Trashy Celebs

So the chatter on the internets is that Tony Romo has gone free agent, leaving poor Jessica Simpsom, as the third-string quarterback of his heart. What does that mean? I’m not sure, other than the fact that someone needs to stick a fork in these two, ‘cause they are done.

I wonder the Dallas Cowboys or the NFL or heck, even the State of Texas required Romo to dump ole Jessica, since she brought all that embarrassment to the team after she caused them to lose the Super Bowl. Because we all know that had nothing to do with poor coaching or a quarterback who chokes under pressure or an opposing team that just played better. No, it’s all the fault of a second-rate singer/dumb-blond-playing reality star with an overbearing father. Jeez, State of Texas, suck it up. It’s just a football game.

Personally, I have to wonder if Simpson dumped Romo after hearing this:

YAWN! I’m sleepy! So sleepy and bored and groggy! Maybe some caffeine will help! Maybe I should get a soda or a cup of coffee! Maybe some sugar! Or wait — I have an idea. Let’s hop on the internet and find something really scandalous. That will get my blood pumping.

Paris Hilton and actress Elisha Cuthbert were “all over each other and making out” at New York’s Tenjune club Tuesday night, a source tells Usmagazine.com.

“Who knew?” says the source of the unlikely pairing.

Hilton, 26, and Cuthbert, 25, didn’t arrive at Tenjune together. Hilton was there for a birthday party and was seen dancing on banquets. “It’s Paris,” says the source. “She loves putting on a show.”

Earlier in the evening, Hilton attended the BlackBerry Pink Pearl Launch Party. “She was actually super well behaved and even took the time to take some photos with the BlackBerry executives,” an attendee told Us.

Hilton and Cuthbert costarred in 2005’s House of Wax

YAWN YAWN YAWN. Still bored, still sleppy. Really, US Magazine is anybody really surprised or does anyone really care what Paris Hilton does anymore? I mean, I am sure there are fans who want to know when she’s in a new movie or making an appearance somewhere or what have you, but do people really give a damn who she is sleeping with or making out with or smoking pot with? After her legal troubles and her prison term were shoved down our throats seven days and week 24 hours a day on everything from TMZ to Perez Hilton to CNN to MSNBC, do we really need any more information about her behavior (be it good, bad, or indifferent?)

I do find it terribly amusing, however, how US Magazine calls this an “unlikely pairing.” Seriously people, is this really all that unlikely? I’m not surprised by anything Paris Hilton does anymore. Plus, look at that picture above of Elisha Cuthbert. She is just a more-scrubbed version of Paris Hilton! And since it seems that the person Paris Hilton loves most in the world is herself, well then it’s really no surprise that she might find the closest thing she can to herself to make out with. (Remember, she was engaged or dating some dude named “Paris.” Proves my point!)

Paris Hilton, Elisha Cuthbert

Okay, so I will admit it, I am a fan of the A&E show Intervention which offers a up-close-and-personal view of an addict and how his or her addiction affects not only his or her own life, but that of his or her family and friends as well. It’s an interesting show and has offered be a little glimpse and a little bit of insight to a side of life I have never experienced. And sometimes, I admit, I am a huge asshole and I will sit and drink a beer or two while I watch. Yes, I am heartless. Shut up. I don’t care. You don’t know my life!

Anywhoodle, I think even I won’t be sinking so low as to watch Celebrity Rehab on VH-1. Granted, I have not seen an episode yet, but I somehow doubt that VH-1 is going to treat the subject with the same sensitivity, lack of interference, and sympathetic-yet-detached view that A&E seems to.

Here’s a description from the VH-1 website:

“Celebrity Rehab” is the first television series to chronicle the dramatic, unscripted real life experiences of a group
of actual celebrities as they make the life-changing decision to enter themselves into a drug, alcohol and addiction
treatment program with the sincere desire to achieve true rehabilitation and recovery.

This compelling true account of addiction, healing, and redemption is being supervised with great compassion and
insight by renowned addiction and recovery expert Dr. Drew Pinsky, Medical Director of the Department of Chemical Dependency Services at Southern California’s Las Encinas Hospital, and host of the long-running radio and television advice series LOVELINE”.

