Trashy Celebs

So, it’s 10 after 10 at night and I’ve been really busy at work. In lieu of my dead brain, here’s a salute to show biz with help from self-trained dancer Michelle Sutlovich. Enjoy

I don’t watch The Bad Girls Club on Oxygen, but after seeing this I might have to start. This. is. brilliant.

Made of Awesome!

Bad Girls Club

Spencer Pratt (and I will admit I still am not 100 percent sure who he is or why I should care) is apparently planning on or seriously considering or pricing doctors or trying to get pre-approval from his HMO for a very special treatment plan. A delicate condition, requiring specialists, quiet consideration, and sensitivity. Yes, Spencer Pratt is getting calf implants.

Heidi Montag’s, lover Spencer Pratt, plans to get calf implants to look more buff, Star reports.

“Spencer works out with a trainer almost daily, but he can’t get rid of his skinny legs, and it drives him nuts. Heidi even nicknamed him Chicken Legs!” a pal tells Star. “Spencer is secretly insecure about his legs.”

But he still hasn’t gone through with the surgery. “He knows it’s a painful procedure.”

I know I really shouldn’t be surprised by the variety of cosmetic procedures available today. I know it is more than just eye lifts or liposuction or breast implants. But calf implants? I just don’t understand. That’s like having your elbows enlarged or your big little toe made littler. I mean sure, we’ve all perhaps admired a nice pair of calves on a runner in the park or a bicycler on TV. But to think that they are so important that calf implants are a necessity? I don’t get that. It’s not like having reconstructive surgery after an accident or something. It’s just a weird sort of leg vanity.

This whole story just makes me think of this episode of MTV’s True Life I saw a couple of times. (Because anyone who has ever seen this show knows that the can be watched more than once, and if you are ever at home sick or wake up on the weekend with a hangover, spending the day on the couch with some diet Coke and a marathon of True Life is pretty much perfect.) The episode was “I Want the Perfect Body” and there was a young man featured, about Spencer Pratt’s age, who wanted calf implants. He worked out a lot and just “couldn’t get his calves the way he wanted them.” His friends and family seemed to think he was ridiculous for the amount of money he was spending. But he went ahead with it and spent the weekend alone in a hotel room recovering. Later they showed him getting ready to go out dancing at a club and he was wearing glitter on his chest. Then later I was reading about the show on an internet forum and heard this guy was now doing gay porn.

So what have we learned? Calf implants are stupid and lead to wearing glitter which is also stupid which leads to doing gay porn witch may or may not be stupid, depending on how much you are getting paid. It remains to be seen if Spencer Pratt is going to follow this same pattern.

Spencer Pratt, True Life, calf implants

Oh grrl, Rachael Ray done gone and opened her big yap and showed her true colors on the set of a recent Dunkin’ Donuts commercial shot. According to Jezebel, Boston Magazine, New York Magazine and a bunch of other pubs, the queen of all food media spewed some nasty venom before spewing coffee. According to Grub Street “Rachael stormed onto the set and snapped at everyone. Not news, I know, everyone knows she’s actually a gigantic asshole. BUT! I am also told she took one sip of her Dunkin’ Donuts coffee, yelled “What is this shit? Get me MY coffee,” and would not continue until she was given “her” coffee — i.e., Starbucks.”

Heh, we wish this was caught on tape or better yet there was a B reel of 30 minute meals where Ray-Ray could be seen throwing a side dish of spinach polenta and the poor production assistant responsible for keeping it warm. After the Dunkin’ debacle, Ray’s sunny smile no longer graces the Dunkin Donuts website.

But this wasn’t the only DOH moment for Ray this week. It’s also been reported that there’s a wee bit of turmoil afoot at her publication Everyday with Rachael Ray. Within the past week, two high-profile editors have quit including the executive editor. This is actually really sucky news to the Trash Talkers. As irritating as Ray can be, we subscribe to her mag and cook from it at least once a week. Sure we have them all in a neat little pile (until they fall over) in our kitchen and can reference them at anytime but we’d be lost without them!

Anyway if it does indeed fold, let us know if you hear of a new source for turkey burger recipes.

Rachael Ray, turkey burgers, Dunkin’ Donuts

So, like five minutes ago, Pamela Anderson (formerly Pamela Anderson Lee, a.k.a. Mrs. Tommy Lee and also the former Mrs. My Name is Kiiiiiiiiiiiid, KID ROCK!!!) married Rick Salomon, professional skeeze best known for holding the camera in the infamous and over-hyped Paris Hilton sex tape. About three minutes into the marriage, Anderson stated that she filed for divorce, then 30 seconds later, announced that no, they were going to work it out. Now at the five minute mark, she has announced that not only is the divorce back on, but Anderson is pregnant. Call me old fashioned, but if I think if you are on the verge of divorcing someone, the best course if action probably doesn’t include having unprotected sex with him.

