Trashy Celebs

Why am I doing this you ask? Because I can. I have proven in the past that smart folks (kind of like myself) do enjoy themselves some crappy reality television. Or maybe it’s just in my family genetics. Who knows? Anyway, it’s nine o’clock central time so let’s start the show.

I think my DVR started the show late because all of a sudden Tila is talking in her question voice saying “I am a musician, I’m in the studio….” A slight sampling of the music sounds like Paris Hilton remixed by Oakenfold’s grandmother who’s not paying much attention to the mixer. Anyway, the two remaining contestants, Dani (the lesbian) and Bobby (the not lesbian) meet Tila at the studio.

Tila has them both write an instrumental part to the sample of crap we just heard so they can get a taste of “what she really does,” A-yah. Bobby and Dani give separate interviews about being nervous about writing a song for Tila. Next we’re treated to a very embarrassing white-boy rap and a kind of embarrassing lesbian attempt at gansta rap. Tila thinks Dani did the best job. And then it’s off to some fake looking modeling thing and both contestants talk about how hard Tila works, yada, yada. C’mon get to the choosing part at the end!

Tila has a huge surprise for Dani and Bobby at there last dinner together. Lori says it looks like Dani put on her good sweatshirt for the occasion. But there’s a bunch of spots at the table and the doorbell rings. Who could it be? I’m surprised that instead of old contestants it’s their families.

Tila gives the families a tour of “her (MTV’s stage) house,” and serves them up a meal of Vietnamese food. She then goes into her whole schpeal about it was first about a guy or a girl and now it’s about the person. Hey look, a vibrator chandelier. I’ll be they don’t have those at Ikea.

Everyone heads down to the “sin” room for dessert and EWWW, THERE’S A MOM ON THE STRIPPER POLE. Things go even more downhill from there presumably influenced by a lot of alcohol and Tila “accidentally” shows her boobs.
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I kinda hope my mom isn’t reading this one.

HOW DOES JULIETTE LEWIS FEEL ABOUT BRAD PITT?

After playing a rockin’ set with her band at club Chop Suey in Seattle, sexpot actress/singer JULIETTE LEWIS – who was hot ’n’ heavy with hunky BRAD PITT back in the Stoned Age – was mingling at the bar when a wiseguy fan blurted: “Hey, Juliette, how was Brad Pitt in the sack, anyway?�? Stunned for a second, she flashed a mischievous grin and purred: “He was no…BIG deal, if ya know what I mean!�? As Juliette turned to head back on stage, the guy yelled: “Are you saying Brad was the PITTS?�? Juliette started laughing so hysterically she banged into a table and sent everyone’s drinks flying – but quickly ordered a round on her and hopped back onstage, still giggling.

Even though I do think Juliette Lewis is a little bit batshit crazy, I don’t really think this is true, at least not as it was written above, and not just because I read it in the National Enquirer. I mostly think it is not true because that dialogue sounds like it was written by someone in my sophomore year playwriting class, and let me tell you, no one in that class (including me) was going to write the next Angels in America or Waiting for Godot. (I personally tried to write a play based on a Stephen King story that involved people disappearing into thin air, and I payed absolutely no attention to how one would manage the stage direction on something like that. Trap doors?) But I digress. The puns in that story are absolutely horrible, as bad as he one I used in the title of this entry, and I don’t believe that real people actually speak that way, especially drunk people frequenting loud bars where Juliette Lewis’ band is playing. Does her band even have a name? (Wikipediatells me that her band is called Juliette and the Licks. Well, of course it is. Sheesh.)

Other reasons this story is bullshit? One, I think Juliette Lewis has too many other things going on in her crazy mind to still be thinking about her long-ago ex-boyfriend’s penis. Also, her public persona makes her seem so nuttified that I somehow doubt she even remembers dating Brad Pitt at all, let alone if he was, uh, wang-challenged. But if this is true, and she did say this, and he does have a small weiner, I sure do hope that Juliette and the Licks totally write a song about it. Or maybe a screenplay, where people (and weiners) totally disappear for no reason.

Juliette Lewis, Brad Pitt, National Enquirer

Britney, The Donald and Angelina Jolie’s creepy Lurch-looking brother were all out and about doing stuff this weekend to remind everyone they exist. First up, Britney Spears continued to prove just how smooth she is by rewarding herself the five-finger discount on Friday night in Van Nuys, CA.

