Trashy Celebs

Oh noes! Could it be? No, it can’t be? But could it be true? Are lesbian icon Ellen DeGeneres and her much younger girlfriend, Portia de Rossi packing up hers and hers U-Hauls and calling it quits? Or rather, has Portia decided that the royalties from the sale of Arrested Development DVDs are enough to sustain the Sapphic lifestyle to which she has become accustomed?

From Star magazine:

According to multiple sources, [Ellen’s] really in pain because her three-year romance with actress Portia de Rossi is all but over.

“Ellen would never have broken down like that on TV if things were right in her home life,� one source tells Star.

Portia has been telling Ellen she’s very unhappy at home,� says a second source….�When it comes down to it, she wants to be with someone younger and hotter. She wants out, but Ellen has been begging her to stay. Portia is really everything in this world to her.�

So according to ironclad source Star magazine, the reason for this:

is not because Ellen was upset about a dog getting taken away from two little girls but because a cute little pussy might be taken away from her.

Lori: AW MAN! Did I really just write that? I can’t believe I did that! My mom reads this site!
Amy: I’m going to tell your mom you said pussy on the internet.

I must say, that while I am a fan of Ellen’s and while I do admire her and her show and all she has done for gay visibility and the like, I have never quite forgiven her for dumping partner Alexandra Hedison (who was there to pick up the pieces after the Anne Heche fiasco) for the younger and blonder de Rossi. Karma’s a big queeny bitch, isn’t it, Ellen?

For more on who’s hooking up and who’s breaking up, check out Superstar Couples!

Ellen DeGeneres, Portia de Rossi, Alexandra Hedison, Anne Heche, Iggy

So in random hookup news, it was reported yesterday by numerous sources that Vanessa “Ugly Betty” Williams and Vince “Ugly Hair Line” Vaughn are now a hot couple. Williams is known for being kick-ass beautiful, that whole naked picture thing, acting and having a mildly successful singing career. Btw in regards to the title of this entry, I know her biggest song is called Save the Best for Last, but first that song got stuck in my head, then it was something by Anita Baker and now my brain is torturing me with Billy Ocean. You’re welcome.

Anyway, the two have been supposedly “sneaking around� Los Angeles together in hopes of avoiding the paparazzi. MediaTakeOut claims, “Vanessa’s really trying to keep this a secret … She feels that the press helped ruin her relationship with Rick [Fox], so she’s trying to keep what she has with Vince private.�

Back story - Williams second marriage was to NBA basketball player Rick Fox in 1999 and the two have a daughter, Sasha Gabriella (born May 2000). After The National Enquirer published pictures of Fox kissing another woman in mid-2004, Fox’s representative announced that the couple had been “headed toward divorce” for over a year. A few months later in August 2004, Fox filed for divorce. So that’s her past, and we all know the sorted Vince Vaughn - Jennifer Aniston dealio, but back to the whistle blowers, Media Take Out. Their report suggests that Vanessa and Vince have been sneaking around Tinseltown and they cite what they call a source that is one of their “most trusted.”

We’re not sure if we completely believe this story but we want to. They could be the new Ashton and Demi, JT and Cameron or just another case of super-fine woman carrying around a lot of eye baggage.

Vanessa Williams, Vince Vaughn, Jennifer Aniston

So, yeah, I DVR Oprah every day even though I don’t usually have time to watch it. But generally I at least click that “info” button to check out the topic of the day. For quite some time the description was always “Oprah discusses topics before a studio audience,” but then the cable company got its act together. So I at least read the topic of the day for every episode and I have noticed that Dr. Mehmet Oz has been quite the frequent guest of late. He appears on the show generally to talk about health issues and to answer questions about everything from sex to food to poop. All the important topics! (Dr. Oz is also the author of the popular book You: On a Diet which I have been meaning to pick up.)

But rumors abound that Oprah isn’t just interested in providing the world with answers to common health questions such as “What shape should my poop be?” (Answer: S-shaped) and “I think I broke my penis.” According to the most trusted news source in the world, the internets, Oprah and Dr. Oz are totally doin’ it.

MediaTakeOut.com reports this:

October 10, 2007. Hold on to your horses y’all, this one’s good. One of MediaTakeOut.com’s faithful readers sent in what has to be the juiciest piece of gossip that we’ve seen in weeks. According to the reader, Oprah and Dr. Oz, and frequent guest on her show, have an extremely close relationship.

