Trashy Celebs

An ex-mistress of Rap mogul Sean “Diddy” Combs revealed oily details of his extremely exorbitant lifestyle to the UK’s Sunday Mirror. Nai Bacha who met the singer last year in Toronto tells of his crazy appetite for parties and long-lasting boink-fests that involved a whole mess of baby oil. Oh and also how Diddy cheated on the mother of his twins, Kim Porter, before and after she gave birth. We wonder if J-Lo would have put up with that noise?

Nai says: “Sean’s life has to be seen to be believed. He calls himself The King - and even Prince Charles cannot be any more demanding than he is. He has a cast of thousands to ensure his life is perfect. They hang on his every need - he has one man just to pour his drinks, one to cut his hair and shave him…and two entire teams to look after his jewelery and clothes.”

She goes on to say “Sean knows how to take care of his lady. We had the most amazing sex ever. He loves baby oil all over his body. He’s the most amazing sensual lover I’ve ever had.”

We’re guessing he applies the baby-oil himself but Nai did go into details about the insane amount of everyday things Puffy’s, yeah I called him Puffy, staff does for him. In fact he’s so obsessed with grooming that he has his own personal barber that travels with him. “That’s the only man on the planet who can trim his hair or give him a shave. Sean never shaves himself.” But that’s just the beginning. He has a whole team devoted to P-dressing him that care for a traveling wardrobe of 80 suits that are laid out for inspection every night.

Nai says: “Sean is always immaculately dressed and that takes military precision. He has one guy in charge of his wardrobe, another who’s responsible for putting different outfits together. When he came to London he had wardrobes filled with suits. There were about 80 from the biggest designers in the world - but only in black or white. The cheapest cost about £2,000. (almost 4,000 bucks if you were speaking American).

“Then there’s his cook Diane, who is on call all day and night. It might be 6am and he’ll want porridge. Diane is always on standby ready to make a perfect bowl.”

Diddy also pays a team of aides with absurdly specific jobs. “There was someone whose sole job for the day was to mix Sean’s favorite cocktail, Patron Silver tequila with ice,” says Nai. “He wasn’t allowed to make drinks for anyone else. Sean also has someone whose only job is to play his own records wherever he goes. I never heard him listening to anyone else’s music.”

Nai goes on with a butt-load more details about what kind of gum he likes (fruity, not minty) and how he always has to have Heinz Ketchup (not Catsup, that’ll get you slapped) on hand.

Apparently this big insight into D’s personal extravagance was brought on because he’s been oiling up actress Sienna Miller. Nia was on hand while Diddy, Miller, his barber, Ketchup provider and whoever else dinned at exclusive London restaurant Cipriani.

“Throughout the dinner he was fork-feeding Sienna from his plate. They were baby-talking each other, ‘baby this and baby that’.

“They were really flirty and I felt disrespected. It was obvious what was going on. You could see the body language. I just sat there and thought, ‘How can this be happening?’ What really shocked me was when Sienna said to Sean, ‘Oh baby, are you getting all oiled-up and s***?’

“He was like, ‘Oops’. I thought using baby oil was our little secret - but I guess not.”

But according to Nia, Diddy and Miller were arguing later in the evening. So her hopes of being his future Ipod carrier are still a go.

Sean “Diddy” Combs, Sienna Miller, Nia Bacha, Baby Oil

Poor, poor Katherine Heigl. She’s had a tough month. Not only did an announcer mispronounce her name during the Emmy Awards broadcast, but she has to wear invisible fancy braces AND she has to shop for a gosh-darn wedding dress. Life is rough for the actress who stars in Grey’s Anatomy AND who was named on of FHM’s “100 Sexiest Women in the World” not once but twice.

Why doesn’t she just get married in her Emmy dress and save some cash?

Katherine Heigl sure looks like she has a great smile but it turns out the picture perfect blonde wears Invisalign clear invisible braces! “I got them because of this wonky tooth. I was like, ‘OK, I can’t take it.’ It’s awesome because every two weeks you switch to a new retainer,” the Grey’s Anatomy star explains in the October issue of In Style. “Pretty much the perfect way to describe Invisalign is Netflix for your teeth.” Heigl also talked about finding a gown for her upcoming wedding to fiancé Josh Kelly. “My sister is getting married too, so we looked for dresses together. After about five stores I was like, ‘I’m done.’ Everyone says, ‘You just know when you put that dress on.’ My sister found the right dress just like that. So I know it can happen. But it’s grueling.”

