Trashy Celebs

Justin Timberlake, 2007:

Justin Timberlake, 1992:

Wouldn’t you just love to hear him cover that song during his next concert tour? And I’m sure we are all glad that he has taken some dance lessons since then, although you can see a bit of the Michael Jackson influence there, even at age 11 while singing a Garth Brooks song. I almost expected him to break into a moondance.

Still, this is a little bit of history that any Justin Timberlake fan should enjoy. I know I sure did! Ha! And I wonder why in the world he is wearing a hat that is practically bigger than he is.

Eric Dane is on the beach showing some butt cleavage. This shot apparently came from the set of a new movie Mr. Look-at-my-butt Dane is currently shooting in Miami. Apparently the movie being shot is Marley & Me with Owen Wilson, and to my understanding, this movie is about a guy and a dog, so I don’t quite understand how that lends itself to hot guys showing off their butts on a beach, but I’m sure there are more than a few people out there that are glad it did.

source

I wonder if anyone snuck up behind him and dropped a quarter in there and then asked where their can of soda or bad of chips is and then shook him like he was a broken vending machine. Does anyone try to grab celebrities on th beach anymore or do they just whip out their iPhones and try to get the ass shot for their blogs? Either way, I can’t believe Mr. Dane didn’t feel the cool breeze on his top shelf there and give his pants a little yank. Or if he did mean to show that much crack then I sure hope he slapped some Coppertone on there.

Eric Dane

Things are a little (olay a lot) busy in the Trash Talkin’ household today, but I didn’t want to leave you without any trash to talk yourselves, so here are some blind items I spotted over on Gawker. Some of them are pretty obvious, some of them are a little hard to figure out and all of them are fun (and sometimes gross.) Enjoy.

* What couple almost split up during the making of that movie because she was on fire with jealousy that he got to show his actual talent? (No worries. It totally bombed.)
* Which top anchor is a bottom?
* Which pop star is a top? (Or so goes the legend; actually, he and one of his hot boyfriends switched positions and loved it.)
* Which female politician once slept with a rabbi’s sister, according to an American Idol personality who’s a friend of the rabbi?
* What much younger songstress has very little actual chemistry with the husband, probably because she’s a big old lesbo?
* Which pasty-white club mess (with his friends) blithely walked out on a check at Beige (after insanely trying to get me to pay it) and was thrown out of Hiro for choking his boyfriend, the same week he was featured in New York magazine’s Look Book? What same guy became the subject of restraining tactics by a stylist when he kept using the stylist’s name to get free clothes long after he ceased working for him? (Oh, did I mention he’s also a thief?)
* What cute, young guy, who’s Hollywood royalty, recently had a heartwarming experience peeing into a trannie’s anus, only to have all kinds of shit shoot out?
* Which exotic, young hotshot designer has been supposedly doing it with that black rapper with many children?

blind items

Jane Fonda went on the Today show dropping bigger bombs than Monster In-Law. Uh-Huh I said it. While making an appearance with Eve Ensler to promote the 10th anniversary of Ensler’s play the Vagina Monologues, the 70-year old let her potty mouth fly.

This all went down as Fonda was relaying a lovely story about how she was asked to perform a monologue with a slang term for vagina as the title — and then she said a word that I’d like to pretend older ladies like my grandma had never ever heard before. Grandma, if you’re reading this she said Helen Hunt. Don’t question why that’s bad, it just is.

If you’re not my grandma, take a look at Fonda in action and then Meredith Vieira apologizing to god-fearing people for offending them and the baby Jesus.

We think this is rather hilarious but others weren’t giggling. “There is no excuse for airing one of the most patently offensive words in the English language on broadcast television, especially at the breakfast hour,” Parent Television Council (PTC) president Tim Winter, a former NBC employee, said in a statement Thursday.

All this comes on the tails of Diane Keaton saying “Fuck” on ABC’s Good Morning America (does menopause make you curse like a sailor?) Shit, maybe I need to start watching the networks in the morning instead of Robin and Company on Headline News. Dr. Sanjay Gupta never gets racier than talking about a colon problem.