This kinda makes me loose some respect for Dr. Drew (what I had left to lose after realizing how many years he spent working with Adam Corolla). I mean, I’ve listened to him on Loveline and such and thought he seemed more like a caring physician and less like a fame-whore, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe I should have seen this coming back when he turned up on an episode of Celebrity Fit Club to help “counsel” Jeff Conaway after a drug overdose. Uh, yeah. In fact, Jeff Conaway is one of the celebrities appearing on Celebrity Rehab. I wonder if that episode of Fit Club is what prompted this whole idea anyway? Jeez, I hope they haven’t kept Conaway waiting for help all this time.

Other, uh, celebrities appearing on the show are Jaimee Foxxworth (from Family Matters, Shifty Binzer from one-hit wonder Crazytown, Ricco Rodriguez (who?), Daniel Baldwin(!) because every VH-1 reality show deserves a Baldwin, Brigitte Nielson (who clearly needs another VH-1 reality show), Chyna, and porn-star Mary Carey.

Celebrity Rehab, Celebrity Fit Club, Dr. Drew, Adam Carolla, Jeff Conaway, Jaimee Foxxworth, Shifty Binzer, Crazytown, Ricco Rodriguez, Daniel Baldwin, Brigitte Nielsen, Chyna, Mary Carey, VH-1

So we’re closing on a new house tomorrow and my brain is officially fried from the stress of writing the biggest check of my life towards the closing costs. According to our search log a lot of folks want to see the rap Dani did on A shot of Love with Tila Tequila so here you go.

So that just got us all annoyed again that Dani didn’t win that show but I think it’s for the best. I don’t think Tila could control and mold Dani to fit her lifestyle. That Bobby guy seems pretty damn easy to manipulate. Also Tila’s fan base is a bunch of guys living in their parent’s basement. Dating an obvious lesbian might just ruin their little fantasy. So yeah, go on wit your bad self Dani and find yourself a real woman.

In other news, there were also a bunch of searches for “dildo chandelier” but I had no luck finding more info on that. Have a happy holiday weekend. Trashy Talkers.

Dani Campbell, Tila Tequila, dildo chandelier, Bobby, A shot at love

Britney, The Donald and Angelina Jolie’s creepy Lurch-looking brother were all out and about doing stuff this weekend to remind everyone they exist. First up, Britney Spears continued to prove just how smooth she is by rewarding herself the five-finger discount on Friday night in Van Nuys, CA.

TMZ caught Brit-Brit on camera stealing a disposable lighter from a gas station. The bonus part is she chose to brag about it. Classy! Spears claims she just forgot to pay for it but she turned to the cameras and yelled, “I stole something. Oh, I’m bad. Ohhhhh!”

Not to Trump that one, heh, heh…oh shut up, we love our crappy puns. Anyway, The Donald apparently left a $10,000 dollar tip on an $82 bill at The Buffalo Club in Santa Monica, CA. The waiter’s story goes something like this (from dlisted.com)
I finally brought them out the check. Trump grabbed it and actually spoke to me from the first time. “What’s the biggest tip you ever got?”
“Jerry Bruckheimer comes in a lot. He tipped me $500 on a $1000 check once.” Trump nodded his head. “You’re very good at your job.” “Thanks.”

Billy has tried to contact Donald Trump in an attempt to thank him but has been unsuccessful in his pursuit. Ahh Trump, you’re generosity is inspiring and we’re convinced completely unmotivated by the fact the celebrity version of The Apprentice airs early next year. Wanker!

And finally, Angelina Jolie’s tall, skinny creepy brother, James Haven emerged from his cave driving a Jeep complete with an homage to Shiloh, the Pitt- Jolie messiah a’la personalized license plate. The plate reads “Shhiloh,” so either he stutters, Shiloh and Shiloh1 was taken or he just wants her to be quiet. Source Perez Hilton.

James Haven, Donald Trump, Angelina Jolie, Britney Spears

So there is a word in the U.K. slang lexicon prat which basically means, “fool;” indeed it was originally slang for “buttocks” (i.e. what Heidi Montag is rubbing up against him in the picture below.) Would you like me to use prat in a sentence to make it more clear? Sure! Spencer Pratt is a prat for thinking anyone gives a good goddamn about his little “sex tape.” Does that clear things up?