The Emmy winner will have some help planning for her big day, she reveals. “I hired a planner. I want it to be fun. And I don’t want to freak out or stress.”

Katherine needs to look on the bright side. She’s best friends with a Power Gay, she’s about to marry a singer that no one is ever heard of, and she might even get named one of the 100 Sexiest Women in the World again.

And besides, I’m sure all the orchard workers, truck stop waitresses, and telephone customer service representatives have lots of sympathy for her grueling schedule of wedding dress shopping.

Katherine Heigl, Grey’s Anatomy, FHM, 100 Sexiest Women in the World

So it seems that 50 Cent has lost the much hyped yet still boring “sales battle” with rapper Kanye West. This week, West’s album Graduation sold 957,000 copies to 691,000 copes to 50 Cent’s Curtis.

Fifty, who is planning a world tour for his album, was conciliatory in defeat. In a statement to the AP, which didn’t address whether he planned to make good on his vow to retire, he said: “I am very excited to have participated in one of the biggest album release weeks in the last two years. Collectively, we have sold hundreds of thousands of units in our debut week. This marks a great moment for hip-hop music, one that will go down in history.”

I wouldn’t worry too much about Mr. Cent though, folks. Not only is he hanging out with superduo Justin Timberlake and Timbaland …
(more…)

Ah what to do when you’re about five years past being relevant, have a lot of pent up hostility and completely full of nonsensical suckitude? Lash out at the gays of course. For some reason someone interviewed Ja Rule about what he thought about the upcoming Congressional Meeting on Hip-Hop. The newly crowned king of Doucheyness took the opportunity to go on a little rant about MTV and gays. From sohh.com:

We need to go step to Paramount, and f–king MGM, and all of these other motherf–kers that’s making all of these movies and we need to go step to MTV and Viacom, and lets talk about all these f–king shows that they have on MTV that is promoting homosexuality, that my kids can’t watch this sh-t,” he continued. “Dating shows that’s showing two guys or two girls in mid-afternoon. Let’s talk about s–t like that! If that’s not f–king up America, I don’t know what is.”

Now we’re not sure what Ja thinks it takes to f-up America but we’re pretty sure a some tanked-up bisexuals isn’t it. And just to make a point, lyrics from Ja’s 2003 release Niggas and Bitches:

Niggas! Grip the iron and keep it cocked
Bitches! Work your clit keep that pussy hot
Cause it’s all about sex, money, and murder
Bitches that burn ya, niggas with burners
Cocked and let go!

Yeah, judging from that I’m thinking Ja Rule should jast rule out speaking in public again.

Ja Rule, MTV, Gays, Viacom, Congressional Meeting on Hip Hop

I’ve witnessed some bitter breakups, but damn, this one takes the country music cake.

Country star Sara Evans’ husband is asking the singer in a court filing whether she was romantically involved with nearly a dozen people, including Kenny Chesney, Richard Marx and former “Dancing With The Stars” partner Tony Dovolani.

The 118-page document was filed Tuesday in Williamson County chancery court as part of Evans’ divorce from Craig Schelske, according to The Tennessean newspaper.

It asks Evans to state under oath and penalty of perjury whether or not she admits to “an affair/sexual relationship/romantic involvement” with Chesney, Marx, Dovolani or any member of her band. It also seeks to find out if there was any relationship with Brad Arnold, Matt Roberts, Todd Harrell or Chris Henderson — all members of the group 3 Doors Down.

The questions are included in a document used to obtain information from opposing parties during legal proceedings.

Evans has not yet responded, and the court filing provides no evidence that she had relationships with any of the named people.

That’s harsh. Not only is he accusing her of cheating and not only is he naming names, but he’s submitted a list of names, basically using the court system to call his wife a hussy. And on top of that are the people he’s accused her of sleeping with. Richard Marx (who had the most spectacular mullet in the early 1990s), Kenny Chesney (the former Mr. Renee “PinchyFace” Zellweger) and all three members of the mediocre alternative radio band 3 Doors Down.

Jeez, you douche. If you’re going to accuse your wife of sleeping around, at least choose partners that will help her further her career, so she can pay that palimony you will undoubtedly sue for next. Why don’t you just be a man and save some time and money and go get drunk with your friends and punch a wall.

