Trashy Celebs

Well one cat in particular. According to the New York Post, Project Runway finalist Kenley Collins was arrested yesterday morning after assaulting her fiance with their cat. Yes, you read correct. A cat. But that crazy flapper-wannabe didn’t stop there. She went on to hurl a laptop and three apples at the dude as well.

After that mondo shitfit, Collins, 26, was charged with assault and criminal possession of a weapon of meows destruction. Wha, whaa.

“It was a miscommunication,” Collins told The Post after getting released without bail from Brooklyn Supreme Court yesterday morning.”Fights happen, And that’s that. There is no case,” the d-bag maximus went on to say.

According to law enforcement sources, an enraged Collins woke Penley up just after 7 a.m. by hurling their cat in his face. Then she threw her laptop, and as he fell crawled on the floor, slammed a door on his head.

Neighbors said the couple had been fighting for weeks. And we’re guessing this spells the end of the relationship. What we’re also wondering is how the cat is doing? I know our cats prefer to be a weapon of choice but only when it’s their idea. Our calico is quite bitey.

We’re also wondering if Kenley was using the cat to create a master race of evil Laser Cats as so demonstrated in the video below.

In other, totally unrelated cat bummer news, a friend at work sent me this site for Kitty Wigs.

So just in case your cat wants to explore it’s Lil’ Kim side, you can rest easy knowing there’s a hair piece for him.

Yeah, yeah, so not much celeb trashousity going on today. Michael Phelps won’t be busted for smoking the pot, Chris Brown asked for help from Jesus himself for getting over his womanbeatyness (Jesus told him to take a number) and someone beat the ever-loving snot out of Suge Knight (again). We really didn’t feel the need to elaborate on any of these stories but as we feel the need to entertain our 3.6 readers, may we present cheese rolling down a hill. Yes! I said big hunks of mother fuckin’ cheese rollin’ down a mother fuckin’ hill in mother fuckin’ Switzerland. Now this isn’t any cheese, it’s Amazing Race cheese which debuted Sunday night. Check it.

We’re huge fans of The Amazing Race but from the looks of it, hilarity will ensue this season, especially since lily-white screenwriter Mike White and his gay day are two of the teams. In fact, that’s his dad, Mel White saying “Don’t let the cheese hit me!” If I had a dime for every time I felt the need to yell don’t let the cheese hit me well…never mind.

We could seriously watch cheese roll down a hill all night, especially with the added bonus of drunk farm hands in matching blue outfits yucking it up at the team’s expense. Whoever came up with this task is right up there with whoever had the idea to put a little person in a suit of armor. Remember Knight Charla?

If you’re not watching the race, you can see what you’re missing. Next week’s preview has people being hit in the face with pies. We’re so there!

And isn’t that just a little weird? It’s a little weird for me, anyway. I mean, my mom has heard of Jackass and knows my fondness for the show and the movies (and I believe my sister and I have shown her a clip or two) but I’m doubtful that she knows who Steve-O is, as his segments are the type that I generally would filter out. I mean, he has been know to perform some of the stranger/more disturbing stunts on the show, that frequently involve poo or vomit. And I would never, ever expose Amy’s grandma to a show like Jackass because she is a very sweet and respectable lady, and she likes me and I don’t want that to change.

So why are they going to know who Steve-O is? Well the rumor floating about lately is that Steve-O has made a verbal commitment to appear on Dancing With the Stars, a show that both my mom and Amy’s grandma are known to be fond of. In fact, my sister has had to remind me on more than one occasion not to call my mom on Monday nights and interrupt her watching the show. And now I have no way of timing things just right to call her and interrupt the show so she won’t witness him snorting wasabe and vomiting into his plate or stapling his own scrotum to his thigh. ABC, what in the world are you thinking? Do you even have insurance to cover this?

Me-Wow! Thanks to consumer focus groups and some really good weed, the folks at the Game Show Network and Meow Mix (Purina when I was freelancing for you why wasn’t I a consultant on this?) have put together “Think Like a Cat.” This new game show, hosted by never aging Chuck Woolery, is the only place on TV where owners are quizzed about how well they know their cats. In the first of many, many, MANY puns on this show, the “catestants” are quizzed on general feline knowledge — covering topics such as nutrition, behavior, anatomy and the role of cats in pop culture — as well as interactive challenges where cats and pet parents must work together to be successful.

The shitter on this is people are competing for a million dollars. A million FUCKING dollars. Damn! Those bitches on Survivor have to starve, backstab and make complete butt wads of themselves on television for that kind of dough.

