Trashy Celebs

Bill Cosby’s award winning Dandie Dinmont terrier, Hobergays Fineus Fogg has been on a self-destructive bender after losing the Westminster Kennel Club dog show Tuesday night. Known just as “Harry� to close friends and everyone else who thinks Hobergays Fineus Fogg sounds like a gay porn, the little dog has been partying big throughout NYC hotspots.

In just two nights Harry has been seen doing body shots off of Britney Spears at Marquee, slamming buttery nipples with Jake Gyllenhaal at Blue Fin, and having his way with Nicole Richie’s handbag while she was passed out in an alley on Little West 12th street.

When asked to comment on his puffy pooch’s purported partying ways, Mr. Cosby said, “you see the kids love da jeeello pudding popps and sooometimes they eat too many, see and get a little crazy!� Mr. Cosby then rolled his eyes up into his head and looked left.

Trashy Celebs tracked Harry down early this morning where he, Kirsten Dunst and Fabrizio Moretti were smoking Lucky Strikes and drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon at a dive bar in the east village. “Listen, you can tell Bill that I’m not his bitch, bitch,� Harry slurred. “I do what I want. I see who I want. And I (expletive) who I want! He doesn’t own me.� TC pointed out to Harry that Bill Cosby does in fact own him, but he was busy shaking hands with another patron before playing dead.

ring, ring. ring, ring. ring, ring.

beeeeeeep.

Source.

Hello? Hello? Alec? Hello? C’mon Alec, pick up! I know you must be home, it’s 3AM! C’mon! Alec! Look, I know you said not to call you anymore, but Billy and Steve won’t pick up either. I need you to come pick me up. I’m in …. Detroit? I think? Yeah, Detroit. I heard something from my lawyer about a “warrant” but I don’t think that he was talking about the rock group, ha ha! Alec? C’mon, pick up. I need a ride.

Okay, so I did take the car. But I didn’t steal it! I just borrowed it for a little while. I had to, you know, um, return some movies to Blockbuster. In Detroit! Yeah! I think. You know how those late fees can add up, too, epecially since you won’t help me out with them. I know that’s your voiceover on the commercials, bro. And I have a $78 late fee on Hero.

Look, I know you are wildly successful and incredibly funny on your new show 30 Rock and that you have your own problems with crazy exes, but c’mon, help me out. I’m your brother. Please? Pick me up? I’m at Burger King Express. I think. Thanks, bro. Please?

Oh, and when you come pick me up, please bring a bottle of Jack Daniels, a bag of oranges, and a plunger. Thanks.

Click.

ring, ring.

beeeeep.

Oh, one more thing, brother. Did you talk to Tina Fey like I asked you to? Dude, I know she’s married and all, but if she’d just get to know me, I know it could work out. Please, dude, just give her my number.

Tara Reid and her long-standing nemesis, Gravity came to blows this weekend in Miami. The first incident occurred at the Market America/Ocean Drive Super Bowl party. According to Pink is the New Blog, 15 minutes after arriving, Gravity got “all up in Reid’s face” and helped her to a red carpet ass plant.

“Miss thing started this mess,” Gravity stated last night from its bungalow at the Delano hotel in Miami. “Five years ago her stringy-hair self (Reid) blamed me when she face planted into a shrimp boat at the Playboy mansion. I had nothing to do with that, she mistook Mr. Jack Daniels for Ms. Gravity. mmm, hmmm.”

When asked about the Playboy Mansion incident, Reid said she only remembers Gravity at work and nothing else. To further complicate matters, the American Pie star needed a few gentleman friends to help her leave the Hennessy Superbowl party early Monday morning. Claiming she just had a run in with Gravity, Reid still needed much help staying on her feet.

“Bllwhere is sheeb at?” mumbled Reid. “I don’t need her and her laws. I don’t need her sneaky snake spelf sneaking up on me…what? No, I’m not drunk, I was drinking Pier-one-a-yay…yaaaaay!” The Saved by The Bell: The New Class extra then proceeded to tell off a palm tree before being stuffed into her limo.

When asked to comment on Reid’s allegation Gravity replied, “Oh please, bitch is trippin’.”