Trashy Celebs

I’ve witnessed some bitter breakups, but damn, this one takes the country music cake.

Country star Sara Evans’ husband is asking the singer in a court filing whether she was romantically involved with nearly a dozen people, including Kenny Chesney, Richard Marx and former “Dancing With The Stars” partner Tony Dovolani.

The 118-page document was filed Tuesday in Williamson County chancery court as part of Evans’ divorce from Craig Schelske, according to The Tennessean newspaper.

It asks Evans to state under oath and penalty of perjury whether or not she admits to “an affair/sexual relationship/romantic involvement” with Chesney, Marx, Dovolani or any member of her band. It also seeks to find out if there was any relationship with Brad Arnold, Matt Roberts, Todd Harrell or Chris Henderson — all members of the group 3 Doors Down.

The questions are included in a document used to obtain information from opposing parties during legal proceedings.

Evans has not yet responded, and the court filing provides no evidence that she had relationships with any of the named people.

That’s harsh. Not only is he accusing her of cheating and not only is he naming names, but he’s submitted a list of names, basically using the court system to call his wife a hussy. And on top of that are the people he’s accused her of sleeping with. Richard Marx (who had the most spectacular mullet in the early 1990s), Kenny Chesney (the former Mr. Renee “PinchyFace” Zellweger) and all three members of the mediocre alternative radio band 3 Doors Down.

Jeez, you douche. If you’re going to accuse your wife of sleeping around, at least choose partners that will help her further her career, so she can pay that palimony you will undoubtedly sue for next. Why don’t you just be a man and save some time and money and go get drunk with your friends and punch a wall.

Sara Evans, Craig Schelske, Richard Marx, Kenny Chesney, Renee Zellweger, 3 Doors Down

Isn’t it cute when older celebrities try to be all cutting edge and try to imitate younger, hipper, more assholic celebrities? This weekend, some time around hour 18 at the traditional Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon, Lewis uttered the gay slur made famous by Isaiah Washington and single-handedly caused bloggers all over the internet to say, “Aw! Isn’t that just the CUTEST THING!”

The 81-year-old showman — prowling about the stage during the live telecast Monday in Las Vegas — was goofing around and dodging his cameraman, then went into a ramble about imaginary family members.

“Oh, your family has come to see you,” he said, speaking to the camera and gesturing toward thin air.

“You remember Bart, your older son,” he said, and motioning toward another unseen character, “Jesse, the illiterate f—–.

“No,” Lewis said, quickly stopping himself before continuing.

Monday’s monologue prompted a critical statement Tuesday from the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation.

Neil Giuliano, GLAAD president, called Lewis’ use of the term “simply unacceptable.”

Click here to see TMZ’s video of the faux pas.

This year’s telethon set a record, raising nearly $64 million, more than any previous year, so thankfully the kids this event is meant to benefit won’t feel any ill effects from Lewis’s attempt at hippness. No word on if Lewis is going to change his trademark line from “Hey laaaaaaaaaaaaady!” to “Hey faaaaaaaaaaggot!” However, a line of cuddly Jerry Lewis dolls which repeat various ethnic, religious, anti-gay, and misogynistic epithets is said to be in the works.

Jerry Lewis issued an apology on Tuesday. Isaiah Washington could not be reached for comment.

Jerry Lewis, telethon, Labor Day Telethon, Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon, gay slur

We’ve found our Trashy Celeb Douche of the Week early this week! Professional Ray Charles wannabe Jamie Foxx has been busy douching up the place by defending professional dog abuser and football player, Michael Vick.

He says, “It’s a cultural thing, I think. Most brothers didn’t know that, you know. I used to see dogs fighting in the neighborhood all the time. I didn’t know that was Fed time. So, Mike probably just didn’t read his handbook on what not to do as a black star.

“I know that cruelty to animals is bad, but sometimes people shoot people and kill people and don’t get time.