Sara Evans, Craig Schelske, Richard Marx, Kenny Chesney, Renee Zellweger, 3 Doors Down

Isn’t it cute when older celebrities try to be all cutting edge and try to imitate younger, hipper, more assholic celebrities? This weekend, some time around hour 18 at the traditional Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon, Lewis uttered the gay slur made famous by Isaiah Washington and single-handedly caused bloggers all over the internet to say, “Aw! Isn’t that just the CUTEST THING!”

The 81-year-old showman — prowling about the stage during the live telecast Monday in Las Vegas — was goofing around and dodging his cameraman, then went into a ramble about imaginary family members.

“Oh, your family has come to see you,” he said, speaking to the camera and gesturing toward thin air.

“You remember Bart, your older son,” he said, and motioning toward another unseen character, “Jesse, the illiterate f—–.

“No,” Lewis said, quickly stopping himself before continuing.

Monday’s monologue prompted a critical statement Tuesday from the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation.

Neil Giuliano, GLAAD president, called Lewis’ use of the term “simply unacceptable.”

Click here to see TMZ’s video of the faux pas.

This year’s telethon set a record, raising nearly $64 million, more than any previous year, so thankfully the kids this event is meant to benefit won’t feel any ill effects from Lewis’s attempt at hippness. No word on if Lewis is going to change his trademark line from “Hey laaaaaaaaaaaaady!” to “Hey faaaaaaaaaaggot!” However, a line of cuddly Jerry Lewis dolls which repeat various ethnic, religious, anti-gay, and misogynistic epithets is said to be in the works.

Jerry Lewis issued an apology on Tuesday. Isaiah Washington could not be reached for comment.

Jerry Lewis, telethon, Labor Day Telethon, Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon, gay slur

We’ve found our Trashy Celeb Douche of the Week early this week! Professional Ray Charles wannabe Jamie Foxx has been busy douching up the place by defending professional dog abuser and football player, Michael Vick.

He says, “It’s a cultural thing, I think. Most brothers didn’t know that, you know. I used to see dogs fighting in the neighborhood all the time. I didn’t know that was Fed time. So, Mike probably just didn’t read his handbook on what not to do as a black star.

“I know that cruelty to animals is bad, but sometimes people shoot people and kill people and don’t get time.

“I think in this situation, he really didn’t know the extent of it, so I always give him the benefit of the doubt.”

(more…)

(Don’t you just love how his drink matches his shirt?)

Rapper and vocabulary trendsetter Kanye West celebrated his 30th birthday in June at a party at New York’s Tenjune nightclub. The event was attended by such A-list celebrities as Mariah Carey, Rihanna (and her umbrella - ella - ella - ay -ay), Ashlee Simpson, and Pete Wentz. (And I’d really like to know if this group all went through the Taco Bell drive thru together after the party.) It has also been reported that Kanye’s name was misspelled …. as Kayne (isn’t that the guy from Project Runway) …. on his own birthday cake. How sad!

Kayne Kanye apparently commenced with the annoying just seconds before midnight:

As the celebrations began,Kayne Kanye said: “I’m in my 20s as we speak right now, but at midnight, I’ll be 30. I’m already 30 in Japan and London and everywhere else.”

Way to forget the entire midwest, central plains, west coast, Alaska, and Hawaii Kayne Kanye! But I guess your birthday is kind of like New Year’s Rockin’ Eve in Times Square …. once the ball drops in EST everyone packs up and goes home and the rest of the country ends up standing there awkwardly with a stupid party hat and a handful of confetti getting all sweaty in our palms.

After the birthday was over, however, West got down to the serious business of educating the world about proper vocabulary:

“Only white people and older black people say ‘bling’ now. If a white person uses slang too early, then that makes them look like a wigger. But if black people use slang too late, then it makes them look like a wigger.”

Well, smell you, Nancy Drew. For the record, I don’t think I’ve ever used the term “bling,” (or “bling-bling” for that matter), unless it was an ironic use of course. Gee, I guess in Kayne Kanye West’s eyes, that makes me cool! Just what I needed! Validation on cutting edge hip-terminology from the guy who recorded a duet with Adam Levine!

Kanye West, Kanye West birthday, bling, Adam Levine

Kanye West, musician, composer and film critic felt MTV was wrong in snubbing Mel Gibson’s violent Mayan drama Apocalypto at Sunday’s Movie Awards. The MTV Movie Awards, known for their cerebral wit, and subtle social commentary do beat closer to the pulse of the nation than a spectacle such as the Oscars.

