Trashy Celebs

So, yeah, it must really suck to be the sibling of somebody famous. I mean in some cases they might give you jobs and stuff but in some cases they just leave you to ROT IN JAIL just because you made a little mistake and fired four shots at your live-in boyfriend at 4AM on morning.

WAHLBERGS’ SISTER STILL WAITING FOR BROTHERS TO BAIL HER OUT OF JAIL

The sister of Hollywood stars Mark and Donnie Wahlberg is in jail on gun charges after firing four shots at her boyfriend - and claims her wealthy siblings have ignored her pleas to help her make bail.

“I cry myself to sleep every night thinking, ‘How can my brothers let me rot here in jail?’” Florida waitress Michealle Wahlberg, 46, told The ENQUIRER in an exclusive interview.

“They’re millionaires who could free me in an instant, but all I’ve heard is silence.”

Michealle admits she beat a crack addiction nine years ago, but insists she was only drinking wine before she allegedly fired four bullets from a .45 Glock pistol at her live-in boyfriend, construction superintendent Lonnie Johnson, at 4 a.m. on April 13.

While she claims she never intended to hit Lonnie, a Melbourne, Fla., Police Department report obtained by The ENQUIRER tells a different story.

“The defendant intentionally and unlawfully threatened [Lonnie] by retrieving a handgun from the house… and pointed it at [him],” Officer Nicholas Faria wrote in the report.

I can’t believe the insensitivity of Donnie and Mark Wahlberg who won’t even bail their drunk-ass sister out of jail for shooting at her boyfriend four times. C’mon guys! She never meant for those bullets to hit him! And she is totally off the crack and just drinks wine now! What a couple of hard-asses.

I do think Sister Wahlberg is wrong about one thing though. There is no way Donnie Wahlberg has “millions of dollars,” because if he did there is no way he would be doing this punk-ass New Kids on the Block reunion tour. That sounds like his own personal jail to me. What do you want to bet that Marky Mark doesn’t return his calls either?

Sister Wahlberg should totally call up Billy Baldwin, Eric Roberts, and Rebbie Jackson. They could start their own support group or something: Siblings of Rich Ass Famous People Who Won’t Return Our Calls.

Mark Wahlberg, Donnie Wahlberg, New Kids on the Block

Ha! You thought from that headline that CSI hottie Gary Dourdan was busted soliciting an undercover police officer in a public restroom, didn’t you? Admit it, that was your first thought. It’s okay.

That wasn’t the case, but like Mr. Michael, Mr. Dourdan was found asleep in the driver’s side of his car, which was parked on the wrong side of the street and the officer who found him stated that he appeared disoriented and under the influence of something. Like most people, I think, would are found sleeping in their cars parked on the wrong side of the street. Also found in the car: cocaine, heroin, ecstasy, prescription drugs, and drug paraphernalia. EPIC FAIL.

I haven’t watched much CSI but I’m pretty sure that Dourdan’s character on the show had an addiction — I believe to gambling. A little CSI-rony at work!

CSI, Gary Dourdan, George Michael

I’m guessing that Wesley Snipes isn’t high-kickin’ much these days now that the Internal Revenue Service has caught up with him and is putting the Snipe-down on him. Snipes, star of the Blade movies, White Men Can’t Jump and one of my personal favorites To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar.

Apparently Wes didn’t file tax returns for several years. Prosecutors claim he didn’t file from 1999 to 2004 and apparently jurors found that he didn’t file 1999 to 2001. How can jurors make that decision? It seems pretty straightforward! Either he filed or he didn’t and the IRS would now that? How does this even go to trial?

My inability to comprehend the American tax system aside, Snipes has been sentenced to three years in the poky. He didn’t file because of some bullshit reason about the IRS not being a “properly established public agency” and some crap out being a “stateless person.” It seems that when it comes to communications with the IRS, Snipes channeled his character in Wong Foo, Noxema Jackson: “Approval neither desired or required!”

Wesley Snipes, IRS

Sometimes waiting until the last possible moment to write this blog pays off. According to TMZ Nick Carter’s baby bro, Aaron, was busted earlier today in Kimble County, Texas with over two ounces of marijuana! The blonde twink was pulled over on I-10 earlier today for speeding — and when authorities decided to search his vehicle, they found…surprise a big pile of doobie weighing in at least two ounces!

Aaron, 20, is currently in jail until later today, when a judge will be present for his arraignment. More on this later today if we get around to reporting it. Writing so gets in the way of eating cheetos.

