Trashy Celebs

Well, who didn’t see this one coming? You’d think maybe a blind person might not have seen it coming, but actually I heard this from a guy who was waiting for the bus with a seeing-eye dog*, so yes, even people who can’t see saw this coming. Apparently, Sarah Jessica Parker, star of stage and Girls Just Want to Have Fun is moving out of her home with hubster Ferris Bueller Matthew Broderick and is looking for her own place in a real life Sex and the City episode.

It seems the marriage has been on the rocks for a bit because Ferris has been stepping out on Carrie with a younger …. wait, what? Woman? A younger woman? Well color me stunned on that one. I thought for sure all this moving out by Sarah Jessica was just the preview to the main event: Matthew coming out of the closet. Oh well, gaydar can’t be right every time!

*I did not hear this from a blind guy at the bus stop. I stopped taking the bus because it is always late. I read it in Star magazine.

Well, with all the depressing organized discrimination and organized hate going on against those of the homosexual persuasion I thought I’d bring you a story that is almost hysterically funny in its over-the-top ridiculousness. Some rapper I have never heard of who calls himself “Trick Trick” doesn’t want any of your homosexual money from your homosexual debit card or your homosexual change jar. Trick Trick can pay for his Godfather suits and chunky bracelets and totally gay pinky rings with heterosexual money only, thank you very much, homo.

“I’ma go on the record right now with this. Homosexuals are probably not gonna like this album. Fa**ots hate me and I don’t give a f**k. I don’t want your fa**ot money any goddam way. I don’t like it. Carry that shit somewhere else.… It’s just that every time that you turn on the the TV, that sissy s**t is on. And they act like it’s f***ing okay. The world is changing for the worst when s**t like that happen. And I address that issue. I address it hard as hell…”

You want to know what cracks my homo-gay ass the hell up? It’s Mr. Trick Trick’s name here … “Trick Trick.” I don’t know what prompted him to choose this as his rapper-name, but from what I understand, many gay men call their hook-ups “tricks.” Coincidence? I don’t think so.

So you have our congratulations Trick Trick and the promise that none of my hard earned homo-money will get anywhere near your bank account. You are one super-fly douche.

No one is going to argue with me on this one, are you? Two creepy male celebrities (or, you might argue, one creepy guy and one sad-and-now-creepy guy) and two older legends of entertainment who are now just fodder for the tabloids. Sad, isn’t it? And still, I can’t help but think that this picture has been blow up to wall size and is hanging on some cell walls in Guantanamo Bay. Torture isn’t just physical, you know.

Just think about it though: that picture was at some point framed in Liza and David’s living room. There was a copy in their wedding album that they looked at in happier days. Elizabeth Taylor probably had a copy hanging on a bathroom wall. Michael Jackson probably even had one hanging in Bubbles’ bedroom. Then Liza had to collect them all and throw them off the roof or something. But thanks to the internet, the most terrifying celebrity photo ever taken will exist for all eternity.

…. said ABSOLUTELY NO ONE.

Aw, George! George! What the hell! Would somebody please look into getting George some freakin’ help here already, and by that I don’t mean the phone number of a good dealer or an excellent lawyer. I mean the number for a rehab facility, preferably one that would help out with both the drunk thing and what I suspect may be a sex addiction thing?

George Michael arrested over drugs

George Michael was arrested in public toilets suspected of possessing drugs.

Reports say the multi-millionaire singer was arrested after a tip-off from a suspicious toilet attendant after he was seen loitering in underground loos in London’s Hampstead Heath on Friday.

When officers arrived Michael was still in the toilet and police reportedly found him in possession of cannabis and crack cocaine.

Crack? Crack? What the hell! When did George Michael get so …. ghetto? Look here, Georgie, it was kinda cute and cheeky when you got caught in that L.A. bathroom 10 years ago. You gave the whole world a wink about it later on with your song “Outside” and the resulting video. But this isn’t funny and clever anymore. This is sad. Granted, you weren’t arrested for lewd behavior this time, but we all ahve to wonder if that is why you were hanging around in the bathroom.

And being caught with a little bit of pot? Whatever, no one really cares or will be impressed by that. But crack cocaine? Come on, George. Have you been taking cues from Amy Winehouse’s career? Pete Doherty? I really think it’s time for someone to step in and help George clean up his act a little bit. Those of us who are fans are missing the music. Just this afternoon I was singing “Faith” to my friend’s nine-month old son, and he was diggin’ it. Stop screwing around and start making some more music. “Freedom 90″ is one of my favorite songs, ever. How about a “Freedom 09″?

Neil Patrick Harris singing a little ditty about his footise covers on Sesame Street. I just wonder where the fairy part came in or if some guy in wardrobe was like “Hey Dude, you’re queer. Why don’t cha put these wings on and crank the gay-o-meter to 11.” Happy Friday.

