Trashy Celebs

Ok, Britney Spears hasn’t had the best week ever. She’s lost custody of the tots to baby daddy K-Fed, been spied driven’ when she shouldn’t be and has been kicked out of the restaurant at Chateau Marmont. That’s up there in a week of total suckyness. But there’s one thing in her life that doesn’t seem to be sucking and that’s the reason she’s famous - her music.

Sure her tunes aren’t works of great depth and reflection but us here at Trashy Celebs and a lot of other folks think her new single Gimmie More is banging! The video (minus the MTV Video Music Awards train wreck) should be coming soon, but until then check out the song itself.

And it’s not just us that love the song. Gimme More landed in the No. 1 position on Billboard’s Hot Digital Songs chart, having sold 179,000 downloads in its first week of release. That helped the song rocket up Billboard’s Hot 100 this week, jumping 65 slots to land at No. 3 on the overall pop chart, which includes digital downloads, CD sales and radio airplay. It’s also the number one downloaded song on iTunes, go figure.

However this jump isn’t a signal that Brit-Brit is totally back. According to Billboard’s associate director of charts Silvio Pietroluongo, it’s not uncommon for a single to move into the Top 10 on its Hot 100 based on digital sales alone.

So this isn’t Spear’s Umbrella, ella, ella, ay-ay which sold 277,000 copies in its debut week thanks to the beautiful Rihanna. But still Gimmie More is getting airplay on Top-40 stations, where it’s consistently been one of the top-15 performing songs. And it’s also Britney’s best showing on the Billboard chart since her breakthrough song, Baby One More Time, hit No. 1 in January 1999 (although that was back in the dark ages when digital sales weren’t measured).

So perk up Britney, stick to cabs and places that you aren’t banned from and maybe your career still has a chance.

Britney Spears, Gimmie More, Rihnna, Billboard, iTunes

50 Cent lost major homeboy points this weekend while hanging out with Paris Hilton in Las Vegas for the MTV Video Music Awards. Look for more coverage tomorrow morning as we not-so-live blog the VMA’s.

50 Cent, Paris Hilton, MTV Video Music Awards

Shrek star Cameron Diaz has apparently broken free of the spell cast by magician Criss Angel and is now reportedly dating the singer/guitarist who really, really likes blondes, John Mayer.

Cameron Diaz has dipped back into the musician well to find herself a new guy — John Mayer! The 34-year-old Shrek actress, whose almost 4-year relationship with Justin Timberlake ended in January, and rocker Mayer were spotted out in New York last night, a source exclusively tells Usmagazine.com. “They went out to several places…It was the two of them, getting to know each other, out on the town.”

While John Mayer is definitely a step down from uber-hottie Justin Timberlake (and Cameron, honey, of you’re trying to make him jealous with this John Mayer fling, remember, he’s with Jessica Biel now) but Mayer is definitely a flight or two steps up from Criss Angel (who has been seen stepping out with Timberlake-ex, Britney Spears. Following all of this?)

Next on Diaz’s list? Wayne Newton, Art Garfunkel, and that guy who plays at every friggin’ open mike night at the bar up the street from my apartment.

Cameron Diaz, John Mayer, Justin Timberlake, Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears, Criss Angel, Wayne Newton, Art Garfunkel

Like most 14 year-olds in the late 1980’s, my brightly-colored kid bedroom walls were plastered over with pages from Teen Beat, Tiger Beat and whatever else “Beat” had Kirk Cameron on the cover. Now I was mildly amused when Cameron began showing his true Jesus-freak feathers (can’t get enough of the “banana” clip) but it got me thinking kind of what jerk-offs these guys are.

Kirk was probably the first (I had this image in a poster) but then in 8th grade I hit a big George Michael phase. Little did I know he’d be doing community service for passing out in his car.

I also had a whole row of Corey Haim pictures above my mirror. And even watched that crappy show he did with Burt Young (anyone remember Roomies?) Now he’s all kinds of wacadoo as evidence on the A&E (really?) show The 2 Coreys. In this realityish spectacle, Haim comes to live with his 80’s partner in crime Corey Feldman. Now I was never really a fan of Feldman and I’m still not, maybe it was when he turned into Michael Jackson that sealed that deal. But anyway, The 2 Coreys is a big train wreck as further evidenced by this clip.

Let’s see I also had a bunch of Debbie Gibson pictures, posed in Playboy. One of Tiffany, also in Playboy. And a bunch of New Kids on the Block posters - no need to elaborate there. I guess the one non-fuck-up from my wall is Johnny Depp and he keeps making those crappy Pirate movies. But then again he has a career that’s not based in reality, the Lord or public bathrooms so there’s still hope.

Kirk Cameron, Johnny Depp, Corey Feldman, Corey Haim, Debbie Gibson, New Kids on the Block, Tiffany, George Michael, The 2 Coreys

So I read the other day that Red Hot Chili Pepper’s singer Anthony Kiedis, age FORTY-FRICKIN-FOUR and his girlfriend of two years, Heather Christie, age TWENTY (yes you read that right TWENTY) are expecting a baby.

