Trashy Celebs

If you are a big fan of The Amazing Race AND your day hasn’t had enough pictures of naked men, then you are totally in luck. Pictures have surfaced on the internet (where else?) of season nine contestant Eric, who, with his teammate, friend, and fellow douche-bag Jeremy, came in second, losing to even bigger douchebags BJ and Tyler. Can you tell I wasn’t thrilled with the ending of that season? Nor was I thrilled when Eric and his girlfriend Danielle went on to win the “All Stars” season of the Race. Yeah, but that is all in the past now and hey, who doesn’t want to see naked pictures of semi-famous wannabes on the internet? Well, a lot of people, probably, but they shouldn’t be reading a site called Trashy Celebs, should they?

We don’t publish naked shots here, because our network frowns on it and we like to get paid, so we can only supply you with a link (like sausage! which is like penis! ha ha ha!) but our hero Michael K over at dlisted has got you covered (and Eric uncovered!) so click on over, my vouyeristic friends!

SHOW ME THE PENIS!

EW NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THAT!

Does Kenny Chesney have a new album or a book or a movie of the week coming out soon? What is he promoting right now? Because I can’t figure out why in the world he would be dragging out the story of his four month marriage to Renee “Squinty-Face” Zellweger four years after it fell apart. No one gives a damn anymore! I bet Renee has even forgotten they were every married!

In a pre-Valentine’s Day story on Access Hollywood Chesney talked about his brief marriage to Zellweger, claiming the split was because he couldn’t commit to both marriage and music. He also wants us ALL TO KNOW that reason “fraud” was cited for their annulment, IS ABSOLUTELY NOT BECAUSE HE IS GAY and that pisses him off and he has had “hundreds” of girls. HUNDREDS! More than A-Rod, even! And I just have to say that citing “fraud” for the reason for an annulment didn’t make me thing he might be gay, but when he claimed he’s had hundreds of girls, well THAT made me wonder.

How in the world did Joey Fatone go from singing the lower registers and being ignored in favor of Justin Timberlake as a member of ‘NSync to interviewing defenseless celebrities at various red carpet events? And are there no workshops or classes that people like him could be required to take before they interview? Some certification? Interview CPR? Like parenting classes or driving school? Because, come on, the following interview with James Franco before this past Sunday’s SAG Awards, is squirm-worthy.

I mean, I know these interviews are fluff questions and such, but could Fatone not come up with any better question than “Was it difficult playing a homosexual?” Because not only is that question offensive to Franco and homosexuals everywhere, it is also played out and cliche. You almost expected the follow-up question to be “You kissed Sean Penn on the mouth, ew!” Which of course, is not a question. At least he didn’t follow up the stupid question with “Hey, I know Lance Bass!”

Bill O’Reilly is a gay homosexual! It must be true, because I read it on the Internets! And not just on the Internets, but on the very own Fox News Twitter account! And since Bill O’Reilly is on the Fox News and has a show there then it must be true that Bill O’Reilly is a good old pillow biter! And it doesn’t matter that when I read it on the very own Fox News Twitter Account that Bill O’Reilly’s name was spelled wrong! I mean, that doesn’t mean anything! Ole Bill is smoking the pole and finally decided to tell the world about it! He was so excited that he forgot he was referring to himself in the third person and he forgot momentarily how to spell is name. Yeah! It’s totally true, people!

Or, you know, celebrity Twitter accounts are being hacked by 13-year old boys with typical 13-year old boy senses of humor. Sheesh. Get a new insult, kids.

What a stunner! The Enquirer is making more shit up, or I suppose, in this case, is twisting a story a bit and adding some unnecessary emphasis for create a story that … no one really gives a crap about. But aren’t most stories in the National Enquirer stuff that no one gives a crap about, yet that we all feel compelled to ready about anyway? Yeah, that’s what I thought. But here’s the one that caught my eye tonight.

Brad Pitt’s OUT-rageous dig at Gorgeous George!