“I think in this situation, he really didn’t know the extent of it, so I always give him the benefit of the doubt.”

(more…)

Why Adam Levine, you loverboy you! You are such a sensitive, feminist-type gentleman, with the breaking up with the girl because you fear she can’t enjoy sex. For her own good, right? You want her to learn to relax and enjoy herself, right?

Levine, lead singer of Maroon 5, had this to say in a Moscow newspaper, of all places (I know I turn to the Russian media for all my news on celebrity sex lives):

The former lover of tennis star Maria Sharapova, Maroon 5’s frontman Adam Levine, revealed yesterday why he broke off their brief romance.

“She wouldn’t make any noise during sex,” Levine said. “I can’t tell you how disappointed I was. I really thought, like a lot of guys, that she’d be the loud screaming type. But instead, she just lay there like a dead frog. She even got angry if I started to moan, said it ‘ruined her concentration.’ It was so disillusioning that I went on Paxil for a month afterwards. Really, it was much more of a shock than when I found out there’s no such thing as the Easter Bunny.

Seriously, Adam? Antidepressants? You went on antidepressants because you found out your girlfriend of a few weeks was something of a cold fish? That’s some bullshit right there. Maybe the antidepressants were because you realized that maybe, just maybe, you weren’t doing anything to make her WANT to make any noise in bed? Ever consider that?

Douchebag. I think maybe Adam just has a small penis. (Maroon 5?) That line about the Easter Bunny makes me think that the whole thing was supposed to just be some dumb joke, but either way, that’s still a pretty douchey thing to say in print. And not a terribly good recommendation for the next woman who might hop into bed with you.

Adam Levine, Maroon 5, Maria Sharapova, celebrity sex lives

Apparently Terrance Howard has more issues with women then I had with the movie Crash. According to a recent Elle magazine article the Oscar-nominated actor is a wee-bit shy of just having issues and careening forward to I Hate Women-land. One of his pet peeves:

Toilet paper - and no baby wipes - in the bathroom. If they’re using dry paper, they aren’t washing all of themselves. It’s just unclean. So if I go in a woman’s house and see the toilet paper there, I’ll explain this. And if she doesn’t make the adjustment to baby wipes, I’ll know she’s not completely clean.

And another gem:

I like women who look like me. Generally, you’re attracted to women who look like you, because the most beautiful thing in nature is your own reflection.

Also according to the Jezebel.com article we got our info from, Mr. Howard has said some pretty crappy things about women in the past. Hmm, not liking to be touched, liking women who look like him and being a neat freak. We won’t start the gay rumors but the humongous ass-hats rumors don’t need anyone to start them.

Terrence Howard, Crash, Hustle & Flow

We at Trashy Celebs are completely disgusted at the Dog fighting allegations against Atlanta Falcon’s quarterback Michael Vick. If these abhorrent charges are true, we hope Vick is not only bared from playing in the NFL but has to bathe rabid feral cats as part of his community service. For further discussion on this topic, we turn today’s Trashy Celebs over to our dog and guest columnist Muriel.

My thoughts on the Michael Vick Debacle by Muriel the Pug
DO NOT LIKE VICK. VICK IS LARGE PIECE OF BASTARD PIE THAT I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE A BITE OF AND THEN POOP OUT SO AMY HAS TO PICK UP AND PUT IN TRASH RECEPTICLE BY PARK WE WALK IN. IF THERE ARE DOGS READING THIS THAT HAVE ACCESS TO VICK I WOULD ADVISE TO TRY AND TAKE BITE OF VICK THEN RUN VERY FAST BECAUSE VICK RUNS FAST TOO. IF YOU DO MANAGE TO TAKE BITE OF VICK, PLEASE EMAIL ME AT MURIELTHEPUG@GMAIL.COM AND TELL ME WHAT VICK TASTES LIKE. I IMAGINE HE TASTES LIKE A DOUCHE. THANK YOU FOR LISTENING. -MURIEL THE PUG

Michael Vick, Douche bag, pug, dog fighting

Ok, rant time people. First up this 1980 Rolling Stone cover is one of the most poignant, iconic images of all time. We all know the story of how it was shot by Annie Liebovitz the day John Lennon was murdered and that makes it all the more haunting and reverent.

