Trashy Celebs

Charles Barkley is going to jail! Are you stunned? I am not stunned. And it was for a truly stupid reason. I mean, anyone arrested for DUI is stupid. No, anyone driving under the influence is stupid, even if they don’t get caught. But not only was Mr. Barkley stupid for driving drunk, he was driving drunk for a dumb-ass reason: he was in a hurry to get a blow job. A blow job! Mr. Barkley, you are not a virginal 15-year-old boy! There is no reason to be so desperate!

And I am guessing after all this stupidity, Mr. Barkley ended up at home alone and unsatisfied that night. Smarten up, Mr. Barkley! You can only ride on your athletic fame so long, and then you are just another overweight washed up sports star who did something truly dumb and ended up in jail.

But I am sure that is no surprise to all of you. Yes, Trash Talker Amy was a bit more obscure with her story yesterday, but today we are being a lot more direct with reporting that singer Chris Brown, famous for his babyface and Michael Jackson dance moves, is our (Alleged) Douche of the Week. We say alleged because he has only been charged with beating up a woman (whom many sources all over the place have identified as his girlfriend, pop singer Rhianna), and well all know from watching Cops that all suspects are innocent until proven guilty.

But things sure aren’t looking good for Chris Brown. He has been booked on “suspicion of making a criminal threat,” he is being investigated by the DA’s office for possible further charges, sources are leaking that it was Rhianna that he attacked, the entire internet is calling him a woman-beater, he had to withdraw from public appearances, he is losing endorsement deals from Wrigley’s chewing gum and the “Got Milk” campaign, and at least one radio station has stopped playing his music. All in less than 48 hours! It can take years to build a career in music and apparently, less than two days to start destroying it.

It seems like the only person on Chris Brown’s side these days is actor (and former Trashy Celebs Douche of the Week) Terrence Howard who has been quoted as saying that Brown is a “great guy” and that “Rhianna knows he loves her.” Yeah, she sure does. The evidence is right there on her face.

Chris Brown=(Alleged) Douche!

Johnny Knoxville of Jackass fame thought it wouldn’t be a biggie if he carried a grenade
(albeit an inert one) through the airport check in of LAX. After security screeners spotted the grenade in Knoxville’s carry-on luggage, a bomb squad determined it lacked a firing pin or explosive. Lucky for Johnny, he’s used to bombs, well box office bombs like The Dukes of Hazard, A Low Dirty Shame and Walking Tall.

Police say Knoxville was later released and allowed to board an American Airlines flight to Miami.
Prosecutors will decide whether to charge the 38-year-old with bringing a prohibited item into a secure area of the airport, a misdemeanor. Knoxville’s told officers the grenade was a prop he forgot to remove from his bag, Airport spokeswoman Nancy Castles said. Next time leave the explosives (or lookalikes) at home Mr. Knoxville.

Naomi Campbell really needs to stuff a sock in it. Do supermodels even wear socks? Maybe she should stick a Prada bag or a Dolce scarf or whatever it takes to shut her up. Because while she is famous for being a supermodel and for hitting people with cell phones and that is okay, but invoking one of our nation’s biggest tragedies as the reason she got arrested for being a freaking idiot on plane? That is just stupid and insensitive. Sure, I get irritated when I have to take my shoes off to go through security in the airport, but I don’t invoke 911! I blame misdirected panic and ineffective security policies for that. And let me point out that when asked to remove my shoes, I don’t spit at the individuals asking me to do so. Most importantly, because it is gross and wrong, and also because I don’t have lots of money and lawyers who will keep me from ending p at Guantanamo Bay.

Aw, George! George! What the hell! Would somebody please look into getting George some freakin’ help here already, and by that I don’t mean the phone number of a good dealer or an excellent lawyer. I mean the number for a rehab facility, preferably one that would help out with both the drunk thing and what I suspect may be a sex addiction thing?

George Michael arrested over drugs

George Michael was arrested in public toilets suspected of possessing drugs.

Reports say the multi-millionaire singer was arrested after a tip-off from a suspicious toilet attendant after he was seen loitering in underground loos in London’s Hampstead Heath on Friday.

When officers arrived Michael was still in the toilet and police reportedly found him in possession of cannabis and crack cocaine.

Crack? Crack? What the hell! When did George Michael get so …. ghetto? Look here, Georgie, it was kinda cute and cheeky when you got caught in that L.A. bathroom 10 years ago. You gave the whole world a wink about it later on with your song “Outside” and the resulting video. But this isn’t funny and clever anymore. This is sad. Granted, you weren’t arrested for lewd behavior this time, but we all ahve to wonder if that is why you were hanging around in the bathroom.