From TMZ:

Pam to Rick — I’m Pregnant, Get Lost!

Posted Jan 9th 2008 11:15PM by TMZ Staff

TMZ has learned the divorce between Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon is back on and Pam is pregnant!

You’ll recall Anderson filed for divorce last month, but called it off just days later. But sources tell TMZ she is now moving forward with the divorce, even though we know she’s pregnant with his baby.

Salomon has told friends he believes she is “acting crazy” because of the pregnancy and hopes she will settle back into the marriage. Interestingly, in her divorce petition, Anderson asked for spousal support but not child support.

The couple were married in Las Vegas on October 6.

Aw, that is almost enough to make me feel bad for Rick Salomon. Not. But I do enjoy that TMZ points out how Anderson asked for spousal support (does she really need it? or deserve it from someone she has been married to for less than four months) but not child support. Clearly they are implying that the baby isn’t his. I wonder when the tabloids will start speculating on who baby daddy actually is? Will they go on the talk-show circuit? Have their blood tests revealed on Dr. Phil? Or maybe they will go upscale and go with that old coot Larry King. I’m just wondering when CNN will start their special series on the marriage and family of Pamela Anderson Lee Rock and Rick Douchebag Salomon.

I have to say though, that after reading this story and others like it, I am so friggin’ thankful that there are fine folks in our government working so hard to protect the sanctity of this goddamn freakshow of a heterosexual marriage. God Bless America.

Pamela Anderson, Rick Salomon, Pamela Anderson divorce, Pamela Anderson pregnant

Bobby Brown, come on, have a little dignity. You were a member of New Edition, for goodness sake. (At least until you were kicked out for “lewd acts: on stage, which, really, you sang teeny-bopper songs like “Candy Girl” and “Mr. Telephone Man” to 12-13 year old girls in a high falsetto rivaling Michael Jackson’s, so you shoulda saved those lewd acts for when their mothers came backstage after the show.)

But I guess he didn’t save his money or invest it very well (and there had to be a lot of money in sounding like Michael Jackson and romancin’ like Barry White) because he is clinging to ex-wife Whitney Houston like Saran Wrap. Recently, his attempt to overturn the terms of his divorce with Houston was denied by an Orange County judge.

Bobby Brown’s Attempt to Overturn Divorce Denied

Bobby Brown’s attempt to overturn ex-wife Whitney Houston’s divorce terms was denied by an Orange County, Calif. judge Friday.

“His motion was denied because there were no appearances or phone calls from Mr. Brown today for a scheduled hearing,” said court spokeswoman Carole Levitsky. “As of now, there are no more pending court dates in this case.”

A rep for Brown did not immediately respond for comment.

In April 2007, Houston won a default judgment in their divorce – leaving Brown with nothing financially and only visitation rights over daughter Bobbi Kristina, 14.

The following month, Brown, 38, sued Houston, 44, for spousal support and shared custody, alleging he was duped into not responding in time to Houston’s initial divorce claim.

“I just miss my daughter,” Brown told PEOPLE last August. “The goal is to see her a lot more and to be involved in the decision making in her life.”

Houston, who currently lives in Atlanta, is working on another album with longtime mentor Clive Davis.

Whitney, girl, you better hold on to your money. Don’t give it to him. Keep working on your big voice and your comeback album and don’t listen to that Osama bin Laden story Bobby keeps telling.

According to People, Dr. Phil McGraw will devote his Monday taping of this syndicated talk show to Britney Spears and her array of problems. The show will air Tuesday.

The syndicated talk-show host and therapist says he talked to Spears as she was leaving Cedars-Sinai, where she was held on a mental lockdown after a custody dispute. She was released after just a day and a half from a possible 72-hour stay.

In a statement to Entertainment Tonight, McGraw said: “My meeting with Britney and some family members this morning in her room at Cedars leaves me convinced more than ever that she is in dire need of both medical and psychological intervention.

“She was released moments before my arrival and was packing when I entered the room. We visited for about an hour before I walked with her to her car.”

People also reported that an unnamed source says that McGraw “talked to both Britney and [father] Jamie about how her being released was one of the worst decisions that could have been made.” The source says they packed up within 10 minutes.

Dr. Phil responded to all this on Saturday’s Early Show by saying “I want to set the record straight. I went to see Britney at the request of her family. I talked to Lynne, Jamie, and Brian, because they were frustrated that she wasn’t going to be held for a longer time.”