And then there’s this.

According to the moviefone synopsis Chuck (Dane Cook) has a rep for being the guy women sleep with before meeting Mr. Right. That means tons of sex and no strings. Not a bad deal, until he meets his dream girl (Jessica Alba) — and can’t sleep with her.

Not only is one of the most original magazine covers of all time parodied for some predictable Rom-Com, we have to look at Dane Cook dry humping Jessica Alba (who looks like she’s dreaming of being in a different movie).

I really don’t have anything else to say about this other than I’m mad at Photoshop for helping to create this and I wanted to share my outrage.

Lori - at least he’s wearing underwear.

Dane Cook, Jessica Alba, Annie Liebovitz, Rolling Stone, John Lennon, Good Luck Chuck

Being a thirty-something lesbian who owns way to many sports ts and cutoff shorts doesn’t make me a fashionista or even very style-conscious. However I do know to not dress like crap. This week the crap-style fairy flung her wand all over tinsel town and beyond and smacked a few clueless wonders upside the head.

Black, White and Wrong all over

Judging from these ensembles Victoria Beckham should now be known as Scary Spice. Posh spread the love and fashion don’ts all ’round the world as she traveled from the MTV Movie Awards in Los Angeles to the Glamour Magazine Woman of the year awards (shudder) ending at Graduate Fashion Week at London’s Battersea Park Events Arena.

Now we do consider ourselves feminists and we’d hate to make jokes about her husband not having to get prostitutes since his wife already dresses like one, so we won’t do that. But we will say she looks like Cruella Deville had a three-way with half my grandma’s girdle and an old pair of baseball gloves. NEXT


Brooke Hogan needs love too
source
Brooke Hogan was channeling a little Samantha Fox as she charmed the crowd with her musical stylings at Sunfest. I’m sure if she asked her dad he would have lent her a belt.

And Finally…

Joey Lawrence’s Man Boobs are Blossoming

Joey Lawrence: Whoa! I totally need a new look

Stylist: Gay Kanye West is hotter than hot sweetie

Joey Lawrence: Whoa! Really?

Stylist: Yes

Joey Lawrence: Whoa!

Kanye West, Joey Lawrence. Brooke Hogan, Victoria Beckham, Hulk Hogan, half of my grandma’s girdle

Yankees superstar Alex Rodriguez’s antics may have caused his wife Cynthia to leave their Upper East Side pad carrying two suitcases Wednesday night. Apparently A-Rod has been seen chillin’ with a trashy blonde chick. The two have most recently been spotted in Toronto and before that in Vegas where they tried to get into the topless pool lounge Bare before being turned away because of a private party.

Apparently Rodriguez is something of a strip club aficionado. According to the NY Daily News,

In New York, A-Rod used to be a regular at the VIP Club, where he always asked for a dancer who performs under the stage name Monique.

Monique is 5-feet-5 with brown hair and brown eyes and has a well-toned, muscular figure, a pal said.

When the stripper jumped over to the Hustler Club, Rodriguez started going there to see her perform and buy sexy lap dances, a source said.

He even took her out for a pricey shopping spree at the Versace store on Fifth Ave., the source said.

A petite stripper at the Hustler Club said A-Rod “likes the she-male, muscular type. They brought me up to the champagne room one time. I spun around once and that was it. I’m not his type.”

She said A-Rod often brought his wife to the club “and she’s very pretty. I’d rather dance for her any day.”

A-Rod reportedly hangs out in a plethora of other New York area establishments where boobies are on display. “A-Rod is known as the king of the strip clubs,” a source said. “He gives the girls his number to meet somewhere else later on.”