And being caught with a little bit of pot? Whatever, no one really cares or will be impressed by that. But crack cocaine? Come on, George. Have you been taking cues from Amy Winehouse’s career? Pete Doherty? I really think it’s time for someone to step in and help George clean up his act a little bit. Those of us who are fans are missing the music. Just this afternoon I was singing “Faith” to my friend’s nine-month old son, and he was diggin’ it. Stop screwing around and start making some more music. “Freedom 90″ is one of my favorite songs, ever. How about a “Freedom 09″?

To the aww tick tock ya don’t stop. So ‘member that band Color Me Badd with the one guy who looked like George Michael and the other one who looked like Kenny G and the one who looked like Milli Vanilli? Well there was one more you know, the Al Jarreau wannabe lead singer guy.

Yeah him! Well anyway, Color me black and blue because this schmutkiss (real name Bryan Abrams) got arrested on domestic violence charges for not Mi Amoring his girlfriend very well. Reportedly, cops were called to a restaurant in Oklahoma City last Friday, because Bryan allegedly punched his girlfriend in front of everyone. Cops say he was noticeably drunk, reeked of alcohol and was slurring his sentences.

Bryan’s girlfriend claimed he verbally threatened her by saying, “I’m a kill you! You and me! You and me!” Abrams is said to have had slurred speech and talked in “random sentence fragments. Some of those other fragments include “Oh girl I think I love ya I’m always thinkin’ of ya I want ch-ya to know I do all for love.” Oh wait that’s the lyrics to a song strangely enough called “All for love.” He probably said something else like “Bitch, I kills you and kick yo ass.”

Bryan is still in the clink on $4,000 bond.

I can’t believe I not only went and saw these d-bags in concert when I was in high school but I distinctly remember my friends and I bum rushing the state - shoving eight graders out of our way in attempt to get a rose from one of the colors of badness. I’d say I can’t believe how lame I was (well I can) but then I wouldn’t have these little slices of life no matter how embarrassing to share with you.

Well the big sister/godmother/auntie/mama bear that lives inside of me sure came screaming out when I saw THIS video clip from a Jesse McCartney concert. WTF??? I am ready to grab that microphone and smack him upside his head. Just watch and see if YOU aren’t shocked and outraged as well.

Okay, so I don’t know just how old that girl is, but I do know that she is NOT EIGHTEEN. She is YOUNGER than EIGHTEEN and while I have no problem with young Mr. McCartney bringing a fan onstage and singing to her (it’s sweet in theory, really) I do have a problem with him getting ALL UP ON HER JOCK like that. There should be an invisible BUBBLE there on that stage, Mr. McCartney, safely surrounding that girl, and you should stay well out of it. She has her dance space, and you have yours. You are not Janet Jackson

You sing her the song, from at least five feet away. Then you give her some flowers and a quick, platonic hug, MAYBE a kiss on the check. Then security hustles her offstage to where her mother and VERY LARGE MUSCULAR father are waiting and she promptly texts all her friends to tell them what just happened. You do not give her a lingering hug which leads to her RUBBING YOUR BACK onstage in front of a gazillion other tweens who now want to RUB AN ADULT GROWN MAN’s back as well. WRONG WRONG WRONG. I used to approve of my nieces listening to your music and thinking you were cute but now I am glad that they are OVER YOU because that means I won’t have to attend one of your concerts with them toting a BASEBALL BAT.

Why yes, I am known as the overprotective auntie amongst my friends kids. Why do you ask?

A tour bus carrying Snoop Dogg and his crew was pulled over Thursday a few hours before a concert in Dallas, a spokesman for the Texas Department of Public Safety said. Two members of D-O-Double-G’s entourage were busted this during the stop but Da Man got off scott-free.

The bus was initially stopped for expired tabs but when officers boarded the bus, they sniffed what they thought was the Mary Jane. After investigating, they found two oz. of the green stuff and arrested two men who admitted it belonged to them.

Both men were taken to the Navarro County Jail and face fines of up to $2,000 and six months in jail if convicted.

I wonder if there was a quick scramble / negotiation when the bus was first pulled over like who had to take the blame or if that was already set. I’m thinking it was already set not like when my stepsister’s and I were playing a little too rough in the basement and put a hole in the wall.

From the time we heard my stepfather yell “What was that?” to the second later when he asked my mom “Did you hear that, what was that?” To the time my mom shrugged a bunch of times and suggested my stepfather go see what that was, we had to do a quick bit of conferencing as to who was going to take the blame. Ok, we may have had a bit more time than Snoop and his entourage did but I’m thinking they were a lot more organized since our negotiations pretty much went the way of “you pushed me! well it was your knee that made that hole. yeah but her head falling on me made it go through further!”