From the National Enquirer:

Talk about art imitating life! On The Hills this season, the plot-line involves Spencer Pratt being accused of spreading rumors about an alleged sex tape of Lauren Conrad – but in real life, says an inside source, Spencer’s actually got a sex tape of his own that shows him and a few buddies exploring the, er… hills and valleys of some smokin’ hot Brazilian babes!

(Note to Spencer’s fiancee, Heidi Montag: The alleged Samba Land group grope was lensed way before you two became betrothed, but know this: My source says Spencer showed the tape to a Hollywood video editor and repeatedly asked him to spruce it up – saying he might secretly release it into the marketplace while claiming it was “stolen,” a la Paris Hilton, Pam Anderson, etc. The editor nixed the sleazy project, Heidi, so hopefully your betrothed has given up the idea, but…it wouldn’t hurt to ask, right?)

I swear, whenever I hear something about The Hills I always have to go and look it up again to figure out what in the world it is all about. This, for once, is not the fault of the show or the celebrities “celebrities” involved but is actually because I am one thousand years old. For those of you in my age range, I can tell you that the The Hills is a MTV reality show that is a spin-off of another popular MTV reality show Laguna Beach. The Hills apparently documents the trials, tribulations, free clinic visits and shoe-shopping sprees of one Lauren “L.C.” Conrad. Pratt apparently has a place on the show because he is the boyfriend/fiance of Conrad’s roommate, Heidi Montag. Do you even care about these rich people and the show documenting their lives? And did Pratt the Prat get so caught up on having every single mudane moment of his life (brush teeth, wear socks, feed dog, buy milk, fuck
Brazilian hottie, visit dentist) that he ended up recording parts of his sex life as well? Sheesh, dude, sometimes you have to turn the camera off.

Spencer Pratt, The Hills, Lauren Conrad, Heidi Montag, Laguna Beach

US Magazine is reporting that Hayden Panettiere, star of the hit NBC series Heroes has split with her boyfriend of a year, Laguna Beach’s Stephen Colletti.

Hayden Panettiere is back on the market.

Us Weekly has learned the Heroes hottie, 18, and her boyfriend of one year, Laguna Beach alum Stephen Colletti, 21, have gone their separate ways.

But the actress (who spent the end of August promoting Heroes in Europe with costars Milo Ventimiglia and Adrian Pasdar) seems to have moved on. When Us asked, “Where’s Stephen?” at the MTV Video Music Awards on September 9, she furrowed her brow and replied, “I don’t know. In California?”

Maybe it’s because she had time to adjust to the relationship being over. As a source tells Us, “Their breakup has been a long time coming.” But that doesn’t mean the former sweethearts are feuding. Panettiere tells Us, “We are still very close friends and talk to each other frequently. We appreciate and support each other’s careers.”
(Colletti’s rep could not be reached for comment.)

I don’t know much about Ms. Panettiere or her show, so I don’t really have a comment here. I just wanted to make the lame-ass Enrique Iglesias reference in the title. Come on, people. It was either that or “Save the cheerleader’s relationship with reality-show douche, save the world.”

Hayden Panettiere, Stephen Colletti, Heroes, Laguna Beach, Enrique Iglesias, Save the cheerleader save the world

Like most 14 year-olds in the late 1980’s, my brightly-colored kid bedroom walls were plastered over with pages from Teen Beat, Tiger Beat and whatever else “Beat” had Kirk Cameron on the cover. Now I was mildly amused when Cameron began showing his true Jesus-freak feathers (can’t get enough of the “banana” clip) but it got me thinking kind of what jerk-offs these guys are.

Kirk was probably the first (I had this image in a poster) but then in 8th grade I hit a big George Michael phase. Little did I know he’d be doing community service for passing out in his car.

I also had a whole row of Corey Haim pictures above my mirror. And even watched that crappy show he did with Burt Young (anyone remember Roomies?) Now he’s all kinds of wacadoo as evidence on the A&E (really?) show The 2 Coreys. In this realityish spectacle, Haim comes to live with his 80’s partner in crime Corey Feldman. Now I was never really a fan of Feldman and I’m still not, maybe it was when he turned into Michael Jackson that sealed that deal. But anyway, The 2 Coreys is a big train wreck as further evidenced by this clip.

