Trashy Celebs

Like most 14 year-olds in the late 1980’s, my brightly-colored kid bedroom walls were plastered over with pages from Teen Beat, Tiger Beat and whatever else “Beat” had Kirk Cameron on the cover. Now I was mildly amused when Cameron began showing his true Jesus-freak feathers (can’t get enough of the “banana” clip) but it got me thinking kind of what jerk-offs these guys are.

Kirk was probably the first (I had this image in a poster) but then in 8th grade I hit a big George Michael phase. Little did I know he’d be doing community service for passing out in his car.

I also had a whole row of Corey Haim pictures above my mirror. And even watched that crappy show he did with Burt Young (anyone remember Roomies?) Now he’s all kinds of wacadoo as evidence on the A&E (really?) show The 2 Coreys. In this realityish spectacle, Haim comes to live with his 80’s partner in crime Corey Feldman. Now I was never really a fan of Feldman and I’m still not, maybe it was when he turned into Michael Jackson that sealed that deal. But anyway, The 2 Coreys is a big train wreck as further evidenced by this clip.

Let’s see I also had a bunch of Debbie Gibson pictures, posed in Playboy. One of Tiffany, also in Playboy. And a bunch of New Kids on the Block posters - no need to elaborate there. I guess the one non-fuck-up from my wall is Johnny Depp and he keeps making those crappy Pirate movies. But then again he has a career that’s not based in reality, the Lord or public bathrooms so there’s still hope.

Kirk Cameron, Johnny Depp, Corey Feldman, Corey Haim, Debbie Gibson, New Kids on the Block, Tiffany, George Michael, The 2 Coreys

So I read the other day that Red Hot Chili Pepper’s singer Anthony Kiedis, age FORTY-FRICKIN-FOUR and his girlfriend of two years, Heather Christie, age TWENTY (yes you read that right TWENTY) are expecting a baby.

Now some of you would tell me not to be judgmental and to you I say, “I’m paid to be judgmental! I’m a celebrity blogger.” But I have to say that this grosses me out. (Not the baby. I love babies!) I just can’t imagine an 18 year old Heather bringing home Anthony Freakin’ Kiedis to meet Mom and Dad. And then announce two years later that he’s going to be her baby-daddy? Wowza.

Apparently, the song “She’s Only 18” on the Chili Pepper’s most recent album, Stadium Arcadium is about Heather, so I turned to the lyrics for some insight. I can’t say they offered too much …. the only part that made any sense to me was the first verse: she’s only 18/don’t like the Rolling Stones/She took the shortcut/To being fully grown.” And all that really tells me is … that’s she’s 18. Although the song does offer a little foreshadowing of this pregnancy with the line “I put my lovin’ in your oven.” That you did, Mr. Kiedis. That you did.

Anthony Kiedis, Heather Christie, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Stadium Arcadium, She’s Only 18

First some speedy wedding planning, then an abrupt, last minute cancellation.

The New York Daily News reported Sunday that Usher and fiancee/future babymama Tameka Foster, canceled their fancy-napkins wedding just hours before it was supposed to start.

No word on if they are even still a couple. Rumors are swirling that the wedding was called off because Foster was reluctant to sign a pre-nup or because Usher’s mom did not approve of the marriage.

Either way, this is one time when Usher isn’t saying “Yeah!”

Take that, rewind it back!

Usher, Tameka Foster, Usher marriage called off, Yeah!

What, John Travolta couldn’t even get dressed up for the premiere of his new movie Hairpray (of which he is not even the star and yes, I am still bitter that this douche is in the movie instead of someone good like Harvey Fierstein). I mean, no one expects (or, let’s be honest, wants) him to wear the dress, but jeans? Come on. He could have at least worn the famous white suit from Saturday Night Fever.

The National Enquirer is reporting the Dave Chappelle was in the hospital for a few hours last Saturday, recovering from a hangover exhaustion. Huh, exhaustion. The Enquirer goes on to say that this exhaustion is due to traveling. Maybe it is different with celebrities, but was a hospital necessary? I was traveling this past week, during the last few days of my trip, I was up and in airports and various time zones, for about 36 hours straight. In coach class, I might add. What did I do when I got home? I had a snack, and I went to sleep. Good as new.

I wonder what is REALLY going on with Mr. Chappelle that requires the presence of doctors, nurses, and an IV drip? Perhaps hitting the bottle a little hard? But still, a hospital? What do I do when I have had too much to drink? I go home, have a snack, and go to sleep. Good as new.

Dave Chappelle, exhaustion

Lance Bass, you go girl! People magazine is reporting that Bass has a new gentleman caller, model Pedro Andrade. That’s hott!

Things are going well professional for Bass as well. People is reporting that he will be joining the Broadway cast of Hairspray this August.

But it was in the actual paper version of the Advocate that I found the bestest Lance Bass news. (The internets don’t know everything!) There is a rumor that he is considering competing on the next season of ABC’s hit show Dancing With the Stars, performing with a male dance partner. Now I don’t watch that show, but I would totally tune in for that, if for no other reason than to see what advertisers pull their commercials in outrage. Now that’s hott!

