Trashy Celebs

So there is a word in the U.K. slang lexicon prat which basically means, “fool;” indeed it was originally slang for “buttocks” (i.e. what Heidi Montag is rubbing up against him in the picture below.) Would you like me to use prat in a sentence to make it more clear? Sure! Spencer Pratt is a prat for thinking anyone gives a good goddamn about his little “sex tape.” Does that clear things up?

From the National Enquirer:

Talk about art imitating life! On The Hills this season, the plot-line involves Spencer Pratt being accused of spreading rumors about an alleged sex tape of Lauren Conrad – but in real life, says an inside source, Spencer’s actually got a sex tape of his own that shows him and a few buddies exploring the, er… hills and valleys of some smokin’ hot Brazilian babes!

(Note to Spencer’s fiancee, Heidi Montag: The alleged Samba Land group grope was lensed way before you two became betrothed, but know this: My source says Spencer showed the tape to a Hollywood video editor and repeatedly asked him to spruce it up – saying he might secretly release it into the marketplace while claiming it was “stolen,” a la Paris Hilton, Pam Anderson, etc. The editor nixed the sleazy project, Heidi, so hopefully your betrothed has given up the idea, but…it wouldn’t hurt to ask, right?)

I swear, whenever I hear something about The Hills I always have to go and look it up again to figure out what in the world it is all about. This, for once, is not the fault of the show or the celebrities “celebrities” involved but is actually because I am one thousand years old. For those of you in my age range, I can tell you that the The Hills is a MTV reality show that is a spin-off of another popular MTV reality show Laguna Beach. The Hills apparently documents the trials, tribulations, free clinic visits and shoe-shopping sprees of one Lauren “L.C.” Conrad. Pratt apparently has a place on the show because he is the boyfriend/fiance of Conrad’s roommate, Heidi Montag. Do you even care about these rich people and the show documenting their lives? And did Pratt the Prat get so caught up on having every single mudane moment of his life (brush teeth, wear socks, feed dog, buy milk, fuck
Brazilian hottie, visit dentist) that he ended up recording parts of his sex life as well? Sheesh, dude, sometimes you have to turn the camera off.

Spencer Pratt, The Hills, Lauren Conrad, Heidi Montag, Laguna Beach

US Magazine is reporting that Shia LaBeouf and his weird facial hair were arrested this weekend in a Chicago Walgreens store:

Shia LaBeouf was arrested for trespassing early Sunday morning after refusing to leave a Walgreens pharmacy near downtown Chicago.

The actor, 21, reportedly ignored repeated requests from a security guard to leave the store and was taken to the city’s Near North police district around 2:25 a.m. (The guard also filed a complaint against the actor.)

“While he was in custody, Mr. LaBeouf was very courteous and polite,” a police spokesperson tells Us.

A source tells Us that LaBeouf was partying with friends at Chicago hot spot The Underground shortly before his arrest.

LaBeouf — who was cited on a misdemeanor count of trespassing — posted bail at about 7 a.m.

He is due in court November 28.

The question that we have here at the Trash Talkin’ Rodeo is this: just what in the world was so important at this Walgreens that made LaBeouf refused to leave the store? Just what made him channel his role in the upcoming Indiana Jones movie and get all stubborn and tough and brave and foolish in suburban drugstore? We have some theories:

1. He was there trying to buy the discount Halloween candy. (Everyone loves cheap candy.)
2. He was trying to find the proper razor to shave that sad excuse for a mustache he’s been sporting lately.
3. He heard that Disturbia finally made it to the discount bin and he wanted to get started on his holiday shopping early.
4. Two words: eyebrow wax.
5. He was just trying to buy some damn cold medicine.
6. He wanted to buy some PeptoBismo because he ate a bad hot dog and didn’t want to LaBarf in the limo.
7. He was looking for the latest issues of In Style, Tiger Beat and the Oprah Magazine.
8. He met some hot ladies and needed breath mints and Axe body spray.
9. LaBeouf was completing some late-night research for a new part as a security guard in the upcoming Michael Bay produced docudrama - Walgreens Life Behind the Blue Vest.
10. He was looking for anyone who would listen to his rant about how Zac Effron is the poor-man’s Shia LaBeouf.

Of course, we all know that what really happened is that he got drunk with his buddies and wandered into the first place they saw that was open, not another bar, and potentially had drunk food for the beer munchies. Next time, Shia, get a driver and make him drive through Taco Bell.