People magazine is reporting that Heidi Fleiss was arrested for DUI and for drug possession. What a fall from power? In the 1990s she was known as the Hollywood Madam, catering to the sexual proclivities and perversions of the stars and now she’s been arrested in Pahrump, Nevada for drunk driving and having pills without a perscription. Lame! I mean, even when she was arrested in 1997 and served time for tax evasion, she still had a reputation for being cool and glamorous and all that jazz. She was a madam, but of course she didn’t deal with “hookers” but with “escorts.” That’s just so much, cleaner isn’t it? But despite the notariety she obtained at the time of her arrest and after writing a book, Fleiss still seems pretty troubled — drunk driving and drug possession. Seems like she’s headed back for the big house. Maybe she just needs material for another book.

Heidi Fleiss Arrested on Drug Charges

Former Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss was arrested in Nevada on Thursday for investigation of driving under the influence and possessing drugs without a prescription.

Fleiss, 42, was released on $1,300 bail following her morning arrest near her home in Pahrump, police say.

Nye County, Nev., deputies responded to a DUI call and contacted the onetime madam – who now runs a laundry – at 9:23 a.m.

“During the investigation she was found to have prescription narcotics on her person, not in a prescription bottle, and could produce no evidence that the prescription pain medication had been prescribed to her,” police said in a press release. “She was arrested and transported to [jail].”

A male passenger in her car, identified as John Owen, 53, was also arrested for possession of marijuana and being under the influence.

What I didn’t know until recently, however, is that Fleiss opened a laundromat near Pahrump, NV called “Dirty Laundry,” which: hahahahahahahahaha! Good one, Heidi. Obvious, but still a good one. I also wasn’t aware that she had or has plans to open a legal brothel (go with what you know) in Nevada called “Heidi Fleiss’ Stud Farm.” I’m not sure if this is the same brothel she planned to open that is an exact replica of the White House. Either way, very funny, and I love the joking, lighthearted approach she has taken with her past legal troubles. That’s what makes this latest arrest so hard to understand …. if you can make fun of what may have been a huge embarrassment to most people (and still manage to make money from it) then why do you end up drinking and drugging and driving? I don’t get it.

Heidi Fleiss, Hollywood Madam, Dirty Laundry

A big “No-duh” struck MLB yesterday when Barry Bonds was indicted for perjury and obstruction of justice for telling a federal grand jury he did not knowingly use performance-enhancing drugs. “Liar, liar pants on fire!” Shouted the grand jury. “I’m rubber and you’re glue,” replied Bonds, “whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you!” “Well you’re a big fat poopy head!” Said the FGJ “And I’m telling!” Well, that’s sort of what happened.

In all actuality, this means there might be a trip to prison in his future instead of Cooperstown (where the Baseball Hall of Fame is for those of you who don’t follow the sport where people hit a small white ball with a long wood bat).

This little ditty has come just three months after the San Francisco Giants star broke Hank Aaron’s career home run record of 755.

“During the criminal investigation,” the indictment read, “evidence was obtained including positive tests for the presence of anabolic steroids and other performance-enhancing substances for Bonds and other professional athletes.”

The government type people laid out seven full pages of alleged lies, ending its four-year investigation of Bonds that started with a raid on the Bay Area Laboratory Co-operative (BALCO) that was the epicenter for performance-enhancing drug use. All in all it cites 19 occasions in which Bonds allegedly lied under oath.

If convicted, Bonds could be sentenced to a maximum of 30 years in prison. And ain’t no one paying $750,000 for a ball you hit over a wall in prison. However, you may get a pack of smokes and a nice back rub.

Barry Bonds, BALCO, steroids, San Francisco Giants

From the Telegraph:

Boy George, the singer and DJ, has been charged with false imprisonment after allegedly chaining a male escort to a wall in his home.

Norwegian escort Auden Carlsen, 28, claims he was grabbed and chained to a wall by George and another man after the singer invited him back to his London flat to pose for photographs.

Scotland Yard said today that the 47-year-old singer, who was first arrested in April, had now been charged over an incident in his flat.

The singer, whose real name is George O’Dowd, was released on bail and ordered to attend Thames Magistrates Court next week.

Police said: “George O’Dowd, 47, a musician of Ravey Street, EC2, is charged with the false imprisonment of a 28-year-old in Ravey Street on April 28.

“He has been bailed to return before Thames Magistrates Court on November 22.”

What the hell is up with Boy George? Is he trying to compete with George Michael for the Fuck-Up of the Year Award? Can he just not get enough of the orange jumpsuit? And why the hell is is still wearing all that crap on his face? Boy George, you were all edgy in shit back in the 80s with the androgyny thing and the makeup and the ambiguous sexuality thing, but really, that time for all that has passed. At this point you should be more Elton John and less Britney Spears.

Come on now, George. You may now all there is to know about the crying game, but it sure seems you don’t know how to act right. Pull it together, release some monster of a comeback album, and then tell everyone to fuck off!

Boy George, George Michael, Culture Club, Britney Spears, The Crying Game

Star magazine has something, um, juicy? No? Maybe, uh, dampish? In-need-of-some-basting-gossip? Or is it dry-as-an-overcooked-turkey gossip? You decide.

