Trashy Celebs

So there is a word in the U.K. slang lexicon prat which basically means, “fool;” indeed it was originally slang for “buttocks” (i.e. what Heidi Montag is rubbing up against him in the picture below.) Would you like me to use prat in a sentence to make it more clear? Sure! Spencer Pratt is a prat for thinking anyone gives a good goddamn about his little “sex tape.” Does that clear things up?

From the National Enquirer:

Talk about art imitating life! On The Hills this season, the plot-line involves Spencer Pratt being accused of spreading rumors about an alleged sex tape of Lauren Conrad – but in real life, says an inside source, Spencer’s actually got a sex tape of his own that shows him and a few buddies exploring the, er… hills and valleys of some smokin’ hot Brazilian babes!

(Note to Spencer’s fiancee, Heidi Montag: The alleged Samba Land group grope was lensed way before you two became betrothed, but know this: My source says Spencer showed the tape to a Hollywood video editor and repeatedly asked him to spruce it up – saying he might secretly release it into the marketplace while claiming it was “stolen,� a la Paris Hilton, Pam Anderson, etc. The editor nixed the sleazy project, Heidi, so hopefully your betrothed has given up the idea, but…it wouldn’t hurt to ask, right?)

I swear, whenever I hear something about The Hills I always have to go and look it up again to figure out what in the world it is all about. This, for once, is not the fault of the show or the celebrities “celebrities” involved but is actually because I am one thousand years old. For those of you in my age range, I can tell you that the The Hills is a MTV reality show that is a spin-off of another popular MTV reality show Laguna Beach. The Hills apparently documents the trials, tribulations, free clinic visits and shoe-shopping sprees of one Lauren “L.C.” Conrad. Pratt apparently has a place on the show because he is the boyfriend/fiance of Conrad’s roommate, Heidi Montag. Do you even care about these rich people and the show documenting their lives? And did Pratt the Prat get so caught up on having every single mudane moment of his life (brush teeth, wear socks, feed dog, buy milk, fuck
Brazilian hottie, visit dentist) that he ended up recording parts of his sex life as well? Sheesh, dude, sometimes you have to turn the camera off.

Spencer Pratt, The Hills, Lauren Conrad, Heidi Montag, Laguna Beach

So People magazine (among other sources) is reporting that Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen have been on not one but two dates this past week in New York City. They were first spotted in the Gramercy Hotel’s Rose Bar on Monday night and at the Waverly Inn resturant in the early hours of Wednesday morning. This fascinating story has been reported in both the New York Post and the Daily News.

Adding further proof to just how fast the tiny people inside the internet move to make updates to all the important sites, this information has already appeared on Armstrong’s entry on Who’s Dated Who? In case you are not familiar with this site, it is an invaluable resource when you are just can’t get enough celebrity couple gossip from Entertainment Tonight or the E! channel (or for when your cable is out and you are climbing the walls with withdrawal symptoms). For instance, if you go to Armstrong’s entry linked above, you find out that he also dated Tory Burch (who?), Sheryl Crow (his favorite mistake), Kristin Armstrong (his former wife), and Lisa Shiels (who is such a nobody that she doesn’t even have a picture.) The site allows you to vote on the celebrity’s “top romance” and even helpfully provides astrological signs (when available) and little codes designating if the relationship was “dating,” “marriage,” or an “encounter.” Right now Armstrong and Olsen are coded as an “encounter,” but who knows how that will change in the days and weeks to come.

All I can think regarding this story is that Ashley Olsen is such a tiny little slip of nothing and Lance Armstrong is such a big athlete type and I hope he doesn’t accidentally sit down on her in a limo and crush her into the leather seats. You’d never get that stain out!

But what the world really wants to know is “What will Uncle Jesse say?“

Jeez, I thought celebrities had drivers and assistants and OnStar and shit like that. Why is Jeremy Piven relying on the kindness of young fans to provide roadside assistance?