Now some of you would tell me not to be judgmental and to you I say, “I’m paid to be judgmental! I’m a celebrity blogger.” But I have to say that this grosses me out. (Not the baby. I love babies!) I just can’t imagine an 18 year old Heather bringing home Anthony Freakin’ Kiedis to meet Mom and Dad. And then announce two years later that he’s going to be her baby-daddy? Wowza.

Apparently, the song “She’s Only 18” on the Chili Pepper’s most recent album, Stadium Arcadium is about Heather, so I turned to the lyrics for some insight. I can’t say they offered too much …. the only part that made any sense to me was the first verse: she’s only 18/don’t like the Rolling Stones/She took the shortcut/To being fully grown.” And all that really tells me is … that’s she’s 18. Although the song does offer a little foreshadowing of this pregnancy with the line “I put my lovin’ in your oven.” That you did, Mr. Kiedis. That you did.

Anthony Kiedis, Heather Christie, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Stadium Arcadium, She’s Only 18

We at Trashy Celebs are completely disgusted at the Dog fighting allegations against Atlanta Falcon’s quarterback Michael Vick. If these abhorrent charges are true, we hope Vick is not only bared from playing in the NFL but has to bathe rabid feral cats as part of his community service. For further discussion on this topic, we turn today’s Trashy Celebs over to our dog and guest columnist Muriel.

My thoughts on the Michael Vick Debacle by Muriel the Pug
DO NOT LIKE VICK. VICK IS LARGE PIECE OF BASTARD PIE THAT I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE A BITE OF AND THEN POOP OUT SO AMY HAS TO PICK UP AND PUT IN TRASH RECEPTICLE BY PARK WE WALK IN. IF THERE ARE DOGS READING THIS THAT HAVE ACCESS TO VICK I WOULD ADVISE TO TRY AND TAKE BITE OF VICK THEN RUN VERY FAST BECAUSE VICK RUNS FAST TOO. IF YOU DO MANAGE TO TAKE BITE OF VICK, PLEASE EMAIL ME AT MURIELTHEPUG@GMAIL.COM AND TELL ME WHAT VICK TASTES LIKE. I IMAGINE HE TASTES LIKE A DOUCHE. THANK YOU FOR LISTENING. -MURIEL THE PUG

Michael Vick, Douche bag, pug, dog fighting

Not much to say on this one. The amazonian ex-wife of Sly Stallone has checked into rehab for treatment of an undisclosed condition, her manager confirmed Thursday. We never would have guessed she had a drug/alcohol/substance abuse problem since the last time we saw Nielsen she was making out with Flava Flav on VH-1. Looks like rehab isn’t just for twenty-somethings - suck it Lohan!

Brigitte Nielsen, rehab, Flava Flav, VH-1

Quentin Tarantino was really into his dinner at Empress Sushi on the Sunset strip the other night. So much in fact that he jumped ship from the sushi boat and went right for another patron’s toes. Apparently he was posing for photos with the female fan who hopefully wasn’t Marsellus Wallace’s wife.

Europe is a Beanoless continent
Meanwhile the Hollywood Rag reports Justin Timberlake had bunches of the anti-gas pill Beano flown over for the London leg of his ‘FutureSex/LoveSounds’ tour.

Justin, who says the tablets help him digest food, has also requested two dressing rooms, to be kept at a constant 22 degrees Celsius, and continuous supply of Hershey chocolate bars.

In other news Beano’s new tagline is What Goes Around Comes Around.

Justin Timberlake, Beano, Quentin Tarantino, Sushi

TMZ is reporting that (and it pains me to type this, it really does, but I will work through the pain, proving once again that we read the trash so you don’t have to) a few years ago (and TMZ swears this is from an “extremely well-placed source”) Scott Baio apparently knocked boots with Liza Minnelli.

Of course, maybe this is all just a publicity stunt related to his new show on VH-1, Scott Baio is 45 … and Single. According to the show’s synopsis, Baio is in the midst of a midlife crisis and with “nowhere else to turn,” is seeking help from a life-coach. And of course, VH-1 is there to record it all. Set your TiVos, folks. Maybe David Gest will show up as a guest star! (Gest-star? Ha? Nevermind.)

Scott Baio, Liza Minnelli, VH-1, Scott Baio is 45 … and Single, life coach, David Gest

So I’m still getting over the Sopranos Finale. I was up half the night thinking about it thanks to the Television Without Pity RSS feed in my brain. No new conclusions but I found the perfect thing to snap out of it. Here’s a pic of a half nude Nicollette Sheridan and fiancée Michael Bolton.

Thanks to the fine folks at TMZ.com I’m no longer pondering if the last scene was indeed Tony’s final moments on earth or like the Journey song says “the movie never ends, it just goes on and on and on.” No, now I can’t get the image of what it’s like when an aging douche-bag man loves a woman in Italy’s Lake Como. EW, EW EWWWWWWW!