Shia LaBeouf, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Walgreens, Axe Body Spray, Zac Effron, Taco Bell

Jeez, I thought celebrities had drivers and assistants and OnStar and shit like that. Why is Jeremy Piven relying on the kindness of young fans to provide roadside assistance?

Spotted outside a BevHills parking garage: Hot-tempered “Entourage” star JEREMY PIVEN, furiously kicking a flat tire on his Range Rover and slamming his fists on the hood in frustration – obviously not knowing what the hell to do without his entourage of go-fers and star-kissers – until a cute 20-ish babe came running up and said: “OOoohh… Jeremy, I’m such a fan!” As Piven groused about the flat tire, his newfound groupie offered to help him change it. “I don’t know how to do that,” he told her. Chirped Wonder Woman: “It’s easy!” In moments, she’d jacked up the car, lowered the spare tire from the undercarriage – and had the flat changed in 15 minutes…er, flat. Amazed, Jeremy thanked her profusely, then gave her an autograph – and got a hot kiss ON THE LIPS! (Hey, that beats AAA!)

And maybe I’m all up in the reverse sexism here, but would a man, especially a vaguely douchelike man like Jeremy Piven, actually admit to a hot young thang that he doesn’t know how to change a tire? I DOUBT IT. I don’t even like to admit that I am not 100% sure how to do it (I mean, I know how to do it in theory but I have never done it in practice. And also I have ROADSIDE FRICKIN’ ASSISTANCE.) And if some nice person stopped to give me a hand, I would offer to buy him or her a drink or lunch or something, as a thank you, rather than Piven’s “thank-you-with-a-tongue-down-your-throat” method. That man is all class!

Jeremy Piven, Entourage, flat tire, National Enquirer

I am sure that you all are simply stunned to hear about yet another brush with violence and idiocy Kid Rock had this past weekend, this time at an Atlanta, GA Waffle House. Yes, a Waffle House. I don’t know what I can write about this that makes it more embarrassing or ridiculous than it already is. I mean, really, a brawl at a Waffle House? That is almost as embarrassing as a brawl with Tommy Lee at the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards.

ATLANTA, Georgia (AP) — Kid Rock was arrested early Sunday after a brawl at a restaurant and spent about 12 hours in jail before being released, police said.

Kid Rock and his entourage were involved in a brawl at an Atlanta restaurant early Sunday morning.

The musician stopped at the Waffle House restaurant shortly after 5 a.m. after his performance at The Tabernacle in Atlanta, authorities said.

“He and five members of his entourage were involved in a fight with a male customer inside the Waffle House,” said Mekka Parish, a spokeswoman for the DeKalb County Police Department.

The customer recognized a female with Kid Rock’s party and exchanged words with her, Parish said.

“It escalated to a physical altercation between Kid Rock and that male customer and moved outside to the parking lot,” she said. At some point the customer punched out a restaurant window, she said. Kid Rock left in his tour bus and was stopped by police about a mile from the restaurant, Parish said. The musician and five members of his entourage were taken into custody on a misdemeanor charge of simple battery.

The other customer was charged with criminal damage to property, a felony, Parish said. Kid Rock was released from the county jail on bond about 5 p.m. A telephone message left with Kid Rock’s publicist was not immediately returned.

Now, I know I live a very, very, very different lifestyle that rock and roll “stars” like Mr. Kid Rock. At 5:15 A.M., when he is apparently just getting around to having dinner, I am soundly sleeping, unless my cats are making some sort of unreasonable demand. I do not have an entourage, unless you count said cats and a small dog following me around at dinner time. I wash my hair occasionally. I do not wear wifebeaters unless it is to sleep in. And I was never married to Pamela Anderson, not even for 20 minutes in Vegas. But even though Mr. Rock and I are about the same age (shut up) I have to say, I feel much, much older than him.

But really, can I say that I might not have done the same thing? I do not know! Perhaps if I made a late night/early morning trip for some burgers and fries or chicken and waffles or scattered and smothered potatoes (yuummmm!) and someone insulted my female companion, I might start a brawl as well. That is, I might if I had an entourage to back me up, a big cushy tour bus to make my escape, and oh, yeah, number one album to promote. Rock N Roll Jesus, Kid Rock? Whatever.