Spotted outside a BevHills parking garage: Hot-tempered “Entourageâ€? star JEREMY PIVEN, furiously kicking a flat tire on his Range Rover and slamming his fists on the hood in frustration – obviously not knowing what the hell to do without his entourage of go-fers and star-kissers – until a cute 20-ish babe came running up and said: “OOoohh… Jeremy, I’m such a fan!â€? As Piven groused about the flat tire, his newfound groupie offered to help him change it. “I don’t know how to do that,â€? he told her. Chirped Wonder Woman: “It’s easy!â€? In moments, she’d jacked up the car, lowered the spare tire from the undercarriage – and had the flat changed in 15 minutes…er, flat. Amazed, Jeremy thanked her profusely, then gave her an autograph – and got a hot kiss ON THE LIPS! (Hey, that beats AAA!)

And maybe I’m all up in the reverse sexism here, but would a man, especially a vaguely douchelike man like Jeremy Piven, actually admit to a hot young thang that he doesn’t know how to change a tire? I DOUBT IT. I don’t even like to admit that I am not 100% sure how to do it (I mean, I know how to do it in theory but I have never done it in practice. And also I have ROADSIDE FRICKIN’ ASSISTANCE.) And if some nice person stopped to give me a hand, I would offer to buy him or her a drink or lunch or something, as a thank you, rather than Piven’s “thank-you-with-a-tongue-down-your-throat” method. That man is all class!

Jeremy Piven, Entourage, flat tire, National Enquirer

This isn’t a new couple alert or anything, but Britney Spears was seen out and about with Dallas Cowboy’s quarterback and new Trashy Celebs poster boy Tony Romo on Friday night. Brit-Brit was in the mood to yuck it up after a child-custody related court appearance on Friday and decided to call up her old pal Alli Sims.

Halloween party weekend waits for no one y’all! According to People Magazine:

The pop star, dressed in a masquerade ball mask, and Sims, first made a quick stop at the L.A. restaurant Ketchup where Romo was having dinner.

“[Spears] walked around the restaurant into the lounge where she met up with some people,” an observer tells PEOPLE. “She didn’t eat or drink …[It] seemed like she was rounding up people to go to [out]. She was very friendly and smiley, in and out.”

Another source says, “Alli was meeting up with Tony and his friends at Ketchup and Britney wanted to come along. Tony and Alli have been good friends. They’ve known each other for a little over a year. ”

Later, Romo met up with Sims, Spears and other pals at the Hollywood hotspot Les Deux where they hung out for a friendly low-key night upstairs.

Spears was “sitting with her friends and Tony. Everyone was just hanging out. Brit was upbeat, really seemed fine.”

Wow, this sounds like a pretty boring encounter so let’s make it more interesting. Back to our headline, Romo ended last season with one hell of an incredible fuck-up by flubbing the snap at the end of a playoff game against the Seattle Seahawks. While Spears allegedly cheated on mega-catch Justin Timberlake causing him to cry a river and move onto Cameron Diaz, Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Biel and a whole lot of other hotties.

If Spears and Romo were to get together we could create all kinds of fun nicknames like Bromo, Titney and Rears. Also I just don’t like the Cowboys. This year they’re doing pretty well with a record of 6-1. I think throwing Britney into the mix would bring Romo’s game to new heights of shitousity thus throwing a major wrench in any playoff hopes.

We really doubt this train wreck has any hopes of gracing the pages of TMZ. But on the upside, since his recent break-up with Carrie Underwood, Romo sill has Terrel Owens and Spears still has a whole bunch of crazy.

Life missing a big spoonful of crunkyness? Head on over to Britney Spears Watch to find out what our little toxic tramp is up to this week.

Tony Romo, Britney Spears, Cameron Diaz, Dallas Cowboys, Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Biel, Alli Sims

Well, it seems like all the talk about Tony Romo and Carrie Underwood is finally going to have to come to an end. Not only has Underwood moved on to a new boytoy, but it seems that Romo has found a new teammate as well. According to People magazine, Romo has been seen on a junior-high-school-like group date with Sophia Bush, star of One Tree Hill and former wife of Chad Michael Murray, the actor with three first names.

On Monday night, the pair were spotted dining together at the N9NE Steakhouse in Dallas, along with several of Romo’s teammates and their spouses and girlfriends.

“Tony and Sophia arrived at the restaurant together, just the two of them in the same car,” says a source. “They had drinks in the lounge and awaited the rest of their party to arrive.”

The pair sat next to each other the entire night while laughing and talking with their table full of pals.

