Trashy Celebs

Yeah, yeah, so not much celeb trashousity going on today. Michael Phelps won’t be busted for smoking the pot, Chris Brown asked for help from Jesus himself for getting over his womanbeatyness (Jesus told him to take a number) and someone beat the ever-loving snot out of Suge Knight (again). We really didn’t feel the need to elaborate on any of these stories but as we feel the need to entertain our 3.6 readers, may we present cheese rolling down a hill. Yes! I said big hunks of mother fuckin’ cheese rollin’ down a mother fuckin’ hill in mother fuckin’ Switzerland. Now this isn’t any cheese, it’s Amazing Race cheese which debuted Sunday night. Check it.

We’re huge fans of The Amazing Race but from the looks of it, hilarity will ensue this season, especially since lily-white screenwriter Mike White and his gay day are two of the teams. In fact, that’s his dad, Mel White saying “Don’t let the cheese hit me!” If I had a dime for every time I felt the need to yell don’t let the cheese hit me well…never mind.

We could seriously watch cheese roll down a hill all night, especially with the added bonus of drunk farm hands in matching blue outfits yucking it up at the team’s expense. Whoever came up with this task is right up there with whoever had the idea to put a little person in a suit of armor. Remember Knight Charla?

If you’re not watching the race, you can see what you’re missing. Next week’s preview has people being hit in the face with pies. We’re so there!

“Hey there baby. You’re hungry. I’m lactating, step up to my mammaries and chow the fuck down.” At least that’s our interpretation of what the conversation between Salma Hayek and this here African baby.

The story goes sumthin’ like this. The Ugly Betty star was visiting a hospital in war-torn Sierra Leone when she met a woman unable to feed her starving tot. Salma gladly came to her aid and fed the baby, ignoring the TV cameras.

Salma said: “The baby was perfectly healthy, but the mother did not have any milk.”

“He was very hungry - I was weaning my daughter Valentina, but I still had a lot of milk, so I breastfed the baby. It was amazing because he’s really looking at me and he’s very little. My baby is one year so she can suck a lot harder.”

Here’s video of it if you dare.

Salma doesn’t worry about what her daughter would think about sharing her mom’s famous ta-tas.

“I actually think my baby would be very proud to be able to share her milk and when she grows up I will make sure she continues to share and be a generous and caring person,” she said.

Awww. So I probably should have heard this gossip from my mom since this segment appeared on Nightline last thursday. You’d think celebrity breasts would have made news quicker than this. I mean we’re usually slow with the gossip but this is like 14.4 modem slow. C’mon internets, you’re so much better than that.

I had totally planned on liveblogging the Grammy Awards broadcast tonight, because we do love awards shows here in the Trash Talking household, because we love grousing like old folks about how we don’t even know most of the music that is popular today and what we do hear occasionally when we turn off our Madonna/Radiohead-filled iPods just sucks royally. (Really, I thought that “I Kissed a Girl” song was sort of fun at first, but enough already, Katy Perry.) But I tuned in, folks, about 45 minutes after the show started because I hate sitting through the commercials, and I have to say, about three minutes in, I was bored out of my mind. U2 was performing their craptacular new song, and I thought if that was the big start, then where would we be going from there? I mean, I like U2, but Bono will show up anywhere to promote his newhaircut, let alone a new album, so it wasn’t that big of a deal to me that they opened the show.

But once I saw Whitney Houston, I had to stick with it, to see how big the bucket of crazy she would dump on the stage would be. (Outcome: pretty big. And she clearly was metaphorically kissing Clive Davis’ ass while she had the stage and a mic. Clive, get her a record contract already!)

I was super-happy that Jennifer Hudson won, but why didn’t she take off the bib from her lobster dinner before accepting her award?

I was sucked in at this point, and stuck with it. Some highlighted moments of outrage included watching Justin Timberlake totally cock-block Al Green’s big number (with three of the four Boys II Men singing backup), seeing the Jonas Brothers perform trip all over my favorite Stevie Wonder song “Superstitious,” (and can only figure that they didn’t tell him who he was performing with), Katy Perry channeling 1993-Madonna, Natalie Cole’s dress, Jack Black’s hat, Jamie Foxx and Ne-Yo’s douche-off, and Radiohead NOT winning Album of the Year (WTF???? Injustice!)

Some actual pleasant highlights included a performance from Carrie Underwood that I liked, Jennifer Hudson’s understated, emotional and absolutely beautiful performance, Kanye West’s Gerald LeVert haircut, a big girl winning Best New Artist, Queen Latifah doing anything, MIA performing when she appears within moments of giving birth, Cyndi Lauper’s hairstyle, RADIOHEAD’s performance of “15 Steps” with the USC Marching Band (and what sort of mindfuck was it that Gwyneth Paltrow introduced them? She must want her husband to be Thom York as much as Chris Martin himself wants to be Thom York), T-Pain’s hat, and Lil’ Wayne’s clear and concise acceptance speech.