Kid Rock, Pamela Anderson, Waffle House, Tommy Lee, MTV Video Music Awards, Kid Rock brawl Waffle House

Okay, I will admit that I am just a teensy bit buzzed on a couple glasses of Charles Shaw merlot (Two-buck Chuck for the Trader Joe’s-savvy among you) but even so I am still thinking that America needs to get a collective hold of itself and stop being so gosh-darned emotionally invested in the romantic relationships of Hollywood celebrities. Or New York celebrities. Or local community theater/local news broadcast celebrities. Come on people! Don’t you have your own relationships to worry about?

From People magazine:

Ryan Gosling says his Notebook costar Rachel McAdams was “one of the great loves of my life” – but when the couple split several months ago, he ended up consoling fans.

“Women are mad at me,” Gosling, 26, tells GQ magazine in its November issue. “A girl came up to me on the street and she almost smacked me. Like, ‘How could you? How could you let a girl like that go?’”

Gosling, who has been mum about the split up until now, continues, “I feel like I want to give people hugs, they seem so sad. Rachel and I should be the ones getting hugs! Instead, we’re consoling everybody else.”

The actor and McAdams, 31, began dating shortly after wrapping the romantic film, which won them an MTV Movie Award for Best Kiss, but he says their relationship was not like the characters they portrayed.

“God bless The Notebook,” Gosling says. “It introduced me to one of the great loves of my life. But people do Rachel and me a disservice by assuming we were anything like the people in that movie. Rachel and my love story is a hell of a lot more romantic than that.”

Of their actual breakup, he will only say, “The only thing I remember is we both went down swingin’ and we called it a draw.”

Gosling, who was nominated for a Best Actor Oscar for his 2006 film Half Nelson, currently stars in the quirky comedy, Lars and the Real Girl.

There is just so much wrong with this I’m not sure where to start. First of all, these people are not your friends. You do not know them in real life. They are not calling you in the middle of the night when they are sad, they are not asking you to babysit them when they go out so they don’t end up drunk dialing the ex. They are not asking you to go with them for retail therapy. They are not asking you over to listen to Sade records and eat ice cream. They have actual friends for that. You do not know their lives!

And second of all, why is it that Mr. Gosling and Ms. McAdams are having to console YOU PEOPLE when THEY are the ones going through a breakup. That makes no sense! We’ve all been through breakups and what did we all want? We wanted our friends (emphasis on friends) to give us hugs and take us out and get us drunk and be our wingmen when we went out on the prowl again. Think about it: when your heart breaks you want someone to console YOU. So, even if in the furthest reaches of your imagination, you think that Gosling or McAdams are your friends and you have some right to comment on their relationship decisions, why would you make a comment that requires them to console you? They need your love and support right now. They need to you buy tickets to their movies! They need their space! They need you to stop questioning them on the street! (Unless you are hot and willing to be a rebound relationship.)

Besides, when most us break up with one of the “great loves of our lives,” we don’t have one of our first kisses on DVD for anyone to purchase at Best Buy, Target, WalMart, or Amazon.

Ryan Gosling, Rachel McAdams, The Notebook, breakup

It’s a lot more than 24 hours for Kiefer Sutherland — 48 days (or 1,152 hours in Jack Bauer time) is the recommended sentence he might serve for his latest drunk driving charge.

Kiefer Sutherland pleads guilty to drunk driving

LOS ANGELES (AFP) — “24″ television series star Kiefer Sutherland pleaded guilty to drunk driving Tuesday in a Los Angeles court where prosecutors asked that he be jailed for 48 days.

Sutherland, 40, was arrested September 25 west of Los Angeles for driving with an alcohol-level three times above the legal limit, court documents show.

The actor was on probation for another drunk driving violation in 2004, for which Los Angeles prosecutor Rocky Delgadillo asked the court he be sentenced to 18 days in jail, in addition to 30 days for the current charge.

If the judge adheres to Delgadillo’s recommendations, Sutherland would have to serve the first 18-day sentence on December 21, and the other 30-day sentence on July 1, 2008.

Sutherland’s presence was not required at Tuesday’s hearing. His lawyer entered the guilty plea.

The son of Fellini’s “Casanova” star Donald Sutherland, Kiefer Sutherland just finished shooting the sixth season of “24,” whose role as US secret agent Jack Bauer earned him a Golden Globe award in 2002 and an Emmy Award in 2006.

