Trashy Celebs

So yeah, Clay Aiken was bringing D-Baggin’ back as he signed copies of his new CD On My Way Here. Actually Aiken was signing all CD’s bought at Virgin. Here’s your new Dokken album, sorry it got Aiken all over it.

But in other Aiken news, if you want to tell your mom just how much you love her and are thankful for raising you right with minimal amounts of domestic violence you can send her a personalized greeting from the straight-iron beauty himself. Go to http://www.clayaiken.com/mothersday/ and share the love.

I’m totally sending this to Lori’s mom (Hi Jane) not that I hate her or anything, she’s actually a great lady. But I feel compelled to send this to some mother on mom’s day. I mean I’ve already sent it to like 12 of my friends but that just didn’t give me the special feeling of sending it to an actual mom will deliver. Plus, if I sent it to my own mother she wouldn’t get it until I came to visit since she doesn’t know how to check her email. Hi Mom! Happy Mother’s Day. Love you!

So according to Star Magazine good old Lindsay Lohan (who I still like to think of from her Mean Girls days before she became tabloid fodder and more known for being drunk than anything else) has gotten herself into a bit of a pickle with some ladies who don’t like pickles … yes, it’s the lesbian love triangle.

Lindsay Lohan may be cleaning up her act, but her love life is in shambles — with two Hollywood lesbians fighting for her affections!

On one side there’s Courtenay Semel, 28, the daughter of Yahoo! chairman Terry Semel, who appeared in the E! reality series Filthy Rich Cattle Drive. On the other there’s DJ Samantha Ronson, 30, whose mom is writer Ann Dexter-Jones and dad is band manager Laurence Ronson.

“Sam and Courtenay fight for Lindsay’s attention,” an insider tells Star. “Both have told her they love her.”

Lindsay and Samantha started hanging out back in 2004. As Star reported, when Lindsay was in rehab in 2007, she kept in constant contact with Samantha, exchanging romantic letters through her MySpace page.

“Your [sic] all I have to live for babe,” Lindsay, now 21, wrote. “I want to marry you and have children with you. I need you to live!”

The pair certainly looked like a couple during an early March trip to NYC, when Lindsay cuddled Sam as she deejayed an event at the Atelier, a new building where Lindsay has an apartment.

But don’t count out Courtenay. As Star reported in February, Courtenay and Lindsay were living together in the Hollywood Hills until a spat sent Courtenay packing. But despite their falling out, Courtenay “can’t let go of Lindsay, and she’ll do what she can to win her back,” says a source.

To start with, anyone who makes their kid spell their name “Courtenay” deserves to have said kid end up on a sorted tabloidian lesbian love triangle later on in life. But that aside, this, of course, is all complete bullshit, and not just because this is from Star Magazine. No, there is one clue in this story that makes it completely clear that it is made up. Can you guess what it is? If you can’t, that’s okay, I am about to tell you. You can tell this is NOT TRUE because of …. myspace. Yes, Star claims that Lohan exchanged romantic messages with Ronson via her MySpace page. Come on! First of all, I don’t think rehab lets you go online just anytime you want because apparently (I read this somewhere on the internet) you can order drugs online. Plus, this is LINDSAY LOHAN and you know that girl has a blackberry or an iPhone or some shit. If she is having a semi-secret lesbian love affair with a club DJ while in rehab, she’s going to have only the best, most recent technology for writing her sweet messages of love and poems about drugs and granola. MySpace? I am so freakin’ sure! (You can’t even play Scrabulous on MySpace!) Sheesh!

Lindsay Lohan, Samantha Ronson

So sometimes you wake up on a Sunday morning thinking “what the Haley Joel Osment did I do last night?” There’s regrets and embarrassments followed by an afternoon spent cradling a cheese steak while watching a Road Rules/Real World marathon on MTV. But why wait until Sunday when celebs are preforming regrettable acts possibly sober. Here’s a couple of stories from late this week that equally gave us the willies. Decide for yourself which is more cringe-worthy.

Cynthia Nixon blows big love chunks all over our Cynthia Nixon lesbo fantasy

Cynthia Nixon opened up about her four-year relationship with not so hot Christine Marinoni, a New York state education activist to reporters this week. “I’m in a fantastic relationship,” said Miranda, er, Cynthia “We shop and cook and raise children…We both pitch in.” Much like in Sex and the City but with a chick, Cynthia and her partner raise her two kids, Samantha, 11, and Charles, 6, in Brooklyn.

“I’m in love with her because she’s her. If she were a man, would I be in love with her? I don’t know.”

