Trashy Celebs

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From the NY Post:

December 18, 2006 — LINDSAY Lohan is suffering for her art - that is, suffering bruises from dancing on a stripper’s pole to prepare for her role as a topless dancer in her new movie, “I Know Who Killed Me.”

Lohan, 20, who sometimes forgets her underwear in real life, has been taking classes in the art of undressing - and she got a lesson in occupational hazards.

An e-mail she sent to pals last week has the subject title: “They’re all whores, they’re all whores . . . xcept for some obviously!” Lohan wrote in the note, “So . . . 3 hours of pole dancing and bruised. everywhere . . . I mean we’re talkin’ like, UPPER AND INNER THIGH ACTION-bruised . . . like a walking black-and-blue mark.

“I mean really though, really, I didn’t know it was actually possible to have bruises in such areas of the body. Strippers dude, I tell you, I really respect the [c-word]s now. . . I’m not gonna lie to ya.”

Lohan’s rep, Leslie Sloane Zelnik, said, “She’s been in rehearsals for the film and has been taking classes from Sheila Kelly.” Kelly developed the famed “S Factor: Aerobic Striptease Workout and Pole Dancing.”

“Her character is a stripper, and she now realizes that the job isn’t easy. We should give these women credit,” Zelnik told Page Six.
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Haha. Strippin’ ain’t easy, y’all. I can’t believe Leslie Sloane Zelnik said that! Strippers need respect too, ok! Plus, are you sure the bruises are from her “acting” and not from some serious rough sex she had in the back of her trailer with one of the extras? Maybe Paris has some advice about how to cover up thigh bruises. Come to think of it, Paris is always bruised, isn’t she?

Also ironic that LINDSAY is calling people cunts and whores- that’s my job, alright?

Miss USA is facing a dethroning after testing positive for cocaine and making out with Miss Teen USA is public. From Page Six:

Miss USA Tara Conner is on the verge of losing her crown after testing positive for cocaine, lustily kissing Miss Teen USA in public and sneaking men into their Trump Place apartment, sources tell the Daily News.
“Tara was a party animal,” said a source who knows Conner, 20, and Miss Teen USA Katie Blair, 18, from some of the city’s top nightspots. “I’ve seen them kiss before. They always dance all sexy on the tables. … They definitely get close.”

Conner packed her bags and left the bachelorette pad Thursday, and canceled a scheduled Miami charity appearance tonight. Pageant sources said she has no other public appearances this year.

Pageant boss Donald Trump scheduled a Tuesday news conference to announce her fate.

….

How gross is this chick? What, has she been spending too much time with Lindsay and Paris or something? Yea, I don’t blame Trump for wanting to get rid of a lesbian cokehead as Miss USA…although I’m still not sure how this is different from Miss America.

I don’t think I can take it anymore. After seeing the completely bare crotches of La Lohan, Paris and of course Britney, ladies and gentlemen I give you Courtney Love.

There’s something about seeing a 42-year-old’s bare noonie that I just can’t stomach. That and the flashbacks of her in the baby-doll dresses.

Also, here’s what I don’t understand. Not to get too personal, but wouldn’t your juices and stuff be all over those dresses? Isn’t that a little….nasty? Thanks, but I’d rather not sit down in my discharges if I can avoid it.

So when will this end? And when am I going to see a normal snatch with at least a landing strip or SOMETHING. Bare noonies are for girls. Hair is for women. Thanks.

From TMZ.com

“With her dethroning imminent, Tara Conner’s days as Miss USA are numbered. There she goes.

One day after pageant boss Donald Trump publicly denied that reigning Miss USA Tara Conner was being dethroned, TMZ has learned that first runner-up, Miss California Tamiko Nash, will be inheriting the crown.

A source tells TMZ that Miss California was contacted with the news by a high-ranking pageant official and told she will take the title once Trump finally makes the official announcement in the coming week.”

——

Well there she goes, Miss America….is that the same as Miss USA? I have no idea. I heard that this might have something to do with Tara’s underage drinking. Oh well. I sure there’s a job out there SOMEWHERE for a bleach-blonde chick with big fake breasts. Haha.

Here are Paris and Nicky pretty much having sex with each other in a limo outside the Playboy mansion. I hate to say it, but Nicky’s looking a little thick…and RED! What did she drink the entire bottle of free vodka in the limo?