Here are our reader’s exact words:

I just got word of a blooming clandestine romance between Oprah “Lady O” Winfrey and Dr. Mehmet Oz. Yes, yes, I know, it’s hard for me to believe it too, but all of HARPO studios is abuzz about this. One of my associates from college, who is employed by Oprah herself informed me of the situation. Apparently, one of Oprah’s dog trainers walked in on the two of them locked in a passionate kiss right before a show!!! Now the dog trainer is fired, apparently for not knocking before entering O’s private chambers. But honey, he let everybody know what was up before he left!!

Now, I am not saying this is true, because I don’t want to piss off the most powerful woman in media. But it kind of makes sense. Because Oprah gave Dr. Oz a show on her XM radio channel. And recently she even “gave up” her show for one episode (although she monitored closely from the back) so that Dr. Oz could have a “men only” discussion about health issues. Awfully generous for someone who seems value tight control over her show. Huh.

Who do YOU think is going to be more pissed off about this one? Gail or Stedman? Maybe Gail is pissed, because not only is her girlfriend hittin’ it two rich and successful men while she is still single and has only built a career on being “Oprah’s best friend.” And having seen a few of Stedman’s very uncomfortable appearances on the show, I think he is just relieved to be out of the spotlight. And relieved that now Oprah has some other man’s balls in a jar on her desk.

Now I wonder what’s going on with Oprah and Dr. Robin?

Interested in reading more about celebrity couples? Well then check out the aptly named Superstar Couples site!

Oprah Winfrey, Mehmet Oz, Gayle King, Stedman Graham, Robin Smith

What a dumbass. Ashton Kutcher, it seems, has punk’d himself right in the butt. CelebrityScoop (see quote below) is reporting information from Maxim that Kutcher left his cell phone in a cab while he was vacationing. Seriously, Kutch, did your mom not teach you to make sure you had everything with you before you got out of the car or off the bus or out of the plane or wherever, like my mom did? I ain’t never left my phone in a French cab anywhere. But more importantly, I DON’T KEEP NAKED PICTURES OF MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER OR MYSELF OR ANYONE FOR THAT MATTER on my cell phone. Cell phone cameras are for pictures of the dog, pictures of the cat, or pictures of interesting graffiti on bar restroom walls. (Or in one memorable case, a picture of a can of spotted dick that I saw in a SuperFresh store that I had to send to my sister because I am 12 years old.)

Another day, another scandal! It looks like we’re going to be seeing some Demi Moore naked pictures soon. According to Maxim Radio’s ‘The Manertainment Report’, Ashton Kutcher accidentally left his cell phone in a cab while he was on vacation back in April.

Lets just say the taxi driver got a bigger tip then he was expecting, Ashton’s cell phone happened to contain over 30 pictures of his wife Demi Moore nude, and now the French taxi driver is holding the phone hostage.

The driver is asking a $1 Million dollars in exchange for the phone, or he will sell the pictures. Did I mention Ashton is naked in some of the pictures too?

Oh man, you have to wonder about that conversation when he called home (I guess he had to go buy a new phone first, huh?) to tell the little missus about this one. I wonder if it was like that scene in National Lampoon’s European Vacation when Clark’s big old shoulder-held video camera is stolen by the guy in Italy who convinced them to take off their shoes and stand in the foundation and then Ellen asks him if he erased the tape that had her doing a striptease (and, it is implied, them having sex. The sex was only implied, you know, it was rated PG-13) and he says, “oh sure, honey, I erased that” and you, the viewer, have some idea he is lying but his trusting wife believes him and then later on they see a billboard advertising their homemade sex tape as an Italian porno and Ellen freaks the hell out and then hilarity ensues.

I bet it was just like that.

Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher cell phone, Punk’d, National Lampoon’s European Vacation

This past Friday night, Paris Hilton made an appearance on Late Show with David Letterman, and apparently there were some communication problems between her and her publicist, because she thought she was there to promote a new fragrance (smell like post-prison Paris!), a new clothing line, and a new movie. Letterman, it seems, felt her appearance was all so he could, rather relentlessly, question, annoy, and nitpick her about her time in prison. Check out the segment below. Be sure you watch until at least the 6:23 mark, when Paris actually pouts.