But we really think America is wound a little too tight. While flipping channels if I can accidentally see someone with a nail through their head on TLC or Ann Coulter’s face anywhere, then I think it’s ok if I hear “Cunt” before nine A.M. Whoops, sorry Grandma, I meant to say that pig in Babe was a Runt. Happy Belated Valentine’s Day!

Well, it seems that the Trash Talkers are the last to hear this one: Apparently Tyra Banks pooped herself at fashion week. Seriously, internets, why am I the last to know about this? My grandma even knew about it and she’s not even online! I don’t know how I missed this one, but even though it is slightly old news, I’m not going to miss out on the chance to use “Tyra Banks” and “pooped herself” in the same sentence.

I hope she wasn’t wearing that outfit when it happened. Those stains would be forever!

Anyway, every single website on the internet, including my banking website, Ron Paul’s site, and the Chronicle of Higher Education are posting this excerpt from the blog of one Fabian Basabe, who was covering fashion week for some newspaper or magazine or something. Who cares? He saw Tyra poop herself!

i arranged to do it backstage at the tents in the w suite. Just when I start getting comfortable and ready, a group of madmen and madwomen storm in and take possession of the suite because… ready?… Tyra Banks messed herself and needed to change. Now, let’s break this down: messing oneself should not happen if you are older that 5 or younger than 90. if it happens and in fact you are older than 5 or younger that 90, then it should be one, single, very unfortunate episode which will bound you to be made fun of forever and you can’t complain about it. Now I would like to bring to your attention that Tyra’s people carried a change of clothes for her at NYC fashion week. Hmmmh… could it be that Tyra messed herself before? or just that her entourage is so organized that in case tyra would ever, maybe, possibly mess herself that one time, they have a change of clothes? I don’t know…”

I really don’t think it is all that surprising that Tyra’s people had a change of clothes on hand for her. I mean, it was at fashion week which is allegedly all about clothes, so why wouldn’t a famous former fashion model consider a change of clothes halfway through? And if they do just carry around a change of clothes for her because she has a habit of pooping herself in public places (or even private places) then we should all be envious that she has such great people, who clean her up and give her fresh panties, instead of calling every single person they have ever met in their entire lives to tell them that their boss poops herself at fashion week, and oh, yeah, their boss just happens to be Tyra Banks.

Listen to books on your Apple iPod.

Tyra Banks, fashion week, Fabian Basabe, Ron Paul

No black snake was moaning but one chimpanzee was groping forehead hottie Christina Ricci on the set of her new movie, Penelope. The movie stars Ricci as woman born with a pig’s nose.

Ricci revealed that she was already intimidated by said chimp Chim Chim who grabbed her left breast while she was filming the flick.

“I’m afraid of monkeys, but I had decided not to be afraid of Chim Chim because no one else is,” Ricci said. “I thought, ‘Everyone else thinks he’s awesome so just be cool. It’s the first day of shooting and I have this kitchen scene where I’m sitting down and Chim Chim is sitting right next to me. Of course, it freaks out during the take and grabs my left breast and will not let go, and he’s so strong.”

Lucky for Ricci, co-star Reese Witherspoon is a monkey ninja and rushed to her rescue along with James McAvoy and Richard E. Grant. Ricci said, “I’m so freaked out and the rest of the actors are facing the other way so no one sees that this has happened to me and I’m like, ‘Help, help’ as quietly and calmly as possible so this thing does not freak out any further. Finally they got him off me but my fear is completely validated and I did not go near him for the rest of the shoot. Monkeys are crazy and you never know what they’ll grab onto - I don’t like unpredictable animals.”

Sure this is a ridiculous and true story and we feel bad for Ms. Ricci and the handsy primate but we really, really wish someone got a picture of it. Luckily that’s why God gave us imaginations and google image search. Close your eyes, picture Ricci either now or during her Wednesday Addams phase and then imagine it was this chimp attacking her.

Happy Friday everyone!

Ms. Gravity showed her face again this weekend when she was witnessed making a surprise move on Paris Hilton, challenging her to a thumb-wrestling match as Hilton stepped out of a car. The reason for the altercation is unclear, but seems to have some relation to a bad experience Ms. Gravity had in a Hilton-owned hotel in late 2005.