“My favorite movie this year was ‘Apocalypto,’ and I love Mel Gibson,” said West. “Sometimes I feel a little like Mel Gibson.”

West went on to say that he does enjoy the occasional drunken, misogynistic, religious tyrants, but no more than the average guy.

Winners of the MTV Movie Awards included Best Movie - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, Best Kiss - Will Ferrell & Sacha Baron Cohen, “Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby” and a shout out to Ms. Cleo with the new category Best Summer Movie You Haven’t Seen Yet, which the Michael Bay directed Transformers won.

Having been around MTV for a few years, West should have known a two and a half hour blood fest without a word of English had no chance up against Pirate sequels and Borat. Get with the program Kanye.

Kanye West, MTV Movie Awards, Borat, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, Mel Gibson, Apocalypto, Ms. Cleo, Michael Bay, Transformers

Maybe her love don’t cost a thing, but I’m guessing that Wal-Mart paid big bucks to have Jennifer Lopez play at the 2007 shareholders meeting. Now I am not a shareholder in Wal-Mart, but I don’t think I’d want my profits going to paying J. Lo to sing a few songs and do a few dances. And remember those commercials a while back, that had the Wal-Mart “Smile” logo dressed as Zorro and flying around the store, “slashing prices”? They should have had Marc Anthony dress up like that guy and run around the stage while J Lo. was singing. Why not? I haven’t seen him doing much lately besides escort her to various Hollywood events. What did he even do before he became Mr. J. Lo? Was he a singer? Did he have an album? Was he on TV? I don’t even remember. It’s all a blur, just like his Wikipedia picture.

Also performing were American Idol winner Jordin Sparks and “comedian,” Sinbad. I’m glad to see the former Different World actor is getting some work. If you want to help his career, apparently he is available for your next BBQ, bat mitzvah, or super sweet sixteen party.

I remember watching an HBO special of Sinbad’s once, but the only joke I can remember was about how hard it is to suck a McDonald’s milkshake through a straw. I’m guessing that Sinbad knows a little more about sucking these days, if he’s the emcee for the Wal-Mart shareholder’s meeting. AW, SNAP!

Jennifer Lopez, J. Lo, Wal-Mart, WalMart, Marc Anthony, Jordin Sparks, American Idol, Sinbad, HBO, My Super Sweet Sixteen, WalMart Shareholders Meeting

All of celebrity town is fed up with rotating door rehab queen Lindsay Lohan. After crashing her car, getting a DUI, possessing cocaine and going out and getting trashed the next night, Lohan has been daily front-page news. With Lindsay giving rehab another shot on Monday, other kinda famous people are trying their darndest to make some waves as well.

I’ll tumble for ya

Miss USA isn’t the center of the universe but thanks to Ms. Gravity she was the laughing stock of it. Aside from being booed during the Interview portion, thanks Bush Administration, Miss USA Rachel Smith took a nasty fall at the Miss Universe Pagent in Mexico City Monday night.

Said Ms. Gravity, ” I couldn’t let The United States take the shinning moment once again on the world stage. Plus I had a ten spot on Miss Japan to take it to the house.”

Ellen Barkin predicts future Fuggliness for Sco-Jo

Ellen Barkin told Entertainment Weekly that she fears for the future of Scarlett Johansson’s looks because she doesn’t think the actress will age well.

Barkin tells Entertainment Weekly magazine, “I look at that gorgeous little Scarlett Johansson and I think, ‘Oh, my God, what is that girl going to look like when she’s a woman?” When told of Barkin’s comment, Johansson replied “who?”

Britney says Don’t you forget about me

Even good ol’ Britney Spears got in on the wa-wa action yesterday by posting an open letter to her fans explaining her recent actions.

So Lindsay, stay in rehab this time. Reflect on your actions and of course hold back some of the crazy so other celebs don’t feel so left out.

Linsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Ellen Barkin, Miss USA, Scarlett Johansson, Gravity

Aww snap, Ms. Gravity is back and she’s barking mad at American Idol judge Paula Abdul…and her little dog too. Apparently Abdul tripped and broke her schnoze to avoid falling on her Chihuahua, Tulip. She goes into an explanation below and is seemingly angry at Tulip for not being more appreciative of her selfless deed.

When asked Tulip replied, “Excuse her! I’m not the one who thought doing her Jane Fonda with Kettle One instead of Aquafina was a good idea.”

“Amen sista,” added Ms. Gravity. “She needs to Rush, Rush her crazy ass to some therapy before she almost falls on more of God’s creatures.”