Let’s see I also had a bunch of Debbie Gibson pictures, posed in Playboy. One of Tiffany, also in Playboy. And a bunch of New Kids on the Block posters - no need to elaborate there. I guess the one non-fuck-up from my wall is Johnny Depp and he keeps making those crappy Pirate movies. But then again he has a career that’s not based in reality, the Lord or public bathrooms so there’s still hope.

Kirk Cameron, Johnny Depp, Corey Feldman, Corey Haim, Debbie Gibson, New Kids on the Block, Tiffany, George Michael, The 2 Coreys

Lance Bass, you go girl! People magazine is reporting that Bass has a new gentleman caller, model Pedro Andrade. That’s hott!

Things are going well professional for Bass as well. People is reporting that he will be joining the Broadway cast of Hairspray this August.

But it was in the actual paper version of the Advocate that I found the bestest Lance Bass news. (The internets don’t know everything!) There is a rumor that he is considering competing on the next season of ABC’s hit show Dancing With the Stars, performing with a male dance partner. Now I don’t watch that show, but I would totally tune in for that, if for no other reason than to see what advertisers pull their commercials in outrage. Now that’s hott!

Lance Bass, Pedro Andrade, Hairspray, Dancing With the Stars, ABC, Advocate

Top Chef host and super hottie Padma Lakshmi and Satanic Verses author and super old guy Salman Rushdie are getting divorced. According to sources, the split was Lakshmi’s idea who is a full 24-years younger than Rushdie. This would be the fourth former Mrs. Salman Rushdie in the reclusive writer’s life.

Now, here at Trashy Celebs we do believe love is blind but we’re also really shallow and wonder how the fatwa this romance happened.

Theory Number One - Lakshmi has felt really bad since that whole Ayatollah Khomeini calling on Muslims to kill Rushdie in 1989 thing. So she decided to give it a go, take one for the team and marry the schlub.

Theory Number Two - Rushdie has incredible hook-ups. It’s been reported that Lakshmi is something of a pot-head and smoked often on the Top Chef set. She fell for Rushdie cause he’s got mad connections. We’re talking Cheech, Chong and Woody Harrelson combined.

Theory Number Three- Rushdie figured he’d tried the whole marriage thing with intellectuals and novelists, why not a Bollywood actress?

Theory Number Four - Can you think of a better way to get back at your parents then to marry Salman Rushdie?

Theory Number Five - Glitter co-star Mariah Carey triple-dog dared Lakshmi to marry Rushdie and Padma is one bitch who ain’t backin’ down from no triple-dog dare.

Salman Rushdie, Padma Lakshmi, Mariah Carey, Cheech and Chong, Woody Harrelson, The Satanic Verses, Top Chef

TMZ is reporting that (and it pains me to type this, it really does, but I will work through the pain, proving once again that we read the trash so you don’t have to) a few years ago (and TMZ swears this is from an “extremely well-placed source”) Scott Baio apparently knocked boots with Liza Minnelli.

Of course, maybe this is all just a publicity stunt related to his new show on VH-1, Scott Baio is 45 … and Single. According to the show’s synopsis, Baio is in the midst of a midlife crisis and with “nowhere else to turn,” is seeking help from a life-coach. And of course, VH-1 is there to record it all. Set your TiVos, folks. Maybe David Gest will show up as a guest star! (Gest-star? Ha? Nevermind.)

Scott Baio, Liza Minnelli, VH-1, Scott Baio is 45 … and Single, life coach, David Gest

Does anyone remember Coral from MTV’s Real World? Yeah, me either.

Actually, that is not completely true. I had to look up which season she was on, but I do remember her as one of the more interesting cast members from before the show took that horrible turn and just became about getting drunk and having sex.

But Coral (pictured at the left above with best friend, Melissa Howard from The Real World: New Orleans) may have become a little more interesting, as she seems to be slowly creeping her way out of the closet.

What is your sexual orientation? You dated men on Real World.
Oh, yeah. It’s very cloudy at this point in time. I’m definitely venturing toward my lesbian qualities. It’s been a long time coming. At that time, I was really unsure. That was not the proper venue, the proper platform. To come out to your parents on a fucking reality show, I think that’s just mean, so I didn’t.

Your girlfriend is very beautiful.
She’s not my girlfriend. I’m attracted to beautiful women. Beautiful women tend to be attracted to me. It really seems to work out for me.