Well, since they’re so close and probably share a lot with each other anyway…why not crabs? Rub on it, Nic!

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He speaks out in People mag:

“I think that anytime you’re in a situation like that and it’s dangerous, you’re worried for the person in that situation and you’re also worried for the people around that person,” says Seacrest. “The most frightening thing about it is that she was in great danger as well as people on the freeway that night and anytime you see something like that that could result in a massive catastrophe, you worry for anybody that’s involved.”

Wtf? RYAN SEACREST has an opinion on this? This is about as relevant as Ja Rule talking about Katrina…if you watch Chappell show you know what I’m talking about…

“In this time of need let’s see what what JA RULE has to say about this tragedy…”

Haha….thanks for chimin’ in…RYAN (sarcastically).

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Anne Hathaway chatted it up about her nipples with Ellen Degeneres. You can watch the video here.

Anne wore a dress which she thought was black but ended up to be…see-through…at a recent movie premiere. Anne says she was mortified and cried for days. Err, ok…obviously she is unaware that she is completely topless in Havoc and also (I’m pretty sure) in Brokeback Mountain. Whateves…she has nice tits, why not show ‘em?

…brought to you by Nerve.com:

….wait for it…

1) Richard Gere had a gerbil explore his anus for sexual pleasure. He had to have it removed.
2) Suri Cruise doesn’t exist.
3) Nancy Reagan was a BJ queen?!
4) Mikey from Life cereal died from eating pop rocks and soda
5) David Bowie’s wife walked in on him and Mick Jagger having sex…yikes.
6) Lil’ Kim was rushed to the hospital for having too much sperm in her stomach.
7) Marilyn Monroe was a porn star.
Grandma Hilton allegedly asked a young man to teach her Kathy (Paris and Nicky’s mom) how to have sex in a van in the front of their house.
9) Marilyn Monroe and JFK, which I thought was a fact.
10) Catherine the Great died while having sex with a horse, which actually my mom told me when I was in elementary school…yikes.

I take these rumors as fact, don’t you

The list has 30 more random rumors, so if you have the time check ‘em out!

…might have something to do with Bob Dylan.

According to Page Six, Bob Dylan is portrayed as having something to do with the suicide death of Edie Sedgwick, Andy Warhol’s waif-like muse.

“Sedgwick, played by Sienna Miller, was Warhol’s brightest young star before spiraling into drug abuse and killing herself with an overdose of barbiturates in 1971. She got to know Dylan while living at the Chelsea Hotel, and legend has it they hooked up.

The original screenplay depicted the alleged relationship using Dylan’s name, and suggested he dumped Sedgwick - which led to ‘her tragic decline into heroin addiction and eventual suicide,’ Dylan’s lawyer, Orin Snyder, writes.

Although Dylan’s name has been changed to ‘Danny Quinn’ and the character is reportedly a composite of Dylan, Jim Morrison and Mick Jagger, Snyder says critics who’ve seen screenings say it’s unmistakably Dylan. A trailer shows Quinn, played by Hayden Christensen, wearing Dylan’s trademark harmonica brace and cap as he performs.”

Egads! I didn’t know Bob Dylan could lead young ingenues to commit suicide….I mean the only person I would possibly commit suicide for is Jakey G…or maybe Leo on a good day…but BOB DYLAN!? Wtf.

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According to TMZ, Miss USA will probably be dethroned today.

“TMZ has learned that officials from the Miss USA pageant will make a ‘major announcement’ today and may strip reigning Miss USA Tara Conner of her title due to inappropriate behavior.

Sources tell TMZ that executives from the Miss USA organization and NBC (which broadcasts the pageant) met Tuesday to discuss Conner and alleged incidents of her inappropriate behavior, including her conduct at New York City bars. While no one from the pageant would comment on the rumored troubles, several sources tell TMZ that a big announcement is expected some time Thursday. According to these sources, officials are extremely unhappy with the current Miss USA’s conduct in public.

Pageant rules say that if Connor is removed, first runner-up Miss California Tamiko Nash will assume the duties of Miss USA and complete the remainder of the beauty queen’s reign. When TMZ contacted a rep for Nash, we were told they could ‘neither confirm nor deny’ that she would be taking over the title.”

Have you seen these pictures? Girl looks like a straight-up stripper. I wonder what she did….oooooh! She probably has a sex tape or something floating around on the internet. Either that or she slept with the judges or something. Ish is going down, can’t wait!