Asked how he had come to be involved in the saga, Dr. Phil said, “Thursday night, the phone rang, it was Lynne, clearly she was very upset. Any parent would be. I was first contacted by her family a year ago, and had maintained a running dialogue for the last year or so.”

Oh Dr. Phil, you just as crazy as Britney dolling out unwanted psychological advice. Still this might just be too much of a train wreck not to watch. Or we’ll have forgotten about this whole thing by tomorrow.

Dr. Phil, Britney Spears, People, Cedars-Sinai

Y’all, Gary Coleman is selling clothes from the Gap. No, I don’t mean he is their new spokesperson or in any of those commercials where people dance around. And he’s not posing in ads in magazines or on billboards. No, no, I don’t mean that he is actually working at the Gap selling t-shirts and fleeces and sweaters and khakis. What I mean is that Gary Coleman, former child star, is selling his own Gap khakis on ebay for fun and profit.

Well I’m sure it’s for profit but judging from that picture, I don’t think Coleman is having that much fun. He looks like he’s being photographed before being sent off to his cell in a minimum security prison. Or maybe a photo for his ID at his new job as a cook in a community college cafeteria. Sheesh, Gary, I’m sure selling your pants (or at least a pair of pants that you wore for 30 seconds while this picture was taken) is humiliating, but if you want people to bid, you gotta smile a little and at least act like you are having fun. Maybe through in a “Whatchoo biddin’ on, Willis?” for good measure.

Here’s the text of the ebay ad, which you can see in full (or make your bid) here.

Here are a pair of Gap Athletic Pants that Gary Coleman wore. He signed the back pocket. The material is 100% Polyester. The color is Khaki, with blue, green, and white stripes down the Sides. The pants are from Gap Kids the Size is XL 12 Regular. This pair would be perfect for any child who loves gary or for anyone who loves his memorabilia. Here is a great gift to have. I also have more memorabilia so please check into my Site often. Thanks for Visiting and good Luck to all who bid thanks!!!

Yeah, that “Pants that Gary Coleman wore” really makes me think that these pants aren’t actually Gary Coleman’s, but are some pants belonging to the son of Coleman’s dealer or something, and Gary owes him some money and doesn’t have any cash, so the dealer made him wear and autograph his son’s pants so he could sell them. And who loses here? Not Coleman, who should have a little more dignity, and not the weirdos who are bidding on this crap (seriously, what is anyone going to do with a pair of pants signed by Gary Coleman.) The real loser here is that kid who had to give up his pants because his dad (or mom or uncle or cousin) is Gary Coleman’s dealer and wants his money.

Gary Coleman, Diff’rent Strokes, ebay, the Gap

She may not yet be able to speak but Suri Cruise has been offered an animated voice over role. The Scientology spokesbaby may be voicing Knut, the polar bear at the Berlin Zoo, in a feature film!

20 month-old Suri visited Knut with Katie Holmes and now producer Ash R. Shah and his firm, The Animation Picture Company, which brought us the movie version of Garfield, offered the Zoo Berlin $5 million for the rights to Knut’s story.

source
In case you’re not familiar with that story, Knut was abandoned by his crack-herring addicted polar bear momma and penguin pimp-daddy when he was a baby. He was raised by humans and became the #1 attraction at the Berlin zoo. Knut recently turned one and has shown no signs of addictive personality traits.

According to People, Shah said, “With his friendly character, he’s serves as an ambassador for the Earth’s problems – climate change and the melting polar ice caps. A movie about Knut would affect people all over the world.”

What the freak ever. I seriously doubt Suri can even say L. Ron Hubbard much less voice a whole animated film. And what if when she does finally speak her voice is that of a young Carol Channing? Well helloooo Tommy! Please stop pimping me out.

Suri Cruise, Tom Cruise, Knut, L. Ron Hubbard, Carol Channing

Why am I doing this you ask? Because I can. I have proven in the past that smart folks (kind of like myself) do enjoy themselves some crappy reality television. Or maybe it’s just in my family genetics. Who knows? Anyway, it’s nine o’clock central time so let’s start the show.

I think my DVR started the show late because all of a sudden Tila is talking in her question voice saying “I am a musician, I’m in the studio….” A slight sampling of the music sounds like Paris Hilton remixed by Oakenfold’s grandmother who’s not paying much attention to the mixer. Anyway, the two remaining contestants, Dani (the lesbian) and Bobby (the not lesbian) meet Tila at the studio.