Lance Bass, Pedro Andrade, Hairspray, Dancing With the Stars, ABC, Advocate

Happy 4th of July to all my trash talkers out there. If anyone is out there taking a break from the BBQ and the parades and the fireworks and needs some celebrity gossip to soothe their souls, then just know we are here for you. And today, on this day of independence, we have some appropriate content, I feel — stories of women scoring independence (and hopefully alimony) from dubiously famous yet generally douchebaggy men.

Let’s start with everyone’s favorite improvisational singer and (apparent) talk show host (really? he had a talk show?) Wayne Brady. Brady’s wife, Mandie Brady wished him a happy 4th and served him up a big slice of shit pie when she filed for divorce this week, citing the always reliable “irreconcilable differences.” Now whose line is it, Wayne?

Also headed to divorce court are Jackass star Johnny Knoxville (whose real name is P.J. Clapp) and wife of 12 years, Melanie Clapp. I can’t say this one is too surprising, with all the rumors that floated a while back regarding Knoxville’s supposed fling with Jessica Simpson during the filming of Dukes of Hazzard. (And who could blame them, really? They had to do something to take their minds of the shitty movie they were filming.) Frankly, I would find this story more interesting (although still not surprising) if Johnny was leaving his wife for one of his homo-riffic Jackass costars, like Bam Margera or Steve-o. Welcome to Jackass, indeed!

Wayne Brady, Mandie Brady, Whose Line is it Anyway, Johnny Knoxville, P.J. Clapp, Melanie Clapp, Jessica Simpson, Dukes of Hazzard, Jackass, Bam Margera, Steve-o, celebrity divorce

Quentin Tarantino was really into his dinner at Empress Sushi on the Sunset strip the other night. So much in fact that he jumped ship from the sushi boat and went right for another patron’s toes. Apparently he was posing for photos with the female fan who hopefully wasn’t Marsellus Wallace’s wife.

Europe is a Beanoless continent
Meanwhile the Hollywood Rag reports Justin Timberlake had bunches of the anti-gas pill Beano flown over for the London leg of his ‘FutureSex/LoveSounds’ tour.

Justin, who says the tablets help him digest food, has also requested two dressing rooms, to be kept at a constant 22 degrees Celsius, and continuous supply of Hershey chocolate bars.

In other news Beano’s new tagline is What Goes Around Comes Around.

Justin Timberlake, Beano, Quentin Tarantino, Sushi

We all know there are hits to be found and money to be made in “woman scorned songs.” Alanis had one of the most well-known with “You Oughta Know,” rumored to be about a wide variety of well-known celebrities, including Dave Coulier, Bob Saget, Doug Gilmour (of the Toronto Maple Leafs), Mike Peluso (of the Ottawa Senators), Matt LeBlanc, or producer Leslie Howe. Personally, I hope its about Dave Coulier, because he bugged the crap out of me back during his Full House days.

But according to the National Enquirer, Mandy Moore is taking a page from Alanis’ livejournal and is taking out her angst with former boyfriend Zach Braff in song.

MANDY MOORE’S REVENGE AGAINST ZACH BRAFF

Mandy Moore sounds a tad bitter about her breakup with Zach Braff. On Mandy’s new album she sings about a “toxic�? ex-boyfriend, according to the New York Post. One source close to Moore said, “We all assume it was about Zach, he was such a cheater.�?

So, Mr. Sensitive-Garden-State guy is a big ole cheater, huh? And any song about a jilted-lover on Moore’s new album Wild Hope might be about the Scrubs star? Interesting. If you want to peruse some lyrics from the album and try to figure out which ones are about Braff, you can do so here (and feel free to post your guesses in the comments. “Nothing That You Are” is my guess.)

And Braff seems to have a vague response to these accusations on his MySpace page.

I’m not sure when or why the tabloid angle on me was decided that I am a cad. I would have much rather it had been that I am secretly a dentist or that I love soup. I am in fact, merely doing what every other single 32 year old man in NYC is doing this summer. I am dating. If you must read that stuff, please don’t digest it as fact. It is probably one of the only real shitty things one has to get used to when living in the public eye, but I suppose one of the benefits of this blog is that you can hear it directly from me. I haven’t had a vacation in 6 years and so I decided to take June and July off. I am having the best summer of my life! I am so happy here!
I’m hanging out with my New York friends, my Jersey boys, my family and loving every single second of it. And yes; I am dating. When we shoot Scrubs I spend every waking hour of my life in an abandoned and haunted hospital. All I can date there are ghosts and they tend to be horrible snugglers. So anyway, blah, blah, blah. Don’t believe the hype.

(Does anyone think celebrities actually write these things or is it just some intern or PR person?)

So what is the truth? We probably won’t ever know, just like with Alanis. But I hope Moore knows to make an awesome video and to feed the speculation without giving anything away, and get the songs into TV shows and movies, so she can make a shitload of money in the process.