Now, Lori and I are two gay homosexual lesbians and we’re happy that Cynthia Nixon has found true love but ew. U-G-L-Y she ain’t got no alibi she ugly!

Louis Vuitton cures Keith Richardson’s hide for a new line of bags

At least that’s the only reason we can imagine Richards would be chosen as the new face of Louis Vuitton. For his first ever ad campaign, the 64-year-old Richards, who has a rocky history of drug use and recently snorted his dad’s ashes, is seen cradling his guitar on a hotel-room bed, the lights part obscured by skull-print black drapes.

Despite the overall weirdness of this at least it’s for a good cause. Richards plans to donate the fee for the ad to the Climate Project, launched by Al Gore and backed by Louis Vuitton.

So which story freaks your freak more? C’mone all two of you, let us know.

I’m a day late on my Oprah viewing, so it was just this afternoon that I was able to watch her interview with actress Valerie Bertinelli. Bertinelli is promoting her new book, Losing It: And Gaining My Life Back One Pound at a Time. Usually when Oprah has celebrity interviews I just skip over them because they are kind of boring and Oprah doesn’t dig out too much good gossip. (They can’t all be Tom Cruise jumping on a couch.) But this one promised some dirt about Valerie who we all (well all of us who watched TV in the late 70s/early 80s) knew as the good girl on One Day at a Time and as a good girl (presumably, because I never watched this one) in Touched By An Angel. She married a rockstar (Eddie Van Halen!) Did did cocaine! She dated Steven Spielberg! She gained and lost a lot of weight!

But then Valerie talks about “passionately” kissing another women and asks Oprah if she ever has:

Watch Valerie backpedal that one! Don’t want to bring up all those rumors again! Oprah just might slap 40 more pounds right off Bertinelli’s head! But the really sad thing is thinking of Gayle sitting alone in a hotel room somewhere, watching this show and sobbing quietly once again. Poor Gayle. Oprah won’t let her kiss her on the mouth.

Valerie Bertinelli, Oprah Winfrey, Gayle King

YAWN! I’m sleepy! So sleepy and bored and groggy! Maybe some caffeine will help! Maybe I should get a soda or a cup of coffee! Maybe some sugar! Or wait — I have an idea. Let’s hop on the internet and find something really scandalous. That will get my blood pumping.

Paris Hilton and actress Elisha Cuthbert were “all over each other and making out” at New York’s Tenjune club Tuesday night, a source tells Usmagazine.com.

“Who knew?” says the source of the unlikely pairing.

Hilton, 26, and Cuthbert, 25, didn’t arrive at Tenjune together. Hilton was there for a birthday party and was seen dancing on banquets. “It’s Paris,” says the source. “She loves putting on a show.”

Earlier in the evening, Hilton attended the BlackBerry Pink Pearl Launch Party. “She was actually super well behaved and even took the time to take some photos with the BlackBerry executives,” an attendee told Us.

Hilton and Cuthbert costarred in 2005’s House of Wax

YAWN YAWN YAWN. Still bored, still sleppy. Really, US Magazine is anybody really surprised or does anyone really care what Paris Hilton does anymore? I mean, I am sure there are fans who want to know when she’s in a new movie or making an appearance somewhere or what have you, but do people really give a damn who she is sleeping with or making out with or smoking pot with? After her legal troubles and her prison term were shoved down our throats seven days and week 24 hours a day on everything from TMZ to Perez Hilton to CNN to MSNBC, do we really need any more information about her behavior (be it good, bad, or indifferent?)

I do find it terribly amusing, however, how US Magazine calls this an “unlikely pairing.” Seriously people, is this really all that unlikely? I’m not surprised by anything Paris Hilton does anymore. Plus, look at that picture above of Elisha Cuthbert. She is just a more-scrubbed version of Paris Hilton! And since it seems that the person Paris Hilton loves most in the world is herself, well then it’s really no surprise that she might find the closest thing she can to herself to make out with. (Remember, she was engaged or dating some dude named “Paris.” Proves my point!)

Paris Hilton, Elisha Cuthbert

So like Ms. Jodie Foster, Ms. Queen Latifah is running around in circles in regard to her sexuality. There has been a rumor going around that Queen Latifah (aka) Dana Owens is about to marry her personal trainer and so-called girlfriend, Jeanette Jenkins. Queen, however has never admitted that she’s dating Jeanette. She told The Chicago Sun Times ”When you’re famous these days, it’s just part of the deal — unfortunately. People will make up all sorts of things that are not true. . . . There ain’t gonna be no wedding.”