Kate Winslet, Kate Winslet, KATE WINSLET!!!!

Michael Bolton, Nicollette Sheridan, The Sopranos Finale, Kate Winslet, Television Without Pity

Attention Pete Doherty: apparently, all you need is Love. According to the Sunday Mirror, Courtney Love recently took advantage of Kate Moss’ work schedule to throw herself at the model’s fiance. Moss was apparently away on assignment and had to miss the wrap party for the second album to come from Babyshambles, Doherty’s band. The former Mrs. Kurt Cobain and lead singer of the band Hole, tried the fill the (tiny, tiny) hole left by Moss and attended in her place.

Doherty tried to remind her of his engagement (the gentleman that he is) but one observer was quoting say that “She was all over him like a rash.” Apparently Courtney Love just can’t stay away from the men with big piles of issues.

Kurt Cobain must be spinning in his grave. First the whole Doc Marten ad campaign and now his wife and mother of his daughter throws herself at a well-documented drug addict. Way to aid in your OWN recovery, Courtney. What is Mel Gibson going to say?

Courtney Love, Pete Doherty, Babyshambles, Kate Moss, Kurt Cobain, Doc Martens, Mel Gibson, recovery

Who doesn’t love a fat guy? A fat guy with cheap porn, even better. According to the Best Week Ever blog, Subway spokesman Jared Fogel was known for something a bit naughtier during his Indiana University days. Apparently Fogel ran a very lucrative porno rental biz out of his dorm room that offered an extensive collection of naughtiness.

For only a dollar a day, horny dorm dwellers would come from all over campus to take advantage of Fogel’s value menu. No word if a free cookie was included with that.

Jared Fogel, Subway, pornography, porn, porn rental, cheap porn, free cookie

So is the Kentucky Derby the new Sundance Film Festival? Because is seemed like every celebrity and their mothers, along with the Queen of England, ventured to the Bluegrass State to risk some money on the ponies and to watch Street Sense pound the competition into the track.

But according to Page Six, Kevin Federline was there for a different reason — to look for a new “life” partner:

Downtown at the Stereo party, Kevin Federline was not amused when organizers brought him to a table in the VIP area he deemed was too small and said, “Yo, I need a bigger table - I got six bitches with me.”

After DJ AM finished his set, Federline hi-jacked the microphone from Kid Rock. K-Fed gave “shout-outs” to hot girls in the crowd and screamed, “I got four kids already - which one of you Kentucky girls wants to have my fifth?”

That Federline is one classy guy. Does anyone know if he has a match.com profile?

Kevin Federline, Kentucky Derby, Street Sense, Queen of England, bitches

The 2007 Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival was not just a rockin’ good time but an example of what can happen if you have too much of a rockin’ good time. First off Courtney Love…well there’s really no dirt on her but shit! If you push on her spine just right hundreds of grams of illicit drugs go shooting through her body causing her to look like this.

And we hate to keep picking on Drew Barrymore but look at her. You can almost hear the bong percolating.

Dear Perry Farrell, my mom called. She wants her shirt back.

source
In other news the folks at Wonderfalls treatment facility will be pleased to see how well rehab is going for Lindsay Lohan. She apparently took the Hot in Here song literally at Fashion Loves Music Coachella after-party. I’m sure Lindsay wasn’t drinking it was just the ecstasy talking that made her display the bags of fun.

So what did we learn this Coachella? Well, we learned not to borrow clothes from Amy’s Mom without asking. We learned to always carry a box of Nutter Butters with us when we smoke up cause they’re so damn good. We learned rehab is for quitters and we learned that Courtney Love apparently has more lives than a pod of cats.

Perry Farrell, Courtney Love, Drew Barrymore, Lindsay Lohan, Coachella Music Festival, Amy’s Mom, Nutter Butters

So I am an inattentive celebrity blogger because I didn’t even know that Drew Barrymore and Spike Jonze were a couple until I read today that they were spotted macking on each other in public like a couple of teenagers at the prom. I’m no prude, but since when is this acceptable adult behavior? Making out in a booth? And they were at the Sunset Tower Hotel. A hotel! If you are that worked up, get a damn room!

Most interesting to those of us who watch too much Oprah is that the Sunset Tower Hotel is apparently one of Sofia Coppola’s (Spike Jonze’s ex-wife) favorite spots. Passive aggressive much, Spike? Or maybe he’s still just trying to swipe back at her after Lost in Translation. Nice try, Spike, but that movie won an Oscar. You probably just ended up with a cold sore and a huge bar tab.

Or maybe the whole evening was just research for a new film, Being Drew Barrymore where viewers travel into the mind of a woman and find out what it’s like to kiss both Hugh Grant and Jimmy Fallon, not to mention smoke weed with the ex-future Mrs. Justin Timberlake.

Drew Barrymore, Spike Jonze, Sofia Coppola, Lost in Translation, Hugh Grant, Jimmy Fallon, Cameron Diaz, Justin Timberlake