Apparently no one on Paris’ staff has actually taken the time to teach her how to deal with difficult interviews, because it really doesn’t seem like she handled this one very well. And c’mon, is her publicist eight years old? Because you’d have to be pretty young and new to show business to not realize that if you go on Letterman’s show just a couple of months after your prison scandal, he is indeed going to give you a hard time about it. That is just what Letterman does.

I do have to say, though, that is the first time I’ve heard him offer to buy someone a parakeet to make amends.

This just in: we here at Trashy Celebs have found an inside source which tells us that Hilton’s lawyers attempted to negotiate the length of her segment on the Late Show from the full nine minutes down to a much shorter four minutes, and time served on previous interviews. She was released by a stagehand, only to have a judge order her to return to the Ed Sullivan theatre and serve the full nine minutes as agreed by her agent and the Late Show producers.

Paris Hilton, David Letterman, Late Show, Late Show with David Letterman

We were all simply shocked when it was revealed in Growing Up Brady that Greg Brady (Barry Williams) and Mrs Brady (Florence Henderson) had once gone on a date. How weird! And apparently there were hook ups left and right: Greg with Marcia, Peter with Jan, and even Bobby and Cindy got “married” one day on the set.

But it seems that Marcia still has to be the center of attention, as she is dropping this bombshell in her own tell-all book, Here’s the Story: Lesbitarianism!!!!

Wholesome former THE BRADY BUNCH star MAUREEN MCCORMICK is set to reveal the beloved 70s TV series’ most shocking secret in a new book - she and her on-screen sister had a lesbian fling. MCCormick’s tell-all, Here’s The Story, won’t hit bookstores until 2008, but publishers are already buzzing about the big reveal. As well as talking candidly about her well-documented eating disorder and drug problems in the book, TV’s Marcia Brady will come clean about a romance she had with co-star Eve Plumb, who played her sister Jan on the hit show. A source tells America’s National Enquirer, “The most explosive comments will be how the then-blonde, blue-eyed cutie developed a crush on Eve Plumb, which led to some sexual play. “This book will certainly come as a shocker. While Maureen is not a lesbian, she reveals there were some sexual hijinks going on behind the scenes. “It’s bizarre because she played such a virginal character on the show.”

What’s next? Will we find out that Ann B. Davis really was boning the butcher? But hey, I guess we finally know the origin of the famous phrase “Marcia! Marcia! Marcia!!“

The first 20 minutes of this live blog were preempted so that Lori and Amy could eat tacos (email us for the recipe) but here’s a brief recap of what you missed: Ryan Seacrest looks shiny, stupid, gay, not funny, gay, gay, gay, Nobody Misses Raymond, stupid, funny, gay, Jeremy Piven looks coked up, not funny, Vanessa Williams has nice boobs.

All right, now we are all caught up.

Lori: Ryan Seacrest just called Paula a druggie!

Amy: Oh, burn! And now he has to kiss her drunk ass.

Lori & Amy: TINA FEY! TINA FEY! TINA FEY! Cleavage!

Amy: Pam! The Office! She’s from St. Louis! Where we live!

Lori: We’re still waiting to see her at Target.

Amy: Suck it, My Name is Earl person.

Lori: Honey, you are trying too hard.

Amy: MEH! Fine I won’t talk then! Ha! Heigl! You pronounced her name wrong, suck it announcer lady, I ain’t the only one who’s lame!

Lori: Ed Asner is still alive? Does anyone watch mini-series anymore? Mini-serieses? Mini-serii?

Amy: Look, a category full of nothing we’ve watched.

Lori: It’s the night of thanking Dads. We can’t make fun of that. We loves us our dads!

Amy: I think my Dad was nominated for Best Use of a Beard (long term)

Lori: My Dad was nominated for Best Arms in a polo shirt… of course my mom was the only one voting.

Amy: Why is Ellen wearing a Bible bookmark around her neck?

Lori: To look for feminine or something. Honoring Tom Snyder. That is really nice, but it’s not giving us much to work with here. Fast forward ….

Amy: …. To lame jokes from the cast of Entourage. Edgy!

Lori: Why are there so many nominees in each category? I think my aunt was nominated for Best Supporting Actress in a Drama series.

Amy: Go Aunt Jean!

