Carrie Smash!
Hey all you fans or overblown puns and overpriced shoes, Trashy Celebs has gotten a hold of a rough draft of the new Sex and the City movie. According to our anonymous source the plot finds Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha still living the single life in NYC. One day Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) is writing her column for the New York Star when she gets a funny feeling in her belly. We the audience knows this because a close up of her computer screen reveals she’s just written “I have a funny feeling in my belly.”
For whatever reason, our protagonist is drawn out of her Upper East Side pad and down to the Target on Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn. The closer to the store the stranger and more agitated she beings to feel. We know this because Parker’s voice over states “I began to feel stranger and more agitated the closer I got to Target.” Upon arriving at the Target, Carrie begins to dig in a bin of 75% off clearance shoes. To her complete and udder horror she pulls up a pair of strappy Manolo Blahniks for $13.99 (a close-up on the tag reveals they’re called Manolo B’s).
The realization that her beloved exclusive 700-dollar shoes are now available for mass consumption of mid-westerners, hits a deep dark point of evil in Carrie. Her skin begins to turn a pee-green color, her forehead widens and her arms become as massive as He-Man dolls. “Carrie Smash mass-produced Blahniks!” She screeches as her newly formed Geico-brow eyes a row of Manolo B’s which she quickly destroys.
The rest of the script which called for Sarah Jessica Parker to gain more muscle than Angela Basset’s and Madonna’s love-child involves Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha working with Mr. Big and the US National Guard to reel in Hulk-Carrie. Slated for an August 08 release, Sex and the City will go up against Indiana Jones IV, the Mummy 3 and Mamma Mia.
Sarah Jessica Parker, Sex and the City Movie, Target
August 27th, 2007 at 11:35 am
I am a die hard Sex and the City fan and that little insight sounded horrible! They need to get on this movie before people (not me) forget about their show.