Shia LaBeouf pulled a big LaOpps when he rolled his car in Hollywood in the wee-hours of Sunday morn, injuring himself and a couple other people. A spokesperson for the L.A.P.D. says it was clear to officers who responded to the scene that LaBeouf was intoxicated, and he was subsequently arrested. but amazingly enough, will not be booked on felony DUI charges (although he’ll be cited on suspicion of DUI whatever that means).

Seriously? One Trashy Celebs writer lost control of her car last month and crashed into a guard rail and still had to go to court for damaging city property. No one was injured, minus the front part of a jeep and there was no drinking involved. We think this is LaRidiculous that Shia isn’t still in the drunk tank awaiting charges. How many more times does he have to be arrested before he’s tossed in rehab? Chicks have it so much harder. It seems like Lindsay Lohan can slip on a grape at Whole Foods and then be arrested for drunken disorderly conduct but I’ll be the LaBeouf will pull something like this a few more times before anyone even suggests he has a problem. But I digress.

In other news that is probably a week old, we saw Mama Mia yesterday and boy does Pierce Bronson’s voice stink. Take a listen for yourself.

In the theater we were in, the whole place started cracking up every time Remington Steele busted out a tune. Yikes! Despite his rusty pipes, we really liked the campy cheese that was Mama Mia. Meryl Streep is amazing in everything and it looked like she was having a blast during the whole thing.

So the rumor (story?) is coming back again that Ms. Lance Bass may be joining the cast of Dancing with the Stars. Unfortunately, the gay community and my grandma will have to wait until mid-August when the official lineup is announced to know for sure.

And of course the rumors are flying that the former N’SYNCer will be dancing with a dude. Sweet! We’d totally watch that but we’re wondering if ABC would have the balls to let Bass tango with another set of balls. Reps from ABC had no comments, at least not to us but maybe we’d have better luck if we had tried to contact someone and not watched an episode of Shear Genius off our Tivo.

Still as much as we need another reality show time suck, I’d watch Lance shake his bass to some big band or at the very least faint like Marie Osmond. Or, maybe if Grey’s Anatomy is in between shoots Patrick Dempsey can do it.

Can’t Buy Me Love was such a classic good-bad movie. I remember going to see that with my next door neighbor and getting in trouble because I wasn’t suppose to call my Pop-Pop for rides. But what the F mom? I was 14, I couldn’t drive and it’s not like Pop-Pop was doing much else. He didn’t mind being my ride. Whatever, I’m over it.

Anyway, McDreamy has got the moves ABC. C’mon, he’s under contract make him repeat this gem on the dance floor. Or as Lori kindly added “McDreamy? How about McGay.”

It’s June so Happy Gay Pride Month everyone. Let’s celebrate with our favorite boys of questionable European ethnicity, BearForce 1.

Hay Girl. Hay!!!

Wow, Clay Aiken has sperm! Who knew? I mean, I didn’t even think he had testicles. He’s a fine enough singer, I guess, and his apparently holding his own on Broadway but I never really thought about him doing anything like fathering a child (or rather, in this case, providing some of the necessary ingredients to do so). It’s just such a manly thing to do, and Clay Aiken has a hairstyle a lot like my second cousin Cheryl, who just got a job as a flight attendant for Continental Airlines. I’m just saying.

Rumor has it that the Aiken is helping his “best friend,” one Jaymes Foster, to become a mother. The 50-year old Foster has produced a couple of Aiken’s albums, so he is returning the favor and producing her first child. Sounds like …. an unfair trade to me.

I do have to wonder if Aiken was really Foster’s first choice to be her Baby Daddy. I mean, Clay Aiken is not our American Idol, even though he is arguably more famous that anyone else from that show. He didn’t even win his season! America did not choose him as their Idol, so I wonder why Foster chose him as Daddy. Perhaps Ruben Studdard was unavailable. Or maybe Ruben WAS Foster’s first choice in the American Idol Baby Daddy competition and received all the telephone and text messaging votes, but somehow Aiken snuck in with his goofy white boy looks and Breck Girl hair and somehow ended up more successful, with a spot as Father of the Year, while poor Ruben Studdard is just that lonely great-uncle that no one ever remembers to invite for Thanksgiving dinner.

Carrie Underwood & Chace Crawford Split

Carrie Underwood and Chace Crawford have split, sources confirm to Usmagazine.com.

The American Idol winner, 25, and the Gossip Girl star, 22, had been dating since last July, but did not go public with their romance until October.

Underwood had spent Thanksgiving at his parents’ home in Dallas and part of her Christmas break with his relatives.

An insider told Us Weekly in December, “His parents are fond of her… they believe ‘Carrie Crawford’ would be a great addition to the family!”

“She’s a classy girl,” Crawford told Us in October.