Drunk driving is not only stupid, it’s just so freakin’ typical! What happened to the Kiefer Sutherland who got drunk and attacked a hotel Christmas tree, Jack Bauer style:

Now THAT is what I call celebrity drunken behavior. The celebrity looks like a moron, no one gets hurt, no one goes to jail, and hopefully, some hotel worker got a big tip for cleaning up Sutherland’s mess. (Because even if he claims that he and his drinking buddies put the tree back, you know they didn’t clean up all the mess.) Either that or the hotel keeps it as a stop on some cheesy 24 bus tour.

Still, Sutherland is a giant douche for getting in his car and driving home drunk like an asshole. And if Lindsay Lohan can clean up her act, surely Sutherland can too.

Kiefer Sutherland, 24, drunk driving, Lindsay Lohan

A video of Prince Harry has surfaced that was probably never meant to see the light of day. Taken on a recent trip to Namibia with his girlfriend Chelsy Davy and some friends, Harry is seen snorting vodka and cavorting drunkenly. One lucky friend even appears to be on the receiving end of a princely nipple lick. Sweet!

We haven’t been able to locate the clip online but according to News of the World in the video, pals cheer loudly as Harry slugs a bottle cap of vodka, swills it around his mouth, spits it back into the cap and then snorts it up his nose.

Seconds later, Harry—a 2nd Lieutenant in the Blue and Royals (British Army) —closes his eyes and shakes his head as the alcohol, shooting straight into his bloodstream, takes effect.

Apparently experts are concerned because vodka snorting is not the safest of past times: “Professor Ian Gilmore, president of the Royal College of Physicians, said: ‘There are all sorts of additives that could cause an allergic reaction which could damage the lungs, mucus membranes of the nose and trachea. It could kill.’ David Nott, who runs the Manor Clinic rehab centre and is a member of the Federation of Drug and Alcohol Professionals, said: ‘Anybody acting in this manner continually will do severe damage, which could be deadly.’ Frank Soodeen from Alcohol Concern added: ‘By by-passing the liver, you run the risk of inflaming the brain and possibly causing long-term damage. It’s a practice to be avoided at all costs. It’s very irresponsible.’”

So yeah, I can see how it’s bad that this kind of behavior by a public figure gets out and how kids who never thought to snort vodka might give it a go (shit, even in my self-destructive late teens I never thought of that), but we’re more concerned about something else. We’re worried about that level of straight-up douchey gay for play behavior. I mean come on if you’re going to put wine glasses on your man-tits and lick your friend’s nipples, at least set your Myspace page to private or don’t take pictures at all. At the very least, don’t trust a friend who was encouraging you to snort booze to not sell the pics to the press. Still, we’re happy we saw these pics because it totally takes some of the mystique of being a Brit-Royal away. We wonder what Helen F’in Mirren would say about this?

Prince Harry, Chelsy Davy, Snorting Vodka

What a dumbass. Ashton Kutcher, it seems, has punk’d himself right in the butt. CelebrityScoop (see quote below) is reporting information from Maxim that Kutcher left his cell phone in a cab while he was vacationing. Seriously, Kutch, did your mom not teach you to make sure you had everything with you before you got out of the car or off the bus or out of the plane or wherever, like my mom did? I ain’t never left my phone in a French cab anywhere. But more importantly, I DON’T KEEP NAKED PICTURES OF MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER OR MYSELF OR ANYONE FOR THAT MATTER on my cell phone. Cell phone cameras are for pictures of the dog, pictures of the cat, or pictures of interesting graffiti on bar restroom walls. (Or in one memorable case, a picture of a can of spotted dick that I saw in a SuperFresh store that I had to send to my sister because I am 12 years old.)

Another day, another scandal! It looks like we’re going to be seeing some Demi Moore naked pictures soon. According to Maxim Radio’s ‘The Manertainment Report’, Ashton Kutcher accidentally left his cell phone in a cab while he was on vacation back in April.

Lets just say the taxi driver got a bigger tip then he was expecting, Ashton’s cell phone happened to contain over 30 pictures of his wife Demi Moore nude, and now the French taxi driver is holding the phone hostage.

The driver is asking a $1 Million dollars in exchange for the phone, or he will sell the pictures. Did I mention Ashton is naked in some of the pictures too?