TMZ caught Brit-Brit on camera stealing a disposable lighter from a gas station. The bonus part is she chose to brag about it. Classy! Spears claims she just forgot to pay for it but she turned to the cameras and yelled, “I stole something. Oh, I’m bad. Ohhhhh!”

Not to Trump that one, heh, heh…oh shut up, we love our crappy puns. Anyway, The Donald apparently left a $10,000 dollar tip on an $82 bill at The Buffalo Club in Santa Monica, CA. The waiter’s story goes something like this (from dlisted.com)
I finally brought them out the check. Trump grabbed it and actually spoke to me from the first time. “What’s the biggest tip you ever got?�?
“Jerry Bruckheimer comes in a lot. He tipped me $500 on a $1000 check once.�? Trump nodded his head. “You’re very good at your job.�? “Thanks.�?

Billy has tried to contact Donald Trump in an attempt to thank him but has been unsuccessful in his pursuit. Ahh Trump, you’re generosity is inspiring and we’re convinced completely unmotivated by the fact the celebrity version of The Apprentice airs early next year. Wanker!

And finally, Angelina Jolie’s tall, skinny creepy brother, James Haven emerged from his cave driving a Jeep complete with an homage to Shiloh, the Pitt- Jolie messiah a’la personalized license plate. The plate reads “Shhiloh,” so either he stutters, Shiloh and Shiloh1 was taken or he just wants her to be quiet. Source Perez Hilton.

James Haven, Donald Trump, Angelina Jolie, Britney Spears

Since there’s just not a whole lot going on in the world of celeb gossip, it’s time for a couple of pimped out videos. First up is a scene from Tuesday’s A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila. If you’re not watching this show you are missing out my friends. Tila Tequila is famous for being famous a’la showing some flesh on myspace thus getting an MTV reality show. On A Shot at Love, contestants battle it out for Tila’s attention. The catch is Tila declared she’s “a bisexual” thus half the contestants are male and half are female. Even from the beginning I spotted two or three actual lesbians on the female team and somehow one of the three finalist is one of said Lesbos.

Anyway on Tuesday’s show, Tila went to visit the remaining contestant’s families and preformed a lap dance for cute and dykey Dani’s grandma. See it and believe it.

My cousin, who is also a fan of bad reality television told me over thanksgiving dinner that she is also a fan of this show. So now I don’t feel so bad watching it since she just got into Phi Beta Kappa national honor society. My tastes are now validated, thanks Tova!

Also in our internet travels of the day we discovered this amazing new video from Snoop Dogg. It’s like the videos for Little Red Corvette and I Ran So Far Away had a gang bang with 1983 and the Japanese chairman of Iron Chef. Hot!

Excuse me, I’m now in the mood to make whoopie so I must be leaving this post prematurely.

Snoop Dogg, Tila Tequila, MTV, Little Red Corvette

From the Telegraph:

Boy George, the singer and DJ, has been charged with false imprisonment after allegedly chaining a male escort to a wall in his home.

Norwegian escort Auden Carlsen, 28, claims he was grabbed and chained to a wall by George and another man after the singer invited him back to his London flat to pose for photographs.

Scotland Yard said today that the 47-year-old singer, who was first arrested in April, had now been charged over an incident in his flat.

The singer, whose real name is George O’Dowd, was released on bail and ordered to attend Thames Magistrates Court next week.

Police said: “George O’Dowd, 47, a musician of Ravey Street, EC2, is charged with the false imprisonment of a 28-year-old in Ravey Street on April 28.

“He has been bailed to return before Thames Magistrates Court on November 22.”

What the hell is up with Boy George? Is he trying to compete with George Michael for the Fuck-Up of the Year Award? Can he just not get enough of the orange jumpsuit? And why the hell is is still wearing all that crap on his face? Boy George, you were all edgy in shit back in the 80s with the androgyny thing and the makeup and the ambiguous sexuality thing, but really, that time for all that has passed. At this point you should be more Elton John and less Britney Spears.

Come on now, George. You may now all there is to know about the crying game, but it sure seems you don’t know how to act right. Pull it together, release some monster of a comeback album, and then tell everyone to fuck off!

Boy George, George Michael, Culture Club, Britney Spears, The Crying Game

Current ER actor John Stamos had an all-too-close-for-comfort encounter with a female passenger aboard a flight from Chicago to Los Angeles on Monday. Reportedly a female passenger got her full house all up in Stamos’s business class (actually first class) seat and shook him awake.

