Amy recaps the final episode of A Shot at Love with Tila Tequilla
Why am I doing this you ask? Because I can. I have proven in the past that smart folks (kind of like myself) do enjoy themselves some crappy reality television. Or maybe it’s just in my family genetics. Who knows? Anyway, it’s nine o’clock central time so let’s start the show.
I think my DVR started the show late because all of a sudden Tila is talking in her question voice saying “I am a musician, I’m in the studio….” A slight sampling of the music sounds like Paris Hilton remixed by Oakenfold’s grandmother who’s not paying much attention to the mixer. Anyway, the two remaining contestants, Dani (the lesbian) and Bobby (the not lesbian) meet Tila at the studio.
Tila has them both write an instrumental part to the sample of crap we just heard so they can get a taste of “what she really does,” A-yah. Bobby and Dani give separate interviews about being nervous about writing a song for Tila. Next we’re treated to a very embarrassing white-boy rap and a kind of embarrassing lesbian attempt at gansta rap. Tila thinks Dani did the best job. And then it’s off to some fake looking modeling thing and both contestants talk about how hard Tila works, yada, yada. C’mon get to the choosing part at the end!
Tila has a huge surprise for Dani and Bobby at there last dinner together. Lori says it looks like Dani put on her good sweatshirt for the occasion. But there’s a bunch of spots at the table and the doorbell rings. Who could it be? I’m surprised that instead of old contestants it’s their families.
Tila gives the families a tour of “her (MTV’s stage) house,” and serves them up a meal of Vietnamese food. She then goes into her whole schpeal about it was first about a guy or a girl and now it’s about the person. Hey look, a vibrator chandelier. I’ll be they don’t have those at Ikea.
Everyone heads down to the “sin” room for dessert and EWWW, THERE’S A MOM ON THE STRIPPER POLE. Things go even more downhill from there presumably influenced by a lot of alcohol and Tila “accidentally” shows her boobs.
The parents leave and the contestants are left with their thoughts and some orange juice. There’s a message in a bottle for Dani and Bobby that they get a spa day before the big decision. And now it’s flashback time. And they play Least Complicated by the Indigo Girls during Dani’s flashback. Classic. And now there’s a bunch of filler, filler, filler.
It’s the final date with both people and again it’s the same rehashing stuff, although it looks like Dani borrowed some of Bobby’s clothes. Danni gifts Tila a gift… the complete Indigo Girls Box Set! No, actually it’s a key chain with some puke-rific note in it. Tila tells Dani she loves her so let’s see if she says the same thing to Bobby.
Bobby gives Tila a journal of some sort wrapped in some big Target looking bag that says Love on it. They do some “sexy kissing” and then Lori throws up in my lap. Meh, this is boring, GET TO THE CHOOSING!
Ok, we’re at the choosing part. Dani is wearing a tie and looks like she’s in the band The Killers. Actually so does Bobby, minus the tie. Shit, more flashbacks. And now they’re standing there but there’s like 15 minutes left of the show so I’m guessing they’ll be MORE FLASHBACKS and I’m right. GET TO THE CHOOSING!
Tila waxes poetic about how it’s not about being with a guy or being with a girl, it’s who’s the best for her. Hmm, where have I heard that before. Oh yeah, earlier in the recap.
As they both know, she only has one key left to give and she wants to take a shot at love with………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
oh we’re back. She wants to take a shot at love with Bobby. Huh, surprising, they were setting it up to be Dani. Aw poor Dani walks off to some song by the Fray and Tila goes running off after her and they hug.
And there’s still 8 minutes left in the show. Tila starts balling and for some reason I’m flashing back to freshman year of college after too many Milwaukee’s Bests. Tila comes running back to Bobby and comes off as super crazy going on about wanting to start a life together. Boo! Sorry Dani, cowboy up and head back to Ft. Lauderdale where the ladies will be lining up with a shoulder or lap to cry on.
A Shot at Love with Tila Tequilla, Milwaukee’s Best, The Fray, Paris Hilton, Oakenfold
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