I have to say, I did watch part of her season (Real World: Return to New York) but I never suspected. Mazel Tov, Coral!

Coral Smith, Real World: Return to New York, Melissa Howard, Real World: New Orleans, coming out, Real World/Road Rules Challenge

Where does the National Enquirer get this stuff?

SIMON COWELL BATHES IN TOMATO SOUP

SIMON COWELL – seems the “Idol” genius spends hours soaking naked in a fab Fountain of Youth concoction he calls “Tomate Cerise!” Simon orders Italian cherry tomatoes flown in from Europe, smashes them to pulp in a big bucket – then pours the bright-red goop into a bathtub filled with Perrier water!

Simon says the tomato enzymes not only eradicate age spots and keep the skin looking young – they even jazz up the metabolism.

My Spy says his housekeepers aren’t happy about swabbing pureed goo out of the master tub, and keep muttering stuff like “damn tomato soup!”

After I read this all I could think about was that episode of the Brady Bunch where they had to wash Tiger in tomato juice after he tangled with a skunk. (I think that happened on the Brady Bunch. If it didn’t, it should have, as the whole “pet or child has run-in with skunk, bathes in tomato juice” was a staple in American television comedy scripts for a while.)

Like much of what I read in the Enquirer, I originally wrote this Simon-tomato soup story off as bullshit. But then I saw the above picture ….. that lapel pin? Looks sort of like a tomato, doesn’t it? Hmmmm. Suddenly, I crave a grilled cheese sandwich.

Simon Cowell, American Idol, tomato soup, Brady Bunch, skunks, grilled cheese sandwich

Just in case your summer television viewing schedule didn’t have enough ridiculous in it, along comes Drew Lachey to fill the gaps. Nick’s little brother will be hosting MTV’s Shower Power. According to E!Online, Shower Power is an American Idol like show featuring contestants singing in the shower.

Yes, singing in the shower. Did we learn nothing from VH-1’s Motormouth, a show that taped people singing in their cars? I think it was on for about 15 minutes. But I think what will really make the difference with this show is the celebrity involvement. Besides Lachey in the host role, the show will feature singer Mya and former Queer Guy Jai Rodriguez as “judges.”

Call me crazy, but I fear hosting this show might ruin all the credibility Drew Lachey earned from winning the second season of Dancing With the Stars. I mean, it’s not as bad as hosting the Real World/Road Rules Challenge, but it’s sure a few steps down from hosting the 2006 Miss USA Pageant, where his cohost was Nancy O’Dell from Access Hollywood. Who might be a cohost on a show featuring bathing? Hey maybe they can get Jessica Simpson? Surely she is still under contract with MTV? Someone call Joe Simpson!

Drew Lachey, Nick Lachey, Shower Power, Mya, Jai Rodriguez, Dancing with the Stars, Real World/Road Rules Challenge, Miss USA Pageant, Nancy O’Dell, Access Hollywood, Jessica Simpson, Joe Simpson

Aww snap, Ms. Gravity is back and she’s barking mad at American Idol judge Paula Abdul…and her little dog too. Apparently Abdul tripped and broke her schnoze to avoid falling on her Chihuahua, Tulip. She goes into an explanation below and is seemingly angry at Tulip for not being more appreciative of her selfless deed.

When asked Tulip replied, “Excuse her! I’m not the one who thought doing her Jane Fonda with Kettle One instead of Aquafina was a good idea.”

“Amen sista,” added Ms. Gravity. “She needs to Rush, Rush her crazy ass to some therapy before she almost falls on more of God’s creatures.”

“Paula did seem to have two left feet on particular Sundays,” said forgotten crappy animated singer and “Opposites Attract” Abdul costar, MC Scat Cat. “But I abhor the negative publicity she receives about her possible drinking problem.”

“Whatever,” said Ms. Gravity. “For me there’s only one American Idol and that’s Kelly Clarkson. Paula, Randy and Simon should be a Where are They Now show on VH-1, not finishing up thier sixth season.”

Paula Abdul, American Idol, gravity, MC Scat Cat, Kelly Clarkson, Randy Jackson, Simon Cowell, Chihuahua, Tulip, Kettle One, Aquafina