According to the Meow Mix website, the pool of 1,200 auditioning teams was narrowed down to eight. These eight teams compete in challenges like “The Fast and the Furriest” and “Are You as Smart as a Cat” to determine who emerges as “Pick of the Litter.” - MORE PUNS!

In the end, the team with the most points will have the opportunity for a chance to win $1 million — as well as $100,000 for a feline-related charity in their community. Even if the team doesn’t hit the million-dollar jackpot, the winning team takes home $25,000 — plus $2,500 will be donated to their local feline charity.

OK, we do like the charity part but if it were our cats, this game would be pretty simple. Thoughts would be along the lines of “It’s cold therefore I’ll pretend I like you. If I had opposable thumbs I’d be able to get treats myself, therefore I’d eat your eyeballs while you slept.” and “Vomiting on the rug you just cleaned is my own special way of saying I love you.”

Saved by the Bell is 20 years old next month. God that makes me feel old…Well actually, I have a wee confession. In the morning I seem to hit the couch with my oatmeal and coffee at 7:26, a full four minutes before Headline News tells me what’s up for the day. I can’t take another commercial for Jitterbug (cell phone with big buttons and no confusing features for old people), so I flip on Saved by the Bell for a little nostalgia trip before I hear about how our economy is in the shitter.

In celebration of Da Bell’s 20th, TV’s Extra reunited their very own anchor, Saved by the Bell alum Mario “A.C. Slater” Lopez , with his former co-star Mark-Paul “Zach Morris” Gosselaar to take viewers down memory lane in a segment set to air this Friday.

So before you watch Extra’s coverage of the Reunion. Here’s one of my very favorite Saved by the Bell moments. if you listen closely you can actually hear Jazzercise dying.

Continuing with additional Brady information, here’s another tidbit of information for you Brady-gossip hounds. Mrs. Brady told Christopher Knight not to marry Adrianne Curry. Big deal, Flo! I think everyone told Christopher Knight not to marry Adrianne Curry. I know I did! Of course I was talking to the television at the time, but that still counts.

Don’t do it, Peter!

Florence Henderson says that while her former TV son Christopher Knight has lived his life in front of the cameras the past few years, “reality [TV] is not for me.”

“It’s a double-edged sword,” Henderson said of shedding an iconic role. Henderson, 74, spoke to reporters on Tuesday at the Television Critics Association press tour in Los Angeles, where she was promoting her upcoming Hallmark Channel film Ladies of the House.

“It can be difficult to move on,” said the former Brady Brunch mom. “Christopher Knight is like my son and he was very involved with this person on The Surreal Life,” she says referring to model Adrianne Curry. “He asked me to counsel them – I am a certified hypnotherapist – but I didn’t really want to do reality TV.”

Henderson appeared on the couple’s VH1 show My Fair Brady, which she says seemed to steer the couple into an engagement. “They didn’t take my advice at all! And as you may have seen, they did get engaged and they did get married,” she says. “Maybe I will counsel the divorce.”

Aw, snap! Did Mrs. Brady really bring the snark like that. The old girl has still got it. I wonder how much snark she had to hold back during those years she did The Brady Bunch. I bet all the really good stuff went on backstage, or at the end of the day when Mrs. Brady and her best girlfriend, Mr. Brady got together for cosmopolitans and snarked on all the stupid shit they had to do all day. They probably gave each other pedicures and talked about how all those damn kids would end up milking the success of this lame show for years, writing books and appearing on reality shows and throwing up during radio interviews. Do bad we missed out on all that snark. Hey Mrs. Brady, if you’re readying this, we like your style! Come write a guest entry some day! We’ll even give you your own category if you want or you can practice your hypnotherapy skills on us.

But like you tried to warn Chris, we have to warn you: don’t marry Judge Judy. That lady gets bitchy. That is yet another reality show you don’t want any part of (even though it is awesome!)

So the chatter on the internets is that Tony Romo has gone free agent, leaving poor Jessica Simpsom, as the third-string quarterback of his heart. What does that mean? I’m not sure, other than the fact that someone needs to stick a fork in these two, ‘cause they are done.

I wonder the Dallas Cowboys or the NFL or heck, even the State of Texas required Romo to dump ole Jessica, since she brought all that embarrassment to the team after she caused them to lose the Super Bowl. Because we all know that had nothing to do with poor coaching or a quarterback who chokes under pressure or an opposing team that just played better. No, it’s all the fault of a second-rate singer/dumb-blond-playing reality star with an overbearing father. Jeez, State of Texas, suck it up. It’s just a football game.