“You see, girl, I was staying at a Hampton Inn in Billings, Montan-an-ya and that place was a S-H-I-T hole, and I will tell you that for free,” Ms. Gravity stated as she pulled out a compact and fixed her hair and lipstick after the altercation with Hilton. “There was no turnback service, I had to get my own ice, and there were only five towels in the bathroom! And a diet Coke from room service cost $4. That is how the Hilton family made all their damn money, by overcharging for soda pop. It’s a damn crime, and I will tell you that for free. Knocking over the skinny bitch won’t make up for the lack of fresh bagels at the free breakfast buffet, but it sure made Ms. Gravity feel better, mmmhmmm!”

Paris Hilton, after being told of Ms. Gravity’s complaint, merely mumbled “that’s hott” as she texted her new BFF Danielle Sea and pulled a spare purse dog out of a collection stored in her glove compartment. She went on to say that she loved thumb-wrestling and that she used to make her nannies play for her against her sister’s nannies when they were kids. “My nanny was the champion in the neighborhood,” she said as she made another call on her iPhone. She then offered go two-out-of-three with Ms. Gravity but was escorted away by her bodyguards before the second match could take place.

Paris Hilton, Ms. Gravity, Hampton Inn, thumb wresting

Well not really. But Barron “Grandpa” Hilton announced Wednesday that he plans on giving 97% of his 2.3 billion dollar fortune to charity. Damn! Gramps has threatened before but now it’s official. The hotel tycoon is donating da bucks the Conrad N. Hilton Foundation, named after the initial Hilton that founded the global hotel chain in 1919 with a small hotel in Cisco, Texas.

Jerry Oppenheimer, who profiled the Hilton family in his 2006 book House of Hilton, has said Barron Hilton is embarrassed by the behavior of his socialite granddaughter Paris and believes it has sullied the family name.

What does this mean for Paris? Well for starters, she’ll have to battle 11 other grandchildren for her share of the remaining $67 million and pay taxes on it as well. At least the rest of the world will be a couple bil richer even if Paris will be asking if I want a gift receipt with that as she checks me out at Target. That’s Hot!

Paris Hilton, Target, Jerry Oppenheimer, Barron Hilton

From Gawker:

WE HEAR: that while taping the upcoming season of Celebrity Fit Club, megalomaniacal blogger Perez Hilton pooped himself on a treadmill.

Seriously people, you don’t need me to make a joke here.

Perez Hilton, Celebrity Fit Club

What a dumbass. Ashton Kutcher, it seems, has punk’d himself right in the butt. CelebrityScoop (see quote below) is reporting information from Maxim that Kutcher left his cell phone in a cab while he was vacationing. Seriously, Kutch, did your mom not teach you to make sure you had everything with you before you got out of the car or off the bus or out of the plane or wherever, like my mom did? I ain’t never left my phone in a French cab anywhere. But more importantly, I DON’T KEEP NAKED PICTURES OF MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER OR MYSELF OR ANYONE FOR THAT MATTER on my cell phone. Cell phone cameras are for pictures of the dog, pictures of the cat, or pictures of interesting graffiti on bar restroom walls. (Or in one memorable case, a picture of a can of spotted dick that I saw in a SuperFresh store that I had to send to my sister because I am 12 years old.)

Another day, another scandal! It looks like we’re going to be seeing some Demi Moore naked pictures soon. According to Maxim Radio’s ‘The Manertainment Report’, Ashton Kutcher accidentally left his cell phone in a cab while he was on vacation back in April.

Lets just say the taxi driver got a bigger tip then he was expecting, Ashton’s cell phone happened to contain over 30 pictures of his wife Demi Moore nude, and now the French taxi driver is holding the phone hostage.

The driver is asking a $1 Million dollars in exchange for the phone, or he will sell the pictures. Did I mention Ashton is naked in some of the pictures too?