Mr. Jolie-Pitt was taping an interview via satellite with Ellen DeGeneres when Brad, ever the trickster, told the chat host how to woo his multiple Ocean’s costar.

“We’ve tried everything,” Ellen D explained her attempts to “Catch Clooney” which she initiated since relocating her studio near the stars palatial office.

“We’ve sent Victoria’s Secret models over. We’ve sent Miss America over. We’ve sent Kate Hudson over. We’ve sent gifts. We decorated his bungalow for Halloween. I don’t know what more we can do,” she kvetched to Brad over the satellite feed.

“Get a bunch of Chippendales. He’s yours,” Brad revealed with more than a twinkle in his eye. “Three, four - no less than three! Make one a blonde!”

“We’re going to do it and we’re going to say it’s from you!” Ellen promised,

George hasn’t responded as of yet but rumors swirl he’s fuming over pal Brad’s sly dig.

Hopefully, the two won’t get all fight club-by over this and kiss and make up under some mistletoe. After all, it is Christmas time and time to “don we now our gay apparel.”

Ooooh! Oooh! Brad Pitt went on TV and told everyone that watches the Ellen show that George Clooney likes to look at (blond) Chippendale dancers. For those of you that are not familiar with the Chippendale dancers, they are hot buff men who wear tight pants and bow ties with no shirts. And ooooh! This made George Clooney get angry!!!

Come on, National Enquirer. That was a lame and stupid way to get a laugh out of a gay reference. What follows is an actual funny way to get a laugh out of a gay reference. Oddly enough, it starts Clooney and Pitt. Watch and learn.

Really Lindsay, really? Did you really just call Obama our first “colored” president? We think there’s a word or two in her recent interview with Access Hollywood that she might want to take back right around now. Listen below for yourself and tell us if we’re imagining this little fuck up in an interview with Maria Menounos.

If you’re on a slow band width or your computer rejects her clown make-up. Maria Menounos asks, regarding the announcement of Obama’s victory, “Tell me what that night meant for you.” Lindsay replies, “It was really exciting. It’s an amazing feeling. It’s our first [muffled mystery word that sounds a lot like colored] president.”

Oh Lindsay, are you from a backwater town in Mississippi or are you from New York? I have a hint, New Yorkers (and anyone else from the 21st or even 20th century) don’t say that word! You just don’t want us to like you do you? You finally sort of admit you’re in a relationship with Samantha Ronson. In fact, just the other day, Lindsay told Harper’s Bazaar that “I think it’s pretty obvious who I’m seeing.”

It’s obvious to everyone but her, because when asked if she’s bisexual, Lindsay’s reply is a vague “Maybe. Yeah” and then says “No” when asked if she’s a lesbian.

Well, you say you’re with a lady so we can only extrapolate the obvious Ronson connection from that. But even if you’re gay or bi or whatever, you’re still kind of a wanker who probably should just keep your mouth shut.

Ok, so maybe that was a lame-o pun but it works for this story. Apparently after kissing his Milk co-start James Franco (his first guy on guy action), Sean Penn texted his ex-wife Madonna to tell her about it.

“Oh, girl I has something to tell you!” went Penn’s message…or so we imagine.

Actually Franco told Out magazine, “After our [on-screen] kiss, Sean texted Madonna - his ex-wife, Madonna - and said, ‘I just popped my cherry kissing a guy. I thought of you. I don’t know why‘ . . . There’s a scene in the pool and everybody else is dressed and there’s just something uncomfortable about that.”

I think if texting had been around in the mid-nineties when I had my first same-sex kiss, Madonna would have been on my short list as well. Not because I owe her anything but like Penn, I was probably thinking of her as well.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Gus Van Sant-directed bio pic, Milk, it tells the story of the first openly gay man elected to political office, Harvey Milk. Milk was elected to the San Francisco board of supervisors in 1977 and was gunned down inside City Hall by douche bag bigot Dan White, along with San Francisco mayor George Moscone.