Personally, I have to wonder if Simpson dumped Romo after hearing this:

YAWN! I’m sleepy! So sleepy and bored and groggy! Maybe some caffeine will help! Maybe I should get a soda or a cup of coffee! Maybe some sugar! Or wait — I have an idea. Let’s hop on the internet and find something really scandalous. That will get my blood pumping.

Paris Hilton and actress Elisha Cuthbert were “all over each other and making out” at New York’s Tenjune club Tuesday night, a source tells Usmagazine.com.

“Who knew?” says the source of the unlikely pairing.

Hilton, 26, and Cuthbert, 25, didn’t arrive at Tenjune together. Hilton was there for a birthday party and was seen dancing on banquets. “It’s Paris,” says the source. “She loves putting on a show.”

Earlier in the evening, Hilton attended the BlackBerry Pink Pearl Launch Party. “She was actually super well behaved and even took the time to take some photos with the BlackBerry executives,” an attendee told Us.

Hilton and Cuthbert costarred in 2005’s House of Wax

YAWN YAWN YAWN. Still bored, still sleppy. Really, US Magazine is anybody really surprised or does anyone really care what Paris Hilton does anymore? I mean, I am sure there are fans who want to know when she’s in a new movie or making an appearance somewhere or what have you, but do people really give a damn who she is sleeping with or making out with or smoking pot with? After her legal troubles and her prison term were shoved down our throats seven days and week 24 hours a day on everything from TMZ to Perez Hilton to CNN to MSNBC, do we really need any more information about her behavior (be it good, bad, or indifferent?)

I do find it terribly amusing, however, how US Magazine calls this an “unlikely pairing.” Seriously people, is this really all that unlikely? I’m not surprised by anything Paris Hilton does anymore. Plus, look at that picture above of Elisha Cuthbert. She is just a more-scrubbed version of Paris Hilton! And since it seems that the person Paris Hilton loves most in the world is herself, well then it’s really no surprise that she might find the closest thing she can to herself to make out with. (Remember, she was engaged or dating some dude named “Paris.” Proves my point!)

Paris Hilton, Elisha Cuthbert

Okay, so I will admit it, I am a fan of the A&E show Intervention which offers a up-close-and-personal view of an addict and how his or her addiction affects not only his or her own life, but that of his or her family and friends as well. It’s an interesting show and has offered be a little glimpse and a little bit of insight to a side of life I have never experienced. And sometimes, I admit, I am a huge asshole and I will sit and drink a beer or two while I watch. Yes, I am heartless. Shut up. I don’t care. You don’t know my life!

Anywhoodle, I think even I won’t be sinking so low as to watch Celebrity Rehab on VH-1. Granted, I have not seen an episode yet, but I somehow doubt that VH-1 is going to treat the subject with the same sensitivity, lack of interference, and sympathetic-yet-detached view that A&E seems to.

Here’s a description from the VH-1 website:

“Celebrity Rehab” is the first television series to chronicle the dramatic, unscripted real life experiences of a group
of actual celebrities as they make the life-changing decision to enter themselves into a drug, alcohol and addiction
treatment program with the sincere desire to achieve true rehabilitation and recovery.

This compelling true account of addiction, healing, and redemption is being supervised with great compassion and
insight by renowned addiction and recovery expert Dr. Drew Pinsky, Medical Director of the Department of Chemical Dependency Services at Southern California’s Las Encinas Hospital, and host of the long-running radio and television advice series LOVELINE”.

This kinda makes me loose some respect for Dr. Drew (what I had left to lose after realizing how many years he spent working with Adam Corolla). I mean, I’ve listened to him on Loveline and such and thought he seemed more like a caring physician and less like a fame-whore, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe I should have seen this coming back when he turned up on an episode of Celebrity Fit Club to help “counsel” Jeff Conaway after a drug overdose. Uh, yeah. In fact, Jeff Conaway is one of the celebrities appearing on Celebrity Rehab. I wonder if that episode of Fit Club is what prompted this whole idea anyway? Jeez, I hope they haven’t kept Conaway waiting for help all this time.

Other, uh, celebrities appearing on the show are Jaimee Foxxworth (from Family Matters, Shifty Binzer from one-hit wonder Crazytown, Ricco Rodriguez (who?), Daniel Baldwin(!) because every VH-1 reality show deserves a Baldwin, Brigitte Nielson (who clearly needs another VH-1 reality show), Chyna, and porn-star Mary Carey.