Hmm, if we ever needed another reason to hate the Yankees. For now we’re cheering for Cynthia to knock out a long ball and take A-Rod for most of his A-normous 25 million a year plus salary.

Alex Rodriguez, Cynthia Rodriguez, strippers, Bare, New York Yankees

Supermodel Petra Nemcova threw a fund raising event recently, benefiting her charity Happy Hearts Fund. The Happy Hearts Fund supports underprivileged children in Asian countries who have survived disasters such as earthquakes or tsunamis. Nemcova herself is a survivor of a disaster, having been through the 2004 tsunami in Thailand. Beautiful AND philanthropic. Way to go, Petra! This concludes the “Bucket of Awesome” section of today’s entry.

In attendance at the fund raiser were Michael Douglas and wife Catherine Zeta-Jones. Aw! you might be thinking. How nice of them to do a little something to support the kids! But I’m afraid that begins the Douche of the Week portion of our entry. Apparently Douglas and Zeta-Jones made a quick tour through the party, posed for a picture with the above-praised Nemcova, and left, all within five minutes and without making a donation.

What the F, Mike and Cathy? Didja have a mini-film festival earlier in the day featuring Wall Street and Chicago? Maybe a few minutes of Romancing the Stone thrown in for good measure? Get a little too caught up in the memories of playing those selfish, greedy characters?

According to Douglas’ rep, the couple didn’t know the event was a fund raiser. Really, Mike and Cathy? Despite the buckets of money people donated? The video screens advertising the charity? The fricking invitation? Perhaps you’d better have a word with your rep. Apparently he or she would rather you look stupid than greedy.

Petra Nemcova, Happy Hearts Fund, Michael Douglas, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Wall Street, Chicago, Greed is Good

Girls Gone Wild founder and professional douchbag Joe Francis was sentenced Monday to 35 days in jail after pleading guilty to contempt of court. According to Yahoo! News, Francis was “blowing his nose and wiping away tears” while entering his plea and receiving his sentence.

My first thought: “What a pussy! The man who became a multi-millionaire by objectifying women apparently cried like one when being sentenced to five weeks in what will probably be Camp F’n Cupcake. Sheesh!” But then I heard more about the court proceedings. Apparently, after offering Francis a wide variety of Jello shots and a free “County Jail” tank top, both the judge and several court officers began pressuring Francis to remove his shirt. Soon a baliff produced a video camera and filmed the proceedings as Francis was led away in handcuffs and the judge led a chant of “Take it off! Take it off!”

Upon completing his sentence, Francis’ community service will include both producing those cute videos of kitties and puppies that your grandma is always forwarding to you over email and having the crap kicked out of him by every older brother and male cousin ever born.

Joe Francis, Girls Gone Wild, contempt of court, douchebag

Unless you’ve been living on an Amish dairy farm for the past week, you’ve been bombarded by news of Don Imus and his hugely douchetastic comment about the Rutgers Women’s Basketball Team.

The leathery radio-host referred to the final-four champion team as “nappy-headed hoes,” along with a bevy of other offensive things. This started a frenzy of media coverage, which led to the firing of Imus from CBS yesterday.

All week long, many groups had been calling for Imus to be fired including the Revered Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, but inspiring words from Snoop Dogg made to MTV News may have been what did it.

“Kick him off the air forever,” said Snoop who then pontificated on the difference between Imus’ racist comments and the misogynist lyrics that permeate hip-hop.

“It’s a completely different scenario. (Rappers) are not talking about no collegiate basketball girls who have made it to the next level in education and sports. We’re talking about hoes that’s in the ‘hood that ain’t doing shit, that’s trying to get a nigga for his money. These are two separate things. First of all, we ain’t no old-ass white men that sit up on MSNBC going hard on black girls. We are rappers that have these songs coming from our minds and our souls that are relevant to what we feel. I will not let them muthafuckas say we are in the same league as him.”