Aww, we wonder if every time Latifah says stuff like that she has to go and apologize to her Boo and send her gifts of love like Teddy Bears and Balloons that say “I love you”. Chicks love that shit. But anyway, hats off to you Jeanette Jenkins, we hope she’s worth it and comes around to the truth one day.

Jodie Foster, Queen Latifah, Jeanette Jenkins

High School Musical sweethearts Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron are apparently at a crossroads in their “relationship.” According to Star magazine she is reportedly sick of him being such a metro-sissy and wants him to be a bit more butch.

A source said, “She wants to date a man, not a little girl. Vanessa told (Zac) to stop being such a sissy and freaking out when he gets blemishes.”

According to Star Magazine, Zac threw a girl fit when he got a zit on his cheek. Vanessa wanted him to come to her little sister’s birthday party, but Zac was too concerned about the zit. “He just flipped out. He knew there were a bunch of girls at the party who worship him — and he didn’t want them all staring at his pimple.” Apparently the situation was remedied when Hudgens lent him some concealer but she still felt weird about it.

Honey, honey, honey. This has got to set off some red flags for you. It’s not enough that he’s prettier than you could ever hope to be, has had most of his success come from musicals and got his career-defining role in a Disney movie. The dude ain’t straight. My advice is back off him for a bit. Give him time to think it through and wonder why he’s allowing all those guys to remove his boxers in the bathroom at LAX. Ok, I’m making that part up but I’ve seen enough fag hags in training get their hearts broken when they discover their perfect boyfriend is more of a grrrlfriend. Basically, you’re not going to change him. But that’s just my opinion.

Vanessa Hudgens, Zac Efron

So, yeah, I DVR Oprah every day even though I don’t usually have time to watch it. But generally I at least click that “info” button to check out the topic of the day. For quite some time the description was always “Oprah discusses topics before a studio audience,” but then the cable company got its act together. So I at least read the topic of the day for every episode and I have noticed that Dr. Mehmet Oz has been quite the frequent guest of late. He appears on the show generally to talk about health issues and to answer questions about everything from sex to food to poop. All the important topics! (Dr. Oz is also the author of the popular book You: On a Diet which I have been meaning to pick up.)

But rumors abound that Oprah isn’t just interested in providing the world with answers to common health questions such as “What shape should my poop be?” (Answer: S-shaped) and “I think I broke my penis.” According to the most trusted news source in the world, the internets, Oprah and Dr. Oz are totally doin’ it.

MediaTakeOut.com reports this:

October 10, 2007. Hold on to your horses y’all, this one’s good. One of MediaTakeOut.com’s faithful readers sent in what has to be the juiciest piece of gossip that we’ve seen in weeks. According to the reader, Oprah and Dr. Oz, and frequent guest on her show, have an extremely close relationship.

Here are our reader’s exact words:

I just got word of a blooming clandestine romance between Oprah “Lady O” Winfrey and Dr. Mehmet Oz. Yes, yes, I know, it’s hard for me to believe it too, but all of HARPO studios is abuzz about this. One of my associates from college, who is employed by Oprah herself informed me of the situation. Apparently, one of Oprah’s dog trainers walked in on the two of them locked in a passionate kiss right before a show!!! Now the dog trainer is fired, apparently for not knocking before entering O’s private chambers. But honey, he let everybody know what was up before he left!!

Now, I am not saying this is true, because I don’t want to piss off the most powerful woman in media. But it kind of makes sense. Because Oprah gave Dr. Oz a show on her XM radio channel. And recently she even “gave up” her show for one episode (although she monitored closely from the back) so that Dr. Oz could have a “men only” discussion about health issues. Awfully generous for someone who seems value tight control over her show. Huh.

Who do YOU think is going to be more pissed off about this one? Gail or Stedman? Maybe Gail is pissed, because not only is her girlfriend hittin’ it two rich and successful men while she is still single and has only built a career on being “Oprah’s best friend.” And having seen a few of Stedman’s very uncomfortable appearances on the show, I think he is just relieved to be out of the spotlight. And relieved that now Oprah has some other man’s balls in a jar on her desk.

Now I wonder what’s going on with Oprah and Dr. Robin?

Interested in reading more about celebrity couples? Well then check out the aptly named Superstar Couples site!

Oprah Winfrey, Mehmet Oz, Gayle King, Stedman Graham, Robin Smith

A video of Prince Harry has surfaced that was probably never meant to see the light of day. Taken on a recent trip to Namibia with his girlfriend Chelsy Davy and some friends, Harry is seen snorting vodka and cavorting drunkenly. One lucky friend even appears to be on the receiving end of a princely nipple lick. Sweet!

