Trashy Celebs

We’ve found our Trashy Celeb Douche of the Week early this week! Professional Ray Charles wannabe Jamie Foxx has been busy douching up the place by defending professional dog abuser and football player, Michael Vick.

He says, “It’s a cultural thing, I think. Most brothers didn’t know that, you know. I used to see dogs fighting in the neighborhood all the time. I didn’t know that was Fed time. So, Mike probably just didn’t read his handbook on what not to do as a black star.

“I know that cruelty to animals is bad, but sometimes people shoot people and kill people and don’t get time.

“I think in this situation, he really didn’t know the extent of it, so I always give him the benefit of the doubt.”

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Whatta concert! First some overzealous female fan grabs his package and then someone accidentally takes his pinky ring. What’s with all the classless people going to Tim McGraw concerts these day?

But has anyone noticed that it seems like someone not only stole his ring, but his sleeves and shirt buttons as well. Security!

Tim McGraw, Faith Hill, Soul2Soul, Tim McGraw stolen ring

We at Trashy Celebs are completely disgusted at the Dog fighting allegations against Atlanta Falcon’s quarterback Michael Vick. If these abhorrent charges are true, we hope Vick is not only bared from playing in the NFL but has to bathe rabid feral cats as part of his community service. For further discussion on this topic, we turn today’s Trashy Celebs over to our dog and guest columnist Muriel.

My thoughts on the Michael Vick Debacle by Muriel the Pug
DO NOT LIKE VICK. VICK IS LARGE PIECE OF BASTARD PIE THAT I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE A BITE OF AND THEN POOP OUT SO AMY HAS TO PICK UP AND PUT IN TRASH RECEPTICLE BY PARK WE WALK IN. IF THERE ARE DOGS READING THIS THAT HAVE ACCESS TO VICK I WOULD ADVISE TO TRY AND TAKE BITE OF VICK THEN RUN VERY FAST BECAUSE VICK RUNS FAST TOO. IF YOU DO MANAGE TO TAKE BITE OF VICK, PLEASE EMAIL ME AT MURIELTHEPUG@GMAIL.COM AND TELL ME WHAT VICK TASTES LIKE. I IMAGINE HE TASTES LIKE A DOUCHE. THANK YOU FOR LISTENING. -MURIEL THE PUG

Michael Vick, Douche bag, pug, dog fighting

Who doesn’t like personalized advice broadcast on the internet? Well Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis for one. Candy Spelling, aka Tori’s Mom, has been spewing unsolicited advice to the imprisoned booby purveyor courtesy of TMZ.com. Below are portions of a letter dated May 19th

Dear Joe,

As the headlines about you changed — to scream “imprisoned” and “U.S. marshals” instead of “filmmaker” and “entrepreneur,” you respond by crying, wailing and seeing yourself as a victim. Bad move. Today’s headlines call you a “crybaby.”

You blew it, Joe. Instead of jumping from party to party, you’re being shuffled from one prison to another. And no one feels sorry for you.

Your world has changed, and you’re the poster boy for what can happen when boys go wild. Your every move and every emotion are still being reported, but not the way you want. It’s time for some dignity. At least it might prevent you from being forever defined as a crybaby.

Sincerely,

Candy Spelling

Apparently Francis was read the note over the phone and wrote a well thought out response calling attention to the growing national problem of animal hoarding. We grew tired halfway through reading it so here are some highlights:

Dear Candy:

I don’t know you, I have never met you and I don’t know anything about you. After reading your letter posted on the internet, my mental picture of you is of a lonely old woman living in a mansion in Holmby Hills with let’s say 300 cats jumping around, some in their own feces.

I have tried to think to myself what would compel a woman such as yourself to write a letter to someone they have never met? Even worse, you are making up your mind based on headlines. I can understand you writing Paris Hilton a letter out of care because as you said in your letter, you have known her most of her life. Then again, it’s sad and pathetic you had the audacity to post that letter on the internet instead of just sending it to Paris personally.