Celebrity Rehab, Celebrity Fit Club, Dr. Drew, Adam Carolla, Jeff Conaway, Jaimee Foxxworth, Shifty Binzer, Crazytown, Ricco Rodriguez, Daniel Baldwin, Brigitte Nielsen, Chyna, Mary Carey, VH-1

So we’re closing on a new house tomorrow and my brain is officially fried from the stress of writing the biggest check of my life towards the closing costs. According to our search log a lot of folks want to see the rap Dani did on A shot of Love with Tila Tequila so here you go.

So that just got us all annoyed again that Dani didn’t win that show but I think it’s for the best. I don’t think Tila could control and mold Dani to fit her lifestyle. That Bobby guy seems pretty damn easy to manipulate. Also Tila’s fan base is a bunch of guys living in their parent’s basement. Dating an obvious lesbian might just ruin their little fantasy. So yeah, go on wit your bad self Dani and find yourself a real woman.

In other news, there were also a bunch of searches for “dildo chandelier” but I had no luck finding more info on that. Have a happy holiday weekend. Trashy Talkers.

Dani Campbell, Tila Tequila, dildo chandelier, Bobby, A shot at love

Britney, The Donald and Angelina Jolie’s creepy Lurch-looking brother were all out and about doing stuff this weekend to remind everyone they exist. First up, Britney Spears continued to prove just how smooth she is by rewarding herself the five-finger discount on Friday night in Van Nuys, CA.

TMZ caught Brit-Brit on camera stealing a disposable lighter from a gas station. The bonus part is she chose to brag about it. Classy! Spears claims she just forgot to pay for it but she turned to the cameras and yelled, “I stole something. Oh, I’m bad. Ohhhhh!”

Not to Trump that one, heh, heh…oh shut up, we love our crappy puns. Anyway, The Donald apparently left a $10,000 dollar tip on an $82 bill at The Buffalo Club in Santa Monica, CA. The waiter’s story goes something like this (from dlisted.com)
I finally brought them out the check. Trump grabbed it and actually spoke to me from the first time. “What’s the biggest tip you ever got?�?
“Jerry Bruckheimer comes in a lot. He tipped me $500 on a $1000 check once.�? Trump nodded his head. “You’re very good at your job.�? “Thanks.�?

Billy has tried to contact Donald Trump in an attempt to thank him but has been unsuccessful in his pursuit. Ahh Trump, you’re generosity is inspiring and we’re convinced completely unmotivated by the fact the celebrity version of The Apprentice airs early next year. Wanker!

And finally, Angelina Jolie’s tall, skinny creepy brother, James Haven emerged from his cave driving a Jeep complete with an homage to Shiloh, the Pitt- Jolie messiah a’la personalized license plate. The plate reads “Shhiloh,” so either he stutters, Shiloh and Shiloh1 was taken or he just wants her to be quiet. Source Perez Hilton.

James Haven, Donald Trump, Angelina Jolie, Britney Spears

So there is a word in the U.K. slang lexicon prat which basically means, “fool;” indeed it was originally slang for “buttocks” (i.e. what Heidi Montag is rubbing up against him in the picture below.) Would you like me to use prat in a sentence to make it more clear? Sure! Spencer Pratt is a prat for thinking anyone gives a good goddamn about his little “sex tape.” Does that clear things up?

From the National Enquirer:

Talk about art imitating life! On The Hills this season, the plot-line involves Spencer Pratt being accused of spreading rumors about an alleged sex tape of Lauren Conrad – but in real life, says an inside source, Spencer’s actually got a sex tape of his own that shows him and a few buddies exploring the, er… hills and valleys of some smokin’ hot Brazilian babes!

(Note to Spencer’s fiancee, Heidi Montag: The alleged Samba Land group grope was lensed way before you two became betrothed, but know this: My source says Spencer showed the tape to a Hollywood video editor and repeatedly asked him to spruce it up – saying he might secretly release it into the marketplace while claiming it was “stolen,�? a la Paris Hilton, Pam Anderson, etc. The editor nixed the sleazy project, Heidi, so hopefully your betrothed has given up the idea, but…it wouldn’t hurt to ask, right?)