Rumors linking Crawford to buddy JC Chasez sparked Chasez to tell Kiss-FM 104.7 Wednesday, “For the record, we’re both straight. We’re not dating.”

Underwood’s rep was not available for comment; Crawford’s declined to comment.

Wow, Carrie Underwood finds herself single again. I wonder what happened this time. Maybe we will get a country western song about it, ala “Before He Cheats”? Except I don’t even know if Carrie Underwood wrote that, so maybe I shouldn’t be looking to her next album for clarification. But I have to say, I thought that Underwood could do better than the failed Dallas Cowboy quarterback Tony Romo and I certainly think she can do better than some pretty boy on a TV show no one has ever heard of. And if Chace Crawford feels the need to go on the radio and announce and he is not gay and that he is not dating JC Chasez, then I have to think he probably is and that they probably are.

Carrie Underwood, Chace Crawford, JC Chasez, Tony Romo

George Michael is planning a U.S. Tour! A tour! Finally! A tour of the U.S.!

George Michael plans first U.S. tour in 17 years

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - George Michael has a lot of “Faith” in his North American fans. The British pop singer on Monday unveiled plans for his first tour of the United States and Canada in 17 years, beginning June 17 at San Diego Sports Arena.

The 22-date arena trek runs through August 3 at the BankAtlantic Center in Fort Lauderdale, Fla.

Tickets for the “25 Live” tour go on sale to the general public on April 6th, a week after fan club members get first dibs. Ticketmaster currently lists one show, the July 7 gig at Saint Paul, MN., where the top price is $175.

While his international appeal remains strong, Michael’s profile in the United States has waned over the past decade, although his last album, 2004’s “Patience,” managed to peak at No. 12 thanks to an appearance on “The Oprah Winfrey Show.”

Michael, 44, rose to fame in the early 1980s as one-half of the singing duo Wham! and enhanced his popularity with his solo debut, 1987’s “Faith,” which has been certified for U.S. shipments in excess of 10 million copies. It included the hit singles “Father Figure,” “I Want Your Sex Parts 1 & 2″ and the title track.

Subsequent efforts did not sell nearly as well, and Michael’s career ground to a halt in the early 1990s when he unsuccessfully sued Sony to get out of his contract. In 1998, he was arrested for lewd conduct in Beverly Hills, and subsequently disclosed his homosexuality.

The European leg of his “25 Live” tour took him to 12 countries where he performed 80 shows for some 1.3 million fans, according to a statement.

The North American tour will promote a double-disc hits set, the second of his career. “Twenty-Five” is scheduled for U.S. release on April 1, a decade after Michael issued the retrospective “Ladies & Gentlemen: The Best of George Michael.”

I was excited to hear about this tour, because I have been a fan of George Michael’s ever since way back in the day when my local small town radio station would break in during American Top 40 with Casey Kasem to play “I Want Your Love” in place of the evil, immoral “I Want Your Sex.” I probably danced to “Father Figure” at my prom, sang along to “Faith” as I drove around in my car, and pretended that “Monkey” was somehow relevant to my life. And when I was an older and wiser college girl, I listened to “Freedom 90″ and pretended it was also relevant to my life (and I still do that today, as it’s my favorite George Michael song.) So now, as a wiser woman in her 30s, I finally have the resources to buy tickets and go shake my ass along with all the other gays. BUT GEORGE MICHAEL IS NOT COMING TO MY MIDWESTERN CITY.

George, why do you break my heart so? I stuck by you through the scandals, the coming out, the bathroom solicitation, the park hookups with random British men. Why can’t you come to my Midwestern city? I promise you, we have many public parks and rest rooms to choose from.

That day we all thought would never, ever, ever come has actually arrived: Star Jones and Al Reynolds have split up. Can you believe it? Aren’t you just stunned? I haven’t been this shocked since Liza divorced David Gest.

Star Jones tells husband Al Reynolds it’s over

Star Jones has had it with hubby Al Reynolds after just three years. “She told Al at the end of January that he had 30 days to get his act together or ‘get out,’�? a source told the National Enquirer.

Nearly three and half years after they swapped “I dos�? at their corporate-sponsored wedding, Star Jones and Al Reynolds are calling it quits. The National Enquirer reports the legal diva sent Al his walking papers a month ago.

A rep for Jones says the report is false, but the Enquirer goes on to say, “They hadn’t been seeing eye to eye for months and had already spent a great deal of time apart,�? a friend of the couple told the Enquirer. “Finally, Star decided it was over. She told Al at the end of January that he had 30 days to get his act together or ‘get out.’�?

The pair made one last public appearance at the Feb. 1 Baby Phat fashion show in New York City, but everything fell apart days later. That prompted Star to show Al the door ahead of schedule, the source said. “Al moved some of his things out of their Upper East Side apartment and returned to Miami, where he’d already been spending a lot of time recently.�?

