Trashy Celebs

Early Sunday morning, reports flooded into Star Magazine that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were married in New Orleans Sunday night. “There were two weddings, one planned and one unplanned,” one source told Star. “Brad and Angelina’s was the planned ceremony. The weather wasn’t good, so we were indoors.” After further investigation, the sources are not standing by their story. Brad and Angelina’s reps have not commented. DOH, number one Star Magazine.

DOH number two came when People Magazine lashed out like a know-it-all older sibling when a source close to the couple told them there was no wedding. In fact, the Pitt- Jolies weren’t even in New Orleans this weekend. The family was there two weeks ago as Pitt broke ground on his Make It Right project to help rebuild the city’s Lower Ninth Ward – but they have recently been in the Austin, Texas, area while Pitt films Tree of Life with Sean Penn.

Also, I kind of recall Branjelina saying they wouldn’t toe the knot until everyone could (meaning the homos). So I think Star Magazine was hoping beyond hope they could be the first to report the news but should really go back to talking about how fat Kirstie Alley is.

George Michael is planning a U.S. Tour! A tour! Finally! A tour of the U.S.!

George Michael plans first U.S. tour in 17 years

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - George Michael has a lot of “Faith” in his North American fans. The British pop singer on Monday unveiled plans for his first tour of the United States and Canada in 17 years, beginning June 17 at San Diego Sports Arena.

The 22-date arena trek runs through August 3 at the BankAtlantic Center in Fort Lauderdale, Fla.

Tickets for the “25 Live” tour go on sale to the general public on April 6th, a week after fan club members get first dibs. Ticketmaster currently lists one show, the July 7 gig at Saint Paul, MN., where the top price is $175.

While his international appeal remains strong, Michael’s profile in the United States has waned over the past decade, although his last album, 2004’s “Patience,” managed to peak at No. 12 thanks to an appearance on “The Oprah Winfrey Show.”

Michael, 44, rose to fame in the early 1980s as one-half of the singing duo Wham! and enhanced his popularity with his solo debut, 1987’s “Faith,” which has been certified for U.S. shipments in excess of 10 million copies. It included the hit singles “Father Figure,” “I Want Your Sex Parts 1 & 2″ and the title track.

Subsequent efforts did not sell nearly as well, and Michael’s career ground to a halt in the early 1990s when he unsuccessfully sued Sony to get out of his contract. In 1998, he was arrested for lewd conduct in Beverly Hills, and subsequently disclosed his homosexuality.

The European leg of his “25 Live” tour took him to 12 countries where he performed 80 shows for some 1.3 million fans, according to a statement.

The North American tour will promote a double-disc hits set, the second of his career. “Twenty-Five” is scheduled for U.S. release on April 1, a decade after Michael issued the retrospective “Ladies & Gentlemen: The Best of George Michael.”

I was excited to hear about this tour, because I have been a fan of George Michael’s ever since way back in the day when my local small town radio station would break in during American Top 40 with Casey Kasem to play “I Want Your Love” in place of the evil, immoral “I Want Your Sex.” I probably danced to “Father Figure” at my prom, sang along to “Faith” as I drove around in my car, and pretended that “Monkey” was somehow relevant to my life. And when I was an older and wiser college girl, I listened to “Freedom 90″ and pretended it was also relevant to my life (and I still do that today, as it’s my favorite George Michael song.) So now, as a wiser woman in her 30s, I finally have the resources to buy tickets and go shake my ass along with all the other gays. BUT GEORGE MICHAEL IS NOT COMING TO MY MIDWESTERN CITY.

George, why do you break my heart so? I stuck by you through the scandals, the coming out, the bathroom solicitation, the park hookups with random British men. Why can’t you come to my Midwestern city? I promise you, we have many public parks and rest rooms to choose from.

Hokie Spirit Memorial Fund

April 16, 2007, will be remembered as one of the darkest days in the history of the Virginia Tech community and the world beyond.

To remember and honor the victims of those tragic events, the university has established the Hokie Spirit Memorial Fund to aid in the healing process and generate financial support.

The fund will be used to cover expenses including but not limited to:

• Grief counseling
• Memorials
• Communication expenses
• Comfort expenses
• Incidental needs

If you plan to give, please click the link below:

The 18th annual GLAAD (Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) Media Awards were held in Los Angeles Saturday night. Grey’s Anatomy was given the Outstanding Individual Episode award for a recent show called Where the Boys Are.

Despite recent criticisms for using a homophobic slur, show star Isaiah Washington put the past behind him and accepted the award.

“First off I’d like to thank all the Lezzies and Faggots out there who voted for me. I’d be nowhere without you Queers,” said Washington who unfortunately wasn’t finished speaking.