“When they were leaving and chatting with friends and some staff at the bar, Tony was hugging Sophia from behind, and she put her arms around him as well,” adds the source.

On Tuesday afternoon, they arrived together at a party at Cowboys cornerback Terence Newman’s home in Dallas – at which guests previewed the video game Guitar Hero III for Xbox 360.

Bush didn’t play, says a source, but enjoyed watching Romo’s competitive streak in action: “She was laughing at him when he screwed up a little bit in the beginning. They had a good time. They seem cute together.”

First dinner with his friends and teammates and then a some Guitar Hero action? That sounds pretty serious. Amy and I didn’t play any videogames together (Mortal Kombat for the curious) until we had been dating for at least six months. And that hugging from behind thing? That’s a sweetly serious move. Either that, or the move of a man who is still pretending he is hugging a country singer and American Idol winner. Aw, poor broken-hearted Tony Romo. That’s almost as bad as blowing the NFC wildcard playoff game in January 2007. Carrie Underwood was there to pick up the pieces that time. I only hope Sophia Bush is as supportive!

Tony Romo, Sophia Bush, Carrie Underwood, Chad Michael Murray, Dallas Cowboys, Guitar Hero III

So in random hookup news, it was reported yesterday by numerous sources that Vanessa “Ugly Betty” Williams and Vince “Ugly Hair Line” Vaughn are now a hot couple. Williams is known for being kick-ass beautiful, that whole naked picture thing, acting and having a mildly successful singing career. Btw in regards to the title of this entry, I know her biggest song is called Save the Best for Last, but first that song got stuck in my head, then it was something by Anita Baker and now my brain is torturing me with Billy Ocean. You’re welcome.

Anyway, the two have been supposedly “sneaking around� Los Angeles together in hopes of avoiding the paparazzi. MediaTakeOut claims, “Vanessa’s really trying to keep this a secret … She feels that the press helped ruin her relationship with Rick [Fox], so she’s trying to keep what she has with Vince private.�

Back story - Williams second marriage was to NBA basketball player Rick Fox in 1999 and the two have a daughter, Sasha Gabriella (born May 2000). After The National Enquirer published pictures of Fox kissing another woman in mid-2004, Fox’s representative announced that the couple had been “headed toward divorce” for over a year. A few months later in August 2004, Fox filed for divorce. So that’s her past, and we all know the sorted Vince Vaughn - Jennifer Aniston dealio, but back to the whistle blowers, Media Take Out. Their report suggests that Vanessa and Vince have been sneaking around Tinseltown and they cite what they call a source that is one of their “most trusted.”

We’re not sure if we completely believe this story but we want to. They could be the new Ashton and Demi, JT and Cameron or just another case of super-fine woman carrying around a lot of eye baggage.

Vanessa Williams, Vince Vaughn, Jennifer Aniston

Sure famous people are used to having their pictures taken. But outside of red carpet moments, TMZ and rehab exits they tend to let their guard down. They should know that there will always be a schmo with a digital camera, cell phone or amazing watercolor skills there to capture all the fun stuff they might forget. Take Hugh Grant for example. The man was simply hanging out with a gaggle of St Andrews University freshman girls. Eating some pizza, drinkin’ a little Boone’s Farm or whatever freshman in Scotland drink, getting some underage lap dances, etc. But lo and behold, there’s an American in the mix who just happens to be on facebook and who also happens to like to post pictures on facebook. Opps.

(more…)

Well I know from our referral logs that we have some Carrie Underwood/Tony Romo fans out there, so I thought y’all might want to know the who? what? WHAT? about the status of their relationship. And if OK magazine is to be believed, the population of Dumpsville has increased by one. I hope Mr. Romo remembered to file a change of address form!

As for her semi-romance with Dallas Cowboy quarterback Tony Romo, she tells the upcoming issue of Seventeen magazine, “We’re very good friends, and I talk to him pretty much every day, whether it’s a text or whatever. But we were never, like, dating.�

But her friends tell OK! a different story. “I think Carrie broke up with the football player in July…”

Underwood is apparently dating Gossip Girl star Chace Crawford, an actor no one has ever heard of who is staring in a show that no one has ever heard of. Maybe that is exactly what Underwood needs, someone a little more low profile. She should be the famous one in the relationship! She is the American Idol, dammit!