The Enquirer spoke to another insider who confirmed the breakup and revealed Star’s intention to make it permanent. “Star is planning to divorce Al.�? As for reason behind the split, the source added, “I think Star felt Al had spent their marriage riding her success while she did all the heavy lifting. She resented it. Deep down, Star is a very old-fashioned woman who believes a man should support her emotionally, physically and financially. She now believes Al failed her.�?

Can you believe that shit? Perhaps Star Jones had unrealistic expectations? I mean, she wanted Al to support her “emotionally, physically and financially?” Is she not the more successful (career-wise) of the two? She was a laywer, she was on The View, she had her own show on Court TV? Of course, the wedding was corporate-sponsored, so perhaps things weren’t going as well as she led us all to believe. (Hey, do you think part of the corporate sponsorship agreement required them to stay together at least three years? I wonder if there is a no-compete clause.)

Well, we all know that Star Jones’ problem is that she not only believes that her husband should support her “emotionally, physically, and financially,” but she believes he should also NOT BE FREAKING GAY. C’mon Star Jones. Give Liza Minelli a call and talk this one through.

Star Jones, Liza Minelli, Al Reynolds

Spencer Pratt (and I will admit I still am not 100 percent sure who he is or why I should care) is apparently planning on or seriously considering or pricing doctors or trying to get pre-approval from his HMO for a very special treatment plan. A delicate condition, requiring specialists, quiet consideration, and sensitivity. Yes, Spencer Pratt is getting calf implants.

Heidi Montag’s, lover Spencer Pratt, plans to get calf implants to look more buff, Star reports.

“Spencer works out with a trainer almost daily, but he can’t get rid of his skinny legs, and it drives him nuts. Heidi even nicknamed him Chicken Legs!” a pal tells Star. “Spencer is secretly insecure about his legs.”

But he still hasn’t gone through with the surgery. “He knows it’s a painful procedure.”

I know I really shouldn’t be surprised by the variety of cosmetic procedures available today. I know it is more than just eye lifts or liposuction or breast implants. But calf implants? I just don’t understand. That’s like having your elbows enlarged or your big little toe made littler. I mean sure, we’ve all perhaps admired a nice pair of calves on a runner in the park or a bicycler on TV. But to think that they are so important that calf implants are a necessity? I don’t get that. It’s not like having reconstructive surgery after an accident or something. It’s just a weird sort of leg vanity.

This whole story just makes me think of this episode of MTV’s True Life I saw a couple of times. (Because anyone who has ever seen this show knows that the can be watched more than once, and if you are ever at home sick or wake up on the weekend with a hangover, spending the day on the couch with some diet Coke and a marathon of True Life is pretty much perfect.) The episode was “I Want the Perfect Body” and there was a young man featured, about Spencer Pratt’s age, who wanted calf implants. He worked out a lot and just “couldn’t get his calves the way he wanted them.” His friends and family seemed to think he was ridiculous for the amount of money he was spending. But he went ahead with it and spent the weekend alone in a hotel room recovering. Later they showed him getting ready to go out dancing at a club and he was wearing glitter on his chest. Then later I was reading about the show on an internet forum and heard this guy was now doing gay porn.

So what have we learned? Calf implants are stupid and lead to wearing glitter which is also stupid which leads to doing gay porn witch may or may not be stupid, depending on how much you are getting paid. It remains to be seen if Spencer Pratt is going to follow this same pattern.

Spencer Pratt, True Life, calf implants

Things are a little (olay a lot) busy in the Trash Talkin’ household today, but I didn’t want to leave you without any trash to talk yourselves, so here are some blind items I spotted over on Gawker. Some of them are pretty obvious, some of them are a little hard to figure out and all of them are fun (and sometimes gross.) Enjoy.

* What couple almost split up during the making of that movie because she was on fire with jealousy that he got to show his actual talent? (No worries. It totally bombed.)
* Which top anchor is a bottom?
* Which pop star is a top? (Or so goes the legend; actually, he and one of his hot boyfriends switched positions and loved it.)
* Which female politician once slept with a rabbi’s sister, according to an American Idol personality who’s a friend of the rabbi?
* What much younger songstress has very little actual chemistry with the husband, probably because she’s a big old lesbo?
* Which pasty-white club mess (with his friends) blithely walked out on a check at Beige (after insanely trying to get me to pay it) and was thrown out of Hiro for choking his boyfriend, the same week he was featured in New York magazine’s Look Book? What same guy became the subject of restraining tactics by a stylist when he kept using the stylist’s name to get free clothes long after he ceased working for him? (Oh, did I mention he’s also a thief?)
* What cute, young guy, who’s Hollywood royalty, recently had a heartwarming experience peeing into a trannie’s anus, only to have all kinds of shit shoot out?
* Which exotic, young hotshot designer has been supposedly doing it with that black rapper with many children?

blind items