The actor told the woman he was tired and wanted to go back to sleep and she reportedly shook him again. When Stamos got up to use the restroom, the woman said she would sit in his seat until he came back, but when Stamos tried to return to his seat, the woman reportedly hit him in the hand over and over. Flight attendants tried to intervene, and asked the crazy lady to return to her seat and Stamos switched seats himself but apparently that wasn’t enough. The woman began carrying on, making a scene and made additional threats to Uncle Jesse.

According to reports, police and FBI were waiting at LAX when the plane landed and took statements from all those involved, however, Stamos did not press charges. Aww forgiving Stamos. Also according to the source, the woman’s children were in Chicago filming scenes for “ER�? as well. Interesting.

Hmm, besides from being a complete nut job, maybe the woman was trying to get revenge on Stamos for making such crappy TV as Jake in Progress, Thieves and playing the drums in the Kokomo video. (What the frack was that about?) Or possibly it was a cleverly disguised Jodie Sweetin attempting to make a name for herself beyond Pants Off Dance Off. The world will never know…or quickly forget this ever happened.

Jodie Sweetin, John Stamos, Pants Off Dance Off, Full House, ER

There’s not a whole lot going on in the world of celebdom this week, but at least it’s Halloween time so somebody will get freaky, freaky. To start off with, it was nice to see not everyone had to flaunt their sex appeal with a costume. The lovely Jennifer Garner sent a shout-out to Deer Park Middle School alum, Michelle Hoffman with this inspired ensemble.

While partying at LAX, Paris Hilton learned the definition of irony and treated it as if it were in that Alanis Morissette song.

Adam Levine is no Brad Pitt. The Maroon 5 frontman took a trip back to 1999 at his Bacardi sponsored party and had to go around explaining to everyone who he was. (Tyler Durden from Fight Club but he looks more like that crazy guy who tries to sell me candy near the I-44 off ramp).

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This isn’t a new couple alert or anything, but Britney Spears was seen out and about with Dallas Cowboy’s quarterback and new Trashy Celebs poster boy Tony Romo on Friday night. Brit-Brit was in the mood to yuck it up after a child-custody related court appearance on Friday and decided to call up her old pal Alli Sims.

Halloween party weekend waits for no one y’all! According to People Magazine:

The pop star, dressed in a masquerade ball mask, and Sims, first made a quick stop at the L.A. restaurant Ketchup where Romo was having dinner.

“[Spears] walked around the restaurant into the lounge where she met up with some people,” an observer tells PEOPLE. “She didn’t eat or drink …[It] seemed like she was rounding up people to go to [out]. She was very friendly and smiley, in and out.”

Another source says, “Alli was meeting up with Tony and his friends at Ketchup and Britney wanted to come along. Tony and Alli have been good friends. They’ve known each other for a little over a year. ”

Later, Romo met up with Sims, Spears and other pals at the Hollywood hotspot Les Deux where they hung out for a friendly low-key night upstairs.

Spears was “sitting with her friends and Tony. Everyone was just hanging out. Brit was upbeat, really seemed fine.”

Wow, this sounds like a pretty boring encounter so let’s make it more interesting. Back to our headline, Romo ended last season with one hell of an incredible fuck-up by flubbing the snap at the end of a playoff game against the Seattle Seahawks. While Spears allegedly cheated on mega-catch Justin Timberlake causing him to cry a river and move onto Cameron Diaz, Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Biel and a whole lot of other hotties.

If Spears and Romo were to get together we could create all kinds of fun nicknames like Bromo, Titney and Rears. Also I just don’t like the Cowboys. This year they’re doing pretty well with a record of 6-1. I think throwing Britney into the mix would bring Romo’s game to new heights of shitousity thus throwing a major wrench in any playoff hopes.

We really doubt this train wreck has any hopes of gracing the pages of TMZ. But on the upside, since his recent break-up with Carrie Underwood, Romo sill has Terrel Owens and Spears still has a whole bunch of crazy.

Life missing a big spoonful of crunkyness? Head on over to Britney Spears Watch to find out what our little toxic tramp is up to this week.

Tony Romo, Britney Spears, Cameron Diaz, Dallas Cowboys, Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Biel, Alli Sims

A video of Prince Harry has surfaced that was probably never meant to see the light of day. Taken on a recent trip to Namibia with his girlfriend Chelsy Davy and some friends, Harry is seen snorting vodka and cavorting drunkenly. One lucky friend even appears to be on the receiving end of a princely nipple lick. Sweet!

We haven’t been able to locate the clip online but according to News of the World in the video, pals cheer loudly as Harry slugs a bottle cap of vodka, swills it around his mouth, spits it back into the cap and then snorts it up his nose.