And now, sources tell OK!, it seems that her prayers have come true, as she’s just sparked a very new romance with Gossip Girl star Chace Crawford, with whom the “Jesus Take the Wheel” singer was locking lips last Friday at NYC club Marquee. “They were canoodling all night and stayed until close,â€? one eyewitness reveals to OK!.

But Chase and Carrie’s whirlwind weekend in the Big Apple was just beginning. Saturday night, the pair enjoyed a romantic dinner at Mario Batali’s Del Posto restaurant and later a few drinks at Soho Grand, where, according an OK! spy, “they held court at their own private table, kissing and not leaving each other’s side,” all before ending up at celeb-fave Rose Bar in the Gramercy Park Hotel.

Granted, I am an old lady, but I have to point out that Crawford looks a little young in that picture. Like, “this is my first facial hair young.” I hope Underwood asked for some ID. But best of wishes to the happy couple. I’m sure it won’t be long before the media comes up with the cute couple nickname for the pair, although the best I could come up with was “Charrie.” Ugh.

Carrie Underwood, Tony Romo, Chase Crawford, Gossip Girl

Rihanna that is. After romancing Scarlett Johansson and Helena Christensen, Josh Hartnett, 29, was spotted kissing and cuddling with the Jay-Z protégé, 19, at NYC club Pink Elephant over the weekend.

A source says the couple met up after her Thursday night concert at the Nokia Theatre in Times Square and were chillin’ at table with bottles of Dom Perignon and Pink Elephant Vodka. Sources say they “didn’t come together, but left together.”

After reports of trying on “it” boys Justin Timberlake, then Shia LaBeouf, Rihanna has apparently taken her umbrella to no-longer relevant actors like Harnett. But this may not be a new thing. Rihanna and Josh apparently have known each other for a bit and were spotted at lunch together in LA a few weeks ago in addition to appearing on TRL last week.

We thinks the SOS singer might be taking her Good Girl Gone Bad themed tour to heart. Last week she was seen leaving the Whatever’ tattoo parlor in New York with what appears to be her fifth tattoo to date. The Barbadian beauty already has a music note on her ankle, a Pisces sign behind her right ear, a star in her left ear and a Sanskrit prayer going down her hip.

The folks at Dlisted were able to get a shot of the new tattoo, which is supposedly a guitar, but looks more like a bong shaped penis or a penis shaped bong depending on how you look at it. We agree with them in that either she was drunk when she got this tat or the person doing it was. And we highly doubt it was on pink elephant vodka. Ew.

tattoo, Good Girl Gone Bad, Jay-Z, Rihanna, Josh Hartnett, Helena Christensen, Pink Elephant Vodka, Shia LaBeouf, Justin Timberlake

Despite finishing in fifth place for losers (otherwise known as sixth place) on the fifth season of American Idol, Pickler’s music career hasn’t ended. She signed a record deal and has been touring, has performed at the legendary Grand Ole Opry and on the Country Music Awards. But she’s found another use for these public performances; not only are they good for connecting with fans and promoting her music, but for jealous, angry rages as well:

Kellie Pickler may have trouble with big-city cuisine, but the American Idol star knows how to handle a cheat. According to The Tennessean, the 21-year-old country singer told fans at a concert on October 1 that she and Nashville Predators player Jordin Tootoo were through. “Jordin knows what he did,� she said ominously.

At a September 22 show in Michigan, concertgoers say that Pickler announced that her new theme song is Carrie Underwood’s Before He Cheats, and then added that she hoped Tootoo’s teeth would be knocked out during a hockey game.

Despite her jokes, however, fans thought Pickler was in pain over the end of her 8-month-long relationship with Tootoo — she cried while singing Didn’t You Know How Much I Loved You.

Go girl! Call him out on stage! But why did she stop there? Why didn’t she tell the world that in addition to being a dirty cheater, he also has bad breath and a small penis? And plays hockey for a team that nobody has heard of and no one cares about and might get sold anyway? Why didn’t she announce that he wears women’s underwear under his uniform and that he cried his eyes out when they watched The Notebook? The woman is standing onstage with a captive audience and a microphone in her hand, and all she can come up with is that she hopes his teeth get knocked out?