Oh man, you have to wonder about that conversation when he called home (I guess he had to go buy a new phone first, huh?) to tell the little missus about this one. I wonder if it was like that scene in National Lampoon’s European Vacation when Clark’s big old shoulder-held video camera is stolen by the guy in Italy who convinced them to take off their shoes and stand in the foundation and then Ellen asks him if he erased the tape that had her doing a striptease (and, it is implied, them having sex. The sex was only implied, you know, it was rated PG-13) and he says, “oh sure, honey, I erased that” and you, the viewer, have some idea he is lying but his trusting wife believes him and then later on they see a billboard advertising their homemade sex tape as an Italian porno and Ellen freaks the hell out and then hilarity ensues.

I bet it was just like that.

Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher cell phone, Punk’d, National Lampoon’s European Vacation

Despite finishing in fifth place for losers (otherwise known as sixth place) on the fifth season of American Idol, Pickler’s music career hasn’t ended. She signed a record deal and has been touring, has performed at the legendary Grand Ole Opry and on the Country Music Awards. But she’s found another use for these public performances; not only are they good for connecting with fans and promoting her music, but for jealous, angry rages as well:

Kellie Pickler may have trouble with big-city cuisine, but the American Idol star knows how to handle a cheat. According to The Tennessean, the 21-year-old country singer told fans at a concert on October 1 that she and Nashville Predators player Jordin Tootoo were through. “Jordin knows what he did,” she said ominously.

At a September 22 show in Michigan, concertgoers say that Pickler announced that her new theme song is Carrie Underwood’s Before He Cheats, and then added that she hoped Tootoo’s teeth would be knocked out during a hockey game.

Despite her jokes, however, fans thought Pickler was in pain over the end of her 8-month-long relationship with Tootoo — she cried while singing Didn’t You Know How Much I Loved You.

Go girl! Call him out on stage! But why did she stop there? Why didn’t she tell the world that in addition to being a dirty cheater, he also has bad breath and a small penis? And plays hockey for a team that nobody has heard of and no one cares about and might get sold anyway? Why didn’t she announce that he wears women’s underwear under his uniform and that he cried his eyes out when they watched The Notebook? The woman is standing onstage with a captive audience and a microphone in her hand, and all she can come up with is that she hopes his teeth get knocked out?

I have to wonder though, when she was standing onstage venting about her cheatin’, hockey playin’, bad breath and small penis havin’ boyfriend, if she was contractually obligated to use a reference to another American Idol contestant and or his/her song. I mean, was it really that much of a coincidence that it was Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats” that she mentioned? And the song is “Before” not “After He Cheats I’m Going to Get Onstage and Tell the World that He Has a Season Pass for The View on His Tivo.”

Fox is apparently developing a sitcom starring Pickler as a character based on herself, so she’ll have many more chances to publicly trash talk potential suitors, rude DMV employees, bad sushi chefs, and incompetent limo drivers in the future. Right on!

Kellie Pickler, American Idol, Nashville Predators, Jordin Tootoo, Carrie Underwood, Before He Cheats, The View

This past Friday night, Paris Hilton made an appearance on Late Show with David Letterman, and apparently there were some communication problems between her and her publicist, because she thought she was there to promote a new fragrance (smell like post-prison Paris!), a new clothing line, and a new movie. Letterman, it seems, felt her appearance was all so he could, rather relentlessly, question, annoy, and nitpick her about her time in prison. Check out the segment below. Be sure you watch until at least the 6:23 mark, when Paris actually pouts.

Apparently no one on Paris’ staff has actually taken the time to teach her how to deal with difficult interviews, because it really doesn’t seem like she handled this one very well. And c’mon, is her publicist eight years old? Because you’d have to be pretty young and new to show business to not realize that if you go on Letterman’s show just a couple of months after your prison scandal, he is indeed going to give you a hard time about it. That is just what Letterman does.

I do have to say, though, that is the first time I’ve heard him offer to buy someone a parakeet to make amends.

This just in: we here at Trashy Celebs have found an inside source which tells us that Hilton’s lawyers attempted to negotiate the length of her segment on the Late Show from the full nine minutes down to a much shorter four minutes, and time served on previous interviews. She was released by a stagehand, only to have a judge order her to return to the Ed Sullivan theatre and serve the full nine minutes as agreed by her agent and the Late Show producers.

Paris Hilton, David Letterman, Late Show, Late Show with David Letterman