Seconds later, Harry—a 2nd Lieutenant in the Blue and Royals (British Army) —closes his eyes and shakes his head as the alcohol, shooting straight into his bloodstream, takes effect.

Apparently experts are concerned because vodka snorting is not the safest of past times: “Professor Ian Gilmore, president of the Royal College of Physicians, said: ‘There are all sorts of additives that could cause an allergic reaction which could damage the lungs, mucus membranes of the nose and trachea. It could kill.’ David Nott, who runs the Manor Clinic rehab centre and is a member of the Federation of Drug and Alcohol Professionals, said: ‘Anybody acting in this manner continually will do severe damage, which could be deadly.’ Frank Soodeen from Alcohol Concern added: ‘By by-passing the liver, you run the risk of inflaming the brain and possibly causing long-term damage. It’s a practice to be avoided at all costs. It’s very irresponsible.’”

So yeah, I can see how it’s bad that this kind of behavior by a public figure gets out and how kids who never thought to snort vodka might give it a go (shit, even in my self-destructive late teens I never thought of that), but we’re more concerned about something else. We’re worried about that level of straight-up douchey gay for play behavior. I mean come on if you’re going to put wine glasses on your man-tits and lick your friend’s nipples, at least set your Myspace page to private or don’t take pictures at all. At the very least, don’t trust a friend who was encouraging you to snort booze to not sell the pics to the press. Still, we’re happy we saw these pics because it totally takes some of the mystique of being a Brit-Royal away. We wonder what Helen F’in Mirren would say about this?

Prince Harry, Chelsy Davy, Snorting Vodka

Ok, Britney Spears hasn’t had the best week ever. She’s lost custody of the tots to baby daddy K-Fed, been spied driven’ when she shouldn’t be and has been kicked out of the restaurant at Chateau Marmont. That’s up there in a week of total suckyness. But there’s one thing in her life that doesn’t seem to be sucking and that’s the reason she’s famous - her music.

Sure her tunes aren’t works of great depth and reflection but us here at Trashy Celebs and a lot of other folks think her new single Gimmie More is banging! The video (minus the MTV Video Music Awards train wreck) should be coming soon, but until then check out the song itself.

And it’s not just us that love the song. Gimme More landed in the No. 1 position on Billboard’s Hot Digital Songs chart, having sold 179,000 downloads in its first week of release. That helped the song rocket up Billboard’s Hot 100 this week, jumping 65 slots to land at No. 3 on the overall pop chart, which includes digital downloads, CD sales and radio airplay. It’s also the number one downloaded song on iTunes, go figure.

However this jump isn’t a signal that Brit-Brit is totally back. According to Billboard’s associate director of charts Silvio Pietroluongo, it’s not uncommon for a single to move into the Top 10 on its Hot 100 based on digital sales alone.

So this isn’t Spear’s Umbrella, ella, ella, ay-ay which sold 277,000 copies in its debut week thanks to the beautiful Rihanna. But still Gimmie More is getting airplay on Top-40 stations, where it’s consistently been one of the top-15 performing songs. And it’s also Britney’s best showing on the Billboard chart since her breakthrough song, Baby One More Time, hit No. 1 in January 1999 (although that was back in the dark ages when digital sales weren’t measured).

So perk up Britney, stick to cabs and places that you aren’t banned from and maybe your career still has a chance.

Britney Spears, Gimmie More, Rihnna, Billboard, iTunes

We here at the Trash Talkin’ Rodeo love us some Margaret Cho. We learned some of our best trash talkin’ tricks from her. And you’ve got to love anyone with the stones to get up and do something like this:

Margaret Cho has bigger balls than some rugby players I know (and not just the female rugby players.)

Margaret Cho, pasties

While perusing the interwebs yesterday I found three uniquely interestingly trashy stories about crazy-hot mom, Angelina Jolie.

Whacky tobaccy doesn’t do it for Ms. Thang - According to the Hollywood Rag, Angelina has enjoyed most drugs minus Twinkie-eating-inducing marijuana.
“I’ve done coke, heroin, ecstasy, LSD, everything, but the one that had the worst effect for me was pot. I felt silly and giggly and I hate feeling like that,” said the hot mom. But no worries for her wee-ones since that’s all in the past. She goes on to say

“I remember taking LSD before I went to Disneyland.
“I started thinking about Mickey Mouse being a short, middle-aged man in a costume who hates life. Those drugs can be dangerous if you don’t go into it positively – I gave them up long ago.”