Tila has them both write an instrumental part to the sample of crap we just heard so they can get a taste of “what she really does,” A-yah. Bobby and Dani give separate interviews about being nervous about writing a song for Tila. Next we’re treated to a very embarrassing white-boy rap and a kind of embarrassing lesbian attempt at gansta rap. Tila thinks Dani did the best job. And then it’s off to some fake looking modeling thing and both contestants talk about how hard Tila works, yada, yada. C’mon get to the choosing part at the end!

Tila has a huge surprise for Dani and Bobby at there last dinner together. Lori says it looks like Dani put on her good sweatshirt for the occasion. But there’s a bunch of spots at the table and the doorbell rings. Who could it be? I’m surprised that instead of old contestants it’s their families.

Tila gives the families a tour of “her (MTV’s stage) house,” and serves them up a meal of Vietnamese food. She then goes into her whole schpeal about it was first about a guy or a girl and now it’s about the person. Hey look, a vibrator chandelier. I’ll be they don’t have those at Ikea.

Everyone heads down to the “sin” room for dessert and EWWW, THERE’S A MOM ON THE STRIPPER POLE. Things go even more downhill from there presumably influenced by a lot of alcohol and Tila “accidentally” shows her boobs.
(more…)

I kinda hope my mom isn’t reading this one.

HOW DOES JULIETTE LEWIS FEEL ABOUT BRAD PITT?

After playing a rockin’ set with her band at club Chop Suey in Seattle, sexpot actress/singer JULIETTE LEWIS – who was hot ’n’ heavy with hunky BRAD PITT back in the Stoned Age – was mingling at the bar when a wiseguy fan blurted: “Hey, Juliette, how was Brad Pitt in the sack, anyway?” Stunned for a second, she flashed a mischievous grin and purred: “He was no…BIG deal, if ya know what I mean!” As Juliette turned to head back on stage, the guy yelled: “Are you saying Brad was the PITTS?” Juliette started laughing so hysterically she banged into a table and sent everyone’s drinks flying – but quickly ordered a round on her and hopped back onstage, still giggling.

Even though I do think Juliette Lewis is a little bit batshit crazy, I don’t really think this is true, at least not as it was written above, and not just because I read it in the National Enquirer. I mostly think it is not true because that dialogue sounds like it was written by someone in my sophomore year playwriting class, and let me tell you, no one in that class (including me) was going to write the next Angels in America or Waiting for Godot. (I personally tried to write a play based on a Stephen King story that involved people disappearing into thin air, and I payed absolutely no attention to how one would manage the stage direction on something like that. Trap doors?) But I digress. The puns in that story are absolutely horrible, as bad as he one I used in the title of this entry, and I don’t believe that real people actually speak that way, especially drunk people frequenting loud bars where Juliette Lewis’ band is playing. Does her band even have a name? (Wikipediatells me that her band is called Juliette and the Licks. Well, of course it is. Sheesh.)

Other reasons this story is bullshit? One, I think Juliette Lewis has too many other things going on in her crazy mind to still be thinking about her long-ago ex-boyfriend’s penis. Also, her public persona makes her seem so nuttified that I somehow doubt she even remembers dating Brad Pitt at all, let alone if he was, uh, wang-challenged. But if this is true, and she did say this, and he does have a small weiner, I sure do hope that Juliette and the Licks totally write a song about it. Or maybe a screenplay, where people (and weiners) totally disappear for no reason.

Juliette Lewis, Brad Pitt, National Enquirer

Britney, The Donald and Angelina Jolie’s creepy Lurch-looking brother were all out and about doing stuff this weekend to remind everyone they exist. First up, Britney Spears continued to prove just how smooth she is by rewarding herself the five-finger discount on Friday night in Van Nuys, CA.

TMZ caught Brit-Brit on camera stealing a disposable lighter from a gas station. The bonus part is she chose to brag about it. Classy! Spears claims she just forgot to pay for it but she turned to the cameras and yelled, “I stole something. Oh, I’m bad. Ohhhhh!”

Not to Trump that one, heh, heh…oh shut up, we love our crappy puns. Anyway, The Donald apparently left a $10,000 dollar tip on an $82 bill at The Buffalo Club in Santa Monica, CA. The waiter’s story goes something like this (from dlisted.com)
I finally brought them out the check. Trump grabbed it and actually spoke to me from the first time. “What’s the biggest tip you ever got?”
“Jerry Bruckheimer comes in a lot. He tipped me $500 on a $1000 check once.” Trump nodded his head. “You’re very good at your job.” “Thanks.”

Billy has tried to contact Donald Trump in an attempt to thank him but has been unsuccessful in his pursuit. Ahh Trump, you’re generosity is inspiring and we’re convinced completely unmotivated by the fact the celebrity version of The Apprentice airs early next year. Wanker!