Oh man, you have to wonder about that conversation when he called home (I guess he had to go buy a new phone first, huh?) to tell the little missus about this one. I wonder if it was like that scene in National Lampoon’s European Vacation when Clark’s big old shoulder-held video camera is stolen by the guy in Italy who convinced them to take off their shoes and stand in the foundation and then Ellen asks him if he erased the tape that had her doing a striptease (and, it is implied, them having sex. The sex was only implied, you know, it was rated PG-13) and he says, “oh sure, honey, I erased that” and you, the viewer, have some idea he is lying but his trusting wife believes him and then later on they see a billboard advertising their homemade sex tape as an Italian porno and Ellen freaks the hell out and then hilarity ensues.

I bet it was just like that.

Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher cell phone, Punk’d, National Lampoon’s European Vacation

Poor, poor Katherine Heigl. She’s had a tough month. Not only did an announcer mispronounce her name during the Emmy Awards broadcast, but she has to wear invisible fancy braces AND she has to shop for a gosh-darn wedding dress. Life is rough for the actress who stars in Grey’s Anatomy AND who was named on of FHM’s “100 Sexiest Women in the World” not once but twice.

Why doesn’t she just get married in her Emmy dress and save some cash?

Katherine Heigl sure looks like she has a great smile but it turns out the picture perfect blonde wears Invisalign clear invisible braces! “I got them because of this wonky tooth. I was like, ‘OK, I can’t take it.’ It’s awesome because every two weeks you switch to a new retainer,” the Grey’s Anatomy star explains in the October issue of In Style. “Pretty much the perfect way to describe Invisalign is Netflix for your teeth.” Heigl also talked about finding a gown for her upcoming wedding to fiancé Josh Kelly. “My sister is getting married too, so we looked for dresses together. After about five stores I was like, ‘I’m done.’ Everyone says, ‘You just know when you put that dress on.’ My sister found the right dress just like that. So I know it can happen. But it’s grueling.”

The Emmy winner will have some help planning for her big day, she reveals. “I hired a planner. I want it to be fun. And I don’t want to freak out or stress.”

Katherine needs to look on the bright side. She’s best friends with a Power Gay, she’s about to marry a singer that no one is ever heard of, and she might even get named one of the 100 Sexiest Women in the World again.

And besides, I’m sure all the orchard workers, truck stop waitresses, and telephone customer service representatives have lots of sympathy for her grueling schedule of wedding dress shopping.

Katherine Heigl, Grey’s Anatomy, FHM, 100 Sexiest Women in the World

50 Cent lost major homeboy points this weekend while hanging out with Paris Hilton in Las Vegas for the MTV Video Music Awards. Look for more coverage tomorrow morning as we not-so-live blog the VMA’s.

50 Cent, Paris Hilton, MTV Video Music Awards

Being a slow celeb gossip day we once again unleashed our pug Muriel to comment on the Michael Vick trial. Yesterday Vick pled guilty and threw himself at the wolves, aka a judge, and admitted to charges of dog fighting. Since Vick is such a public figure, Muriel thought it appropriate to get the reaction of another celebrity who’s in tune with the pulse of man and dog, Star Jones’s Maltese, Pinkie.

Muriel: THANK YOU VERY MUCH PINKIE FOR BEING WITH US TODAY

Pinkie: YOU ARE VERY MUCH WELCOME MURIEL THE PUG

M: SO WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THE VICK?

P: I DO BELIEVE THE VICK IS A VERY LARGE BASTARD THAT I WOULD LIKE TO BITE

M: YES, WE HAVE ESTABLISHED THAT THIS IS THE WISH OF MANY A DOG AND THAT THE VICK WOULD BE TASTING OF BASTARD.

P: VERY TRUE MURIEL. COME TO THINK OF IT HE PROBABLY TASTES 100 TIMES WORSE THAN THE STAR JONES WHO OWNES ME.

M: IS THAT SO? WHAT DOES THE STAR JONES WHO OWNES YOU TASTE LIKE. I CAN ONLY IMAGINE SHE TASTES VERY MUCH OF BRIE THAT HAS BEEN LOST IN THE COUCH CUSHION FOR FIVE WEEKS.