I have never played a victim but I have always been a fighter. I will ultimately prevail in the matters at hand but I am concerned that you will die a lonely and unfulfilled person playing with those cats and posting open letters to people you have never met on the internet.

Sincerely,

Joe Francis

Despite the harsh words, Candy has chosen to ignore Francis’s letter and impart her wisdom on future unsuspecting celebs. Check back for relationship advice to the reunited and it feels so good couple of Joey Buttafuoco and Amy Fisher along with Sotheby’s goldenshower boy Michael Jackson.

Joe Francis, Candy Spelling, animal hoarding, Joey Buttafuoco, Amy Fisher, Girls Gone Wild

Hey look, another irrelevant celebrity got arrested over the weekend. David Faustino, whose main claim to fame was as Bud Bundy on the FOX show Married with Children was arrested early Saturday for being drunk in public. The 33-year-old actor was taken into custody in New Smyrna Beach, Florida when he was minding his own business along with yelling profanities at his ex-wife in the middle of an intersection.

source
When searched police also found a bag containing about a gram of weed in Faustino’s pocket. He was booked and released to be forgotten until the question “Who played Al Bundy’s son?” comes up during a game of Trivia Pursuit - 90’s Edition.

David Faustino, arrested, drunk, Al Bundy, Bud Bundy, FOX, Married with Children, New Smyrna Beach, Florida, pot

Why should you just say no to drugs when you can choose to abuse them? Drugs are fun, they keep you thin, and can even make doing your taxes fun. So let’s explore recent drug fun with some super cool guys and gals.

First up is bug-eyed hottie Tom Sizemore. The Size-man was chillin’ and enjoying the warm California sun while off his nuts on crystal meth when some hateful policemen had to come and ruin the fun. Police found two bags of crystal and several pipes in his car but that was just for sharing. The more tweaked out people the better!

Across the Atlantic Too-Funky George Michael plead guilty yesterday to driving while under the influence of drugs.

The minor misunderstanding stems from an October 06 arrest of Michael while he took a little nap in his car, inconveniencing a few pesky drivers. Get with it people! He was being responsible by not driving while passed out. Give the man a break!

Let’s see what else. Oh yeah, our bud Lindsay isn’t backing down and being a follower by throwing those 12 steps out the window and doing coke in public. You blow, er go girl!

Tom Sizemore, crystal meth, George Michael, Lindsay Lohan, coke, cocaine, idiots

Century Regional Detention Facility plays host to the newly dubbed The Penal Life staring parole violating sweetheart Paris Hilton. For 45 fun-filled days, the hotel heiress will be cozying up to 2200 fellow female felons as she goes through Blackberry, Starbucks and Stoli withdraw.

Sources say there’ll be no Nicole Richie this time around but Paris will share her zany adventures with 27-year-old cellmate Shanisha Johnson of Southeast L.A. Johnson, a former teenage prostitute and petty thief, says she’s looking forward to bonding with Hilton in the small two-person room.

“Yeah, that bitch ain’t in West Hollywood no more,�? said Johnson, “she better not start whining about her jumpsuit neither cause somebody getting cut if I don’t get my beauty rest.�?

The color of the jumpsuit Johnson referred to will be determined according to where she and Hilton are housed. Designed to show off nothing, the four summer-ready colors are blue, brown, white and always stunning, orange.

Cameras will follow Hilton as she goes about her daily routine of cowering in the corner, using her one hour of recreation to shower, exercise or talk on the phone, cowering some more and having long discussions with a face she’s drawn on her left hand.

Filming on The Penal Life begins June 5, when Hilton is scheduled to report to Century Regional. No word yet on whether her Chihuahua, Tinkerbell will be along for the ride.

Paris Hilton, Jail, Tinkerbell, Nicole Richie, Century Regional Detention Facility, Fox