Inspired by Snoop’s comments and events of the past week, Jesse Jackson plans on apologizing to Woody Allen for 1984’s “Hymietown” remark.

Don Imus, Snoop Dogg, CBS, MTV, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Woody Allen

So, get this one., John Travolta has been saying that Scientology could have saved Anna Nicole Smith. The hell? Why is the Travolta suddenly weighing in on this one? He was in one movie with the woman and suddenly he knows that his particular brand of crazy would have saved her life? It’s not even known yet what caused her death! And not to speak ill of the dead, but I think Anna Nicole would have just politely declined, pointing out that she had plenty of crazy to spare, thank you very much. And it’s not like anyone witnessed the Travolta or any other dianetics crazies lining up to help her when, you know, she was actually still alive and could actually still be helped. Dipshits.

(I would like to point out that also featured in the above movie were The Rock and Fred Freakin’ Durst, but I don’t see The Travolta offering to use Scientology to prevent them from making any more shitty movies or recording any more shitty songs.)

Now here is when the bedwetting liberal in me points out that people have the right to believe whatever they believe and to practice whatever religion is right for them. But what chaps my buttocks is when people use their religion to pay a lot of lip service to how it could “help” other people — people they don’t even know — with their problems. Scientology? More like Doucheotology. Shut up, Vinnie Barbarino.

Rachael Ray waxed her entire body in New York this week. Well actually just her likeness at the world-renown Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum in Times Square. The ubiquitous Ray was on hand to reveal her slightly less puffy doppelganger.

Much to everyone’s surprise, her waxy half suddenly came to life and began whipping up a meal of turkey meatloaf with twice baked potatoes in under 30 minutes. “Ha! You guys didn’t think I could keep doing all my shows and run a magazine did ya,” chirped the perky Ray. “Surprise, I made a deal with the devil and now I can be two places at once.”

But like all deals done with the dark prince, this one too headed south pretty quickly. “I am so E.V.O.O. over this,” exclaimed Ray-Ray2 as it dumped a creamy dessert of pudding and Oreo cookie crumble on Ray-Ray1. “Smell ya later hot potata!” Screeched the spawn of Satan. It then jetted off but not before stopping to ask a local where a hot place to go for happy hour was. Ray-Ray2 was last seen heading towards the Applebee’s on W.42st Street with a half price appetizer coupon in hand.

Source.
So these days former pro basketball all-star Tim Hardaway just keeps digging himself deeper and deeper into a bigoted, homophobic hole. But really, he wants you to know that he’s okay with that, because he wants the world to know that he definitely prefers the hole to the pole, no doubt about that, no doubt at all. No pole for this guy. Doesn’t like the penis! Not at all! Not even his own! He doesn’t even mind being called a “douche” because a douche is definitely something that the ladies use. The ladies! You know, the ones who have vaginas. I’m just saying.

And look at that picture. That’s a sexy picture. With the flexing muscles and the glisten of sweat. He’s a handsome man. Looks like he’s blowing the camera person a little kiss. A little kiss to thank him (or her! That camera person could totally be a woman!) for taking such a sexy picture and putting it into a magazine for everyone to see. Everyone who might find such a handsome, athletic, muscular man attractive. Everyone! Even gay men! I’m just saying.

And it’s not like his name, Hardaway sounds at all like the name a porn star might use. A gay porn star even. A gay porn star that might shoot a movie in a locker room or something. In the showers. Maybe the plot would be that the porn star just finished playing a game of some sort. Oh, like basketball. Or something like that. And the gay porn star playing the athlete asks the equipment manager for a towel. Or a rubdown. Or something. A porn star using a name like Hardaway might shoot a movie like that. I’m just saying.

Put personally, I have to say that people like Hardaway are my favorite kind of homophobes …. the straightforward, no dicking around kind (puns totally intended) that let you know up front who they are and what they feel so you know they aren’t worth your time. So, congratulations, Hardaway. You are an All-Star Douche.