her life.”

Houston, who currently lives in Atlanta, is working on another album with longtime mentor Clive Davis.

Whitney, girl, you better hold on to your money. Don’t give it to him. Keep working on your big voice and your comeback album and don’t listen to that Osama bin Laden story Bobby keeps telling.

Y’all, Gary Coleman is selling clothes from the Gap. No, I don’t mean he is their new spokesperson or in any of those commercials where people dance around. And he’s not posing in ads in magazines or on billboards. No, no, I don’t mean that he is actually working at the Gap selling t-shirts and fleeces and sweaters and khakis. What I mean is that Gary Coleman, former child star, is selling his own Gap khakis on ebay for fun and profit.

Well I’m sure it’s for profit but judging from that picture, I don’t think Coleman is having that much fun. He looks like he’s being photographed before being sent off to his cell in a minimum security prison. Or maybe a photo for his ID at his new job as a cook in a community college cafeteria. Sheesh, Gary, I’m sure selling your pants (or at least a pair of pants that you wore for 30 seconds while this picture was taken) is humiliating, but if you want people to bid, you gotta smile a little and at least act like you are having fun. Maybe through in a “Whatchoo biddin’ on, Willis?” for good measure.

Here’s the text of the ebay ad, which you can see in full (or make your bid) here.

Here are a pair of Gap Athletic Pants that Gary Coleman wore. He signed the back pocket. The material is 100% Polyester. The color is Khaki, with blue, green, and white stripes down the Sides. The pants are from Gap Kids the Size is XL 12 Regular. This pair would be perfect for any child who loves gary or for anyone who loves his memorabilia. Here is a great gift to have. I also have more memorabilia so please check into my Site often. Thanks for Visiting and good Luck to all who bid thanks!!!

Yeah, that “Pants that Gary Coleman wore” really makes me think that these pants aren’t actually Gary Coleman’s, but are some pants belonging to the son of Coleman’s dealer or something, and Gary owes him some money and doesn’t have any cash, so the dealer made him wear and autograph his son’s pants so he could sell them. And who loses here? Not Coleman, who should have a little more dignity, and not the weirdos who are bidding on this crap (seriously, what is anyone going to do with a pair of pants signed by Gary Coleman.) The real loser here is that kid who had to give up his pants because his dad (or mom or uncle or cousin) is Gary Coleman’s dealer and wants his money.

Gary Coleman, Diff’rent Strokes, ebay, the Gap

Britney, The Donald and Angelina Jolie’s creepy Lurch-looking brother were all out and about doing stuff this weekend to remind everyone they exist. First up, Britney Spears continued to prove just how smooth she is by rewarding herself the five-finger discount on Friday night in Van Nuys, CA.

TMZ caught Brit-Brit on camera stealing a disposable lighter from a gas station. The bonus part is she chose to brag about it. Classy! Spears claims she just forgot to pay for it but she turned to the cameras and yelled, “I stole something. Oh, I’m bad. Ohhhhh!”

Not to Trump that one, heh, heh…oh shut up, we love our crappy puns. Anyway, The Donald apparently left a $10,000 dollar tip on an $82 bill at The Buffalo Club in Santa Monica, CA. The waiter’s story goes something like this (from dlisted.com)
I finally brought them out the check. Trump grabbed it and actually spoke to me from the first time. “What’s the biggest tip you ever got?”
“Jerry Bruckheimer comes in a lot. He tipped me $500 on a $1000 check once.” Trump nodded his head. “You’re very good at your job.” “Thanks.”

Billy has tried to contact Donald Trump in an attempt to thank him but has been unsuccessful in his pursuit. Ahh Trump, you’re generosity is inspiring and we’re convinced completely unmotivated by the fact the celebrity version of The Apprentice airs early next year. Wanker!

And finally, Angelina Jolie’s tall, skinny creepy brother, James Haven emerged from his cave driving a Jeep complete with an homage to Shiloh, the Pitt- Jolie messiah a’la personalized license plate. The plate reads “Shhiloh,” so either he stutters, Shiloh and Shiloh1 was taken or he just wants her to be quiet. Source Perez Hilton.

James Haven, Donald Trump, Angelina Jolie, Britney Spears

Best known for High School Musical, Ashley Tisdale had a rhinoplasty procedure on Friday in Los Angeles, the actress confirmed to People magazine

“Growing up I always knew I had a deviated septum on the right side of my nose, which caused trouble breathing,” a bandaged Tisdale told PEOPLE on Monday from her Los Angeles home. “The older I got, the worse it got. I went to get it checked out, and the doctor told me the septum was 80 percent deviated and that I had two small fractures on my nose.”

The recuperating 22-year-old added, “I’m not feeling great today. It’s uncomfortable and I hope this is the only time I ever have to go through something like this.”

Sure you had a deviated septum Ashley Tisdale. Our homecoming queen, my chem lab partner and the Pikesville High School Valedictorian all used that same logical for their nose jobs back in the early 90’s when I was in high school. Based on that school of thought should I go ahead and get my pug Muriel a nose job because she snores even when she’s awake or should I get myself one because I get a bit snooty when the pollen count is high?

Think of the everyday folk Ashley Tisdale. We’re not all High School Musical stars despite not being in any high school musicals. However being a role model for teenage girls, Tisdale doesn’t claim to to be an advocate for plastic surgery.

“I didn’t do this because I believe in plastic surgery. I did this to help my health. I literally almost could not breathe out of the right side of my nose,” says Tisdale, who’s openly discussing the procedure because “I want my fans to know the truth. I’m not someone who is going to act like I had nothing done. I just want to be honest because my fans are everything to me.”