Rebecca De Mornay Busted For DUI
Risky Business star Rebecca De Mornay was arrested on Oct. 30 by Beverly Hills police. TMZ reports that the cops pulled over De Mornay for an unknown traffic violation and they “immediately detected an odor of alcoholic beverages.” De Mornay then failed several field sobriety tests, police say, and her blood alcohol level was .09. She was taken into custody, cited and released.

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I am sure that you all are simply stunned to hear about yet another brush with violence and idiocy Kid Rock had this past weekend, this time at an Atlanta, GA Waffle House. Yes, a Waffle House. I don’t know what I can write about this that makes it more embarrassing or ridiculous than it already is. I mean, really, a brawl at a Waffle House? That is almost as embarrassing as a brawl with Tommy Lee at the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards.

ATLANTA, Georgia (AP) — Kid Rock was arrested early Sunday after a brawl at a restaurant and spent about 12 hours in jail before being released, police said.

Kid Rock and his entourage were involved in a brawl at an Atlanta restaurant early Sunday morning.

The musician stopped at the Waffle House restaurant shortly after 5 a.m. after his performance at The Tabernacle in Atlanta, authorities said.

“He and five members of his entourage were involved in a fight with a male customer inside the Waffle House,” said Mekka Parish, a spokeswoman for the DeKalb County Police Department.

The customer recognized a female with Kid Rock’s party and exchanged words with her, Parish said.

“It escalated to a physical altercation between Kid Rock and that male customer and moved outside to the parking lot,” she said. At some point the customer punched out a restaurant window, she said. Kid Rock left in his tour bus and was stopped by police about a mile from the restaurant, Parish said. The musician and five members of his entourage were taken into custody on a misdemeanor charge of simple battery.

The other customer was charged with criminal damage to property, a felony, Parish said. Kid Rock was released from the county jail on bond about 5 p.m. A telephone message left with Kid Rock’s publicist was not immediately returned.

Now, I know I live a very, very, very different lifestyle that rock and roll “stars” like Mr. Kid Rock. At 5:15 A.M., when he is apparently just getting around to having dinner, I am soundly sleeping, unless my cats are making some sort of unreasonable demand. I do not have an entourage, unless you count said cats and a small dog following me around at dinner time. I wash my hair occasionally. I do not wear wifebeaters unless it is to sleep in. And I was never married to Pamela Anderson, not even for 20 minutes in Vegas. But even though Mr. Rock and I are about the same age (shut up) I have to say, I feel much, much older than him.

But really, can I say that I might not have done the same thing? I do not know! Perhaps if I made a late night/early morning trip for some burgers and fries or chicken and waffles or scattered and smothered potatoes (yuummmm!) and someone insulted my female companion, I might start a brawl as well. That is, I might if I had an entourage to back me up, a big cushy tour bus to make my escape, and oh, yeah, number one album to promote. Rock N Roll Jesus, Kid Rock? Whatever.

Kid Rock, Pamela Anderson, Waffle House, Tommy Lee, MTV Video Music Awards, Kid Rock brawl Waffle House

In a Shameless ploy to keep up with the Joneses, the Joneses being the FOX network, ABC is sending former Lost star Michelle Rodriguez to jail. Not to be outdone by FOX’s 24 star Kiefer Sutherland’s spankin’ new jail time, Rodriguez has selflessly agreed to do time for the cause. The “straight” actress was sentenced Wednesday to at least 120 days in jail for violating probation in a DUI case.

“(She) admitted violating her probation by failing to provide proof of completion of her community service and for consuming alcohol three times while wearing an alcohol-monitoring device,” said the L.A. City Attorney’s office in a statement.

But we know the Girl Fight star was just taking one for the team to get on the good graces of ABC execs. She’s doing this knowing that this time won’t be a slap on the wrist neither. Superior Court Judge Daviann L. Mitchell ruled that the actress is not to be granted an early release, despite L.A.’s jail overcrowding. She was also ordered to complete 30 days of road clean-up duty.

If you recall, in May 2006, she served only four hours and 20 minutes of a two-month sentence at the Lynwood, Calif., jail for violating probation, stemming from a DUI arrest in Hawaii in December 2005.

The City Attorney’s office had alleged that Rodriguez turned in a false document showing that she completed one day of service on Sept. 25, court filings show. The actress later stated that she was in New York on that date. C’mon homes, she was acting like she was there, isn’t that good enough?

Rodriguez, must report to L.A. County jail by December 24, 2007. Merry F’in Xmas ABC!

Michelle Rodriguez, DUI, Kiefer Sutherland, Lost, 24, ABC, FOX

This past Friday night, Paris Hilton made an appearance on Late Show with David Letterman, and apparently there were some communication problems between her and her publicist, because she thought she was there to promote a new fragrance (smell like post-prison Paris!), a new clothing line, and a new movie. Letterman, it seems, felt her appearance was all so he could, rather relentlessly, question, annoy, and nitpick her about her time in prison. Check out the segment below. Be sure you watch until at least the 6:23 mark, when Paris actually pouts.