I swear, whenever I hear something about The Hills I always have to go and look it up again to figure out what in the world it is all about. This, for once, is not the fault of the show or the celebrities “celebrities” involved but is actually because I am one thousand years old. For those of you in my age range, I can tell you that the The Hills is a MTV reality show that is a spin-off of another popular MTV reality show Laguna Beach. The Hills apparently documents the trials, tribulations, free clinic visits and shoe-shopping sprees of one Lauren “L.C.” Conrad. Pratt apparently has a place on the show because he is the boyfriend/fiance of Conrad’s roommate, Heidi Montag. Do you even care about these rich people and the show documenting their lives? And did Pratt the Prat get so caught up on having every single mudane moment of his life (brush teeth, wear socks, feed dog, buy milk, fuck
Brazilian hottie, visit dentist) that he ended up recording parts of his sex life as well? Sheesh, dude, sometimes you have to turn the camera off.

Spencer Pratt, The Hills, Lauren Conrad, Heidi Montag, Laguna Beach

US Magazine is reporting that Hayden Panettiere, star of the hit NBC series Heroes has split with her boyfriend of a year, Laguna Beach’s Stephen Colletti.

Hayden Panettiere is back on the market.

Us Weekly has learned the Heroes hottie, 18, and her boyfriend of one year, Laguna Beach alum Stephen Colletti, 21, have gone their separate ways.

But the actress (who spent the end of August promoting Heroes in Europe with costars Milo Ventimiglia and Adrian Pasdar) seems to have moved on. When Us asked, “Where’s Stephen?” at the MTV Video Music Awards on September 9, she furrowed her brow and replied, “I don’t know. In California?”

Maybe it’s because she had time to adjust to the relationship being over. As a source tells Us, “Their breakup has been a long time coming.” But that doesn’t mean the former sweethearts are feuding. Panettiere tells Us, “We are still very close friends and talk to each other frequently. We appreciate and support each other’s careers.”
(Colletti’s rep could not be reached for comment.)

I don’t know much about Ms. Panettiere or her show, so I don’t really have a comment here. I just wanted to make the lame-ass Enrique Iglesias reference in the title. Come on, people. It was either that or “Save the cheerleader’s relationship with reality-show douche, save the world.”

Hayden Panettiere, Stephen Colletti, Heroes, Laguna Beach, Enrique Iglesias, Save the cheerleader save the world

Like most 14 year-olds in the late 1980’s, my brightly-colored kid bedroom walls were plastered over with pages from Teen Beat, Tiger Beat and whatever else “Beat” had Kirk Cameron on the cover. Now I was mildly amused when Cameron began showing his true Jesus-freak feathers (can’t get enough of the “banana” clip) but it got me thinking kind of what jerk-offs these guys are.

Kirk was probably the first (I had this image in a poster) but then in 8th grade I hit a big George Michael phase. Little did I know he’d be doing community service for passing out in his car.

I also had a whole row of Corey Haim pictures above my mirror. And even watched that crappy show he did with Burt Young (anyone remember Roomies?) Now he’s all kinds of wacadoo as evidence on the A&E (really?) show The 2 Coreys. In this realityish spectacle, Haim comes to live with his 80’s partner in crime Corey Feldman. Now I was never really a fan of Feldman and I’m still not, maybe it was when he turned into Michael Jackson that sealed that deal. But anyway, The 2 Coreys is a big train wreck as further evidenced by this clip.

Let’s see I also had a bunch of Debbie Gibson pictures, posed in Playboy. One of Tiffany, also in Playboy. And a bunch of New Kids on the Block posters - no need to elaborate there. I guess the one non-fuck-up from my wall is Johnny Depp and he keeps making those crappy Pirate movies. But then again he has a career that’s not based in reality, the Lord or public bathrooms so there’s still hope.

Kirk Cameron, Johnny Depp, Corey Feldman, Corey Haim, Debbie Gibson, New Kids on the Block, Tiffany, George Michael, The 2 Coreys

Lance Bass, you go girl! People magazine is reporting that Bass has a new gentleman caller, model Pedro Andrade. That’s hott!

Things are going well professional for Bass as well. People is reporting that he will be joining the Broadway cast of Hairspray this August.

But it was in the actual paper version of the Advocate that I found the bestest Lance Bass news. (The internets don’t know everything!) There is a rumor that he is considering competing on the next season of ABC’s hit show Dancing With the Stars, performing with a male dance partner. Now I don’t watch that show, but I would totally tune in for that, if for no other reason than to see what advertisers pull their commercials in outrage. Now that’s hott!

Lance Bass, Pedro Andrade, Hairspray, Dancing With the Stars, ABC, Advocate