“I also want to thank my kike agent for getting me this role. My chinkerbell dry cleaner and of course my whop chef. What up Giuseppe?”

Luckily a large rainbow cane appeared from offstage and yanked Washington off the podium before he could continue. Stunned guests were quickly subdued by a montage of the greatest moments from Will and Grace set to Turn Back Time by Cher.

Isaiah Washington, GLAAD, Cher, Will and Grace, Grey’s Anatomy

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Does Carrie Underwood have a new reason to sing? A new note in her symphony, if you will? TMZ is reporting that Carrie Underwood is dating Tony Romo, who was previously linked to Jessica Simpson:

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Carrie Underwood might have a new beau in Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo – who just happened to have been linked to Jessica Simpson not long ago. Underwood, says In Touch, was a surprise guest at Texas Stadium for the Cowboys’ Christmas Day game against Philadelphia, and gave Romo a hug on the field before kickoff. Romo told a small-town paper in central Illinois, where he went to college, that he was dating the “American Idol” chanteuse. Carrie might want to skip the next game – Romo had a terrible outing against the Eagles.

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Jessica Simpson’s sloppy seconds? Isn’t that sad when a former American Idol is dating JS exes?

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It looks like shamed Miss USA Tara Conner will be spending some quiet nights alone in an all-women’s rehab center in Pennsylvania.

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Tarnished beauty-pageant tart Tara Conner won’t be having many debauched late nights – or fast guys to spend them with — at her latest home, the Caron Foundation rehab center in Pennsylvania. In fact, reports the New York Daily News, Tara will be in bed by 11 o’clock at night, up at 6:30 in the AM, and will be doing chores like mopping, cleaning and making her own bed, just like all the other attendees of the $24,000-per-day facility.

And even if she gets a little boy-craving during her 28-day stay there, she’ll have to squelch it, because men and women are segregated at Caron. Still, there’s no word on whether she’ll be able to, you know, lend her support to other female rehabbers like she allegedly did to Miss Teen USA Katie Blair.

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Wait, it costs $24k PER PERSON PER DAY? Doesn’t that seem a little….I dunno…EXTREME?! Holy crap, is she shittin’ gold bricks or something…wtf?

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Nicole Scherzinger is the lead Pussy Cat Doll and Talan was on Laguna Beach or something. Anyway, they’re apparently screwin’.

If you remember that epidsode of the Kathy Griffin show where Talan was a guest he made some sort of allusion to having a Pussy Cat Doll in his bed that morning. It was probably another bandmate though and not this chick. Just a guess.

From Female First:

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Kate Beckinsale once sat through an interview with one breast hanging out.

The 33-year-old actress revealed her embarrassing wardrobe malfunction had a Japanese journalist so flustered he couldn’t get his equipment to work.

She said: “A friend made me wear this top for an interview. I had one t*t entirely hanging out in front of this Japanese man.

“I think I really scared him. He was fumbling around and couldn’t get his tape recorder to work.”

The ‘Pearl Harbor’ beauty - who has a seven-year-old daughter Lily from her relationship with actor Michael Sheen - also confessed to recently flashing her bottom when her trousers split.

She added: “My trousers had worn through so much you could see my bottom. My daughter Lily found it very funny. I was mortified!

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What’s a day in celeb news without a little T&A anyway?

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LINDSAY Lohan got down and dirty at Scores West for three hours early yesterday - jumping onstage to do a wild bump-and-grind, then ushering topless dancers into the bathroom to apologize for recently calling them all “whores.”

“I love strippers,” the 20-year-old actress gushed as she entered the famed mammary mecca at 12:30 a.m., and launched into a half-hour deejay shift during the club’s “Turntable Tuesdays.”

Next, “She got up on the stripper pole and began to dance with the Scores Girls with 400 customers cheering her on,” said our source. “Then, she joined her entourage of 15 in the VIP area, and got lap dances from many of the girls, including a special double-dance from two strippers at once.

“It was hot. But while everybody was drinking, Lindsay was not. It was strictly Perrier for her.”

Lohan - who plays a topless dancer in the upcoming film “I Know Who Killed Me” - enraged exotic dancers when Page Six reported this month how she e-mailed pals: “They’re all whores, they’re all whores . . . except for some, obviously.” But yesterday she humbly apologized to several of the Scores girls - and they accepted her mea culpa with open arms.

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In other Bohan news, I saw Prairie Home Companion yesterday…which I didn’t understand at all. Actually, I didn’t see the movie so much as I napped through it and checked my email. Lohan played a suicidal weirdo in the film, which, if you’ve seen the cuts on her arms in recent photos, might not be too far from the truth!