That’s the Grammys this year folks, as always a few highlights but mostly a three and a half hour bowl of suck. See you next year for more of the same!

I just can’t bring myself to talk any trash today. This day is just too special.

Congratulations, President Obama and to the First Family.

Welcome to Fantasy Island!

When I was a kid, nearly every Saturday night, my parents would go out for the evening and leave my little sister and I with my grandmother and great-grandmother for a few hours. And they would always make popcorn and the four of us would watch The Love Boat and Fantasy Island until they got back. Now that I think back on that maybe those shows weren’t entirely age-appropriate, but these were the times when kids didn’t wear seat belts and Coke came in big glass bottles and we all threw lawn darts at each other.

I always dug Saturday nights with the Grandmas, staying up late and watching adult-themed television shows, even though I didn’t understand why Doc on the Love Boat was a “womanizer” or that all those singles on the cruise were slutting it up. And I definitely didn’t understand all the life lessons learned by the folks living out their fantasies on Fantasy Island. In fact, I couldn’t tell you one storyline from that show right now, only the classic opening line with Mr. Rourke and Tattoo in their white suits waiting for the plane.

So of course I was a little sad and nostalgic today when I heard that Mr. Rourke himself, Ricardo Montalban died this morning at age 88. So I think this weekend I might pop up a big bowl of popcorn and fire up Hulu to watch some old episodes of Fantasy Island. Maybe this time around I will learn some life lessons.

In perhaps the only truly funny moment of last night’s fairly weak Saturday Night Live, Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers use their very last “Really?!?” segment to go after Gov. Rod Blagojevic. Dig it.

I read this piece of news and I wondered if suddenly the interwebs were only reporting news from twenty years ago. But no, this is recent! Everyone’s favorite Golden Girl (c’mon, you know Dorothy Zbornak was your favorite) Bea Arthur was inducted into the TV Academy Hall of Fame this week. Just this week! 2008! C’mon, TV Academy, what the hell took you so long? This woman has had a television career spanning over 50 years and a theatre career that is even longer. She was on an episode of the TV classic Circus of the Stars (and let me tell you, I wish the networks could come up with a way of remaking that show in a way that wouldn’t suck, but you know that is in no way possible. That, and Battle of the Network Stars which has to have been some of TV’s finest hours. But I digress. But before I stop digressing, check out that photo above. I think Ms. Arthur and Mr. Norman Lear will be doing some celebrating tonight, if you know what I mean, and I think you do!)

Now I know it says in the article linked above that the Academy approached Ms. Arthur five years ago and asked her about being inducted then, but she declined, saying there were people more talented than her deserving of the honor. ACADEMY! You should not have let her get away with this crap, because not only is Dorthy Z. a great entertainer, she is humble as well. You shouldn’t have even asked, you should have just invited her to a “Golden Girls reunion event” and then surprised her with the prize. She’s a tough old broad, she could have handled it. Keep in mind, this was a woman so dedicated to entertainment that she agreed to sing in the Star Wars Holiday Special. That is dedication people. Or a raging coke habit.

Fresh off the news that he’ll be contributing to the soundtrack of the upcoming Notorious B.I.G. biopick, Kanye West spewed some R.I.Diculous crap. While singing praises about Beyoncé Knowles, West said “she is just as great, if not greater, than artists we had in the past…she’s probably greater than Tina Turner.”

Kanye went further by calling Beyoncé a legend: “Nobody really wants to recognize that Beyoncé is a fucking living legend.” Uhh, exqueese me? Tina F’in Turner? Dude, this is really ill-timed because we saw some pics online today of the 69 year-old original Private Dancer and she is way fiercer than Ms. Sasha Fierce (the title of Beyoncé’s new album for those of you who don’t know. C’mon keep up.)

Check out Ms. Turner performing at Madison Square Garden on Monday night. Damn! She broke out the Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome outfit and can put an young drag queen to shame.

We just wish she would have chosen to come back to her hometown of St. Louis on this tour because we’d so see her over Beyoncé any day.

Here is yet another reason in a very long list of reasons that I and everyone I know (except my friend H-Train) just loves Justin Timberlake. We love him! Because he is cute and funny and willing to wear a leotard and high heels and dance like Beyonce to get a laugh. Have you seen this? Hopefully you have gotten here in time to see it before it gets taken down. I thought once the election was over and Tina Fey retired her Sarah Palin impersonation that SNL would take another dive, but whenever Justin Timberlake shows up, things get awesome.

In other interesting Beyonce news, apparently her wigs are worth $1 million. Yes, $1 million to wear someone else’s hair on your own head. You’d think after hearing something like that that Donald Trump would look a lot better. But hey, apparently Beyonce donates her old wigs to a charity that helps cancer patients. That is pretty cool, and we all know that no one wants Donald Trump to donate his hair anywhere.

