Adolescent crushes prove to be a big ball of disappointment
Like most 14 year-olds in the late 1980’s, my brightly-colored kid bedroom walls were plastered over with pages from Teen Beat, Tiger Beat and whatever else “Beat” had Kirk Cameron on the cover. Now I was mildly amused when Cameron began showing his true Jesus-freak feathers (can’t get enough of the “banana” clip) but it got me thinking kind of what jerk-offs these guys are.
Kirk was probably the first (I had this image in a poster) but then in 8th grade I hit a big George Michael phase. Little did I know he’d be doing community service for passing out in his car.
I also had a whole row of Corey Haim pictures above my mirror. And even watched that crappy show he did with Burt Young (anyone remember Roomies?) Now he’s all kinds of wacadoo as evidence on the A&E (really?) show The 2 Coreys. In this realityish spectacle, Haim comes to live with his 80’s partner in crime Corey Feldman. Now I was never really a fan of Feldman and I’m still not, maybe it was when he turned into Michael Jackson that sealed that deal. But anyway, The 2 Coreys is a big train wreck as further evidenced by this clip.
Let’s see I also had a bunch of Debbie Gibson pictures, posed in Playboy. One of Tiffany, also in Playboy. And a bunch of New Kids on the Block posters - no need to elaborate there. I guess the one non-fuck-up from my wall is Johnny Depp and he keeps making those crappy Pirate movies. But then again he has a career that’s not based in reality, the Lord or public bathrooms so there’s still hope.
Kirk Cameron, Johnny Depp, Corey Feldman, Corey Haim, Debbie Gibson, New Kids on the Block, Tiffany, George Michael, The 2 Coreys
October 30th, 2007 at 3:15 am
[...] moments, the kind that make Youtube so indispensable,” this article reads a little like every Kirk Cameron piece in Teen Beat circa 1987 (Teen Beat’s prime year minus shirtless pics of ultra-hairy Jon [...]