P: NO SHE DOES NOT TASTE OF THAT BUT YOU ARE VERY CLOSE MURIEL. EVER SINCE HER DIET SHE TASTES LESS OF THE BRIE AND MORE OF THE LAUGHING COW VARIETY OF OLD CHEESE. IT IS STILL NOT PLEASENT TO BITE HER BUT THE AL REYNOLDS IS VERY PLESEANT TO BITE. IMAGINE IF CALVIN KLEIN AND LADY GODIVA HAD A GAY LOVE CHILD. THAT IS WHAT THE AL REYNOLDS TASTES LIKE. IF YOU’D LIKE WE CAN BOTH GO AND BITE HIM NOW.

M: THAT SOUNDS VERY LOVELY TO ME. THIS IS THE END OF THE INTERVIEW.

Ok, yeah. We learned our lesson about letting some dogs discuss major news stories. I guess we should cancel our special coverage of the nation’s obesity crisis with guest coverage by DMX’s dogs.

DMX. Michael Vick, Star Jones, Calvin Klein

Here’s a little gem from last Friday’s Miss Teen USA pageant. Based on this performance, the Trash Talkers have no doubt that Miss South Caroline is a future Trashy Celeb, possibly on the Fox News Network.

But don’t you worry about her. She was still third runner up!

Miss Teen USA, Miss Teen USA 2007, Miss South Carolina 2007, Caitlin Upton

This sounds like something Steve Sanders would do, not Ian Ziering.

IAN ZIERING STIFFS VALET

Lousy tippers pay their bill, at least – but cheapo-creepo IAN ZIERING even ducked that to screw a working guy! The “Dancing with the Stars” contestant exited a posh BevHills hotel, handed the valet a $20 bill and said: “Thanks a lot.” After getting in his car, Ziering asked for change of $15. Since the fee’s $5, the miffed valet realized he was getting zip for a tip – so he handed Ziering’s $20 bill back to him and said: “Here, you keep it…you need it more than me.” Super-cool with stiffing the poor stiff, Ziering burbled: “Are you sure? Hey, thanks a lot!”…and drove off in his luxury whip.

Come on Ian! Learn something from Mr. Perfect Hair, the “highly ethical” Brandon Walsh and don’t forget to tip your server, bartender, barber, barista, mail carrier, dog groomer, cable installer, and valet, especially when they can rat you out to the tabloids!

Tip to valet=$5. Shiny perfect Dancing With the Stars reputation? Priceless.

Ian Ziering, Dancing with the Stars, Beverly Hills 90210, 90210, Brandon Walsh, Steve Sanders, Jason Priestly, stiffing the valet

Former Full House star Jodie Sweetin and her enormous breasts married some dude named Cody Herpin this past weekend in Las Vegas, according to the Las Vegas Sun. This is the second marriage for Sweetin, who previously had a four-year marriage with a Los Angeles police officer. (A police officer? That must have been awkward after her addiction to methamphetamine was revealed.)

If my hazy TV memory serves me correctly, I was a rather devoted viewer of Full House even though I hated it with a passion. I do prefer the grown-up-and-snarky version of Sweetin on Fuse’s Pants Off, Dance Off — a gig that makes me fell less dirty for having noticed that little Stephanie Tanner now has enormous breasts. How rude!

Mazel Tov to the happy couple. And even though the Enquirer is reporting that they have only known each other a few weeks (and implying that this relationship could in no way last), you crazy kids might make it. Lots of solid, long-lasting relationships begin in Vegas Strip wedding chapels. Just ask Britney Spears!

Jodie Sweetin, Full House, Cory Herpin, Stephanie Tanner, Pants Off Dance Off, Jodie Sweetin Marriage

“Wahoo! The Spice Girls are reuniting!” Cried 1996 after going on a decade-long bender with Dolly the cloned sheep. “Did you hear it Dolly, is it true?” stammered 1996, “Melanie “Sporty Spice” Chisholm, Emma “Baby Spice” Bunton, Melanie “Scary Spice” Brown, Geri “Ginger Spice” Halliwell, and even Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham are to reunite for 11 concerts around the world in December and January?”

“Yes it’s true,” we replied. And from the looks of things they’ll now be known as the Spice Women, spreading their message of disjointed wardrobe choices and uncomfortable shoes throughout the world.”

“Baaaaaah(2)” agreed Dolly waking up the Macarena who was mumbling into a peach daiquiri a few seats down. “Eh, esi, quit your bleating and get me some nachos,” said the Macarena. “And tell me when Boys II Men gets here, they owe me 20 bucks.”

Spice Girls, Macarena, Dolly, 1996