“Paula did seem to have two left feet on particular Sundays,” said forgotten crappy animated singer and “Opposites Attract” Abdul costar, MC Scat Cat. “But I abhor the negative publicity she receives about her possible drinking problem.”

“Whatever,” said Ms. Gravity. “For me there’s only one American Idol and that’s Kelly Clarkson. Paula, Randy and Simon should be a Where are They Now show on VH-1, not finishing up thier sixth season.”

Paula Abdul, American Idol, gravity, MC Scat Cat, Kelly Clarkson, Randy Jackson, Simon Cowell, Chihuahua, Tulip, Kettle One, Aquafina

Who doesn’t like personalized advice broadcast on the internet? Well Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis for one. Candy Spelling, aka Tori’s Mom, has been spewing unsolicited advice to the imprisoned booby purveyor courtesy of TMZ.com. Below are portions of a letter dated May 19th

Dear Joe,

As the headlines about you changed — to scream “imprisoned” and “U.S. marshals” instead of “filmmaker” and “entrepreneur,” you respond by crying, wailing and seeing yourself as a victim. Bad move. Today’s headlines call you a “crybaby.”

You blew it, Joe. Instead of jumping from party to party, you’re being shuffled from one prison to another. And no one feels sorry for you.

Your world has changed, and you’re the poster boy for what can happen when boys go wild. Your every move and every emotion are still being reported, but not the way you want. It’s time for some dignity. At least it might prevent you from being forever defined as a crybaby.

Sincerely,

Candy Spelling

Apparently Francis was read the note over the phone and wrote a well thought out response calling attention to the growing national problem of animal hoarding. We grew tired halfway through reading it so here are some highlights:

Dear Candy:

I don’t know you, I have never met you and I don’t know anything about you. After reading your letter posted on the internet, my mental picture of you is of a lonely old woman living in a mansion in Holmby Hills with let’s say 300 cats jumping around, some in their own feces.

I have tried to think to myself what would compel a woman such as yourself to write a letter to someone they have never met? Even worse, you are making up your mind based on headlines. I can understand you writing Paris Hilton a letter out of care because as you said in your letter, you have known her most of her life. Then again, it’s sad and pathetic you had the audacity to post that letter on the internet instead of just sending it to Paris personally.

I have never played a victim but I have always been a fighter. I will ultimately prevail in the matters at hand but I am concerned that you will die a lonely and unfulfilled person playing with those cats and posting open letters to people you have never met on the internet.

Sincerely,

Joe Francis

Despite the harsh words, Candy has chosen to ignore Francis’s letter and impart her wisdom on future unsuspecting celebs. Check back for relationship advice to the reunited and it feels so good couple of Joey Buttafuoco and Amy Fisher along with Sotheby’s goldenshower boy Michael Jackson.

Joe Francis, Candy Spelling, animal hoarding, Joey Buttafuoco, Amy Fisher, Girls Gone Wild

Cameron Diaz doesn’t want you to hate her because she’s beautiful.

In an interview with Jeanne Wolf on movies.com, Diaz talked about the important, often overlooked social issue of prejudice against pretty people:

“If a woman who’s a successful actress weighs 300 pounds and has warts, nobody ever asks her, ‘Do you think you made it because you’re ugly?’ So why should there be prejudice against someone who’s had some success in films and looks a little better than average. It’s all in my genes, so don’t hold it against me.”

Don’t blame her because her parents made her pretty! She can’t help it! If it were up to her, she’d wear a damn paper bag all the time! And don’t blame all the make-up artists and hairdressers who she saw before every movie, talk show appearance and photoshoot she ever had! And don’t blame the lighting artists or the people who invented camera filters! They can’t help your genes! And don’t blame all the alcohol ever made either, all the beer out there who helped create beer goggles eveywhere! Lots of people wouldn’t be pretty without the beer goggles!

And I do have to ask this: when is the last time anyone saw a 300 pound actress with warts be successful, despite having more talent than Miss There’s Something About Mary here? Never, that’s when. Because newsflash to exactly no one: Hollywood is obsessed with the pretty pretty people. Even you, Cameron Diaz.

Cameron Diaz, Shrek 3, Pretty People, Hollywood, There’s Something About Marry, boo-hoo

A little something special for the Lord’s day. Also file under “Oh Lord, I can’t believe I used to have Kirk Cameron posters in my bedroom.”

Kirk Cameron, Bananas