So what did Franco think about the smooch? “Oh my God, I’m kissing Spicoli,” said Franco referring to Penn’s greatest role as stoner Jeff Spicoli in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. “It was amazing, I got to make out with him a few times… it was great.” We wonder what Mr. Hand would think.

In no less shocking celebrity coming out news, Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson apparently have quietly gone public with their relationship. And once again, no one in the world is stunned. In fact, I think the only person making a big deal out of this one is the Queen, Perez Hilton. So, yay, they are out, whatever, let them live their lives because I finally joined a gym and I need all my extra energy for those last 10 minutes on the treadmill. Also, the new television season has started, so I need to spend my extra time caring about the losers on Survivor and wondering what will happen with Jim and Pam.

What I don’t understand and what I might spend a few minutes wondering about (maybe time spent doing the dishes or cleaning out the cat boxes) is if it is true that out lesbian Samantha Ronson would really refuse to be a guest DJ at a benefit for famed lesbian bar Rubyfruit in NYC, because it is a lesbian bar. I mean, if she refused to do it because she doesn’t do benefits, fine. Or if because the bar is a dump (and I visited Rubyfruit once many years ago, and then it was kind of a dump and there was no one there) then, fine. But to say she won’t do it because it is a homo club? Well that is just stupid.

Of course, if Rubyfruit really wants to raise some money or really wants some new respectability, it will refuse entry to famewhore Samantha Ronson (and take all those pictures of Melissa Etheridge off the wall) and just serve good drinks in a friendly atmosphere and play some damn good music. Something tells me that they don’t want to be known as “that bar where Lindsay Lohan’s girlfriend played that one time, and no one really cared.” Just sayin’.

So after a day of watching football and drinking our weight in mimosas our brains are kind of numb. So in lieu of actually writing an entry we figured we’d do a sort of live blog of the MTV Video Music Awards. These awards don’t really require a ton of brain cells or sobriety to report on so let’s get it on.

7:38 - The preshow is on but I’m hungry so Thai food has won out. Good thing my DVR let’s me pause this crap.

8:00 - Brit- Brit is opening and thankfully she’s not performing. But unfortunately it’s a prerecorded skit with Jonah Hill that is bringing back unpleasant memories of 10th grade for me.

8:03 - Thankfully that’s over and it looks like the VMA’s are coming to us from a high school gym. Much better than the big arenas of before….That is until a Mad Max inspired clan of Zombies come out holding glowing pool noodles dancing to the musical stylings of Rhianna.

8:09- Our host is Russell Brand. Am I that out of touch that I have no idea who that is? Ok, it’s some random Brit with bad hair that likes to yell when he speaks. I’m already irritated I have a feeling live blog will be watched on fast-forward.

8:10 - Ok, this dude has assured us that he’s famous in the UK so I guess I’m not so out of touch that MTV didn’t feel the need to explain this choice to me. Oh and he comes out supporting Obama, edgy MTV although he seems kind of drunk.

8:15 - Jamie Foxx comes out and rambles on for what seems like forever. He’s announcing best female video and it goes to first time winner Britney Spears. That was neither planted nor calculated.

8:27 - Wow ladies and gents announcing the oldest woman at this year’s VMA’s Demi Moore wearing an outfit totally inappropriate for her. Best Male Video goes to Chris Brown. The only reason we know him is because we think he’s nailing Rihanna.

8:30 Hey look Taylor Swift is announcing the Jonas Brothers brothers. Hey look our DVR has a fast forward button. But before we fast forward this is performance is like Sesame Street had gay sex with Avenue Q and didn’t use a condom.

8:41 - Michael Phelps would so much rather be at the Raven’s game than here.

8:47 - Lindsay Lohan reads her cue card really fast because Samantha Ronson is waiting in the car.

8:52 You know what? I decided I’m way too old to even be watching this. In fact I’m getting a rash peace out. More power to you if you watched the rest of this crap.