I have to wonder though, when she was standing onstage venting about her cheatin’, hockey playin’, bad breath and small penis havin’ boyfriend, if she was contractually obligated to use a reference to another American Idol contestant and or his/her song. I mean, was it really that much of a coincidence that it was Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats” that she mentioned? And the song is “Before” not “After He Cheats I’m Going to Get Onstage and Tell the World that He Has a Season Pass for The View on His Tivo.”

Fox is apparently developing a sitcom starring Pickler as a character based on herself, so she’ll have many more chances to publicly trash talk potential suitors, rude DMV employees, bad sushi chefs, and incompetent limo drivers in the future. Right on!

Kellie Pickler, American Idol, Nashville Predators, Jordin Tootoo, Carrie Underwood, Before He Cheats, The View

An ex-mistress of Rap mogul Sean “Diddy” Combs revealed oily details of his extremely exorbitant lifestyle to the UK’s Sunday Mirror. Nai Bacha who met the singer last year in Toronto tells of his crazy appetite for parties and long-lasting boink-fests that involved a whole mess of baby oil. Oh and also how Diddy cheated on the mother of his twins, Kim Porter, before and after she gave birth. We wonder if J-Lo would have put up with that noise?

Nai says: “Sean’s life has to be seen to be believed. He calls himself The King - and even Prince Charles cannot be any more demanding than he is. He has a cast of thousands to ensure his life is perfect. They hang on his every need - he has one man just to pour his drinks, one to cut his hair and shave him…and two entire teams to look after his jewelery and clothes.”

She goes on to say “Sean knows how to take care of his lady. We had the most amazing sex ever. He loves baby oil all over his body. He’s the most amazing sensual lover I’ve ever had.”

We’re guessing he applies the baby-oil himself but Nai did go into details about the insane amount of everyday things Puffy’s, yeah I called him Puffy, staff does for him. In fact he’s so obsessed with grooming that he has his own personal barber that travels with him. “That’s the only man on the planet who can trim his hair or give him a shave. Sean never shaves himself.” But that’s just the beginning. He has a whole team devoted to P-dressing him that care for a traveling wardrobe of 80 suits that are laid out for inspection every night.

Nai says: “Sean is always immaculately dressed and that takes military precision. He has one guy in charge of his wardrobe, another who’s responsible for putting different outfits together. When he came to London he had wardrobes filled with suits. There were about 80 from the biggest designers in the world - but only in black or white. The cheapest cost about £2,000. (almost 4,000 bucks if you were speaking American).

“Then there’s his cook Diane, who is on call all day and night. It might be 6am and he’ll want porridge. Diane is always on standby ready to make a perfect bowl.”

Diddy also pays a team of aides with absurdly specific jobs. “There was someone whose sole job for the day was to mix Sean’s favorite cocktail, Patron Silver tequila with ice,” says Nai. “He wasn’t allowed to make drinks for anyone else. Sean also has someone whose only job is to play his own records wherever he goes. I never heard him listening to anyone else’s music.”

Nai goes on with a butt-load more details about what kind of gum he likes (fruity, not minty) and how he always has to have Heinz Ketchup (not Catsup, that’ll get you slapped) on hand.

Apparently this big insight into D’s personal extravagance was brought on because he’s been oiling up actress Sienna Miller. Nia was on hand while Diddy, Miller, his barber, Ketchup provider and whoever else dinned at exclusive London restaurant Cipriani.

“Throughout the dinner he was fork-feeding Sienna from his plate. They were baby-talking each other, ‘baby this and baby that’.

“They were really flirty and I felt disrespected. It was obvious what was going on. You could see the body language. I just sat there and thought, ‘How can this be happening?’ What really shocked me was when Sienna said to Sean, ‘Oh baby, are you getting all oiled-up and s***?’

“He was like, ‘Oops’. I thought using baby oil was our little secret - but I guess not.”

But according to Nia, Diddy and Miller were arguing later in the evening. So her hopes of being his future Ipod carrier are still a go.

Sean “Diddy” Combs, Sienna Miller, Nia Bacha, Baby Oil

Amy: Okay, Britney is by no means fat, but WAY too chubby to be wearing that … outfit? Can you even call that an outfit?

Lori: It’s Britney, bitch! Why are you in your underwear? Did the rest of your wardrobe not show up?