I have a feeling if Snoop’s crew was like that, that he’d have spent last night in jail and not preforming at a show in Dallas. This being said since the above argument was still going on when my stepfather came down the stairs and quickly resolved the situation by sending us to our room to spend the rest of the night thinking about what we did.

Barenaked Ladies singer, Steven J. Page, was arrested in central New York on Friday and was charged with fourth degree criminal possession of a controlled substance, that substance being tasty, tasty nose candy.

Cops in Manlius, NY say early last Friday morning officers saw a suspicious car with its doors open sitting outside an apartment building (which was where there used to live). While checking out the car, they wondered “Why did they pave the lawn? why did they change the locks?” and also observed a man and a woman sitting at a table with a powdery substance in front of them. Btw, they weren’t baking cookies. After a field test, the cops say the substance tested positive for cocaine.

The 38-year-old Page and a woman, have both been charged with felony possession of a controlled substance. Ford was also charged with pot possession.

Both Page and the woman have been released on $10,000 bail.

A rep for the band told TMZ “We can not comment because the matter is before the court. We are confident that out client Steven will be completely exonerated. Until that time, it is business as usual for the Barenaked Ladies.” So it’ll be back to eating twinkies and lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did.

Yes, I know that’s a lame joke but I wasn’t sure how else to end this one. Oh yeah, Drugs are bad m’kay.

So, yeah, it must really suck to be the sibling of somebody famous. I mean in some cases they might give you jobs and stuff but in some cases they just leave you to ROT IN JAIL just because you made a little mistake and fired four shots at your live-in boyfriend at 4AM on morning.

WAHLBERGS’ SISTER STILL WAITING FOR BROTHERS TO BAIL HER OUT OF JAIL

The sister of Hollywood stars Mark and Donnie Wahlberg is in jail on gun charges after firing four shots at her boyfriend - and claims her wealthy siblings have ignored her pleas to help her make bail.

“I cry myself to sleep every night thinking, ‘How can my brothers let me rot here in jail?’” Florida waitress Michealle Wahlberg, 46, told The ENQUIRER in an exclusive interview.

“They’re millionaires who could free me in an instant, but all I’ve heard is silence.”

Michealle admits she beat a crack addiction nine years ago, but insists she was only drinking wine before she allegedly fired four bullets from a .45 Glock pistol at her live-in boyfriend, construction superintendent Lonnie Johnson, at 4 a.m. on April 13.

While she claims she never intended to hit Lonnie, a Melbourne, Fla., Police Department report obtained by The ENQUIRER tells a different story.

“The defendant intentionally and unlawfully threatened [Lonnie] by retrieving a handgun from the house… and pointed it at [him],” Officer Nicholas Faria wrote in the report.

I can’t believe the insensitivity of Donnie and Mark Wahlberg who won’t even bail their drunk-ass sister out of jail for shooting at her boyfriend four times. C’mon guys! She never meant for those bullets to hit him! And she is totally off the crack and just drinks wine now! What a couple of hard-asses.

I do think Sister Wahlberg is wrong about one thing though. There is no way Donnie Wahlberg has “millions of dollars,” because if he did there is no way he would be doing this punk-ass New Kids on the Block reunion tour. That sounds like his own personal jail to me. What do you want to bet that Marky Mark doesn’t return his calls either?

Sister Wahlberg should totally call up Billy Baldwin, Eric Roberts, and Rebbie Jackson. They could start their own support group or something: Siblings of Rich Ass Famous People Who Won’t Return Our Calls.

Mark Wahlberg, Donnie Wahlberg, New Kids on the Block

Ha! You thought from that headline that CSI hottie Gary Dourdan was busted soliciting an undercover police officer in a public restroom, didn’t you? Admit it, that was your first thought. It’s okay.

That wasn’t the case, but like Mr. Michael, Mr. Dourdan was found asleep in the driver’s side of his car, which was parked on the wrong side of the street and the officer who found him stated that he appeared disoriented and under the influence of something. Like most people, I think, would are found sleeping in their cars parked on the wrong side of the street. Also found in the car: cocaine, heroin, ecstasy, prescription drugs, and drug paraphernalia. EPIC FAIL.

I haven’t watched much CSI but I’m pretty sure that Dourdan’s character on the show had an addiction — I believe to gambling. A little CSI-rony at work!

CSI, Gary Dourdan, George Michael

I’m guessing that Wesley Snipes isn’t high-kickin’ much these days now that the Internal Revenue Service has caught up with him and is putting the Snipe-down on him. Snipes, star of the Blade movies, White Men Can’t Jump and one of my personal favorites To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar.