Mandy Moore, Zach Braff, Alanis Morrissette, Dave Coulier, Bob Saget, Doug Gilmour, Toronto Maple Leafs, Mike Peluso, Ottawa Senators, Matt LeBlanc, Leslie Howe, Wild Hope, Scrubs, New York Post, National Enquirer

TMZ is reporting that (and it pains me to type this, it really does, but I will work through the pain, proving once again that we read the trash so you don’t have to) a few years ago (and TMZ swears this is from an “extremely well-placed source”) Scott Baio apparently knocked boots with Liza Minnelli.

Of course, maybe this is all just a publicity stunt related to his new show on VH-1, Scott Baio is 45 … and Single. According to the show’s synopsis, Baio is in the midst of a midlife crisis and with “nowhere else to turn,” is seeking help from a life-coach. And of course, VH-1 is there to record it all. Set your TiVos, folks. Maybe David Gest will show up as a guest star! (Gest-star? Ha? Nevermind.)

Scott Baio, Liza Minnelli, VH-1, Scott Baio is 45 … and Single, life coach, David Gest

Ok, rant time people. First up this 1980 Rolling Stone cover is one of the most poignant, iconic images of all time. We all know the story of how it was shot by Annie Liebovitz the day John Lennon was murdered and that makes it all the more haunting and reverent.

And then there’s this.

According to the moviefone synopsis Chuck (Dane Cook) has a rep for being the guy women sleep with before meeting Mr. Right. That means tons of sex and no strings. Not a bad deal, until he meets his dream girl (Jessica Alba) — and can’t sleep with her.

Not only is one of the most original magazine covers of all time parodied for some predictable Rom-Com, we have to look at Dane Cook dry humping Jessica Alba (who looks like she’s dreaming of being in a different movie).

I really don’t have anything else to say about this other than I’m mad at Photoshop for helping to create this and I wanted to share my outrage.

Lori - at least he’s wearing underwear.

Dane Cook, Jessica Alba, Annie Liebovitz, Rolling Stone, John Lennon, Good Luck Chuck

The New York Post is reporting that Kevin Federline is going to be a baby-daddy again. Former girlfriend and mother of his two older children, Shar Jackson, is reportedly seven weeks pregnant with the Sperminator’s fifth child.

But there have also been rumors that The Fed and Britney are getting back together.

What sort of weird and twisted Brady Bunch crap is going on here? Sheesh.

Aw, apparently the rumor is not true. But I was still hoping for an updated, real-life version of the Brady Bunch, maybe with Cameron Diaz in the role of Alice.

Kevin Federline, Shar Jackson, Britney Spears

First Dallas Cowboy’s quarterback Tony Romo told American Idol girlfriend Carrie Underwood that he needed to “take a break” from their relationship to focus on the upcoming football season. But now there is speculation that they are not only staying together, but may get engaged. Apparently this rumor partly stems from reports that Underwood was seen trying on wedding gowns recently while choosing what to wear to the Country Music Awards in May.

I hope Romo isn’t this indecisive when he’s calling plays on the football field. I’m not much of a football fan, but according to Trash Talker/Football Fan Amy, Romo screwed up pretty bad last year in the playoffs. I also hope he doesn’t remain indecisive once he and Underwood have married. I mean, has he heard the words to “Before He Cheats”?

Carrie Underwood, Tony Romo, Before He Cheats, American Idol, Dallas Cowboys

Love. Them. Both.

Will Ferrell, Sacha Baron Cohen, MTV Movie Awards, Borat, Talladega Nights, Ricky Bobby

Yankees superstar Alex Rodriguez’s antics may have caused his wife Cynthia to leave their Upper East Side pad carrying two suitcases Wednesday night. Apparently A-Rod has been seen chillin’ with a trashy blonde chick. The two have most recently been spotted in Toronto and before that in Vegas where they tried to get into the topless pool lounge Bare before being turned away because of a private party.

Apparently Rodriguez is something of a strip club aficionado. According to the NY Daily News,

In New York, A-Rod used to be a regular at the VIP Club, where he always asked for a dancer who performs under the stage name Monique.

Monique is 5-feet-5 with brown hair and brown eyes and has a well-toned, muscular figure, a pal said.

When the stripper jumped over to the Hustler Club, Rodriguez started going there to see her perform and buy sexy lap dances, a source said.

He even took her out for a pricey shopping spree at the Versace store on Fifth Ave., the source said.

A petite stripper at the Hustler Club said A-Rod “likes the she-male, muscular type. They brought me up to the champagne room one time. I spun around once and that was it. I’m not his type.”

She said A-Rod often brought his wife to the club “and she’s very pretty. I’d rather dance for her any day.”

A-Rod reportedly hangs out in a plethora of other New York area establishments where boobies are on display. “A-Rod is known as the king of the strip clubs,” a source said. “He gives the girls his number to meet somewhere else later on.”

Hmm, if we ever needed another reason to hate the Yankees. For now we’re cheering for Cynthia to knock out a long ball and take A-Rod for most of his A-normous 25 million a year plus salary.

Alex Rodriguez, Cynthia Rodriguez, strippers, Bare, New York Yankees