And finally, Angelina Jolie’s tall, skinny creepy brother, James Haven emerged from his cave driving a Jeep complete with an homage to Shiloh, the Pitt- Jolie messiah a’la personalized license plate. The plate reads “Shhiloh,” so either he stutters, Shiloh and Shiloh1 was taken or he just wants her to be quiet. Source Perez Hilton.

James Haven, Donald Trump, Angelina Jolie, Britney Spears

Since there’s just not a whole lot going on in the world of celeb gossip, it’s time for a couple of pimped out videos. First up is a scene from Tuesday’s A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila. If you’re not watching this show you are missing out my friends. Tila Tequila is famous for being famous a’la showing some flesh on myspace thus getting an MTV reality show. On A Shot at Love, contestants battle it out for Tila’s attention. The catch is Tila declared she’s “a bisexual” thus half the contestants are male and half are female. Even from the beginning I spotted two or three actual lesbians on the female team and somehow one of the three finalist is one of said Lesbos.

Anyway on Tuesday’s show, Tila went to visit the remaining contestant’s families and preformed a lap dance for cute and dykey Dani’s grandma. See it and believe it.

My cousin, who is also a fan of bad reality television told me over thanksgiving dinner that she is also a fan of this show. So now I don’t feel so bad watching it since she just got into Phi Beta Kappa national honor society. My tastes are now validated, thanks Tova!

Also in our internet travels of the day we discovered this amazing new video from Snoop Dogg. It’s like the videos for Little Red Corvette and I Ran So Far Away had a gang bang with 1983 and the Japanese chairman of Iron Chef. Hot!

Excuse me, I’m now in the mood to make whoopie so I must be leaving this post prematurely.

Snoop Dogg, Tila Tequila, MTV, Little Red Corvette

From the Telegraph:

Boy George, the singer and DJ, has been charged with false imprisonment after allegedly chaining a male escort to a wall in his home.

Norwegian escort Auden Carlsen, 28, claims he was grabbed and chained to a wall by George and another man after the singer invited him back to his London flat to pose for photographs.

Scotland Yard said today that the 47-year-old singer, who was first arrested in April, had now been charged over an incident in his flat.

The singer, whose real name is George O’Dowd, was released on bail and ordered to attend Thames Magistrates Court next week.

Police said: “George O’Dowd, 47, a musician of Ravey Street, EC2, is charged with the false imprisonment of a 28-year-old in Ravey Street on April 28.

“He has been bailed to return before Thames Magistrates Court on November 22.”

What the hell is up with Boy George? Is he trying to compete with George Michael for the Fuck-Up of the Year Award? Can he just not get enough of the orange jumpsuit? And why the hell is is still wearing all that crap on his face? Boy George, you were all edgy in shit back in the 80s with the androgyny thing and the makeup and the ambiguous sexuality thing, but really, that time for all that has passed. At this point you should be more Elton John and less Britney Spears.

Come on now, George. You may now all there is to know about the crying game, but it sure seems you don’t know how to act right. Pull it together, release some monster of a comeback album, and then tell everyone to fuck off!

Boy George, George Michael, Culture Club, Britney Spears, The Crying Game

Current ER actor John Stamos had an all-too-close-for-comfort encounter with a female passenger aboard a flight from Chicago to Los Angeles on Monday. Reportedly a female passenger got her full house all up in Stamos’s business class (actually first class) seat and shook him awake.

The actor told the woman he was tired and wanted to go back to sleep and she reportedly shook him again. When Stamos got up to use the restroom, the woman said she would sit in his seat until he came back, but when Stamos tried to return to his seat, the woman reportedly hit him in the hand over and over. Flight attendants tried to intervene, and asked the crazy lady to return to her seat and Stamos switched seats himself but apparently that wasn’t enough. The woman began carrying on, making a scene and made additional threats to Uncle Jesse.

According to reports, police and FBI were waiting at LAX when the plane landed and took statements from all those involved, however, Stamos did not press charges. Aww forgiving Stamos. Also according to the source, the woman’s children were in Chicago filming scenes for “ER” as well. Interesting.

Hmm, besides from being a complete nut job, maybe the woman was trying to get revenge on Stamos for making such crappy TV as Jake in Progress, Thieves and playing the drums in the Kokomo video. (What the frack was that about?) Or possibly it was a cleverly disguised Jodie Sweetin attempting to make a name for herself beyond Pants Off Dance Off. The world will never know…or quickly forget this ever happened.

Jodie Sweetin, John Stamos, Pants Off Dance Off, Full House, ER