We haven’t been able to locate the clip online but according to News of the World in the video, pals cheer loudly as Harry slugs a bottle cap of vodka, swills it around his mouth, spits it back into the cap and then snorts it up his nose.

Seconds later, Harry—a 2nd Lieutenant in the Blue and Royals (British Army) —closes his eyes and shakes his head as the alcohol, shooting straight into his bloodstream, takes effect.

Apparently experts are concerned because vodka snorting is not the safest of past times: “Professor Ian Gilmore, president of the Royal College of Physicians, said: ‘There are all sorts of additives that could cause an allergic reaction which could damage the lungs, mucus membranes of the nose and trachea. It could kill.’ David Nott, who runs the Manor Clinic rehab centre and is a member of the Federation of Drug and Alcohol Professionals, said: ‘Anybody acting in this manner continually will do severe damage, which could be deadly.’ Frank Soodeen from Alcohol Concern added: ‘By by-passing the liver, you run the risk of inflaming the brain and possibly causing long-term damage. It’s a practice to be avoided at all costs. It’s very irresponsible.’”

So yeah, I can see how it’s bad that this kind of behavior by a public figure gets out and how kids who never thought to snort vodka might give it a go (shit, even in my self-destructive late teens I never thought of that), but we’re more concerned about something else. We’re worried about that level of straight-up douchey gay for play behavior. I mean come on if you’re going to put wine glasses on your man-tits and lick your friend’s nipples, at least set your Myspace page to private or don’t take pictures at all. At the very least, don’t trust a friend who was encouraging you to snort booze to not sell the pics to the press. Still, we’re happy we saw these pics because it totally takes some of the mystique of being a Brit-Royal away. We wonder what Helen F’in Mirren would say about this?

Prince Harry, Chelsy Davy, Snorting Vodka

This weekend marks ten years since the Teletubbies debuted and Jerry Fallwell lost his everloving mind trying to prove they were puttin’ from the ruff. Actually it would be another year or so before any of that started but The Tubbies did celebrate ten years of togetherness and “Uh-Oh” this weekend in London.

In honor of this achievement we’d like to present another scarily in sync performance to the Walk it out Song. Tubbies got some moves y’all!

Teletubbies, Anniversary, Jerry Fallwell

TMZ is reporting that (and it pains me to type this, it really does, but I will work through the pain, proving once again that we read the trash so you don’t have to) a few years ago (and TMZ swears this is from an “extremely well-placed source”) Scott Baio apparently knocked boots with Liza Minnelli.

Of course, maybe this is all just a publicity stunt related to his new show on VH-1, Scott Baio is 45 … and Single. According to the show’s synopsis, Baio is in the midst of a midlife crisis and with “nowhere else to turn,” is seeking help from a life-coach. And of course, VH-1 is there to record it all. Set your TiVos, folks. Maybe David Gest will show up as a guest star! (Gest-star? Ha? Nevermind.)

Scott Baio, Liza Minnelli, VH-1, Scott Baio is 45 … and Single, life coach, David Gest

Being a thirty-something lesbian who owns way to many sports ts and cutoff shorts doesn’t make me a fashionista or even very style-conscious. However I do know to not dress like crap. This week the crap-style fairy flung her wand all over tinsel town and beyond and smacked a few clueless wonders upside the head.

Black, White and Wrong all over

Judging from these ensembles Victoria Beckham should now be known as Scary Spice. Posh spread the love and fashion don’ts all ’round the world as she traveled from the MTV Movie Awards in Los Angeles to the Glamour Magazine Woman of the year awards (shudder) ending at Graduate Fashion Week at London’s Battersea Park Events Arena.

Now we do consider ourselves feminists and we’d hate to make jokes about her husband not having to get prostitutes since his wife already dresses like one, so we won’t do that. But we will say she looks like Cruella Deville had a three-way with half my grandma’s girdle and an old pair of baseball gloves. NEXT


Brooke Hogan needs love too
source
Brooke Hogan was channeling a little Samantha Fox as she charmed the crowd with her musical stylings at Sunfest. I’m sure if she asked her dad he would have lent her a belt.

And Finally…

Joey Lawrence’s Man Boobs are Blossoming

Joey Lawrence: Whoa! I totally need a new look

Stylist: Gay Kanye West is hotter than hot sweetie

Joey Lawrence: Whoa! Really?

Stylist: Yes

Joey Lawrence: Whoa!

Kanye West, Joey Lawrence. Brooke Hogan, Victoria Beckham, Hulk Hogan, half of my grandma’s girdle