Mmm hmm. Sure. We’re totally with you Ashley, and we’ll be with you when your boobs are too lopsided to be stay up straight and your lady parts aren’t as tight as they used to be. Gross!

Ashley Tisdale, High School Musical, Pikesville High School, nose jobs, Muriel

From Gawker:

WE HEAR: that while taping the upcoming season of Celebrity Fit Club, megalomaniacal blogger Perez Hilton pooped himself on a treadmill.

Seriously people, you don’t need me to make a joke here.

Perez Hilton, Celebrity Fit Club

So there is a word in the U.K. slang lexicon prat which basically means, “fool;” indeed it was originally slang for “buttocks” (i.e. what Heidi Montag is rubbing up against him in the picture below.) Would you like me to use prat in a sentence to make it more clear? Sure! Spencer Pratt is a prat for thinking anyone gives a good goddamn about his little “sex tape.” Does that clear things up?

From the National Enquirer:

Talk about art imitating life! On The Hills this season, the plot-line involves Spencer Pratt being accused of spreading rumors about an alleged sex tape of Lauren Conrad – but in real life, says an inside source, Spencer’s actually got a sex tape of his own that shows him and a few buddies exploring the, er… hills and valleys of some smokin’ hot Brazilian babes!

(Note to Spencer’s fiancee, Heidi Montag: The alleged Samba Land group grope was lensed way before you two became betrothed, but know this: My source says Spencer showed the tape to a Hollywood video editor and repeatedly asked him to spruce it up – saying he might secretly release it into the marketplace while claiming it was “stolen,” a la Paris Hilton, Pam Anderson, etc. The editor nixed the sleazy project, Heidi, so hopefully your betrothed has given up the idea, but…it wouldn’t hurt to ask, right?)

I swear, whenever I hear something about The Hills I always have to go and look it up again to figure out what in the world it is all about. This, for once, is not the fault of the show or the celebrities “celebrities” involved but is actually because I am one thousand years old. For those of you in my age range, I can tell you that the The Hills is a MTV reality show that is a spin-off of another popular MTV reality show Laguna Beach. The Hills apparently documents the trials, tribulations, free clinic visits and shoe-shopping sprees of one Lauren “L.C.” Conrad. Pratt apparently has a place on the show because he is the boyfriend/fiance of Conrad’s roommate, Heidi Montag. Do you even care about these rich people and the show documenting their lives? And did Pratt the Prat get so caught up on having every single mudane moment of his life (brush teeth, wear socks, feed dog, buy milk, fuck
Brazilian hottie, visit dentist) that he ended up recording parts of his sex life as well? Sheesh, dude, sometimes you have to turn the camera off.

Spencer Pratt, The Hills, Lauren Conrad, Heidi Montag, Laguna Beach

I’ve witnessed some bitter breakups, but damn, this one takes the country music cake.

Country star Sara Evans’ husband is asking the singer in a court filing whether she was romantically involved with nearly a dozen people, including Kenny Chesney, Richard Marx and former “Dancing With The Stars” partner Tony Dovolani.

The 118-page document was filed Tuesday in Williamson County chancery court as part of Evans’ divorce from Craig Schelske, according to The Tennessean newspaper.

It asks Evans to state under oath and penalty of perjury whether or not she admits to “an affair/sexual relationship/romantic involvement” with Chesney, Marx, Dovolani or any member of her band. It also seeks to find out if there was any relationship with Brad Arnold, Matt Roberts, Todd Harrell or Chris Henderson — all members of the group 3 Doors Down.

The questions are included in a document used to obtain information from opposing parties during legal proceedings.

Evans has not yet responded, and the court filing provides no evidence that she had relationships with any of the named people.

That’s harsh. Not only is he accusing her of cheating and not only is he naming names, but he’s submitted a list of names, basically using the court system to call his wife a hussy. And on top of that are the people he’s accused her of sleeping with. Richard Marx (who had the most spectacular mullet in the early 1990s), Kenny Chesney (the former Mr. Renee “PinchyFace” Zellweger) and all three members of the mediocre alternative radio band 3 Doors Down.

Jeez, you douche. If you’re going to accuse your wife of sleeping around, at least choose partners that will help her further her career, so she can pay that palimony you will undoubtedly sue for next. Why don’t you just be a man and save some time and money and go get drunk with your friends and punch a wall.

Sara Evans, Craig Schelske, Richard Marx, Kenny Chesney, Renee Zellweger, 3 Doors Down

Amy: Okay, Britney is by no means fat, but WAY too chubby to be wearing that … outfit? Can you even call that an outfit?

Lori: It’s Britney, bitch! Why are you in your underwear? Did the rest of your wardrobe not show up?

Amy: I bet that bra is itchy. How to make a comeback. Wear your snowboots with your Brillo-pad inspired underwear!

Lori: Why is she lipsyncing? It’s just drawing attention to that big old cold sore.

Amy: What’s that stuff you buy for canker sores?

Lori: Kanka! Look, at least she hired back up dancers fatter than her. That one she’s grinding up on is as fat as I am and at least ten years older.

Amy: Here come the boys.

Lori: There’s a Justin Timberlake look-a-like and she just grabbed his junk. She’s subtle.

Amy: She is 14 US Weekly covers past “not so innocent.”

Lori: Someone spent rehab watching Her Madonna DVDs. It’s like the Human Nature video and the Vogue video had a baby.

Amy: And Cold Hearted Snake came over for a play date.
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