Brad, don’t speak. Just stand there and look pretty

According to some claims, Angelina is none to happy about husband Brad Pitt’s lack of financial prowess. She also knows he’s a wee-bit sensitive about how pretty he is and therefore took the opportunity to sack him one in the nuts. From The Daily Mail:

Grazia reports that Angelina was overheard complaining about his lack of financial prowess, telling a male companion: “The reality is ‘we’re not a company together. Things should be separate. I think you know I make my own financial decisions.”

“Brad knows there are times he should just be quiet and look pretty. I won’t talk to Brad about this because you know how he is financially, which is stupid. Someone has to make the big decisions though. “He’ll put his money into things, [but it's] bizarre. It doesn’t always make sense to me.”

Reports of the alleged conversation, which is said to have taken place at New York’s Waldorf-Astoria Hotel on September 5, first surfaced in American publication In Touch.

Claims of the scathing attack are said to have upset Brad - who has tried to step away from his image as a pin-up in recent times - and left him feeling “emasculated.”

Yowch!

This one we don’t quite believe

Angelina is apparently trying to shed her man-eater image. According to Contact Music.com Angelina told British Cosmopolitan that she’s only slept with four men in her life. Billy Bob Thorton - ew, first-husband Johnny Lee Miller - pretty, Brad Pitt - prettiest and an unnamed fellow. “I had only slept with four men in my life - and I married two of them,” Jolie supposedly says in the article. However we suspect she’s not including countless women, fruits, vegetables and household plants.

Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Billy Bob Thorton, Johnny Lee Miller, drugs, Mickey Mouse, Disneyland

Apparently Terrance Howard has more issues with women then I had with the movie Crash. According to a recent Elle magazine article the Oscar-nominated actor is a wee-bit shy of just having issues and careening forward to I Hate Women-land. One of his pet peeves:

Toilet paper - and no baby wipes - in the bathroom. If they’re using dry paper, they aren’t washing all of themselves. It’s just unclean. So if I go in a woman’s house and see the toilet paper there, I’ll explain this. And if she doesn’t make the adjustment to baby wipes, I’ll know she’s not completely clean.

And another gem:

I like women who look like me. Generally, you’re attracted to women who look like you, because the most beautiful thing in nature is your own reflection.

Also according to the Jezebel.com article we got our info from, Mr. Howard has said some pretty crappy things about women in the past. Hmm, not liking to be touched, liking women who look like him and being a neat freak. We won’t start the gay rumors but the humongous ass-hats rumors don’t need anyone to start them.

Terrence Howard, Crash, Hustle & Flow

So novelist Elizabeth Dewberry recently left her older, somewhat successful husband, Pulitzer prize winner Robert Olen Butler for even older and mega rich Ted Turner. Whatever. People leave their spouses for older, richer people (or younger, hotter people) all the damn time. What makes this interesting is that Robert Olen Butler turned his considerable writing skills to crafting an email to “friends and colleagues” explaining overexplaining the situation. Here’s my favorite part:

Further, Elizabeth has never been able to step out of the shadow of the Pulitzer. As you know-and she knows-I have been an avid admirer and supporter of her work. Everyone has heard me proclaim my sincere high regard for her as an artist. I often did this publicly. But she has published two brilliant novels since she’s been with me and neither has gotten anywhere near the recognition that they richly deserve. That made it harder and harder for her to live with the ongoing praise and opportunity that flows to a Pulitzer winner. Not because of jealousy. She has always been very happy for me. But the multitude of small reflections of regard that came my way inevitably threw a spotlight on the absence of those expressions of regard for her. She felt as if she was failing as a writer.

Do you all smell the “condescending” and the “delusion” puddling at your feet? Dude, she didn’t leave you because of your goddamn Pulitzer. She left you because she had a shot at Ted Turner, a freakin’ billionaire. Damn. Of course, in a few years Ted Turner himself may send out a similar note, stating that Dewberry left him because she felt inferior to both his big bags of money and his big-breasted girlfriends.

You can read the full email, along with lots of follow up, at Gawker.

Ted Turner, Elizabeth Dewberry, Robert Olen Butler, Robert Olen Butler email, Gawker

Whatta concert! First some overzealous female fan grabs his package and then someone accidentally takes his pinky ring. What’s with all the classless people going to Tim McGraw concerts these day?

But has anyone noticed that it seems like someone not only stole his ring, but his sleeves and shirt buttons as well. Security!

Tim McGraw, Faith Hill, Soul2Soul, Tim McGraw stolen ring