Ok, since Amy Poehler has left Saturday Night Lived to raise the new Jesus of comedy, that is the offspring of she and husband Will Arnett, we’re wondering who the newbies will be. That question will be answered this weekend when improv troupe The Groundlings offers up some of it’s mainstays on this week’s SNL - Groundlings Abby Elliott and Michaela Watkins. Neither are well know in by mainstream audiences but Elliott is the recipient of an SNL familial legacy, being the daughter of former cast member Chris Elliott.

The two were recruited after a months long recruiting process and will hopefully help fill in the funny gap left by Amy Poehler and Maya Rudolph’s departures.

The new blood bodes well for the show, which is experiencing a resurgence in ratings thanks to the U.S. presidential election. Let’s hope that the new additions can keep the show going strong well into its 34th season.

Check out some of Michaela’s work below.

but well worth it Mr. President.

At Trashy Celebs one of our favorite past times (besides watching celebs screw up royaly) is football. Well I shouldn’t say we, more I enjoy parking my butt on the couch Sunday afternoons, laptop in lap watching my Ravens and whoever else is playing that affects my fantasy teams.

Anyway, I prefer to stray away from reading too much about my favorite football players just because I don’t want to have to hate them if they say something completely homophobic. So I was pleasantly surprised to find out one of the game’s greatest QB’s, 49ers number 8 Steve Young has a few No on 8 signs in front of his California mansion.

But the funny thing is that Young isn’t only a Hall of Fame quarterback. He’s also the great-great-great grandson of Brigham Young, the second president of the Mormon church. The “church” has pushed hard and publicly for Prop. 8 and urged all Mormons to put as much as they possibly can into the campaign.

According to reports though it was Steve’s wife, Barbara who’s behind the signs. She has donated $50,000 to defeat the hate-filled proposition and released the following statement.

“We believe ALL families matter and we do not believe in discrimination, therefore, our family will vote against Prop. 8,” she said.

Later, she clarified her remarks with this update: “To expand on my earlier email, I am very passionate about this issue and Steve is completely supportive of me and my work for equality. We both love our Church and are grateful that our Church encourages us to vote our conscience. Steve prefers not to get involved politically on any issue no matter what the cause and therefore makes no endorsement.”

Thanks for the support Barb and Young family. Don’t forget to vote tomorrow where ever you may be in the US!

In fact, this is freakin’ awesome. Everyone’s favorite website Hulu has the first episode of 30 Rock available for your viewing pleasure.

Why is this freakin’ awesome? Because this episode isn’t set to air until next week. Early release for internet folks! We love it! And Will Arnett is back as Devon Banks! Hey, his wife Amy Pohler is popping that kid out any minute now. He needs the cash so I am glad Tina Fey is keeping him employed. (He’s also doing the voice of Kitt in the new Knight Rider show but you know that crap isn’t going to last very long.)

But just for today, let’s stay away from the negativity and enjoy something super cool and Tina Fey related! Hey, she’s hot right now! And working non-stop! Check out this sneak preview of the new season and then tune in to watch 30 Rock every week!

Not sure you saw one Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live this past weekend. But just in case you didn’t or someone didn’t forward it to you saying “ohh girl, have you seen this?” than here it is.

Ms. Palin was on the opening segment as well, even shouting out the “Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!” part. But as the best part (as featured above) came during Weekend Update when Amy Poehler, claiming that she was stepping in for the Governor, Amy rapped about hunting, a bridge to nowhere and featured the catchy line “When I say Obama, you say Ayers.”

Sure it was awkward and semi-squirm-worthy but still amusing as Sarah Palin raised the roof and attempted to appear cool with the whole thing. We’re still not voting for those crazy Elephants but we’re glad to see they have a sense of humor about how much they suck.

Hillary Duff and Wanda Sykes have teamed up with the Ad Council and the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) to put together a couple great PSAs about the catch phrase that’s been sweeping middle schools and congress for years - “That’s so Gay.” As all of us know “That’s so Gay” is used way too casually by many people. The Duffness and Wandaness are working to help teens recognize that their anti-LGBT language is harmful. In the ads they do a switcheroo with words, get the teens to think and a lesson is learned by all.

Check out the ads below.

I’m really glad the ad with Wanda Sykes is geared towards boys since I suspect they’re the main culprits of the phrase. Although it does appear like Wanda Sykes is holding back. I think I’d like it if she said something like “Boy what’s your damn problem? How would you like it if I rammed that chef sculpture up your tight white ass. Would that be gay?”

OK, maybe that’s why I don’t write PSAs but I do think these ads are really well done. Mostly they don’t seem to delve into the territory of lame that so many PSAs geared toward teens do. At least there’s a bit less risk of the ads themselves being written off as “so gay.” Sure they don’t let Wanda threaten the teens with anal rape but they do use snarky humor to make an important point that instructs young people to think about what they say and the implications their words hold, and don’t try to “get down with what the kids are saying” crap so many PSAs do.

So thanks for keepin’ it real Wanda and Hillary. Hopefully more celebs will chime in.