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Article

On history repeating itself:
“I think the whole thing between Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie is a replay of the iconomical face-off of my adolescence between Debbie Reynolds and Elizabeth Taylor. You have the good girl who wants to stand by her man and then loses her man (in that case Eddie Fisher) to the brunette vixen, the peripatetic world traveler with her sorceress allure and her borderline molten sexuality.”

On playing the good girl:
“Jennifer Aniston has been reticent through it all. She hasn’t had a fit or said anything rude in public to demean her rival. She is basically playing the good girl. She has kind of a quirky, neurotic urban humor about her — a kind of whimsy.”

On how it’s affecting Jen:
“You always feel like she is telegraphing deep inner pain that she’s not always able to express — or doesn’t want to express — because she is a prisoner of her decorous persona. There is the pressure and she is almost emotionally constipated in a way, and that has affected her performances on film.”

On why we care:
“I think a lot of white, middle-class American young women identify with Jennifer Aniston’s public humiliation, her romantic martyrdom. She has been abandoned by the highly attractive, boyish young man (who now is not so young) who is checkless, looks angelic but is in fact a traitor.”

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I don’t know why we have to have an academic study of Brangelina…but here it is. An academic’s take on the whole Brad/Angie/Jen debacle. Really, what is the big deal here? In all honesty, Jen isn’t the only woman who’s ever been hurt. And Brad isn’t the only man who’s ever fallen in love while he was commited to someone else. And Ange isn’t the first home-wrecker. The fact that they’re famous really blew this whole story up by a lot I think. And although I idntify more with Jen than say…Ange…I really don’t think I have too much in common with movie stars anyway.

…due to her prior DUI.

Wait, I’m confused…did she have a DUI or just a vicodin/weed thing going on? Does being high at the wheel count as a DUI?

“Nicole Richie could be adding stripes to her wardrobe in the very near future.

TMZ has found court documents which reveal that Richie pled no contest four years ago to driving under the influence. Under California law, if Richie is convicted of DUI as a result of Monday’s arrest, the judge must impose a jail sentence.

The law requires a mandatory sentence of five consecutive days in county jail as well as a one year license suspension for anyone twice-convicted of DUI. In addition, Richie would be ordered to attend an alcohol education program for a year-and-a-half, even if the second conviction is not alcohol-related.

As TMZ first reported, Richie admitted to CHP officers that she had taken Vicodin and smoked pot before driving the wrong way on a Burbank freeway. A field sobriety test revealed she was not under the influence of alcohol.”

Five days? Who cares…she and Michelle Rodriguez have something in common now…except for maybe the whole lesbian thing. Because as we all assume Bones Richie is a ho and Michelle only does it with girls.

…which is a bold-faced lie. Nice try, Nicole. 85-poung women don’t get their periods.

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“Usmagazine.com has learned exclusively that Nicole Richie is telling friends that the reason she was on the painkiller Vicodin during her recent arrest was to treat menstruation cramps.

Richie, 25, was arrested early Monday morning for driving under the influence of marijuana and Vicodin, after she was seen driving the wrong way down a California freeway.

Vicodin is an opiate and Richie’s involvement with the drug raises concern because she was once hooked on heroin, and former addicts who dabble in other drugs risk relapse. But pals of the Simple Life star insist that Richie has changed her ways since completing drug rehab in 2003.”

I’m assuming he uses the term “dated” loosely here…

“Former Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker has played down reports he dated Paris Hilton, but insists the rumors gave him great press when his estranged wife Shanna Moakler fought her in a Los Angeles club.

Following the incident in October, Hilton claimed former Miss USA Moakler hit her in the jaw, while Moakler alleged Hilton’s ex-boyfriend, Stavros Niarchos, pushed her down a flight of stairs.

Barker says, ‘I got out of a bad relationship where someone was unfaithful and I went to dinner with someone. I went out to a club with someone. That’s normal for a dude who just gets divorced. I never thought I would be separated from my wife and I’d be with another girl and it’d be all over the tabloids and my wife would be knocking her out.

‘When all that happened, it was a trip, and to this day I think the paparazzi know that I don’t want any part of it. But I can’t think of better press than a girl beating up another girl over me, so I had to embrace that.’”

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…he is gross….so are they…moving on…

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