Apparently Wes didn’t file tax returns for several years. Prosecutors claim he didn’t file from 1999 to 2004 and apparently jurors found that he didn’t file 1999 to 2001. How can jurors make that decision? It seems pretty straightforward! Either he filed or he didn’t and the IRS would now that? How does this even go to trial?

My inability to comprehend the American tax system aside, Snipes has been sentenced to three years in the poky. He didn’t file because of some bullshit reason about the IRS not being a “properly established public agency” and some crap out being a “stateless person.” It seems that when it comes to communications with the IRS, Snipes channeled his character in Wong Foo, Noxema Jackson: “Approval neither desired or required!”

Wesley Snipes, IRS

Sometimes waiting until the last possible moment to write this blog pays off. According to TMZ Nick Carter’s baby bro, Aaron, was busted earlier today in Kimble County, Texas with over two ounces of marijuana! The blonde twink was pulled over on I-10 earlier today for speeding — and when authorities decided to search his vehicle, they found…surprise a big pile of doobie weighing in at least two ounces!

Aaron, 20, is currently in jail until later today, when a judge will be present for his arraignment. More on this later today if we get around to reporting it. Writing so gets in the way of eating cheetos.

People magazine is reporting that Heidi Fleiss was arrested for DUI and for drug possession. What a fall from power? In the 1990s she was known as the Hollywood Madam, catering to the sexual proclivities and perversions of the stars and now she’s been arrested in Pahrump, Nevada for drunk driving and having pills without a perscription. Lame! I mean, even when she was arrested in 1997 and served time for tax evasion, she still had a reputation for being cool and glamorous and all that jazz. She was a madam, but of course she didn’t deal with “hookers” but with “escorts.” That’s just so much, cleaner isn’t it? But despite the notariety she obtained at the time of her arrest and after writing a book, Fleiss still seems pretty troubled — drunk driving and drug possession. Seems like she’s headed back for the big house. Maybe she just needs material for another book.

Heidi Fleiss Arrested on Drug Charges

Former Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss was arrested in Nevada on Thursday for investigation of driving under the influence and possessing drugs without a prescription.

Fleiss, 42, was released on $1,300 bail following her morning arrest near her home in Pahrump, police say.

Nye County, Nev., deputies responded to a DUI call and contacted the onetime madam – who now runs a laundry – at 9:23 a.m.

“During the investigation she was found to have prescription narcotics on her person, not in a prescription bottle, and could produce no evidence that the prescription pain medication had been prescribed to her,” police said in a press release. “She was arrested and transported to [jail].”

A male passenger in her car, identified as John Owen, 53, was also arrested for possession of marijuana and being under the influence.

What I didn’t know until recently, however, is that Fleiss opened a laundromat near Pahrump, NV called “Dirty Laundry,” which: hahahahahahahahaha! Good one, Heidi. Obvious, but still a good one. I also wasn’t aware that she had or has plans to open a legal brothel (go with what you know) in Nevada called “Heidi Fleiss’ Stud Farm.” I’m not sure if this is the same brothel she planned to open that is an exact replica of the White House. Either way, very funny, and I love the joking, lighthearted approach she has taken with her past legal troubles. That’s what makes this latest arrest so hard to understand …. if you can make fun of what may have been a huge embarrassment to most people (and still manage to make money from it) then why do you end up drinking and drugging and driving? I don’t get it.

Heidi Fleiss, Hollywood Madam, Dirty Laundry

A big “No-duh” struck MLB yesterday when Barry Bonds was indicted for perjury and obstruction of justice for telling a federal grand jury he did not knowingly use performance-enhancing drugs. “Liar, liar pants on fire!” Shouted the grand jury. “I’m rubber and you’re glue,” replied Bonds, “whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you!” “Well you’re a big fat poopy head!” Said the FGJ “And I’m telling!” Well, that’s sort of what happened.

In all actuality, this means there might be a trip to prison in his future instead of Cooperstown (where the Baseball Hall of Fame is for those of you who don’t follow the sport where people hit a small white ball with a long wood bat).

This little ditty has come just three months after the San Francisco Giants star broke Hank Aaron’s career home run record of 755.

“During the criminal investigation,” the indictment read, “evidence was obtained including positive tests for the presence of anabolic steroids and other performance-enhancing substances for Bonds and other professional athletes.”

The government type people laid out seven full pages of alleged lies, ending its four-year investigation of Bonds that started with a raid on the Bay Area Laboratory Co-operative (BALCO) that was the epicenter for performance-enhancing drug use. All in all it cites 19 occasions in which Bonds allegedly lied under oath.

If convicted, Bonds could be sentenced to a maximum of 30 years in prison. And ain’t no one paying $750,000 for a ball you hit over a wall in prison. However, you may get a pack of smokes and a nice back rub.

Barry Bonds, BALCO, steroids, San Francisco Giants