Amy: I bet that bra is itchy. How to make a comeback. Wear your snowboots with your Brillo-pad inspired underwear!

Lori: Why is she lipsyncing? It’s just drawing attention to that big old cold sore.

Amy: What’s that stuff you buy for canker sores?

Lori: Kanka! Look, at least she hired back up dancers fatter than her. That one she’s grinding up on is as fat as I am and at least ten years older.

Amy: Here come the boys.

Lori: There’s a Justin Timberlake look-a-like and she just grabbed his junk. She’s subtle.

Amy: She is 14 US Weekly covers past “not so innocent.�

Lori: Someone spent rehab watching Her Madonna DVDs. It’s like the Human Nature video and the Vogue video had a baby.

Amy: And Cold Hearted Snake came over for a play date.
(more…)

50 Cent lost major homeboy points this weekend while hanging out with Paris Hilton in Las Vegas for the MTV Video Music Awards. Look for more coverage tomorrow morning as we not-so-live blog the VMA’s.

50 Cent, Paris Hilton, MTV Video Music Awards

Why Adam Levine, you loverboy you! You are such a sensitive, feminist-type gentleman, with the breaking up with the girl because you fear she can’t enjoy sex. For her own good, right? You want her to learn to relax and enjoy herself, right?

Levine, lead singer of Maroon 5, had this to say in a Moscow newspaper, of all places (I know I turn to the Russian media for all my news on celebrity sex lives):

The former lover of tennis star Maria Sharapova, Maroon 5’s frontman Adam Levine, revealed yesterday why he broke off their brief romance.

“She wouldn’t make any noise during sex,” Levine said. “I can’t tell you how disappointed I was. I really thought, like a lot of guys, that she’d be the loud screaming type. But instead, she just lay there like a dead frog. She even got angry if I started to moan, said it ‘ruined her concentration.’ It was so disillusioning that I went on Paxil for a month afterwards. Really, it was much more of a shock than when I found out there’s no such thing as the Easter Bunny.

Seriously, Adam? Antidepressants? You went on antidepressants because you found out your girlfriend of a few weeks was something of a cold fish? That’s some bullshit right there. Maybe the antidepressants were because you realized that maybe, just maybe, you weren’t doing anything to make her WANT to make any noise in bed? Ever consider that?

Douchebag. I think maybe Adam just has a small penis. (Maroon 5?) That line about the Easter Bunny makes me think that the whole thing was supposed to just be some dumb joke, but either way, that’s still a pretty douchey thing to say in print. And not a terribly good recommendation for the next woman who might hop into bed with you.

Adam Levine, Maroon 5, Maria Sharapova, celebrity sex lives

Like most 14 year-olds in the late 1980’s, my brightly-colored kid bedroom walls were plastered over with pages from Teen Beat, Tiger Beat and whatever else “Beat” had Kirk Cameron on the cover. Now I was mildly amused when Cameron began showing his true Jesus-freak feathers (can’t get enough of the “banana” clip) but it got me thinking kind of what jerk-offs these guys are.

Kirk was probably the first (I had this image in a poster) but then in 8th grade I hit a big George Michael phase. Little did I know he’d be doing community service for passing out in his car.

I also had a whole row of Corey Haim pictures above my mirror. And even watched that crappy show he did with Burt Young (anyone remember Roomies?) Now he’s all kinds of wacadoo as evidence on the A&E (really?) show The 2 Coreys. In this realityish spectacle, Haim comes to live with his 80’s partner in crime Corey Feldman. Now I was never really a fan of Feldman and I’m still not, maybe it was when he turned into Michael Jackson that sealed that deal. But anyway, The 2 Coreys is a big train wreck as further evidenced by this clip.

Let’s see I also had a bunch of Debbie Gibson pictures, posed in Playboy. One of Tiffany, also in Playboy. And a bunch of New Kids on the Block posters - no need to elaborate there. I guess the one non-fuck-up from my wall is Johnny Depp and he keeps making those crappy Pirate movies. But then again he has a career that’s not based in reality, the Lord or public bathrooms so there’s still hope.

Kirk Cameron, Johnny Depp, Corey Feldman, Corey Haim, Debbie Gibson, New Kids on the Block, Tiffany, George Michael, The 2 Coreys