Lori: I don’t watch Gray’s Anatomy, but I’m fairly certain it’s shitty. I hate it when they thank people just by their first names.

Amy: And Katherine Heigl throws it back to the Moms!

Lori: Dads all over the country are throwing potato chips at the TV.

Amy: Oooh! Writers! Our dream job!

Lori: We can’t make fun of these because they are too damn funny. We bow to the superior wit!

Amy: Illegal immigrants are funny! There should be an Emmy for best writer intros. Those were the funniest thing so far.

Lori: And undoubtably the funniest part of the whole show.

Amy: Conan O’Brien looks like Beavis.

Lori: Musical number! Tony Bennett and a knocked-up Christina Aguliera! Fast forward!

Amy: Snore. Tell me when the Tony Bennett ass-kiss is over.

Lori: Hello! This is not the Grammys!

Amy: Another mini-series category. More stuff we didn’t watch!

Lori: Fast forward! You know this show would be a lot better if it was on MTV.

Amy: Okay, we are one hour in. How are you feeling?

Lori: BORED. Oh, there’s Queen Latifah. I guess they had to bring in a black person from the music world to talk about a TV show about black people, since there are no black people on TV now. Was Chris Rock already booked?

Amy: I’m not cultured. I was looking at her boobs.

Lori: Doogie Howser, I’m gay M.D.!

Amy: Oh and Hayden Panettiere. Save the empire waistline, save the world.

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Isn’t it cute when older celebrities try to be all cutting edge and try to imitate younger, hipper, more assholic celebrities? This weekend, some time around hour 18 at the traditional Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon, Lewis uttered the gay slur made famous by Isaiah Washington and single-handedly caused bloggers all over the internet to say, “Aw! Isn’t that just the CUTEST THING!”

The 81-year-old showman — prowling about the stage during the live telecast Monday in Las Vegas — was goofing around and dodging his cameraman, then went into a ramble about imaginary family members.

“Oh, your family has come to see you,” he said, speaking to the camera and gesturing toward thin air.

“You remember Bart, your older son,” he said, and motioning toward another unseen character, “Jesse, the illiterate f—–.

“No,” Lewis said, quickly stopping himself before continuing.

Monday’s monologue prompted a critical statement Tuesday from the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation.

Neil Giuliano, GLAAD president, called Lewis’ use of the term “simply unacceptable.”

Click here to see TMZ’s video of the faux pas.

This year’s telethon set a record, raising nearly $64 million, more than any previous year, so thankfully the kids this event is meant to benefit won’t feel any ill effects from Lewis’s attempt at hippness. No word on if Lewis is going to change his trademark line from “Hey laaaaaaaaaaaaady!” to “Hey faaaaaaaaaaggot!” However, a line of cuddly Jerry Lewis dolls which repeat various ethnic, religious, anti-gay, and misogynistic epithets is said to be in the works.

Jerry Lewis issued an apology on Tuesday. Isaiah Washington could not be reached for comment.

Jerry Lewis, telethon, Labor Day Telethon, Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon, gay slur

The United Kingdom’s Daily Mail reports that puker-faced actress Renee Zellweger went on a second date with older folk Sir Paul McCartney over the weekend. Ew.

Just days after being spotted cheek-to-cheek at a rock concert, Sir Paul McCartney and Renee Zellweger have enjoyed an intimate candlelit dinner.

The pair greeted each other with a tender hug at the exclusive American Hotel restaurant in Sag Harbour, New York.

Bridget Jones star Miss Zellweger - at 38, the same age as Sir Paul’s eldest daughter Mary - arrived first and chose a table near the fireplace.

Sir Paul, 65, arrived a few minutes later.

The pair lingered over their meal for two hours, talking quietly throughout.

Before parting, they embraced again.

We’re certain this one will last just as long as Sir Paul doesn’t begin wearing a Black Cowboy hat and singing country songs and Renee doesn’t mind being the same age as his daughter. Again, Ew.

