37% of American’s can’t locate America on a map of America and Barney Bush unleashes major embarrassment
Oy. So according to a Gallup/Harris poll released Monday, 37 percent of American citizens can’t identify their home country on a map of the United States. Sure it was only 1400 people surveyed and they were all Two and a Half Men fans but c’mon! If you know where the five closest McDonalds are you really shouldn’t think your country is located in the map’s legend. I shit you not, check it!
Meanwhile, the Department of Homeland Security sees the Gallup/Harris poll results as a blessing in disguise. According to Secretary Michael Chertoff, the nation would be better off if these numbers skewed even higher.
According to the Huffington, Post Chertoff said, “Personally, I believe if fewer people in this world could spot America on a map, we’d have a much better chance of avoiding national tragedies like 9/11. You can’t attack a country you can’t find.”
What Chertoff didn’t realize was that 98.5% of terrorists have absolutely no problem identifying America on a map. In fact, they too can locate the five closest McDonalds to their attack destination. (those freakin’ McNuggets are just too damn tantalizing!)
If that’s not embarrassing enough, The White House yesterday released a very Barney Christmas video on the internets. President Bush, when not having footwear chucked at his melon, looks to have potential as a sitcom actor. Too bad Laura, Barbara, Jenna and her hubby had to lay a big old stink bomb on the thing. Check it out in all its Technicolor creepiness.
We really don’t think Barney would be having daydreams about Olympic gold unless there was a reward of human flesh at the end. And Micheal Phelps, really I thought you were better than that. Or maybe I didn’t.
January 6th, 2009 at 3:27 am
[...] The staffer went on to relay what a prima donna Barney was during the filming of the White House Christmas Video. And would go on inaudible barking tangents when India made a cameo on Laura’s [...]
March 3rd, 2009 at 2:43 am
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