So the world can finally stop obsessing about Star Jones and her homosexual ex-husband, Al Reynolds, and start obsessing about Star Jones and her new inappropriate boyfriend, chef Herb Wilson.

I don’t really know if Herb Wilson (and isn’t “Herb” a great name for a chef?) is really an inappropriate boyfriend, because I don’t know anything about him. He seems less gay than Al Reynolds (but really, the love child of Elton John and George Michael seems less gay than Al Reynolds, so, whatever) so that bodes well for the future of their relationship. I just have to wonder if it’s a good idea for a woman with a well-documented weight problem to be dating a man who makes his career from food. Is Star Jones that self-destructive? First, a marriage to a probably-gay man that was doomed to fail. Now a relationship with someone cooking all the time …. causing the failure of her gastric bypass surgery? I am worried about you Star Jones.

Actually my favorite part of this whole story is that it is like Alanis Morissette puked her own special brand of irony all over it. And Alanis Morissette irony is my favorite kind of irony. Dontcha think?

Oh those sassy ladies from The View! This morning, while Elizabeth and Sheri were interviewing Katy Perry (sure to be a won hit wonder), prior to her performing her one hit “I Kissed a Girl,” Whoopi Goldberg had a great idea! She would run onstage and kiss Perry! Just like the song! Whoopi, you are such a scamp!

I know the audience at the show whooped (heh) and hollered and hooted, but really, that was just boring. And pretty obvious as well. And besides, if I had MY choice of a member of The View panel to kiss, it would totally be Barbara Walters. Can I get a what what?

Well that didn’t take too long. It was just last week or so that all of us on the gossip circuit heard that Jodie Foster and her partner of fourteen years had split up. (It wasn’t that long ago that Jodie publicly acknowleged her former partner Cydney Bernard, with whom she has two young children.) And thankfully we have the always reliable National Enquirer to give us all the scoopage on the lesbianonic drama.

JODIE FOSTER’S NEWEST GF

Jodie Foster cheated on her lesbian partner of 14 years with a younger, prettier woman who is now her new girlfriend!

The ENQUIRER has learned exclusively that the Oscar winner’s new love is brunette Cindy Mort, a producer and screenwriter she met on the set of her 2007 film The Brave One.

The 47-year-old star’s new squeeze is the former partner of thirtysomething actress Melanie Mayron — with whom she has two children!

Meanwhile, 55-year-old Cydney Bernard is still living with Jodie but their romance is over, say sources.

Jodie has never publicly identified the father of her 6- and 9-year-old sons, Charles and Kit.

” Although she and Cydney remain under the same roof at the moment,” a close pal told The ENQUIRER, “the relationship has been shattered.�?

To complicate matters, Cindy, 51, remains friends with her ex-partner Melanie — and the two women live in separate houses on the same Los Angeles street.

Jodie plans to move into one of her Hollywood homes full-time, and ex-Cydney will live in another, disclosed a source close to Jodie.

“They’ll continue to raise the boys together and try to keep a loving family unit despite their breakup.

“The love is gone,” said the source.

My favorite part of all this crap is how the Enquirer is pointing out that Foster left her partner for a “younger, prettier woman.” Uh, really? I googled the younger, prettier Cindy Mort and while she is apparently younger (by about four years) and may be prettier (depending on your definition of “pretty”) it certainly isn’t as salacious as all that. When I read “younger and prettier” I thought that Foster had taken up with someone from The Hills or with a checkout girl from Hot Topic or something. And if this story had been reported about a heterosexual couple, then age difference wouldn’t have even been mentioned (or more, likely, it would have been alluded to because the “younger, prettier” woman WOULD have been the checkout girl from Hot Topic, or maybe the coat check girl from the Roxy.

So, while I think its sad that a long term relationship (and one with young children) is breaking up, it’s not really all gross or has a drastic age difference (I’m looking at you, Ellen DeGeneres). If Jodie Foster had to cheat, at least she did it with someone age appropriate. So there.