Apparently no one on Paris’ staff has actually taken the time to teach her how to deal with difficult interviews, because it really doesn’t seem like she handled this one very well. And c’mon, is her publicist eight years old? Because you’d have to be pretty young and new to show business to not realize that if you go on Letterman’s show just a couple of months after your prison scandal, he is indeed going to give you a hard time about it. That is just what Letterman does.

I do have to say, though, that is the first time I’ve heard him offer to buy someone a parakeet to make amends.

This just in: we here at Trashy Celebs have found an inside source which tells us that Hilton’s lawyers attempted to negotiate the length of her segment on the Late Show from the full nine minutes down to a much shorter four minutes, and time served on previous interviews. She was released by a stagehand, only to have a judge order her to return to the Ed Sullivan theatre and serve the full nine minutes as agreed by her agent and the Late Show producers.

Paris Hilton, David Letterman, Late Show, Late Show with David Letterman

50 Cent lost major homeboy points this weekend while hanging out with Paris Hilton in Las Vegas for the MTV Video Music Awards. Look for more coverage tomorrow morning as we not-so-live blog the VMA’s.

50 Cent, Paris Hilton, MTV Video Music Awards

Being a slow celeb gossip day we once again unleashed our pug Muriel to comment on the Michael Vick trial. Yesterday Vick pled guilty and threw himself at the wolves, aka a judge, and admitted to charges of dog fighting. Since Vick is such a public figure, Muriel thought it appropriate to get the reaction of another celebrity who’s in tune with the pulse of man and dog, Star Jones’s Maltese, Pinkie.

Muriel: THANK YOU VERY MUCH PINKIE FOR BEING WITH US TODAY

Pinkie: YOU ARE VERY MUCH WELCOME MURIEL THE PUG

M: SO WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THE VICK?

P: I DO BELIEVE THE VICK IS A VERY LARGE BASTARD THAT I WOULD LIKE TO BITE

M: YES, WE HAVE ESTABLISHED THAT THIS IS THE WISH OF MANY A DOG AND THAT THE VICK WOULD BE TASTING OF BASTARD.

P: VERY TRUE MURIEL. COME TO THINK OF IT HE PROBABLY TASTES 100 TIMES WORSE THAN THE STAR JONES WHO OWNES ME.

M: IS THAT SO? WHAT DOES THE STAR JONES WHO OWNES YOU TASTE LIKE. I CAN ONLY IMAGINE SHE TASTES VERY MUCH OF BRIE THAT HAS BEEN LOST IN THE COUCH CUSHION FOR FIVE WEEKS.

P: NO SHE DOES NOT TASTE OF THAT BUT YOU ARE VERY CLOSE MURIEL. EVER SINCE HER DIET SHE TASTES LESS OF THE BRIE AND MORE OF THE LAUGHING COW VARIETY OF OLD CHEESE. IT IS STILL NOT PLEASENT TO BITE HER BUT THE AL REYNOLDS IS VERY PLESEANT TO BITE. IMAGINE IF CALVIN KLEIN AND LADY GODIVA HAD A GAY LOVE CHILD. THAT IS WHAT THE AL REYNOLDS TASTES LIKE. IF YOU’D LIKE WE CAN BOTH GO AND BITE HIM NOW.

M: THAT SOUNDS VERY LOVELY TO ME. THIS IS THE END OF THE INTERVIEW.

Ok, yeah. We learned our lesson about letting some dogs discuss major news stories. I guess we should cancel our special coverage of the nation’s obesity crisis with guest coverage by DMX’s dogs.

DMX. Michael Vick, Star Jones, Calvin Klein

We’ve found our Trashy Celeb Douche of the Week early this week! Professional Ray Charles wannabe Jamie Foxx has been busy douching up the place by defending professional dog abuser and football player, Michael Vick.

He says, “It’s a cultural thing, I think. Most brothers didn’t know that, you know. I used to see dogs fighting in the neighborhood all the time. I didn’t know that was Fed time. So, Mike probably just didn’t read his handbook on what not to do as a black star.

“I know that cruelty to animals is bad, but sometimes people shoot people and kill people and don’t get time.

“I think in this situation, he really didn’t know the extent of it, so I always give him the benefit of the doubt.”

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Whatta concert! First some overzealous female fan grabs his package and then someone accidentally takes his pinky ring. What’s with all the classless people going to Tim McGraw concerts these day?

But has anyone noticed that it seems like someone not only stole his ring, but his sleeves and shirt buttons as well. Security!

Tim McGraw, Faith Hill, Soul2Soul, Tim McGraw stolen ring