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Have a snack, MK, Jesus. Here’s Mark-Kate Olsen looking just as scary and blonde and disgusting as ever. She’s only 80 lbs. From Pop Bytes:

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it looks like nicole richie is off the skinny hook and in her place - we’ve got mary-kate olsen looking scary at only a mere 80lbs! below is the latest cover of STAR magazine which features mary-kate and her new awful blonde hair - but that’s the least of her problems - when i saw these pics last week - all i could look at was her hair - it’s so wrong on her - i didn’t even notice how thin & fragile she was looking! the skinny jeans & big heels don’t help matters either…

i’m still a little confused on what her & twin sister ashley actually do - i know what they’ve done in the past but what do they want to focus on now? movies? TV? singing? fashion? anyways hopefully ms. olsen will dye her hair back to a natural color and pack on a few more pounds…

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Agreed! She looks horrible and wasting away. Get some snacks and clean up your act, MK!

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From Page Six:

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Pope Benedict has denounced gay marriage and is said to favor banishing gay seminarians from the priesthood. But none of that has stopped gay Italians from speculating that His Holiness is one of them.

On the day Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger was voted Pope, Rome’s popular gay TV host Fabio Canino opened his show with a shot of pink smoke wafting from a chimney at the Vatican.

Canino points to the pontiff’s fondness for shopping and red Prada shoes as evidence that Benedict is a kindred spirit.

Catholic League president William Donohue finds the suggestion absurd.

“So the Pope is gay because he got his shoes at Prada and likes to shop,” Donohue tells us. “Yup, that seals it. But does this mean that if we find out that Rosie [O’Donnell] gets her shoes at ­Buster Brown and loathes shopping, that she’s really a closet breeder?”

Canino also asserts on Out.com, “Everybody knows he is gay, and his boyfriend is his private secretary, [Monsignor Georg Gänswein].”

Gänswein is a handsome, blond, 50-year-old amateur ­pilot, ­tennis player and former ski instructor. The Italian Web site Gay.it calls Gänswein “the new sex symbol of the Vatican City … It’s no surprise that [Ratzinger] has decided to bring with him this young and fascinating collaborator.”

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Oh man….is the Pope a gaylord? I thought Popes were supposed to loathe wordly possessions though!?

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…to a “name” girlfriend

From Page Six:

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December 22, 2006 — DJ AM - real name, Adam Goldstein - doesn’t miss his ex-girlfriend, the anorexic and pill-popping Nicole Richie. But he does miss her fame. Goldstein has been quietly asking friends in Los Angeles to “set him up with someone who has a name,” said a friend. “Basically, he knows he can charge a lot more when he is attached to a famous girlfriend. His rates have had to go way down since he split up with Nicole.”

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Oh lord…only in Hollywood.

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Who knows if these are real or fake…but these are apparently the love letters that Paris Hilton sent Nick Carter when they were together.

Who knew that only a short time later she would (allegedly) go on a date with Aaron Carter and (allegedly) get beat the fuck up by this tool-bag. Give me a break.

Well she’s hot…but I’m not sure if this story is true:

Painter Carmel Sloane claims the millionaire actor made her mum pregnant on a mattress in the back of his car before he was famous 30 YEARS ago.

And now her 10-year-old son Jordan bears a striking resemblance to his secret GRANDAD.

Carmel, 29, said: “I’m not doing it for his money. I just want to meet the man I’ve always known was my dad — and for him to get to know his grandson.”

The paternity suit is the latest blow for the Braveheart star. Earlier this year he was arrested for drink-driving and launched an anti-Jewish tirade against cops.

Legal papers will be served on Gibson, 50, this week and he will either have to admit he’s the father or have a swab taken from inside his mouth for DNA testing.

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First of all- he did it on a matress in the back of a car? Secondly, the story says that Carmel’s mom, Marilyn, was a hitch hiker. And third, Carmel? What type of a name is that?

Soooo…did Mel pick up a hitch hiker and father a child with her? Yuck, yuck and yuck. I guess he would have been 20 at the time. Eww, what if he really is the father? This hasn’t been the best year for Mel, has it?

From DListed:

Does a human made out of lard and sweat have to do with the break-up of Paris Hilton and Britney Spears? Sources say that Paris became jealous that Britney was becoming so close to Brandon Davis. Apparently, Paris has told all her friends to push Britney out of their circle.

A source said, “Paris is very protective over her men and she didn’t want Britney getting too close.”

That source was most likely Fat Elvis himself. Here’s some pics of Brit Brit going out the other night. She still needs a bath and a new colorist.

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Eww. They’re fighting over a smelly fat man? Actually if he lost some weight and took a bath he wouldn’t be that bad. I can totally picture Paris being all protective of her men. She and Brandon have been friends for a while, but my intuition says they’re definitely screwing. Eww- what if Paris and Kevin hooked up? A revenge fuck, sure..but wouldn’t that be nasty? Yuck, yuck, yuck.