Renee Zellweger, Paul McCartney, Gross

Seriously, people! Here’s Grieco from his 21 Jump Street days:

Handsome fellow, wouldn’t you say? Except those eyebrows could use some work. But I guess that all those years of playing second fiddle to Johnny Depp have taken their toll, because here is Richard Grieco now:
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Unable to handle the shame from lending his voice to not one but two equally horrible Garfield movies, Bill Murray drunkenly took it out on the streets of Stockholm. After a few brilliant turns in Rushmore, Lost in Translation and Broken Flowers, Murray took a big artistic step backwards by voicing the CGI version of the lasagna-loving fat cat. But he did manage to redeem himself on Sunday, not by being pulled over in Los Angeles in a BMW but instead in Sweden in a golf cart.

Swedish cops say they stopped the 56-year-old Murray in the slow-moving vehicle and noticed the smell of alcohol on his breath. “He refused to blow in the (breath test) instrument, citing American legislation,” the police told the AP. “So we applied the old method — a blood test. It will take 14 days before the results are in.” In the meantime, enjoy the lutefisk!

Murray, who had been at a golf tournament in Sweden, signed a document admitting that he was driving under the influence, and agreed to let a police officer plead guilty for him if the case goes to court.

But this isn’t the first time Murray has pulled an esoteric stunt after staring in a piece of shit. Apparently 1993’s stinker Mad Dog and Glory caused him to eat 17 boxes of Frankenberry atop a ski lift in Vail. And after Ghostbusters 2 a binge of Push-pops and Wild Turkey in Dubuque. But perhaps the worst case was 1984’s Nothing Lasts Forever, which Murray made up for by making The Razor’s Edge (shudder).

Bill Murray, Stockholm, golfcart

So novelist Elizabeth Dewberry recently left her older, somewhat successful husband, Pulitzer prize winner Robert Olen Butler for even older and mega rich Ted Turner. Whatever. People leave their spouses for older, richer people (or younger, hotter people) all the damn time. What makes this interesting is that Robert Olen Butler turned his considerable writing skills to crafting an email to “friends and colleagues” explaining overexplaining the situation. Here’s my favorite part:

Further, Elizabeth has never been able to step out of the shadow of the Pulitzer. As you know-and she knows-I have been an avid admirer and supporter of her work. Everyone has heard me proclaim my sincere high regard for her as an artist. I often did this publicly. But she has published two brilliant novels since she’s been with me and neither has gotten anywhere near the recognition that they richly deserve. That made it harder and harder for her to live with the ongoing praise and opportunity that flows to a Pulitzer winner. Not because of jealousy. She has always been very happy for me. But the multitude of small reflections of regard that came my way inevitably threw a spotlight on the absence of those expressions of regard for her. She felt as if she was failing as a writer.

Do you all smell the “condescending” and the “delusion” puddling at your feet? Dude, she didn’t leave you because of your goddamn Pulitzer. She left you because she had a shot at Ted Turner, a freakin’ billionaire. Damn. Of course, in a few years Ted Turner himself may send out a similar note, stating that Dewberry left him because she felt inferior to both his big bags of money and his big-breasted girlfriends.

You can read the full email, along with lots of follow up, at Gawker.

Ted Turner, Elizabeth Dewberry, Robert Olen Butler, Robert Olen Butler email, Gawker

Steve Martin married girlfriend of a few years, Anne Stringfield at his Los Angeles home on Saturday. Despite the age difference of 26 years (he’s 61, she’s 35), this just isn’t as gross as Anthony Kiedis (44) and his knocked up 20 year-old girlfriend.

The Martin ceremony was apparently a surprise with over 75 guests thinking they were just going to a party. Celeb attendees such as Tom Hanks, Diane Keaton and Carl Reiner realized this was no ordinary party when 1992 presidential candidate Bob Kerrey suddenly appeared yelling “Schwing!”

Apparently the former Nebraska senator was trying to get down with those SNL kids and use some hip rhetoric. However, always classy best man Lorne Michaels was on hand to keep things under control and remind Kerrey that he was there to preside over the ceremony and not entertain guests. “Well, excuuuse me!” spatted back Kerrey, “I’ve got a fever and the only prescription is MORE COWBELL!”

After a few more mildly zany moments Kerrey settled down and married Martin and Stringfield. The only other notable instance occurred later when Kerrey got wedding guest Martin Mull to reenact the Czech Brothers - Two Wild and Crazy Guys skit with him.

Steve Martin, Wedding, Diane Keaton, Carl Reiner, Tom Hanks, Cowbell, Martin Mull, Bob Kerrey, Lorne Michaels