Jodie Foster, Cydney Bernard, Cindy Mort

May 12, 2008 — YOU’D think Lindsay Lohan would be used to all the drama by now. But she was crying her eyes out the other night at the Crown Bar in West Hollywood, upset over a fight she had with her girlfriend Sam Ronson, who was deejaying. “They had a full-blown fight,” said our spy. “Evan Ross, Diana’s son, and Lauren Conrad comforted her while Lindsay kept wiping her tears.” Lohan, who has been accused of stealing clothes lately, just recorded a song in which the lyrics go: “You got a problem with it? If I want it, I get it now.”

What I dig about these crazy ass Lesbian Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson drama stories is that they are generally about the drama and not about the “Is she gay? Is she not gay?” aspect of the story. Because who gives a flyin’ flip who she’s sleeping with? We just want to hear about these meltdowns in nightclubs in West Hollywood (or New York or Los Angeles or Chicago or flipping Sioux Falls, SD [shout-out, KFK!]). Celebrities having a few too many drinks and picking fights with significant others. These are the stories that the internet was made for!

I do have to say though, that like most celebrity couples frequently mentioned in gossip tidbits involving late nights at bars, late night trips to Taco Bell, and late night car accidents or DUI incidents, these two as a couple creep me out a bit. There is a picture floating around that I refuse to reprint here where Samantha Ronson has a big gross ugly hickey on her neck, and of course everyone wants to know if Lindsay Lohan put it there. I just want to know why Lindsay Lohan (whether she is Ronson’s girlfriend or girlfriend) never taught her to put some ice and then some cover-up on that thing. Show some class, Ronson!

Lindsay Lohan, Samantha Ronson

Tragedy struck the Sex and the City World Premier in London last night when Sarah Jessica Parker was viciously attacked. The unprovoked act occurred outside the Leicester Square Cinema as Parker arrived for he film. An unknown Carrie hater flung a Phillip Treacy-inspired chartreuse mushroom at Parkers head, which pierced her soul spewing out a garish bouquet of dyed flowers. However in a move right of NBC’s Heroes, Parker sprung up, picked up her brains and smiled wide for the cameras.

Unfortunately her movie didn’t fare as well, receiving only two stars from Times reviewer Will Pavia. Says Pavia

“There may be a problem with a film when a narrator constantly tells you the meaning of what you have just seen, gift-wrapping each scene with a moral. There may be a problem with stretching Sex and the City into a two hour and twenty minute film - it can feel like a never ending dinner party: however pleasant the courses, after a while you can hardly eat another one.”

Hmm, oh well, we’ll still see it and at least the reviewer did acknowledge what his problem may be.

“None of these problems seemed apparent to the women who sat around me in the cinema in Leicester Square, laughing and weeping in quick succession. After a while I began to reason like one of the characters: maybe the problem was me.”

Yes, we agree. So everyone with with a couple of X chromosomes and our gay buddies (and metro-dudes) unite. May 30th should be fun. Btw, no Sara Jessica Parkers were harmed during the premier of the movie or writing of this post.

So yeah, Clay Aiken was bringing D-Baggin’ back as he signed copies of his new CD On My Way Here. Actually Aiken was signing all CD’s bought at Virgin. Here’s your new Dokken album, sorry it got Aiken all over it.

But in other Aiken news, if you want to tell your mom just how much you love her and are thankful for raising you right with minimal amounts of domestic violence you can send her a personalized greeting from the straight-iron beauty himself. Go to http://www.clayaiken.com/mothersday/ and share the love.

I’m totally sending this to Lori’s mom (Hi Jane) not that I hate her or anything, she’s actually a great lady. But I feel compelled to send this to some mother on mom’s day. I mean I’ve already sent it to like 12 of my friends but that just didn’t give me the special feeling of sending it to an actual mom will deliver. Plus, if I sent it to my own mother she wouldn’t get it until I came to visit since she doesn’t know how to check her email. Hi Mom! Happy Mother’s Day. Love you!